WEBVTT
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S S S S S S YO except everybody this
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big holy on of this My Herd podcast being joined
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here by the lovely TG Love. How are we doing.
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I'm doing good.
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That's that's awesome. That's great. How was your week? Well
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two weeks really because we haven't been on.
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It's no like crazy. They did a crap job clean
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in our parking lot, and I'm like fighting for my spot.
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So like I'm every day I leave work and I'm
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like praying that I have a spot when I come home.
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It's ridiculous.
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Oh parking spot.
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No, I have the handicap, but there's only two spots.
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My one neighbor uses the other spot. And now there's
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somebody else who comes here sometimes who also has one,
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So if she gets here before me when she comes over,
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then I'm stuck.
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Ah.
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But I'm going to request for a reserve, like a
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reserve spot, so I don't have to deal with this.
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Yeah, that makes sense, That's what I would do.
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Take care of it. Yeah, Oh I heard my door.
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I thought the cats were out, but the cats are
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in here with me. That just means Hubby got home.
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All right, So I got I got some some emails.
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Here mm hmmm, and why finish my dinner?
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All right? Why not? We're live. You know, I did
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have a drink somewhere. I don't know where it went.
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Drink.
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Hopefully it's not anywhere near the desk where I can
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swing and knock it over, because that would be disastrous. No,
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it wouldn't be good at all. All right, So email, Yes,
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I got an email from someone. I'm assuming it's a
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it's a woman. Her name is Polly Pocket. So Polly
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Pocket says, this is the title of an email. I
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told my partner I wanted to be Polly, and now
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we might have to break up. I'm devastated. Yeah, my
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partner and I have been together for three years. We
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had talked about being Polly at the very start of
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our relationship, but monogamy fits our needs better at the time.
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I started to realize as years went by that I
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was happiest when I was poly. I here sexual mono
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and heterosexual monogamy made me frequently feel trapped into a
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role I did not quite fit. I decided to tell
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my partner that I wanted to open the relationship. I
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was scared he would shoot me down, but I was
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expecting it. He surprised me by saying he was on board.
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We immediately yeah. We immediately started talking about the details
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and intricacies of our future relationship, how we wanted to
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handle things, boundaries, etc. So I was excited and so
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grateful to have a partner who was on the same
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page as me. I was really excited for this new
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chapter in our relationship. However, I noticed as we kept
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discussing it, he kept getting more and more disinterested and
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asking me more jealous driven questions. Last night, as we
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were driving home from a party, he finally said it,
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he is not interested in polyamory. He felt like he
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was being backed into a corner, and while initially excited,
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he was very happy in our relationship and didn't want
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anything and didn't want anyone else. I love him so much.
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I want to marry this man, have children with him.
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I love him endlessly, but I do not know if
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I can truly be happy with him while denying this
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part of myself. I'm at a fork in the road
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and I and I don't know which path to take.
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It's so painful that I don't know what to do.
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Any and all advice will be appreciated. Thank you from
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Holly pocket.
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Mm hmm, see that Polly life. It ain't for everybody.
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It's just it isn't. So my first taking it all in, yeah,
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I wrote some things down. They did the right things,
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the right steps, but then that jealousy aspect came in,
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which means he can't He can't really do it. He
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was saying yes to please her. My thing is, yes,
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you would marry this man and have his children. However,
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why would you want to marry someone and have children
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with someone who can't support the kind of relationship that
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you want to have that That's where I go with this, really,
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like that's the first thing that I went to was like,
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he isn't the one. He may be great, there may
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be yeah, and it's gonna be sad. And I, of course,
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we hate when things don't work out with somebody that
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we've invested time, emotion, like love, finance and all that
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shit in a relationship. But you have to be real
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with yourself. What's gonna make you happy? You already said
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what's going to make you happy? Do not deny yourself
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that because the person you thought was gonna have this
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life with you?
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Right? Because they she said they did discuss this way
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before right relationship.
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He can't do it, So I don't think he should
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be forced into it. That is totally respect respectful of
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her to be like, you know, I need to respect
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his choice. He doesn't. It would be too much for him.
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He can't have an open heart that way. So move on.
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I know, easier said than done, but like, let's be real,
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like you're not gonna have the relationship you want to have.
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I don't think it's fair for her to give that
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up either.
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You know what happened. You know what happens if she
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gives that up.
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A lack a lot of that, A lot of that
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for sure. I mean it's heartbreaking. Like, like I said,
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you invested in this person thinking it was gonna be
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something else and it isn't. Unfortunately, Like, don't. I would
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never force somebody like this to me? Is the the cue,
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the the big hello, We're not like, it's not gonna work.
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You want to talk about red flag, there's your red
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flag and it's a huge one for you because he
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can't fulfill something that you need.
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So sorry, So they don't. They don't do this. They
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he's not done with it. What's what's the what's the
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biggest what would what what would be the biggest obstacle
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for him? If he decided, you know what, baby, let's
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let's let's do this. I thought about it. I love you,
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I care about you. I want to I want to
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try and work this out. What's the what's what would
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be his biggest obstacle? Though?
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I don't know that's on him. What is his obstacle
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now that's not allowing him to do it? I don't
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know that he's jealous. That's all I'm getting is that
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there's an element of jealousy, but that is already something
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that's fact. You can't get away from having some jealousy,
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you know what I'm saying. In life with people, it
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just happens. We always want something more or something or
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someone else or what do you know, Like there's always
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something And I just think, I mean, he if he
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he is open to trying something, and if you know,
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if it's too much, because if they're they have the
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boundaries they've discussed that they're constantly communicating and they're not
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breaking boundaries, then it could be a great thing. But
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can he be okay with another guy being around? Can
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he be okay with her kissing someone? Else or in
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break you know, being intimate with another person. And I
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don't know how she wants the open relationship right, because
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there's multiple ways of doing this where you can just
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agree with your partner that you can date other people.
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But at the end of the day, you guys are
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together and you have a home together or things like that,
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right and you talk about it. It is not if
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you talk about it like you find you find peace.
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I don't know how to explain it. Like there was
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a big jealousy component for me in the beginning, but
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then I was just like, wait, like he's mine, I'm
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married to him, He's married to me. Like, at the
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end of the day, it's going to take a lot
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to get rid of that. Like it's not just something
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we can just walk away. I mean he could, but
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and so like, and my my situation is a whole
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completely different situation than you know, my own story. But
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I think people just have this idea like Polly is
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a certain way, but it isn't. It's it could be
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different things. There are people who have like a community
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and they just like I'm not saying that everyone is
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sleeping together. It's more of like there people who want
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a family, and the woman that gets married to the
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man is the queen, and then their sister wives or
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like other women who and these women help they they
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can also have children. There's stuff like that, like people,
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because you know there's the Mormons who love like huge relationships.
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What does that say, I can't carry.
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You'll never be truly happy otherwise it will end badly.
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The more you hide yourself.
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It's true, it's true, Like you'll regret You'll regret it,
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you know, and then you bring kids into the picture,
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Like no, you know what I'm saying, Like you watch
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someone who you can have kids with, who is understanding
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of all this and is down with you.
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Yeah, yeah, definitely, because you damn see, I'm not I
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get it. Don't get it. The the whole idea of it.
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I understand like I have. I mean, it's probably nothing
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like the TV shows and the ship you see on TV,
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because it's more to it than what you see.
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I mean, you can watch the shit on TLC. Like
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there's a lot of stuff out there so that you
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can actually see people's lives, what they're like. Like I
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would watch I would check out off the grid. Those
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are people that they really like. I don't know how
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they do shit. I don't know how they do this.
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They go live out and where there's nothing and they
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make it happen like I don't know, it's crazy. I like,
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And that's one of the people I saw that were Polly.
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I built, he bought land built a house for them,
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like they were shitty outside for a while because they
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didn't have a bathroom like you know.
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But he there was a show a long time ago
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on HBO called Big Love.
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Yes, Big Love was about Mormons and and the church
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and how all that. Yeah, that was a great show.
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Big Love was a great show.
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Three houses something hold the sack and he owned all
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three houses and he went between all three houses. Ye
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wives and ship. I mean that's crazy, Like.
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I I wouldn't want, like to have another person like
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a sister, like I don't. I don't want that. Like
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adding people to the house is like yeah, and then
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it complicates things that is it's different and stuff like that.
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But I don't know.
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There's just so many ways to do this. I mean,
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every everybody, I don't know. I've heard, like there's people
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who are in relationships who allow their partner.
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To but there's a difference there's a difference between me,
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I mean not belik at me, Pollyamory and swinging.
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Like means you love more than one person, you can
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love more than one person.
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And swinging you're just fucking.
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Is when like if me and my husband went to
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a swing club and there were other people fucking and
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we just get involved. It doesn't have to pay, by lord,
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Swinging is like to go. I mean, it's different. People
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have different rules and that's the thing too, Like people
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have boundaries and rules around this and it isn't like
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a free for all like we've seen in some movies
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and shit like that. Like this is no Womb of
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Thrones broth broth all that, like you know, like it's, uh,
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you can just walk around and watch, you can, you know,
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but the whole goal is to meet other people, is
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to see if you you know, connect in that way
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and if there's chemistry and stuff like that and you
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go for it.
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Yeah, that's that's a little too much for me. Yeah,
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I don't. It's it's I mean, to each his own,
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you know what I mean. If everybody what was into
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that stuff, they could be into that stuff.
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They you know, yes, I agree, Like if it's not
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your thing. It's not your thing, and that's okay. That's
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why it's important to like be with someone or how
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someone who I think.
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I think it's it's all communication. It's all communication because
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if you can't communicate your feelings and you can't communicate
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what it is you think about and what it is
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you want to do, and it's definitely not gonna work, right,
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I mean, what's having a husband, having a boyfriend and
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a bou that that's that sounds confusing enough for me.
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That is, it could be very complicated.
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You know, And I think I also think that how
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do you how do you juggle love?
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Because people fulfill different needs that we have. Sometimes one
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person can't fulfill all your needs. H Look, I know