Finding Love After 40 : A Lost Cause or a New Beginning (Recorded Live On 11-5-25)

0:00 Yeah, Hey, what's up everybody? How's everybody doing tonight? This

1:39 is big Coleon hopes that this might her podcast coming to you live from you know how we do it here? Where the fuck you want to be live from? So good, I'm gonna bring in my lovely co host, p G Love. Let's bring her in right now? PG Love? What's up? How are you. Chilling? You're chilling? You're good? Yeah? I had a cat? Yeah yeah, I saw it off off line. That's how the catch is fucking with chie. How is your week? Uh, it's TOMP day, but it feels like it's been over over weeks already, So.

2:27 Okay, all right, yeah that's cool. So just to you know, let everybody know, this week's primary topic is finding love after forty? Is it a lost cause or a new beginning for some for most? Whatever the case may be, how it is you want to look at it? And I mean, what happens after after forty? You know what I mean? What are the changes that people go through at that point in their lives?

3:10 What do you think? I thank a lot, I mean, but it really depends on the person, because we all go through faces in our life at different ages, you know, like, twenties is definitely different, very different than the thirties, thirties or different than the forties, and you know, like our bodies are changing, the world around us is changing. So it's like all those things come into play with all of that. And also the big thing, I think if he's in your forties and you're and you still haven't like gone through some type of therapy for your trauma or your like issues whatever, like, if you're not working on that, then you know that's going to make it hard to be in a relationship or or like find love if you're not being real with yourself, right.

4:17 So that that take that brings me to the first the first thing here, So actually knowing who you are is important. That's That's pretty much that's the gist of it, because in your twenties, love is often about finding yourself through someone else. Right by your by your forties, you've already done You've already done the work. You know your values, your boundaries, and what kind of energy you want and what you won't tolerate. You should anyway, right, you at least. That you should at least do that. So I think the bottom line of that is you're not chasing completion.

5:08 You're looking more for connection, you know, because I think if you if you're looking to complete yourself, you're you're already you're already fucking your you're fucking your ship up. Because I think personally, you should be looking to build connections, not finding someone to complete you. You should already be not complete, but you should already be at a point in your life where experience and knowledge of self is vital, you know what I mean? Yeah, So I think like you just as a whole, like complete me. I think how I understanding feeling like someone would complete me is like they're going missing puzzle peace to the like that I want. So like, I don't think it has to be necessarily like they're going to take over parts of your life or weaknesses of yours or something like. It's more about like and it's just different, Like it's different for everybody, right, What are you looking for? Are you looking for something because you're rolling?

6:29 Are you looking for something because you want a partnership, because you want a family, because you want uh, you know, a partner in crime, or you want to travel buddy, Like it all falls in line. I feel like I can't read any comments so. I'll I'll put it up on the on the screen. The yeah, like a Vieja coming up to the screen. Learning self love and self worth was definitely a big step of my forties. Yes, it's unfortunate for a lot of people it takes to your forties. I don't feel like it should take to your forties to recognize what your worst. But if we're talking about as jen xers, I feel like, yes, Unfortunately for a lot of us, it took this long because we for a lot of us only recently learned what trauma is and that we have been through it or have dealt with things that we're not okay in the past, and just realizing that how that affects you as a person, how that affects the way you do things, how you trust people, if you're loyal, Like these are I think all things that stem from you your past, you know, and and I feel like people should and we've talked about this a

8:01 million times, like communicate those things. What are your expectations? Like, I don't think it's wrong to point, like state your expectations. Maybe our expectations are crazy, who knows, But if that person is just like yeah, no, I can't do that. I would rather know that because I would ideally want someone who could do those things. You know. Yeah, but I think what I understand that we understand what you're saying. I think also at at that age, at our age.

8:41 I can't say at our age, at our age, I don't want to. I don't want to age you we're in I think we're in the same like you know, when it's like forty five to fifty four, like we're. In that bracket now. Unfortunately we're hitting in that bracket the free pre a RP subscription age you know who are right around there. Yeah, that's crazy, right, Yeah, And then I think it's a lot you want less drama and more peace in your life. You know, at this stage more people who love drama, So I don't some people they have is drama in their lives. That's the problem.

9:28 I yes, it should, it should be less drama like as we say, grown being grown folk. But like for real, like I think, yes, in your forties, by that time, you should know like what the hell you want? I'm in that what the bracket? Yeah, yes, most chet exers are in that bracket unfortunately. I mean also a lot of the ship too, is that you don't have the time andergy for games, ghosting, bullshit, confusion. You want you want to know exactly where you are and and where you want to be at this point because they a lot of people, a lot of people seem to think that you need to have it all figured out at this age and that I agree, it's not true. You know, you you want to trade chaos for clarity, you know what I mean? And to be honest with you, if you want to trade chaos for clarity, I think that's that's pretty dope, you know what I'm saying, Because wanting clarity in your life and wanting to know where you're headed at that point in time of your life is very important.

10:51 Yeah, you know what I. Mean, because it's it's not knowing I mean, at least not I'm gonna say it. Not knowing where you're headed at this point is not is not really good. Because well, in what way? Relationship wise? Okay? Because like life wise, I feel like like career wise and other things like that, that's that's ever changing and can be because of where we live. So we can have the opportunity to continually like try to do different things career wise, or feel like, Okay, this is not what I want to be doing. And then there are people I've seen that like finish their like bachelor's or something in their eighties like this, it doesn't matter. That doesn't matter, right, But going into relationships when you're at this age, I agree, like you kind of should know and be in a place where you can be distinct in what you're acting for or LifeWise, sometimes we have no control like those so many curve balls. It does, and like I keep seeing like this meme and it's not getting political or anything like that, but like it's not benefits and all this stuff going around with it. You know, nobody like

12:23 wants to be on these benefits, Like it's not enough, like if you have a family, Like things happen to people sometimes shit happens. And if we're going to be real, like people aren't getting paid enough because there are a lot of people working who qualify for food tifts and that says something like so it's like I just these things frustrate me. But like life changes so quickly. Sometimes you can get into an accident, like an auto accident, and you're like to change completely for all you know, like you can work, and some peoples on you or you fall or you know what I'm saying, like or like just so many things can happen, so like we shouldn't judge people like when they're down on their luck or struggling, because no, not everyone can have it together one hundred percent all the fucking time. Like not all of us were born into wealth and have mommy and daddy to come and bail us out every single time.

13:40 A lot of people don't have. That right And like you said it, you said it earlier, like you know, the emotional the emotional baggage thing. I think both. I think for both men and women. You know, we carry scars, you know what I'm saying, Divorce, long term breakups, heartbreak, betrayal and all that altogether. The history of all that shit, you know, really shapes how you love and how you trust, you know what I mean. I think also for men, you know, we often struggle to express our emotional wounds, you know, things that have hurt us. We're masking pain behind smiles and all this other shit, you know. And and I can't I really can't speak much for women, but I think for for some women, they tend to be more aware of their emotional triggers, you know what I mean. And I think it carries on and and shows itself and and in wanting to love but not trusting that love because of all the heartache and the hurt that they've suffer ridden the doors throughout their lives. So I think I think it's I think the challenge is learning to unpack the baggage, but not unload the baggage, you know what I mean. Yes,

15:14 being open about your past but not letting it define your future and who you are. So that's a big that's a big thing. Yes, And to hit on how you said, Okay, So like for men, there's a lot of men tend to shut down and keep to themselves and not saying anything and just to be in their heads. And that is more of a cultural and societal thing that men are taught to do. That not to open up to someone, not to go to someone for help, because you're you're not going to burden someone with your problems. You're not going to burden someone with your sadness or whatever. And that's the mentality. This is what we're taught. And women too like to an extent, but women just tend to be more vocal and emotional creatures, and you know, like a lot of times that was then determined as crazy or like she's too much. No, she isn't. She's just fucking able to put it out there of what she wants and needs in her life. And like, yeah, that could be scary sometimes, but like that's the whole thing you guys hold on to. Shit, that's scary too. And if you don't talk it out with someone and you don't open up, then you're hiding. And it's like you're

16:48 lying in a way because you're not being real with me about what's going on. And if we're in a relationship and we're like best friends and you can't come talk to me, I'm going to take that personally because I'm trying to understand why you wouldn't be able to come talk to me. Because the worst thing they could be is in our own heads, that's not who we should we shouldn't be. We over We are creatures that over think. We're creatures who tend to like read into things or take things personally whatever. Like we've had it before.

17:28 When when we get those questions about those relationships and it's a lot one sided or so men need to open up, they need to tell us what's going on. We are our worst enemies. We say that the nastiest, ugliest things to ourselves. The things that we say to ourselves, we would never say to our children. We would never say that to our best friend. We would never say that to someone we love, we wouldn't. And the fact that we say these things, and that's why, like a lot of the work is unlearning the way we were we cope because a lot of a lot of us don't cope in healthy ways, like, and that's all part of that cycle that people get stuck in. And you know, you either want to stop the cycle and do better or you want to continue. And that kind of feeds into that whole shit of what we're saying in your forties and being grown, Like if you are going to continue in the bullshit that you ain't ready to be with somebody, and then you shouldn't be seeking for that because you need to make yourself better, yourself more whole.

18:51 Right, Yeah, you're you're right, You're absolutely correct, you know, and we all know you know, right, So I think I also feel I feel like damn talking about you know, baggage it's it's it's wild because nobody's a blank slate. We know that, you know what I mean, You're not you're not meeting uh, you're not meeting new love. You know, you're meeting someone's if if Chris was here, if she would have laughed at this one. But you're meeting someone's seasoned history, you know what I'm saying. And you know, there their expouses, their ex you know, exp you know, anything that has do to next you're dealing with that you're dealing with, especially if you have someone who you're dealing with, someone who has kids, co parenting, their therapy journeys.

19:54 You know, maybe maybe joint legal custody of a dog or some shit. You know what I'm saying. Like, it's always something that you're dealing with, you know. So I think you're not really dating a person, you're dating a lifetime of experiences, you know what I mean. Yeah, we break, we're breaking. Our perspective comes from our experiences. So that's what we're bringing into the people. Yes, I am a is over thinker. Also, I mean we're we're probably past all the comments, like at this point of our conversation, So I have no idea like what people were saying, but it's fine, Uh.

20:42 Yeah, just pick this one out. When we as women ask the man what's wrong and they say nothing, we already know it's something, and by not telling us what it is, usually we usually overthink it is so much we start to believe it. Yes and no, because sometimes when a man says nothing, he really means it's nothing. And sometimes that's just like a way to decompress for the day, Like I know, and most people deal with work and bullshit or whatever, and then when you when you come home, you're decompressing from that day. You're decompressing from all the bullshit, the stress or whatever you had to deal with in that day and now walk in the home door and leave that shit behind so that you can be present. And sometimes some people can't be present, but it's hard. You can't just assume them when somebody says, say, we know, when a woman says nothing, it's definitely something. But a man, if he says it's nothing, then I'm not sure. It really just all depends, but I think it's stead of internalizing, internalizing it and taking it personally, what one should do instead is, oh my god, my brain is blanked while I'm talking because I'm Thursday. I think, hold on, thanks,

22:19 let him know that your support and safe space. That's when you just remind someone like listen, all right, if it's nothing, it's nothing. But if it isn't, I'm here. If you want to talk about it, if you need to talk shit, if you need to vent about work or whatever, you can do that, you know. But it's just that's how we should show support. It's just by reminding people, Hey, I'm here. I meant that. Yeah, I mean I completely agree. I feel like what it looks like a paragraph of a comment. Yeah, but you read that one already. Oh okay, yeah.

23:01 Yah yeah yeah. So back to what we were saying, I think also as far as as as as the dating pool goes, it's smaller and more complicated at this point in life. You know what I'm saying. I mean, by your forties, many potential partners are taken or just not compatible with your long term goals. Yeah. I think it's more of the not compatible because I think there's more women than men. I think it's fifty one percent women, right, yeah, on population wise, so there's more women.

23:42 Where you're getting your information. What do you mean that is. Yes, that that that's statistics. That's what it is. I don't know. I didn't write it down from from something. You said fifty one percent, you're pretty much you're like, like fifty. One yeah, because I read it somewhere that is said the population is fifty one percent women. Jeez, what's going on here? And and remember there are less women having. Babies, well men aren't having fucking. Well yeah, yeah, yeah they are. But all right, let's go dubb dub dubs this year.

24:23 Hold on one second, what's up, dubs? What's up? All right? So we were like, the topic at hand is finding a level of forty Is it a lost cause or a new beginning? So t TG was was saying that it's fifty one percent populating population of women. And yeah, oh. We were saying, like, uh, what issues I guess are that's going on out there? Right? So we were talking basically about out baggage and how people have baggage and bringing it into relationships what they're doing. So we kind of just like talk about the fact that like it really depends like if you're in your forties, hopefully you are have figured your shit out. But there are people who haven't, so but to go into a relationship. Basically, we're just saying, like, you got to have your shit together if you.

25:30 Is that some people out there are still healing. Well yeah, but there's a way to do that and and still like communicate, right, because we also talked about how men like to shut down and not say anything, and how women tend to be more vocal and emotional creatures and that's why they tend to like be more upfront and the difference between a man's sing nothing and a woman. Right, yeah, but yeah, you know what, yeah, look, you know what the thing is though, right, because I'll be the first one to say I kind of got that problem.

26:14 Like it's not that you. Know what I'm saying, I don't want to say something. Is that I want to figure it out first. So that's the reason why I shut down. And then I'll tell you all right, yo, you know what, in a calm man, I'm like, yeah, you know what, this is, what it is, and this that and the third right however, you know, like it's hard to swallow my pride and admit you know what I'm saying. I was feeling a certain type of way, right, It's hard to set you know what I'm saying, But I learned. To do that, like all right, you know what, All right, listen, I feel this way. But then again, I was feeling like I was being selfish, you know what I'm saying, Like like I wu was tell my partner that, hey, listen, I was being selfish because I felt this way, you know what I'm saying and admitting that, all right, you know what. But at the same time, though, it was like, how can I say, like that's why I shut down, you know what I say, That's the reason why I shut down for a minute, because like I don't want to like say something right then and there and then come out looking.

27:09 Like an asshole, you know what I'm saying. So like, yeah, like all right, yo. You know what I felt this, I felt this type of way. But I can admit to you because I admitted to myself that I was being selfish and why that's the reason why I was quiet. And now I'm going to tell you you know, so you know stuff like that. But there's a difference between processing like keep you to yourself and processing things and shutting down and not being vocal about certain things. And we were just talking about how you are your own worst critic, So you talking to yourself through things is not the best idea because we tend to say horrible things to ourselves or put ourselves down more. And so that's why we said that it is better to be vocal and maybe if you're not ready, that's okay not to be ready, but hopefully your partner is supportive and lets you know that they're there for you when you need them.

28:19 Not no, but you know what, even that's kind of hard to find nowadays, you know, like something like you know, some of us get lucky, some of us don't. Yeah, but this is this is all the But this is the process that people should be going through when entering a relationship, because why am I going to be with somebody who when shit gets tough and I'm struggling, You're not going to be there or what you know, Like, this is why it's important to be upfront about things about yourself if you're going to go into something serious with somebody, like it's important to them.

29:01 No, absolutely, I agree, one hundred percent. But like at the same time though, it was like it's like, look, you know what, I can't speak for for everybody, but I could speak on me, right, you know, like like you know what, Like back then, you know what I'm saying, Like I was like and cold, uncle, tell you you know what I'm saying, like girls after girls after girls. But at the same time, though, the only reason why I did that, because now you know what I'm saying, hodsight is twenty twenty is I was afraid to be alone, you know, so like if one thing was feeling, I had a backup plan. Afraid to be alone. Right, And when I decided that, you know what I'm saying, Like, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna be alone. Yeah, I was scared about it.

29:42 But then the promst I started liking it too much, you know, And then like you know what I'm saying, I started realizing, you know what, you're the problem. You know what I'm saying, Like I was looking at myself in the mirror, like you know what, you're the problem? You know nobody you know what I'm saying, like like yeah, you know what, yeah, this, that and the third. But you are who you are tracked you know energy, you know what I'm saying. The energy you put out there is what you're going on a track, right, So you know, like you know what I'm saying, I took a sabbatical, you know, like you know, relationship wise, and then you know, like all the pieces, you know, all my life.

30:23 You know what's funny. You know what's funny now now that I'm thinking about it, this topic fits dubs pretty good because he's over forty. He's he's yo, yes my age. Yeah you said you're over forty's and. Your your your life is what's going on with you, and everything that's happened is like a new beginning for you because you have you have all these circumstances that have been positives for you over forty you know what I mean, Like you're you're in a good place. You know what you you don't. Here's the thing though, right you know, like see I was gonna say something joking around, but no, I ain't gonna go all that, you know.

31:07 Mess up the mood and stuff. See. Here's the thing though, right, you know, Like. Like when when you know, like after my last relationship, I was like, you know what I'm gonna you know, like I'm just gonna be alone. So I fell back started being alone, you know, at first, like I was scared about it. Because it's like, oh, you know, I'm you know what I'm saying, like I want what other people wanted right like by at the same time though, I was looking for someone else to validate me. M you know, like you know what it's bad when when you would do more for the person you're with than you would do it for yourself. And most women see that.

31:49 And I never noticed that, but most women see that. That all you know, he don't even love himself, so how could he love me? Right? You know? I think so so like you know what, like I said, you know what, I had to like hold myself to the Maryland and talk to myself in that myth, like, yo, you know what, you're the problem. You know what I'm saying, Hey, you don't love me yourself enough? These women see that be you toxic as hell, you know, see you know like like you know, like you gas like so much that you know, like you can start a forest fire right like everything that every yo, everything that these red pill dudes are. Yeah, that was kind of me, you know, like I had like you know, like and like I have to I have to accept that responsibility, Like yo, you know what you keep instead of shooting yourself in the foot. You're shooting yourself in the mouth. You know, I have to, like, you know what I'm saying, take that responsibility in what I did. Right, I started like you know, like you know what I'm saying, owning up to my you know what I'm saying, my flaws because I kept on running away from it, you know everything about it? Yeah, and then you know, like everything just it's just you know what I'm saying, Like everything that's you know, like it's just weird how everything just happened.

33:15 But it happened, and you want to know what's crazy about? What? What what's happening? Is that at this age? Also, I think chemistry hits differently. You know what I mean. You've lived, you've learned, you've loved, Right, so intimacy, intimacy is deeper, your confidence should be stronger, and connections are more intentional, become you become more knowledgeable. Right. But but I think I think behold up, behold behold up. I also think that it's more about it's it's not about performance or perfect right, It's more about presence, being there, being you know, self aware, you know what I mean?

34:13 Absolutely, and and and not only not only self aware. It's more about you know. What I'm saying, like you know what I'm saying, Like like yo, you know what you you know what I'm saying, Like the experiences that you had that you don't want, you know what I'm saying. You try to like you know what I'm saying. Like for instance, right, i still have a bad temper, you know what I'm saying. I still have a you know what I'm saying. I still have a very slick mouth. It's knowing when to say when you know, like I'm not epileptic, but yo, I buy my tongue now, you know, like I have to buy you know what I'm saying because like because like yo, you know what, I'm aware that my you know what I'm saying, especially my words, you know, and the way I put it out there, my words, could you know what I'm saying?

35:00 And to kill a soul? You know? So I'm aware of that. So like like you know, like it's it's a it's a lot of like you know what I'm saying, it's a lot of like you know, pulling yourself back, you know what I'm saying. It's a lot of it's a lot of like you know what I'm saying, like open your ears. Up more less it's less reactive. Yep, this reaction and more and more you know what I'm saying, and more auditory and more like you know, like all right, you know what the standard third? You know, like because yo, you know what, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm in a good place. Bro you know what I'm saying, Like financially, I may be broke, but I'm rich. No, I'm serious, you know I'm saying because I get it.

35:45 I get it. I think we're all broke. But you know, like you know, like like like yo, look, you know what Like in the wallet, I may not you know what I'm saying. I may be broken, you know what I'm saying, But when I go to Yilton, when I go to my. House, you know what I'm saying, As small as it is, that's my castle, that's my kingdom. You know, that's my safe haven. M you know, like. You know, you know what's something when you could be bored with somebody and you love it. You know what I'm saying, the fact that I like being. Bored at home with my partner and a toddler running around terror You know what I'm saying, terrorizing a cat and dog.

36:29 You know what I'm saying. You know, I love it, you know, like it's it's it's something that you know what I'm saying, Like I didn't ask for it, but I'm grateful for it, you know, because God gave me another chance to you know, be a father again. You know God, Yo, God felt like you know what I'm saying, m you're gonna calm down one way or anohing. Oh here, by the way, here's your third chance. Don't mess this one up. Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, you know and. And and you know you know what, and and I'm thankful for it. Yeah.

37:10 You know what, I may come out here joke around, but that's all I do is joke around, Like you know, half the things I say don't even mean you know, half the things I say is the old me, you know, like the old meat comes out every now right, Yeah, absolutely, But you know, like, yo, you know what it's like, you know what I'm saying, Like when I come on here, it's like, you know, it's like a warmonger preacher more than when he gets off the podium. It'll be like all right, peace, love, you guys, you see what I'm saying. Yeah, what do you what do you think? What do you think? Like, I think a lot of people at this point also you know they they've built careers, they've built you know, they've raised families. You know, they've handled heartbreak, they survived. I mean, the three of look at the three of us. We've survived a lot of a lot of the plot twists that were thrown at us throughout life.

38:05 You know what I'm saying. I think a lot of the resilience is is more emotionally grounding and makes us empathetic towards a lot of different things. I think I think the biggest thing is being grounded. You actually actually yes, that's true. You know what I'm saying. One thing is for sure, two things for certain. The second thing is like getting you know what I'm saying, like getting really know yourself and they know who you are today, not who you was like like twenty years ago. You know, because like because you know what the PROMI is a lot of people our age still carry that.

38:47 You know what I'm saying, I was like this twenty years ago. Fam, It's not twenty years ago no more. You know what I'm saying, right, because you know that when you do that, you stay suspended in time. You're like enough time, because you're not You're not building a life at forty forty five fifty years old from scratch. You're building from experience. No, absolutely, you know, oh like like like like another thing too, you know. And it's like. And I'm guilty of it, you know what I'm saying, Like, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people could relate a lot you know that that we were simultaneous like you know, like you know what me back then, I was simultaneously chasing something and also running away from something at the same time.

39:38 You know what I'm saying. It's like I was running away from who you know what I'm saying, from my flaws and chasing validation from another person, you know, because like I wanted that person. A lie to me. A lot of you about what who I was not and who I was like the flaws. You know what I'm saying. All right, Well, I know you you. Know, like like you know like but yet you know I wasn't never giving myself no type of validation whatsoever, you know, So like women see that they feel that, you know, like, Yo, listen, if you don't love yourself, they know they know.

40:24 You know, so security and other things. So like when you're there talking about, Yo, I love people, that I love myself. I'll do anything. You just stand the third blah blah blah blah blah. Yo, they know you know what I'm saying. They're like, Yo, how you love me more than you love yourself? That's a red flag. That's a huge red flag because because I think I think Yo, I didn't understand that back then, but that it makes sense now. You know what I'm saying, Because Yo, you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else? Yeah? Well, because at this point, at this point in your life, love should hit you. Love should hit you harder.

41:08 You know what I'm saying at this point. Because you know what, you have an understanding. You know what I'm saying, Like like, yo, you know what you have. You have a sixty percent more understanding than what you did. You know what I'm saying ten years ago? You know what? You know? What? Now? What do you go ahead? Go ahead? Yeah? So what do you think? What's up? You think love? Well? I think I personally think love nowadays should be built more on purpose. No, it should be built more on purpose than it is pressure. You know what I mean?

41:51 You know what? First of that, there should be there should be purpose behind your love. Not you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be putting pressure on people love you, you know and feel for you. But hold up. But if you if you build, if you build, if you build, a foundation of purpose, you know what I'm saying, Like you, your your your your, You want to date with purpose, You want to fall in love with purpose. You want to build this kingdom with purpose. You don't want anything pressured or anyone pressured into building this with you. You want that person to be able to to look at you and say, our goals and our wants coincide. You know what I'm saying.

42:36 You don't you? You know if you don't want to go bump heads with a twenty something year old and think that that kid has the same thoughts, experiences, wants and and and and and is looking to build that type of foundation with you, that that's not what it is. You know what I'm saying. They not on the same level. No, they can't. They absolutely can't. Another thing too, they also has to be like a like an understanding. You know what I'm saying that it has to be a huge understanding, you. Know, like like you know, like example, when my girl's going through it, you know what I'm saying, I understand.

43:16 So I'm the one that you know what I'm saying. I'm the one that's like, yo, you know what, let me know. You know what it is. You know what I'm saying. Whatever you feel like talking and that's your event. You know what I'm saying. Ten times it is about her job, right? But sure, vent you know I. Understand, like you know, like like I become a heir, like you know, like like like yo, you know what if you're not if your girl needs your best friend, there's a problem. I got a question for you, do a very good question for you. Maybe I can give you a very good answer. All right? Do you feel you might not? You might? All right? Yeah? Do you do you? Did you ever feel like you were pressured into this life once you started, Once you started to feel like you were independent from everything, you were living the life you wanted to live, and then all of this happened to you all at one time.

44:17 Do you feel like you were pressured into giving up your independence and living this life or do. You Yes, At first I didn't, and I'm gonna tell you the reason why. Because I was scared, you know what I'm saying, Not that she was gonna do me dirty. I was scared I was gonna do her dirty. You see what I'm saying. I got scared because you know what, Like you know, I was scared that you know what I'm saying, like everything was gonna play out again because yo, you know what this time around, knowing that you know, like like beforehand, I used to like, you know what I'm saying, cast blame on others, you know what I'm saying, and not really take you know what I'm saying, like like I'll take part of the blame and not really full blame or whatever, you know, like you know, and then like you know, like my boys, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, yo, you know what I'm saying, Like they how I feel knowing you know what I'm saying. I mean, I mean, yo, you know I love my boys at all, But knowing that, yo, you know what, You're the problem too, you know what I'm saying, Like you have.

45:16 A bigger problem. You the problem. I ain't ship. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I'm saying. I'm talking about you know what I'm saying me, You know what I'm saying, Like pointing out of the America, knowing that I'm like I. Was gonna say, because I never do that, I don't know, yes, man, no, no, of course not. You know what I'm saying, Like like knowing that I had a bigger hand. I had a bigger hand than that problem, you know, so so like it wasn't pressure, it was more fear. But that you know what I'm saying, I was you know what I'm saying, Like I was like, you know what I'm. Saying, thinks about the change, blah blah blah blah, but I was scared, you know what I'm saying, Not because of her, but because of me. Right, so I have to work you know what I'm saying. I have to work around that. And I told her that, you know what I'm saying, Like I was very open about it.

45:59 You know, oh you know this times there we're gonna play it how it goes, because you know what I'm saying. Like when I when I say player it how it goes, It's like, yo, you know what I need. You know what I'm saying, I need some time because like, yo, you know what, like my heart's involved and I don't know how to say that, and I don't know how to react because I'm scared I'm going to get hurt. You see what I'm saying, Like my heart was there, but I just didn't know how to say it, you know, because I'm because I was scared I was gonna get hurt, you know. So you know, like like there was nice time we at the peers and you know what I'm saying by myself right listen to the music, I'm like, what did I give myself into?

46:40 You know? Yeah? Like you know, but like. It's key, It's it's really key to be you know, up front early. You know what I'm saying, what's what's going on over there? Use me as a device to get somewhere else? You like, dig this claws into my back? Who the cat? Yeah, yo, I don't know what so weird? Yeah, I think I think being upfront about what you're looking for and what you want early, no games, just straight honesty and clarity, you know, because is if you keep everything you know flowing, keep it honest, keep it straight.

47:27 Well, here's the thing though, like not out ten times right, you know, it always starts with a hangout, you know, and then like you know, at least other things right, and then like you know, the question is there is like. All right, you know what I'm saying, I just want to you know what I'm saying, Let's play let's let's play how it. Goes, you know, let's you know, let's you know what that's not you've asked, let's keep going with it, going with it, right, and. You come to find out that yo, you know what, yoh, you know what I'm saying. You're catching you know what I'm saying, a little attachment here, right, But at the same time, you don't want to admit that because you know what I'm saying, like you don't want to be the first one to say so it's always gonna be that, yeah, we wanna play it our goals, we won't play it our goals. And next thing, you know it, you know, next thing, you know it, you know what I'm saying, Like you're.

48:18 Looking for an autograph. Nah oh, look at the pussy, look at. The pussy, yo, yo, yo yo. That remind me of that movie. Fare of a black hat where they got it's at the parody movie. Oh you never seen that well, like. Like like it was like back in the night. It's a parody movie. Like you know what I'm saying about n w A, Like niggas were hats n w H right, so like they all broke off. They all broke off in like the main dude became see see music Factory right instead of like you know what I'm saying, And like it has some Asian chicks singing comment pet up puss, you know what I'm saying, Like he's trying to break down that.

49:06 He's trying to break down the meaning. He's like, pussy means positive under you know what I'm saying, like an acronym. Right, He's like yeah, so you know like we gotta pet the pussy. You know what I'm saying. I'm like, Yo, this movie is wow. Bro, I don't think. Technically, I think what what I what what I What I wanted to say was there's also a big fear within within men. I think with women too, about vulnerability. You know what I mean? You know what? You know what and all I think that you know what I'm saying, Like it's bigger with men because like because like yo, you know what, with women, they know how to deal Oh she she said, she said, you know what I'm saying, Like it's you know what I'm saying, it's it's kind of you know, it's kind of hard to deal with emotion, you know what I'm saying, because like we don't know how to express it. You know, women know how to express their emotions, you know what I'm saying, and they do it very well. You know, us men like we have like you know, like like what's you calling with? The way I look at it is like this, right, whenever us men get hurt, you know what I'm saying, it's not only the heart that breaks, is the pride ego that goes with it, because they're all aligned with each other.

50:20 Right. You know, women know how to separate pride, ego and hard. We don't because you know what I'm saying, everything's all on the line softer. So you know, when they break up, you know what I'm saying, they cry that first week and we're like yeah, yeah yeah. During that month they're recovering. You know what I'm saying, We all here, you know what I'm saying, trying to put it on the front, like we don't missing three months later, you know what I'm saying, Like she's doing her and we're here crying. So you. Hold on in it, brother, that's right. So I gotta I got a question for you, TG. Do you think women over analyze small red flags protect themselves before the connection even happens.

51:06 Some doing, some don't. Mm hm. It really depends on the persons. Like some people, uh, I can overlook red flags because something may be fulfilling that need or whatever that they have. And then there's a sorry watching the cats, I have something over there, and I'm hoping he's not trying to take my bag and eat my chicks a lift. Yo, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.

51:47 You cast out like this right meoww yepy dead ass y. It sounds like a baby. I imagine cat's doing that. You know what I'm saying, saying? Yeah, yeah, I say yeah yeah. So red flags So basically, yes, there are supplements who will overlook them. It could be just being naives. It could be just being too trusting, or like I said, I need is being fulfilled. So things are being overlooked and then there are women who and I see it because I'm in the groups for women about like letting other women if they're dating and stuff like that, like to protect women. But I do see women, you know, being like, you know, this is what's going on or these red flags. For some of them, it's like I can't believe you're even asking, like yes, that's a red BLUs.

52:54 But with others it's it's different, you know, And some people could be like too extra, too like, but the reality isn't. What I'm seeing a lot of is that people just aren't being honest. Like even in our sport, if there are people out there who men who still want to be buck boys and but yet lie and say they want something but. They don't so seem there's a term for dudes like that, it's cold that dudes. It's called like, you know what I'm saying, entering their second childhood, you know that, you know what?

53:40 It's sad, you know what I'm saying, like like you know what, Like you. Know, but look, I'm not against someone just like not ready for a relationship. I prefer you know that that you're not ready for something committed, that you're not looking for something like that, that's fine, but don't come like, don't be saying that to get people like women in so that they will be interested. And then you, on the other hand, don't really have it together to really give into the relationship and do something so people, you. Know, hold on, hold up. That's why a lot of men and women don't want to even how do you say, deal with each other.

54:31 They don't want let. Their vulnerability comes with trust, Like you're not going to be allowed women or a man are not going to be allowed themselves to be vulnerable with anybody if they don't trust that person. There has to be a level of trust to let your guard down like that. And like sometimes we make a mistake, we let our guard down with the wrong people. But like unless you don't, if you don't do that, you won't know, Like you know what I'm saying, Like you sometimes you do have to take a chance. But since we're talking about dating in our forties, like it's a little frustrating that is this difficult in your forties?

55:18 Like you know what, I was listening to the dating pool that that you're describing, right, and I kind of want to add on to it though quick. Right, what do you mean the dating pool. Yeah, yeah, so like the dating pool. You know what I'm saying, For people our age, we're going to get to scrun through. You know what I'm saying. Expouses right who've been cheated on? Its either that or those that are those that are those that want that are in their second childhood, you know, those that you know what I'm saying that still you know what I'm saying, Like narcissists still think they got it, Like you know, they're in you know what I'm saying, They're in the freaking lounge with their thirty year old daughter, right, you know that, like you know like like like yo, you know what your grandma, but you and the line with a thirty year old Gorden right Still, you know what I'm saying, Still trying to be a cougar and whatever.

56:12 When the milk's gone bad, reason ain't working. You know what I'm saying, Like you know, like experience, you know what I'm. Saying, that aren't growing? These are like these are the people we're talking about, those too, that you have to be weary of. But it. Seems like there's too many. Like it's just and I think I get it though. For some people because it's like you want to live your life like for everyone, Like marriage and relationships are viewed on differently now than they were back in the day. So the expectation was your life was fulfilled and good if you got married and had children. Like that was what was pushed on us generation after generation. Is like you're supposed to have kids.

57:07 You're supposed to find the one, get married and have kids. See, most end, Most marriages end because like the person ain't married, that person to marry their representative and the thought of what the person can be. A lot of people did because there is that expectation that was set on people. Like absolutely this is the bigger issue. But the people that get out I applaud them. And you know what, there's nothing wrong with having another chance. Everyone does. There are second chances, but you just have to be your thirst for fifth. It doesn't matter. The point is like, just don't get involved with someone unless you're on the same page, like right, because.

57:50 I think at this point you should be done playing fucking games. But with that being said, it also means less compromise. I feel. That's my opinion. You have you have to you have to know, you have to know what the deal breakers are. You have to know what the boundaries are, and you have to you have to also know what you won't tolerate. Yes, you know what I mean, the deal breakers. Yeah, that thing you know for sure, the ship. Is The ship is too? Is that dating? Dating at this age can feel like less less of a less discovery and more like dealing with two Jewish lawyers battling over how much you're going to get at the end of your your case. You know what I mean, Like just battling, just battling.

58:55 Why they have to be two Jewish lawyers like they am? No, not not Now hold up now you know what I'm. Saying, Good boy, get you the money. Hey, or or they'll get you out of jail. Now hold up now you know what I'm saying. They don't know. I mean, they don't they. Know how to Hey, I'm one right now. You know what I'm saying. I'm one, you know, like like like you know what you. Know what company? You know what your two decades ago? You know what I'm saying. I call it like a real servious charge. And this dude got me off. You know what I'm saying. This dude, you know I'm seeing this dude got off with a slap on the wrist when I should have been facing like seven years in jail.

59:36 Now, I apologize, Bobby. No, it wasn't my first defense. Forget it. You're a bust. You know what I'm saying. Yo, Yo, it wasn't my first defense. But like, hey, you know what they listen, you know what I'm saying that that was a good analogy. That was a great analogy because you know what, I attested that. But but you know. But but but but yo, But you the thing is, it's like it's like, yo, you know what like. People you know people are is that's in the dating scenes. You know what I'm saying. She don't want to brag about being toxic neither or being petty, Like, yo, you know what, don't you know what I'm saying, if you want to do that, you know what I'm saying. Like like stop, yo, you know what I'm saying.

1:00:18 I don't think people brag about it. I think they don't even recognize that in themselves because because. You know what, because you know what that you know what, that became them and you know what I'm saying, like it became you know what I'm saying, like they that became it became their personality. But artististic liars. But but. I mean, I mean, you know, I personally think I look no further than Washington, d C. Right, I personally think the dating pool is geared towards like women who who really know what they want. You know what I'm saying, I mean you.

1:01:02 Have to hopefully yes, I mean in our age group, Yes, I would think so that there's more of that because I feel like I to see, like a lot of the the things I'm seeing are younger women. I could like there's a difference between when younger women are talking about something where their focus goes with the relationship, whereas someone who is older and where that would go. But again, it also depends on the level of emotional maturity that person has. Emotional intelligence, fucking just self awareness and uh the ability to call yourself out on your ship really because we all.

1:01:48 Know myself all the top got what's wild too. What's wild about it too is that trying to find it's like trying to find needle in the haystack. It's like trying to find someone who is genuinely available emotionally. You know what I'm saying and finding. Somebody, I'm just playing. Well, yeah, but I think I think I think I think it's just like just women. I don't know. I I just think I just think that it's it's it's sad that at this age, it's so hard for some to get to where they want to be when it comes to relationships.

1:02:44 Out of age, it's out of age, like like, yo, you know what you like? All right? You know what, Let's just say I was single, right, I mean, someone my age, you have to expect you know what I'm saying, that they're carrying baggage and it's going to be some type of traumatic baggage because and what they got if. They want through a divorce, that's traumatic. You know what I'm saying. Regardless of what you know what I'm saying, right, So, so you know what I'm saying, you have to have like that, like you know what I'm saying, if you're feeling that person, you know what I'm saying, Like, if you're really really feeling this person whatever whatever she throws out. You know what I'm saying. You have to be understandable and somewhat you gotta be a buffer somehow you know what I'm saying.

1:03:25 Yeah, you have to be somehow, you know what I'm saying. But but but like yo, you know what, But for yo, you know what, she also has to understand that, Yo, you went through some ship too, you know what I'm saying. There has to be an understanding. That's that's where that comes in. You know, the the the baggage you wanna, you wanna you know, let let open up the baggage. But you don't want to fucking completely unload it on someone, you know what I'm saying. You want to go you want to deal with what little by little, Yeah, a little by little. But when you when you overwhelm someone by unloading completely, that that that that can scare someone away. So you have to really you have to really know what it is you're getting yourself into. And I'm not one of the biggest one of the biggest hold up. One of the biggest things too about a lot of relationships nowadays is that mhm, women, I'm not saying all women. Some women.

1:04:28 I'm not gonna say this without getting yelled at. Just say, hey, just say you know what I'm saying, because commun. Uncommunicated expectations, right right, You can't. You have to have You have to communicate your expectations in the relationship. If you go ahead and and and and think that you can pussy foot through this relationship without person what you're what your wants and your needs are, it's not gonna happen because if your partner doesn't know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and what it is you're you're you're expecting in this relationship, it's never gonna work.

1:05:16 And another thing too, and another thing too. Right, that's what the team see. One problem. You know what I'm saying, and there, yo, you know what, Like I truly believe it's ninety nine point nine percent women do this ship, right. Okay, get them? What Why do you guys? You know what I'm saying? Think what mind reader is? Like? Like, yo, are we bemusings? You think with professor? You know what I'm saying? Like like like. Like like, yo, you know what you know what I'm saying. And I'm gonna be petty on this one. Right today, I'll come upstairs right oh after after I was outside in the store, right, you know, you could have called and be like, oh, yeah, you.

1:06:04 Know what I'm saying. But listen this right, I'll come upstairs. Oh, I forgot to tell you we need to paper and the baby news pipers. And I'm like, well, I thought you knew, Yo, I'm outside. You know what I'm saying. You could you know what I'm saying, Like you want the house? You know what I'm saying. You have more access than I do. You know, like I thought you knew. See, yeah, I gotta stop doing that. Man. You know what I mean. Stop So stop it. Expedition stop. That is edication.

1:06:45 That's all that because I'm not yop yo. You know what you know what I'm saying is my name Charles Xavier. Am I in a wheelchair? You know what I'm saying? Can I do this? You know what I'm saying? Like no, I'm like no, you know, I look more like slap cops with the glasses on. So I'm just playing but but but but yeah, but yo, you know it's petty. You know what I'm saying, it's petty mad but like you know what, but you know how I resulted because I just parked my car and park parking t G. You know when north Bergen is like the parking here is ridiculous, right, yes, you know what I'm saying. You see, thank God. You know what I'm saying. I left five blocks away from Dollar General and I left five blocks away from you know what I'm saying, shop right and everything else because I walked my you know what I'm saying. I was like, you know what, I'll just take a walk. I walked them right the Dog General. You know what I'm saying, got the thing came back. You know what I'm saying, problem solve. But that's not the point though, you know what I'm saying. I'm out on the road man. You know, come on, man, I.

1:07:38 Was on the phone with you too. That's what makes the words. Tell me. She just got me mad. Yo, just thinking about playing really quick. I want to I want to say something real quick. Uh. The chat room is popping right, so what I yeah, I want to what. I want to know if there's a brave soul out there in the chat room who would love to come up and say something about something and discuss whatever they want to discuss with us, as far as it has to do with finding love after forty let me know. I'll get you on and we'll we'll we'll, we'll.

1:08:25 Me doing that you're not people. We get so crazy up in here. Let's get let's get crazy. Yep, yea, but hold on, excuse me. Ken's I was on the phone with her. You know what I'm saying, yo, Yo, hold on, I'm gonna answer this real quick. I was on the phone where we were talking. You know what I'm saying. I'm like, Yo, you know what, You're not gonna cook today? I got someone. You know what I'm saying. I got somebody I'm you know what I'm saying, like, I'm gonna go get this and whatever. I'm gonna bring it home up. I'm gonna cook you. You know what I'm saying, because you got a long that a work. Yes, I do cook, all right, I do? So you know you yoah yo, you know what. I have a problem making Rice. You know what I'm saying till this day. You know what I'm saying. Rights be coming up, yo, yo yo yo, My rights be looking like you know what I'm saying, like Claster, like you could literally claster the wall. And you know what I'm saying, horrible, You know you know what I'm saying, Like right yo, you know what y yo yo, Listen when it comes to rights. I'm handicapped on just to took it. You know what I'm saying, who any who?

1:09:30 You know? So I go upstairs and she's like, we need to other people. And the thing that the was, I was like, I was just outside on the phone with you. I was on the phone with you're. Talking as someone suggested that maybe you should have asked before you came home if there was anything. That's the thing. Great part? What do you want to take you care of? Yo? You know what y'all? You know what? First off, you know what I'm saying. First off, you know what I'm saying. And now I'm saying like this next time she does that, because yo, I understand something. I'm I'm the man of the house. I found my control over her. She'll be like, shut the funk up, I'll be quiet, But once she's I'm talking again, because yo, you gotta let this woman think her in control. When you're in control, that's my control.

1:10:12 That's how you're somebody, not just play. Not now. But you know what, though I handled that though. You know what I'm saying, like like you know what, I took the walk. You know what I'm saying, like because because YO, at the end of the day. You know what I mean, Like, I do understand that, my lady. You know what I'm saying, deals with a lot of most of that job. You know what I'm saying, So like, why what. Am I going to add on to the extra bullshit at home? You know what I'm saying, like like and and and Yo. You know what, It's true what they say. You know what I'm saying, happy wife, happy life. It's true what they say, because yo, you know.

1:10:53 What happy I realized. Yo. You know what I realized, Yo, you know what I realized. Not Yo, listen all right, you know what to happy, happy spouse, happy house means that she comes there. And I was like, anyways, I'm just playing, just playing. It's just playing to take a joke out there, just watching, yo. You know what I'm joking. I'm joking right now? Oh is that so? Yeah? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Never mind, the backhand is the frying pan, right.

1:11:36 Yo, the frying pan or whatever? Right? So so so you know I handled that, you know what I'm saying, because like, yo, at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying, Like, like, look, you know what without the queen the whole Kington Falls. I never understood that. So I got older. So I'm in it right now. You know what I'm saying. And that's because I allow myself to understand. That, you know what I'm saying, Like I wasn't trying to be all chovnistick of Mato no more easily. You know, I may jump around, I'm I'm gonna joke around, but like, yo, you know what upstairs? Upstairs is fifty fifty. You know what I'm saying. And what took me so. Long is because I was giving my daughter a bath, right and you know what I'm saying. She did not want to come out, and she starts yelling at me. You know what I'm saying. Where her gibberish? And I'm like, excuse you, excuse you.

1:12:20 I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, knowing you've been yelling at me all day today, I ain't gonna have that, you know. So she thinks she's the boss of me. She is? Is? I got I got a question? Is she is? Is? What's the question? Do you not change the baby or take a ship? Do you not know the items were needed? I mean, yeah, you're not you can't. Well you know what I'm not. You know you know what that No? Not all right, you know what. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing. Twenty twenty. I have had soil, toil and paper in security. Yo, you know what, no alto subside, right, you know what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, you know what. No, you know what I'm trying to answer. You know, I'm trying to answer a question real quick. See, I was attit.

1:13:12 You know what I'm saying. I was outside, right, I was outside, you know, like like I went outside to go get the food. And that's the only thing I started thinking about. It's like, all right, yo, you know what, I'm gonna get this? That and the third. You know what I'm saying, Like I kind of you know what I'm saying, I like I kind of figured out that, you know what I mean, Like you have to go get that. You know what I'm saying. But I was like, yo, you know what we have. You know what I'm saying, I could do that tomorrow. Look, you know what I'm saying. You can't be pretty things off. That's that mappened, Okay. No, hell no, no, no, no, not you know it has to be fifty. You all know why. You know what I'm saying because like because like, yo, you know what, but I I get, I get I can't do yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what.

1:13:57 You keep taking one hundred because I feel like. You know what I get. You know, it got to be one hundred. It got to be a hundred, like like you keep it a hundred, she keep it a hundred, you know, like all the way I understand that good one going. That's different keeping it one hundred versus so right, but we're over your story already. Okay, we get it. You don't obviously pay attention to having enough toilet paper for when you ship, which is a problem, and you the mar. Excuse me, you know what? Wait wait, hold on, hold on, hold on though, hold on, hold on something of my defense. You know, you know, due to my injury, I don't work, so I'm with the baby all day. I'm the housewife.

1:14:49 Actually, oh. Hold on, but but yo, you know what I'm cleaning up after the baby. You what I'm saying, I'm in pain sometimes, yo, Yo, you know what. I'm in pain sometimes because you know what I'm saying, Like I gotta be like like running. Around chasing this child. Just you just dug your own grave. No, I don't care though, bro, even be you know what yo? Listen, yeah, yeah, listen. You know what. Listen. You know what I'm my age. You know I'm saying, chasing a two year old. I don't want to like, I don't want to hear it.

1:15:29 Yo. You know what, we get to toil. The paper. On my back hurts like yo, you know what, it's gonna ring later. I feel that ship they have like delivery and ship like that. Yo, Oh my god, I can How important? Yeah, dug myself. I don't care. I'm still gonna blame her anyways. Want the why because it always hurt fall. You know what's apple? That's you know what I'm saying. It's hurtful. You know what I'm saying. They don't have his piece, they have her piece. It's her fault anyway. How important?

1:16:11 All right? All right, all right? Take it. Take a deep breath. Hold on a second, Hold on one second, Hold on me? How I How important MHM is affection, compassion, and intimacy in a relationships that started at starting off building towards the ultimate goal, which is, you know whatever, the ultimate goal is that you have? But how important is the booty slaps? How important is the making out? How important is the sex? How important is all of that stuff combined? How do you look at that as as how do you say how important? No, not a deal break, but how important is it and how much of how much of them?

1:17:15 Yeah? Yeah, yeah. For myself. That's why, That's why I asked the question, because everyone is different, right I it is. Very important for me affection, intacy, being on the same page sexually, having chemistry, uh, being able to be content, being bored, all that stuff. Yeah, you know what at the end of the day, like with me and know what I'm saying, the relationship, it's. Part part of it, Like I don't feel unless the unless you're both asexual or something like, I don't think like a relationship in being a romantic and fulfilling relationship if there isn't levels.

1:18:10 And how important is it to How is it is? How is it to a person? How is it? How god? How is it right? I'm trying to how important is it? And how often should a person looking for love? How should a person go about making those kinds of adjustments to their life? As far as sex, intimacy and compassion is concerned over forty because sometimes things don't work for some women and some men.

1:18:57 But that's why again you have you conversing shas and again that's why it's important to know these things. But there's remedies, right for all things, if there's remedies for her and there's remedies for him, if that's what people need in the relationship. But intimacy isn't just sex. So like, but I think in a romantic relationship, a committed relationship, you need intimacy, like because then you're just you're with a roommates. That's a friendship. So if you're in a real relationship, then there needs to be a real level of intimacy there or again you're just friend.

1:19:41 You know what. Now see like like seeing Now here's the thing, right, you know, Like I have a problem. You know what I'm saying, Well, look for love, because like if you look for it's not gonna you know, say, you're not gonna find it. That shit just happens, I'm saying. But I mean there's intentionally dating, and that's talking about and two people out there. Okay, you and your experience about you were one of those guys that wasn't looking for and that happened. Okay, we get it, it happened, but that's not really like that's not everyone's story. There are more people out there who are trying to find someone than not for that intense like there. That's why these dating apps exists, or for people to find each other.

1:20:36 Yeah, you know what dating app? I think I think they need to do more like uh, those speed dating events and ship like that, Like I feel like that should be a bigger market and a bigger thing because especially now, like it makes a difference when you meet someone in person and when it's like it feels like a game that way, and it's kind of like more chill. It's not like spectations. Just get to know somebody real quick. You got you got a minute. So what would I say? I would say wu tang and she says who next? The response should be that will say is forever? And that's how you know.

1:21:20 That's or when you say wu tang. Either or so get it? So yes, that's the whole thing. Like you usually get like three or five minutes to talk to somebody, and in that time, obviously you should be asking this ship that matters to you like obviously everybody does like. You did this before? You know what? What do you hold on? You did this before spreading? I've watched like easy things like I watched I watched that show crime Cash. Oh yeah, that's cream.

1:22:10 That might be a red flag. Hold on really quick, that might be a red flag. There? What you. Everything around me? Like? Answer? It was like with three out kids? You picked the ball? What? Yo? You know what if you say hold on, hold on, you say wool sang and she starts saying, well aboutomatonically faculty philosophy is that's when you know, yo, yo yo yo. You know what if she starts spitting bars from time, then you know, then you know you got.

1:22:52 To keep her bro you know what I'm saying. Then you know you got to keep it. You know what I'm saying that? Then you you know what if she starts doing the I'm telling you she got to yo, you know what she got the girls shoes and that she got some timberlands on the bottom. You know what I'm saying that. I got a question. I got a question, not a question, I guess it is a question for TG. So why why is it all right? So check this out? This is this is the difference between men and women, I think in some things. Right, So why is it when a group of guys get together, right that a group of dudes get together with chilling. We're hanging out and I say, for instance, I say, yeah I met I met this girl. You know with chilling, you know, we're building something. The first thing that comes out of one of my boys mouths is yo, she pretty, Yo, she bangs, she got a nice ad, Like what's up? You know what I'm saying, Like, what's going on? But when you talk to women, the first thing that comes out of their mouth is what does he do for a living?

1:23:51 Why is that? Honestly, I think that's a societal thing. Uh like a just because I mean, I'm trying to think right now. Like in my own experience, if anybody's been like, oh, usually it's like how old they are, how they met them? Yes, like they do this, Uh they they have kids or they don't have kids, or they were married or they're not, you know, like shit like that. Yeah, you bring up just like the fucking coins. That's what it is. And like you just said, men just go sexual So that's fucking worse. Like you like I would prefer to know my friends like person and more about them than the way they look. I think gets too sious what they look like, because what matters is that they're attracted to them and they're happy with them. Like I shouldn't be attracted to your person. Me asking that is a fucking red flag. Okay, so you need to be looking at your boys. Yeah, I'm saying, I why are you asking that?

1:25:01 They wouldn't ask me that, because they'll they'll sit there and they'll know they'll be like, yeah, I'm not going to say that's a little because you know. It does, but there may be people who do. That's kind of shitty. Yes, Jock, nobody's going to do with that now you just point it out. That's so stupid. Okay. Women expect men to be providers and men are visual creatures. I mean, like I said the side of wise, Yes, this has always been a thing about the provider, But I think a man should care about what a woman does too, Like if you're not asking her what she's doing, I mean she could be having an only fans for all.

1:25:49 You know. You can have little little feet page, right. Yeah, like a fetish page who apparently apparently a big market. I heard about this big market. But still like, yeah, you know, everybody's like this is the thing again. People are different, people are looking for different things the case. Just assume that everybody out there. But from the consensus of what I'm seeing out here in PA anyway, is that you know, a lot of people are on their line.

1:26:29 And that's country though, no. There's no I lived near Harrisburg, like Lancaster County, is Amish County more, even though they're sporadically all over the place. But I heard you. I heard you was hanging out with turning button. I was that boy can turn butter. So the that's my favorite. Yeah. So the the thing is this all right, let's let's let's talk about it. Let's let's put this out there. I think when you approach like like say, for instance, you're on the dating app, right and you're swiping, you know, you're going through the profiles or whatever, and you come across someone.

1:27:32 Who you. Recognize, right, No, boy, you come across somebody you recognize and you realize that it was all right. So I'm gonna give you a situation. All right, So there was this dude who who wasn't ready for a relationship, right, He wasn't ready to And we and the dove knows who he is, and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put his name out there. We talked about this a couple of days ago. He he wasn't ready for a relationship that when when he met this woman, right, he met this He met this chick, wasn't ready at that time for a relationship. All right, he's what is he like, forty forty three, forty four now whatever, he's like whatever, whatever it is, whatever it is.

1:28:31 He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready. Yeah, that's irrelevant. That's irrelevant. But the fact that we're doing ad after forty things he's over for yeah. Well, we get it. He wasn't ready for relationship, wasn't he wasn't ready for relationship. He meets us, he meets this girl, right, and they're they're hitting it. They're hitting it on cylinders, you know, a couple of cylinders that are being hit you know what I'm saying. And they're getting along. Everything is cool. But then he fades he fades it out because he's not ready, you know what I mean, He wasn't prepared for what was you know what, he really he really wanted a relationship, but he wasn't prepared because he had just gotten out.

1:29:15 Of something that was long term, right, so. He wasn't ready for it. So he tells us that he's swiping on this app and he sees that chick again. This time he's ready, right, this time, he's prepared to be in a committed relationship. Like he's emotionally ready, he's physically like everything, he's ready to go. So he swipes on this chick's picture, right, and he says, he says that that you know, she replied to him, and now they're talking and ship right, So he's what the why a my ship blurry?

1:30:03 Yo? What the fuck? I paid my WiFi bill? So, so the thing is is that he comes, he comes across this this this because they didn't get to see each other face to face the first time. It was just conversations through text, calls, whatever it is. So he told me that he finally got to meet her face to face. It was who was for a short amount of time, but he got to see her, and he said he hugged her and he just instantly felt like it was like we did we stopped talking. We didn't speak to each other for a few years. I find you again.

1:30:49 I'm hugging you. It feels right, And I didn't, he said he didn't want to let it go. It was just something about that hug and and how things perspire between the not perspired, that's the wrong word, you know whatever. You know what I'm trying to say, Yes, sweat, Yes, the way right, the way things went down. He just felt like it was right. It felt right at that moment in time. Okay, So he asked me, he says, what do you think I should I should say to her? What do you think I should do? What do you think I should? I told him, follow your heart, bro right, follow your heart? Why is my ship blurry? Follow your heart and don't ever ever hide what it is, your feeling, what it is your thinking, Express yourself properly to be honest, be straightforward, because if you can't do that, it's not going to work out. Mm hm, you know what I'm saying.

1:32:01 So the moral of the story is for everyone out there who's finding love after forty, it's it's not a lost cause, right because love after forty can happen. Yep. And the thing about it is, and the thing about it is it isn't new beginning. But you have to understand that when you when you get involved with someone at this age, they don't come with a clean slate, right you know, you have to build with that person through their experiences, through your experiences, and despite the fact that your heart was broken at one point, despite the fact that you've suffered through things in your life, there is someone out there that can bring you in, hold you and show you that there is love out there, that there is a person out there for everyone. It takes time, you know what I'm saying. It takes patience.

1:33:21 It takes patience, It takes time, and it takes honesty, loyalty, love, compassion, empathy. But when you find that communication and transparency, all that is key, you know. So don't ever think that because you're at an age that you know the guys are coming in, you know what I'm saying, And you know you you're you're old. You're not old. You're you're just getting better better. It's not over. So it's not a lost cause it's definitely a new beginning. And you lease on life when you find love at this age, because you know what You don't want to fucking be forty fifty sixty years old going to the club. You don't want to go to the club. You know, these youngins out there, they're not gonna be wanting the fuck around with you. You know what I'm saying, They're gonna be looking at your pocket. They're gonna be looking at you know, especially especially for for dudes going to to clubs and bars with all these young kids. What do you think they're thinking. You're in the corner drinking your unk, drink in your air and your air Force ones the dad's shoe now they.

1:34:42 Call it yo yo yo, and you know what, And then then to be like, yeah, where the holes at, nigger, your daughter end up? You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, like like, ye know what the hot does that even make sense? You know? You know what I'm saying. I'm not Look, I'm not saying. I'm not saying don't go out and have a good time. Don't go to the club, though, Yeah, you know what I'm saying, don't you don't You don't need to go to the club, man, at this at this point in your life, at this stage of your life, find yourself somebody who who's gonna love you for who you are, Because find somebody who's gonna be honest with you. Find somebody who's gonna definitely communicate with you. You know, it's if you If you really want to find love, it's out there. You know what I'm saying. You're not gonna find it at the club, that's for goddamn sure. You know you might. You might.

1:35:40 You might find it on an app. Who knows the most important thing though, what if you want to find love, you gotta look in the mirror first, what I'm saying, because once you start loving a person in the marryland, everything else starts to change, right yeah, because because that yell you what you know what I'm saying, Like, like that's one thing I learned, you know, like I have to look in the mirror and love myself even for the flaws at all, you know what i mean? Right, So like so so like you know what I'm saying, Like you gotta look at you know what I'm saying. You gotta look at the mirror first, you know what I'm saying, and start loving you and the flaws that you think is too much. You gotta start working on that part. You know what I'm saying.

1:36:22 The floors are always gonna be there. The flaws that you think too much might not be too much to somebody else. Correct, absolutely, But you know what, your floors are always going to be there. You know what I'm saying, It's always gonna be there. You know what I'm saying, Just accepted for what it is, because you're not perfect. Nobody's perfect. You know what I'm saying. I mean, I am the close think of perfection. But I mean that goes without saying. Here. You know you. Gotta you gotta love, you gotta you gotta love. I'll be honest with you. I love some of me. Oh yeah, I love. I love all love some of you. You know what I'm saying, Like, I love I learn some of me. You know what I'm saying. Damn, you ain't got to say it like that. Holy shit, dah.

1:37:06 Why you know what I'm saying like I mean, choking on my little face smoke. You know what I saying like yo? So but it's all right, So hold on real quick, let's let's go. Let's go around the room. You know what I'm saying, and what would be what would be a piece of advice you would give yourself at twenty years old, knowing what it is you've experienced in life, what would you tell yourself you had to go back in time and say something, What would be that message? I'm gonna start with Dubbs. First, stay off the drugs, Stay off the liquord. They're not your front. You know what I'm saying. And whatever you and you're.

1:37:50 Running away from something, you better handle that ship now, you know, because if you don't handle it now, you know what I mean? When it like the more the more you let it fester, the more it's gonna become a bigger problem. It's gonna affect you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, is gonna affect you in every which way. So handle that. I by the way, love yourself. Man. You know what I'm saying because you aut here. You know what I'm saying, trying to figure you know what I'm saying. Drinking away the pain and you know what I'm saying, smoking away the pain and gogles what else you're doing? Because I know what I did, you know, but I ain't gonna put it out there like that. Well, sniffing away the pain all that stuff. You know what I'm saying, You're running from pain that's eventually gonna catch up. And when it cats up, it's gonna hit. It's gonna it's gonna feel like a Mike types of punch out.

1:38:35 So handle that, you know. Right, because and and and then I'll tell my Then I'll tell myself because I love you, flaws and all. You know what I'm saying, unconditioned, right, you know we all make mistakes. Man, stop beating yourself. Up, right, TG, What about you? What would you tell your twenty year old self? Suck them and go. That's what I should have done as fucking and left. But that's not what happened. I knew. I knew it was gonna be something. I knew it was going to be some someone, some ship like that. You know what. I like, my yo?

1:39:22 Come man, like yo? Can we be serious for once? That's the thing. I should have like had fun in my twenties. I should have enjoyed myself. I should have worked on myself and. Yeah, but. Much I was worthy and that you know, just because I'm fad doesn't mean I can't be loved. So there are being little things like that that I would have said to myself, like, yes, I think that I learned to have a partner to take care of me. That's what I was shown and that's what I was taught.

1:40:11 So yes, my message to myself would have been like just fuck him and go, like, you don't need to stay because someone's giving me that attention, affection whatever. You know what I'm saying, like where it could have. You know, I think we get into relationships when we're young for the wrong reasons, and it is what it is. But you know, I wish I could have enjoyed my twenties more than I was able to because I was in a relationship for ten years, not like you guys, and so it was different and I think I didn't get to experience. So I did it in my thirties and I don't regret that actually, because I think I have more fun in my thirties. But that was that twenty year old behavior in my thirties. So yeah, okay.

1:41:20 Wait, hold on real quick. You know what I'm saying to add on to that, like one more thing, one more thing? Right? No, yeah, you said what you had. I'm gonna say. Anyways, because yell, you know what, because because because yell, you know what that that reminds me of. Something, right, one more thing, one more. No one want to let one, No one wants to let go. You know what I'm saying, Because like when I was in my twenties, I was still trying to hold on to a time that was no longer there. Like I had two kids, you know what I'm saying. Right after and I'm still trying to hold on to a time that does not exist no more, right, you know, like like you know, like like you know what, Like I was like twenty years ago, I was twenty through the math right, still wild and still wilding, like you know what I'm saying, Like like I'm twenty one. But times have changed and I didn't change, So I was still doing the same ship.

1:42:11 You know what I'm saying. The definition of a Saturday is doing the same thing, hoping for different results when it was actually the same results. You know, we're not analyzing your twenties. You're holding on your No, you're done, You're. No, I'm not done. No, I'm not done. Yea. It's holding it's holding on, you know, it's holding on. You know what I'm saying. You can't go that's right. I shouldn't let go. I should have let go. You know what I'm saying, And and and yo and yo. You know what, get some icy hot because you know what I'm saying. For the needs, because tea bagging, because tea bagging. You know what I'm saying. Where's on the knees?

1:42:55 My god. Lorda mercy? All right? So what I would tell my my twenty year old self, First off, for all of us here, all these all us gen X, is we were born and raised in the era of legend. The ship that we've been through, the ship that we've done doone, the ship that we done did who is legendary. You know what I'm saying. None of these kids nowadays compare to what it is we're dealing with and what it is we've done. So with that BO said, you know what I'm saying. With that being said, I would tell myself that don't give up on anything you want to do with your life.

1:43:55 Set goals, work towards those goals, and don't ever be afraid to fail. Forward, my twenty year old self will look at me and say, what the fuck does that mean? Bro? And I would say to him, I would say, to him. If you fail, that is not the end. Fail forward means take what you learn from that failure, apply it, and try again. Don't give up on your dreams, don't give up on love, don't give up on family, don't give up on anything that you've worked hard towards. Someone is gonna love you, bro, You know, someone is gonna love you. Once you love yourself enough that you're spewing out fucking love, someone is gonna say I want that shit and they're gonna love you. So don't give up on that. So that's what I would tell my twenty your old self, and yeah, it's a good one, you know what I'm saying.

1:45:11 Stoke it. So so now now with that, with that being said, with that being said, it is it is time. It is that way. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You said that that stuff, right. I just want to point out that there's no more there's no more mischief night or Douglas night. We talked about that, remember, we talked about that. You know, I'm like, yo, you know what, that tradition is dead, you. Know, like they still do it in some places. Not not not around here, not around here, like like you know what, it's dead because like, these kids are not outside and you know what I'm saying, not outside enough to begin with. I remember, Yo, I could recall literally going to quick Check on Second and Second in Washington when it was there, buying eggs and bringing it to the roof and leaving it there for like a month and a half. They've rotten, right and on the and every October twenty ninth, I went to the roof, picked up them eggs, right, and I left it there, you know what I mean. And I carried it with me in my jazz Port danceport when it was the ship, right, Pat, you know what I'm saying, like either getting them masks, you know what I'm saying, or painting my face black, right, walking around with a hoodie and the dingiest clothes because you know, you just gonna get hit and you're gonna be hitting back, you know what I'm saying, Yo, going to the pranks store getting some itching powdered, you know

1:46:42 what I'm saying, with some socks, like like yo, you know what some some people, you know what I'm saying. Some people, you know, I ain't gonna need no names, but they will die. Vola they had the d batteries and put them in the socks. Yeah you know what I'm saying. They would die volaicle with it, you know what I mean. But you know, we did all that, you know what I mean. And well we're egging people and all that stuff and that that was. Yeah, that's that's that's because our our generation was the last generation before the internet. Yep. Yeah, yeah, we we know. We know what it's like. Bro. We were born in the seventies, raised in the eighties, and rocked out in the fucking nineties. Bro.

1:47:22 Like I said, legendary ship. Bro yo, like like like yo, you know. Yeah. So we been to a lot, yeah, and a lot. We've seen a lot. Yeah. So oh so. I did really quick, really really quick. I did uh an ancestry, d ns. Dns na na. It came it came back already, And I'm going to tell you some some strange ship. Oh I have Irish in my blood. You're a mcasshold, yeah, I have I have I have some some Jewish in my blood.

1:48:12 Oh wow. Yeah Canadians. Yeah yeah, it's really interesting. So anyway, so all that all that being said, my party it's it's you know, we're over, We're done. We're good, my party, my my parting words for the night. Mm hmm. Once more, one more time. Go out there and find yourself somebody. You know what I'm saying. Love yourself first, yourself. Who's gonna add to your life in a positive way, you know what I mean?

1:48:54 And not magic pos not magic, magic, not magic, just a positive positive enough. But someone whos gonna come into your life and add value. You know what I'm saying. Somebody's gonna come into your life. Look at you and say, motherfucker, I love you, right, motherfucker. I love you, and I know you love it because because I love, I love some of me. You know what I'm saying, And I think I deserve, you know, someone to look at me right there in my fucking eye and say, you know what, I love. You, brother love. Remember brother Love, I'm w w w w. Love you. Yeah, I'm gonna say. I thought you was gonna say something slick like Broke Back Mountain and some ship.

1:49:41 You know what I'm saying. Why would I say that? Is that what you think of me? My fans are heard. I apologize expeditiously. You know what I mean? Anyway? I apologize. No, I will not apologize anyway, apologized. I want to listen to that song when we've done. All right, So I'm big Cole. That's t G Love, That's Dubbs is don a k A. Simon Phoenix. This has been another episode of This My Her podcast. Tune in next week for another episode where we're gonna wild out and do some ill shit. Probably most likely we'll see what happens with or No, but we'll see absolutely absolutely.

1:50:31 Thank you for coming in, Thank you for joining us in the chat room, Get brave, come on the show. Let's talk ship. I know, I know you're saying yeah, but you know, I just gotta get to let the fans you know, you know how it is anyway. Once again, at some point. This My Her the Spanish maish, my stuff is smart. U l a man l a right, And that's how you say that something like that. I mean, you know, right yo, my Spanish store man. Yo. You know what Yo?

1:51:33 The only thing I know is Spanish is as one like my father is a urst. I mean Spanish. I could say, well the White city, see. Yeah, all right, at some point this might hurt people. Yeah, I love you, yeah that stopping by, Hey a politic people Yeah, one night, good night my