Feb. 12, 2026

When "Man Up" Means "Shut Up" : The Cost Of Being The Rock

When "Man Up" Means "Shut Up" : The Cost Of Being The Rock
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Season 12

When “Man Up” Means Shut Up : The Cost of Being The Rock pulls the curtain back on the brutal, unspoken reality men live with every day the pressure to be unbreakable, emotionless, and eternally strong, even while drowning inside. In this raw, no-filter conversation, your host Big Corleone and Co-Hosts TG Love, Lady G, and Dubs Tha Don go straight for the jugular, unpacking the stigma around male mental health, the silent suffering, the bottled rage, the quiet depression, and the generational programming that tells men their pain doesn’t matter. This episode isn’t about pity, it’s about truth, accountability, survival, and redefining what real strength actually looks like. If you’ve ever been “The Strong One” while falling apart behind closed doors, this one’s for you. Real talk. No Sugarcoating. No Masks. Just scars, stories, and the courage to finally speak.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/this-might-hurt-podcast--3239767/support.

WEBVTT

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S S.

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S, S.

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S S except everybody. This big holy on whether this

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might herd podcast coming to you live from use your imagination,

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you know how it is. I want to bring in

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my lovely co hosts of the Evening TG love. What's up?

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Hell? Hello? What's up?

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How are you.

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Okay?

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Yeah? You want to know, you want to know why

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I didn't hear you before? Why my volume wasn't up?

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Oh unbelievable. And when I came back, I was like,

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I don't know if you can hear me or not.

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Man, Yo, I was like you I can't. I can't

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hear I can't hear it. Oh my god, that's why.

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That's yeah.

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I was that that was a little because when I

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when when the intro started playing mm hmm, I was like,

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oh my god, I can't hear it. Fucking volumes off.

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Oh man, that's a good way to start, a great

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way to start.

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As always saw, how the last two weeks been for you?

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Like, that's crazy that it's been two weeks, Like.

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Yeah, it's flying.

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So what has happened? I don't even know. We got

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snow right within the.

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Too, Yeah I think so. Yeah, that that big storm.

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Yeah, that's crazy because like it's freezing and it does

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it's melting, but like very slowly because it's like I mean,

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today was the first day that it was over like

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thirty something to thirty eight degrees.

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Hi Angel, Hey, oh my god?

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Hello, Hello, Candy, HELLU Hello. Yeah.

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So so, yeah, we had to deal with snow.

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That was a pain in the ass because that hasn't

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happened in a while. Like where I'm at, we got

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a good amount. I think we are more than a

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foot possibly or or maybe less, I don't know, but

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enough to like be in a pain in the ass still.

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So but other than that.

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Yeah, we got about I would say thirteen fourteen inches.

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Yeah, this is like that's it.

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Yeah, And it's been like since I've lived out here,

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I haven't experienced like too much snow.

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So this is the first that it was, like it's.

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Snowing, all right.

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Yeah, but I'm just not okay with this fucking eight

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degree weather.

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This is not cool, you know, Like this is not

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Wisconsin or Minnesota, Like what the fuck? I didn't move

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up there for a reason. I'm a packer fan. I

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even Wisconsin.

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I can't handle that, Like, could you imagine this Cuban

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Puerto rican up in Wisconsin. I mean they're up there,

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I'm sure, but like, hell no, that's tundra. Like that's

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how it's been feeling here. I'm like, I can't believe

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it's this cold. Was that say I can't read? I'm

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gonna bring readers.

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It was in the seventies where she's a, oh.

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I'm sure you're like I'm flooring or something. Of course,

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always bragging.

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Yeah, so my last the last two weeks went pretty well,

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not too bad. Okay, did some ship, didn't do some

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ship kept busy, you know, just did do do what

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I do? What I do? You know what I'm saying.

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Yeah, you know, and.

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I'm here.

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And he's bad. He's ticking.

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That's it. That's it. Andy said, No, I hate it.

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I'll trade you.

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No, I wouldn't want somebody weather either. I don't like

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the winter. But I'm not okay with below freezing yeah.

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Weather, Like, I'm not cool with that climate. I like, oh,

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it's just been the extreme.

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I'm not like I'm you see my very pale white skin,

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it gets my legs is ashy.

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That's how freezing cold it is. Then I'm white and ashy.

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It's bad.

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Oh man, all right, So we got uh, we're waiting on.

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I don't know if if Dove's gonna make it tonight.

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He might not be well, so he might not.

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He's definitely not well.

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Even though we're like not near each other. Just don't

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spread your germs, you know. So it's fine.

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Stop coughing, stop go off a word. So we got

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two emails tonight and a hot topic. So we're gonna

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start off with the first email of the night. You

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ready for this one? All right? All right, let's go,

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dear Coleon and Crewe. My name is James Saint Patrick.

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And you hear why in the second I'm writing because

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I'm tired of pretending this shit doesn't hurt. I know

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I'm a good man. I know what I bring to

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the table. I'm a gentleman. I'm honest. I don't cheat,

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I'm loyal, I'm loving and I communicate. I show up.

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I'm not perfect, but I'm real and I move with

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plenty of integrity. Hold on one second, me bring in

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lady Geez. He's here, Yo, what's up?

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What top?

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How are you?

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I'm good? How are you?

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We're good? I'm I'm reading the email? All right? Want

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me to start over so you can you can hear it?

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Yeah, because you just started, so just start over.

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Yeah, all right. Yes, my name is James Saint Patrick.

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You will hear why in the second. I'm writing because

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I'm tired of pretending this ship doesn't hurt. I know

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I'm a good man. I know what I bring to

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the table. I'm a gentleman. I'm honest. I don't cheat,

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I'm loyal, I'm loving. I communicate, I communicate and I

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show up with intention, with intention.

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Oh, I'm hearing back.

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I'm hearing back. That's why you're connected to the car.

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I'm just kaying, all right. I'm not perfect. I'm real.

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I move with integrity. I'm open, transparent, and sometimes I

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overshare because but I believe real connection requires the truth.

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I don't hide behind fake shit or play games. And

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yet no matter how solid I try to be, I

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keep ending up in the same place, ghosted, discarded, left alone,

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and never like I never mattered at all. I don't

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understand how being genuine can become a liability. I don't

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understand how treating someone right gets you treated like you're disposable.

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Am I too available, too honest, too kind, too kind?

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For a world that's addicted to bullshit. I'm not looking

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for situationships or ego boosts or temporary validation. I'm looking

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for real love, real consistency, and a woman who actually

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knows what she wants. So I'm asking for your real

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opinion or advice. What can a man like me do

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to stop getting ghosted without becoming cold, bitter, or emotionally

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shut down? How do I protect my heart without turning

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into someone I'm not because I'm tired of questioning my

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worth when all I ever tried to do is love

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the right way, respectfully. Ghost James st. Patrick. That's it's

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a play on words because James st. Patrick is a

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character from a show and his name is ghosts. So

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I get what he's trying to say.

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Okay, all right, So that's and it's a man, it's

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a dude.

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Ye, women go through Oh boy, I mean I got again.

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I thought you said there were scenarios or more details

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or something, you know.

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No that he said. No, He said that he was

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being ghosted. He was tired of being ghosted. He don't

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want emotionally shut down. I just I assumed this was enough,

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but he just just well, I guess women who actually

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know what he wants to deal with women who actually

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know what they want, and is he oversharing his life?

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So like I feel like like it's possible, Like there's

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things that I wrote down like that he overshares. He's

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big on the truth. He likes to be open and honest,

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and that's good. Like these are qualities that women want. However,

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I say, when it comes to dating, especially in the beginning,

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when you're getting to know somebody, you need to read

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the room and like kind of first get to know

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the person in front of you a little bit to

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see like like we're kind of all different on how

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we kind of like take something that someone says. Like

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I could say something and then like you know, Big

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Cy could be like like he'll he'll like get it,

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But Lady G might like get offended somehow because she wasn't,

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you know, reading the tone.

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The way you would have read it knowing me. Does

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that make sense? So I think like.

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Some women tend to do that, Like I was somebody

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who would do that, like I would overshare, I'd be

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very honesty, like like this is who I am.

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I'm putting it out there. A lot of people can't

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handle that. They can't. However, I say.

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Stick it out because like you'll find the person who

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can handle you being someone who like overshares. I don't

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think that anybody should really change who they are. But

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at the same time, like there's a right and wrong

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time to talk about certain things too, And that's what

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I'm saying.

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I'm not sure when he says oversharing stuff how much

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you know?

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What does that mean? Because for some like like you

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were saying, TG is that everybody is not the same, right,

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So what might be oversharing, what might be oversharing to

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one person is not oversharing to somebody else. It is

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actually something they're looking for, right, So I would say

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to remain genuine and true to you, right because the

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right person is going to be okay with that. So

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the thing is, you got to you gotta make a

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lot of mistakes, You gotta fail a lot of times

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to actually find the right way the right person. You know.

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I almost felt like you were talking about.

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Me there, Corleon. It was like, what the heck are

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you reading? Are you reading by diary? Like this is why?

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This is why I said, was this really a man?

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Because I feel like we as women have.

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Experienced this a lot more possibly than men, because there's

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a lot of men who say that they aren'tine are true,

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and they're bullshitters, like they will say all this stuff

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about themselves, mean while they're fucking homeless. So let's be

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real about are you being real?

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That's kind of that's kind of rough the dude talking

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all that shit.

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He's there are men out there, Dude, I've told you.

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Somebody reade up the whole car today.

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And all that stuff just to fool me into believing

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or driving up to North Jersey, like, dude like invited

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me to his house and didn't even tell his mother

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I was coming.

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Oh, even worse, and I she knows her flowers.

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The lady takes the flowers and she's looking at me

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like who are you and why are you here? And

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where are they from? And I was like, wow, So yeah,

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people do go out of their way to do crap

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like that.

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Oh my god.

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But yeah, like tell his moms you were coming over,

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that's crazy.

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No he didn't, And I'm like, what the heck? And

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I'm giving her flowers and she's like who are you

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and who are these from? I'm like they're from me,

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And I automatically knew from her face. I said, your

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son didn't tell you I was coming, did he? And

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she said no, and he's just walking around the house like.

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No big deal.

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I'm like wow, So of course, me being who I am,

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you know, I start talking about the little accident thing

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because I have a funny feeling that, you know, I

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had a feeling when I went that he had been

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lying about it. But he was hanging his hat on

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that story. So I started talking to her, not only

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did he not get in a car accident, he doesn't

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even have a car. He gets he gets uber to work,

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to stop just stop people people do.

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Look, it's one thing to tell someone yeah I don't

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have a car, who would have worked, But to tell them, oh,

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I got into a car accident and this.

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Yeah again, but I don't have a time at all,

233
00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:25.559
just to get you to come over, to get you

234
00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:30.519
to drive, like that's ridiculous, that's seem like yeah, And

235
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:32.480
that's also a person who probably lied and said they

236
00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:35.840
were being genuine and ship, but they they don't like

237
00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:38.279
there are there are too many people out there that

238
00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:39.759
and they're women too.

239
00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:43.600
Who will say what you think you they like you

240
00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:47.519
want here not actually be genuine say what they're feeling

241
00:16:47.600 --> 00:16:51.080
or thinking. And to me, that's like a huge problem

242
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.320
with in relationships, like I want you to be real

243
00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:57.440
with me, just like I'm gonna be real with you

244
00:16:58.840 --> 00:16:59.720
what I say.

245
00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:03.720
Girl, I'm glad you ran from that one.

246
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:08.359
Like running, like running and then like maybe setting a

247
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:11.640
fire behind you so there's no tracers because.

248
00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:22.480
I can't I can't just imagine, Oh, you're gonna we're

249
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:25.799
gonna hang on, I'm gonna cook dinner, we're gonna chill binge,

250
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.279
watch something or whatever. And when you open up the doors,

251
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:32.720
the mom she takes she takes the flowers thinking somebody

252
00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:34.799
sent them to her, but they're from you.

253
00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:37.640
Yeah, Like she's like, oh the delivery girls here.

254
00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:40.400
Yeah, that's why.

255
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:48.720
That's why, like what what is happening? But real quick

256
00:17:48.759 --> 00:17:52.319
to get back to like this guy and even what

257
00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:58.559
we're saying like people ghosting, like don't take that personally,

258
00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:00.720
per se, Like it's it's hard.

259
00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:04.400
Not to is hard not to take it personally though.

260
00:18:04.359 --> 00:18:07.839
Because that just shows the character of that person, Like

261
00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:12.079
if that person can't be mature enough to be honest

262
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:16.079
and say like hey, like I'm good, like you know,

263
00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:18.640
we had a good time or whatever. But like that's

264
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:22.359
all like whatever, or you get friend zoned or whatever,

265
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:25.359
but say it. You know, like you're a coward to.

266
00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:28.960
Me if you just like stop replying and then let

267
00:18:29.000 --> 00:18:33.240
somebody seem like a psycho because you just won't respond

268
00:18:33.319 --> 00:18:37.319
or say something. And I'm not talking about like not

269
00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:39.599
responding within a good time period.

270
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:43.359
I mean just like just not that's ghosting.

271
00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:47.359
So must be listening because he just sent me a

272
00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:48.200
private message.

273
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:50.319
Hold on, all right, you calm down.

274
00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:58.359
Hold oh so this is this is this is more.

275
00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:01.839
These are more and more details. Okay, So he was

276
00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:05.160
he he met, He met the girl. They were talking

277
00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:10.680
and they video chatted. Everything was cool. She was telling

278
00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:13.000
him that he was checking off all the right boxes,

279
00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:16.720
that everything was cool, that she wanted to hang out

280
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:21.519
with him. They they went out, They went out to eat.

281
00:19:21.880 --> 00:19:23.720
They had a good time. They talked a lot about it,

282
00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:29.799
about a lot of different things, and she was smiling.

283
00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:32.799
Everything was good. He got up, wentto the bathroom, came back.

284
00:19:32.880 --> 00:19:35.160
She was still there. He thought that he was afraid

285
00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:37.680
he was gonna leave. That could have been sucked up.

286
00:19:40.200 --> 00:19:46.519
And then they hugged. When they left and he went

287
00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:51.359
home and she started the things started, things started to shift.

288
00:19:52.759 --> 00:19:58.079
She was texting me less, and I strictly said to

289
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.480
her that if there was a problem them to let

290
00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.839
me know, because you know, I thought we had a

291
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:08.680
good time. Everything was cool and hold on, I gotta

292
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:09.799
like you, I don't even know wh I don't turn

293
00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:16.240
it on, my lord, everything was cool, and she just

294
00:20:16.319 --> 00:20:20.039
stopped texting him, like without saying a word, and she

295
00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:27.240
just she doesn't hasn't replied to him in days. So

296
00:20:27.240 --> 00:20:30.559
so yeah, that's that's what happened. They went out, had

297
00:20:30.599 --> 00:20:33.759
a good time, and she just ghosted them. Maybe she

298
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.119
wanted to maybe she wanted a meal. I don't know,

299
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.759
Like I mean, you.

300
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:43.160
Never know, but like that's what I'm saying.

301
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:47.759
Also, like if this person can't be real with you

302
00:20:47.880 --> 00:20:50.799
about it, then then you need to just move on

303
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:53.400
from it, like I know, easier said than done, because

304
00:20:53.400 --> 00:20:54.119
it fucking hurts.

305
00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:57.039
It's just like, what the fuck? I thought things were good?

306
00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:00.920
But who's to say, right? And oh shut.

307
00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:05.799
He like he may have thought things are good, and

308
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:09.559
the hug could have been more of like a friendly

309
00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:15.599
thing to do, because that's the other thing, like how

310
00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:18.960
you end the night right is also could be an

311
00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:22.720
indicator if things went well or whatever, and maybe the

312
00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:25.559
hug was herd just being nice because they went out

313
00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:32.000
to dinner together, whatever. And the less communication to me

314
00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:36.359
is a cue already that like, this person might not

315
00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:41.319
be into me like I thought. So, you know, it's

316
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:45.279
hard to cue people that we don't know, like we

317
00:21:45.400 --> 00:21:49.279
can't like. But at the same time, like people show

318
00:21:49.319 --> 00:21:53.119
you who they are. That's the saying, right, and that's

319
00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:57.079
what they're doing. So if somebody can't be real with

320
00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:00.839
you and just doesn't talk to you for these weeks

321
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.119
and that's how they ended, then they weren't worth your time.

322
00:22:04.279 --> 00:22:07.960
Well he said, he said, Well, from what he says that,

323
00:22:08.759 --> 00:22:11.599
she said that he was checking off all the boxes

324
00:22:11.640 --> 00:22:14.640
and everything was cool. They video chatted. He's found himself attracted,

325
00:22:14.680 --> 00:22:17.200
he found them attractive. Everything was cool, but all of

326
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.759
a sudden boom, Well, well, how do you explain I

327
00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:23.160
mean you can't. You can't explain it because you're not

328
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:23.960
in her head.

329
00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:25.880
Correct, But.

330
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:27.640
That's fucked up.

331
00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:31.359
Well, it also depends on where they met, because I

332
00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:34.279
know they don't any dating sites and stuff. You could

333
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:38.519
be talking to somebody, but if things aren't kind of

334
00:22:38.559 --> 00:22:42.359
like staying consistent, you also meet other people at the

335
00:22:42.359 --> 00:22:45.000
same time, so maybe she found somebody that was more

336
00:22:45.079 --> 00:22:49.680
interesting or more attractive or something like that.

337
00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:53.279
I don't know.

338
00:22:56.279 --> 00:22:58.960
Things weren't I talked to I've talked to people, be

339
00:22:59.000 --> 00:23:02.119
a text, right, and then all of a sudden, I

340
00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:05.119
hear the voice on the phone and I'm like, oh, no,

341
00:23:06.079 --> 00:23:09.599
like my feeling changes or you know, we talked on

342
00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:11.880
the phone, we've had video chats, but then we meet

343
00:23:11.960 --> 00:23:15.279
up in person and I'm like, oh, this is he's

344
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:17.759
not at all like I thought he was. Like the

345
00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:21.200
conversation was good, but all of a sudden, now he's

346
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:25.440
actually speaking face to face and I'm not liking this vibe. So,

347
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:29.119
I mean, things change at different points. One you have

348
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:31.319
to you have to be open, you have to be

349
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:34.519
you know, fluid and kind of see how things go.

350
00:23:34.680 --> 00:23:38.319
But I think that right now some of the issues

351
00:23:38.359 --> 00:23:41.640
is people are not taking their time. They're headed straight

352
00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:44.920
from a luck to now I want to get married.

353
00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:48.039
You know, I have I have people on the same

354
00:23:48.119 --> 00:23:51.799
day talking about let's exchange numbers. Now, with what I

355
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:54.759
do for a living, giving out my phone number can

356
00:23:54.759 --> 00:23:57.599
be very dangerous. So it's like, I don't know you.

357
00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:00.920
I don't know anything about you. I don't know what

358
00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:04.440
your your deal is, I don't know your intention, so

359
00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:08.000
I'm not real comfortable yet giving you my number.

360
00:24:08.319 --> 00:24:09.880
Let's talk for a little bit.

361
00:24:10.599 --> 00:24:12.319
You know, and I'm not even and I'm not even

362
00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:16.359
talking about texting for months, like give me a week

363
00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:20.000
or so, let's see, you know, if the text conversation

364
00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:23.640
is something worth having a phone conversation about. But it's like,

365
00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:29.559
you immediately want my phone number, and then when I say,

366
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:32.480
you know, I'd like to wait a little bit, automatically

367
00:24:32.519 --> 00:24:35.119
they're like, oh, well, I guess you're not serious, and

368
00:24:35.160 --> 00:24:39.480
then they start, you know, distancing. Well, for me, it's

369
00:24:39.559 --> 00:24:42.440
like this, this is what I need. If you're not

370
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:45.759
okay with my boundary, then you're not for me anyway.

371
00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:49.119
So it's just about knowing who you are, what you

372
00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:51.799
are willing to do, and what you're not willing to do,

373
00:24:52.119 --> 00:24:57.279
and not putting so much emphasis on each person that

374
00:24:57.359 --> 00:24:59.640
you're meeting. You got to give it an opportunity to

375
00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:02.039
see where things go. But people just don't want to

376
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:05.720
give time to things, you know, they're just in a

377
00:25:05.799 --> 00:25:07.200
hurry to go nowhere quickly.

378
00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:08.440
And then it burned down.

379
00:25:10.359 --> 00:25:15.079
Yeah, yeah, and that's not fair to you because like

380
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:18.440
you're setting a boundary and like you said, I'm not

381
00:25:18.559 --> 00:25:23.240
saying months, like can we Like yeah, like that's so weird,

382
00:25:23.319 --> 00:25:27.640
Like you're not asking a lot. But again, like a person,

383
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:31.279
like you said, and I've said already, like if they're

384
00:25:31.319 --> 00:25:35.920
not accepting of it, then then it's not.

385
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:39.880
For me, right, that's the cue to move along. You know,

386
00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:43.839
I've met people that have checked off boxes for me,

387
00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:46.960
but then the more I've talked to them or whatever,

388
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:49.680
like you said, Like you even said, when when we

389
00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:53.519
meet people in person, that you can feel if there's

390
00:25:53.640 --> 00:25:57.960
chemistry or some kind of connection there that you're meet

391
00:25:58.039 --> 00:26:00.279
with this person, or a feel of the where they

392
00:26:00.359 --> 00:26:04.480
make you feel or whatever. So it is different. So

393
00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:07.640
we could talk all the shit we want before we meet,

394
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:10.119
but until we meet and really just start getting to

395
00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:12.799
know each other better. You know, you got to give

396
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:13.440
shit time.

397
00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:19.720
If you meet somebody the one time and this is happening, bro, whatever,

398
00:26:19.880 --> 00:26:21.119
move on for real.

399
00:26:21.000 --> 00:26:24.319
Because like, yeah, it wasn't that big a deal, right,

400
00:26:25.240 --> 00:26:29.400
But even just the other day, I was texting somebody.

401
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:33.519
The conversation was going pretty good, you know, but then

402
00:26:34.039 --> 00:26:39.039
we talked on the phone and I was immediately the

403
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:41.680
vibe changed, because first of all, he wouldn't let me

404
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:45.960
talk at all, and then everything and then everything I said,

405
00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:51.599
he was like one uping me so immediately, you know,

406
00:26:51.720 --> 00:26:54.559
so like immediately, yeah.

407
00:26:54.440 --> 00:26:55.519
Yeah, that's the vibe.

408
00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:58.160
I was like, oh, well, I can already tell you

409
00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:01.039
right now. I don't you know, you and I we're

410
00:27:01.079 --> 00:27:01.680
not going to mix.

411
00:27:01.799 --> 00:27:05.680
Because so it was like, you got the ten piece

412
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:06.920
and he was like, now, fuck that, I got the

413
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:12.720
twenty piece. That's what's up more than you do.

414
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:18.200
He I guess he worked like emergency medicine or something,

415
00:27:19.079 --> 00:27:22.240
or at least had that kind of experience, And so

416
00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:25.279
I would tell him something about my job and then

417
00:27:25.319 --> 00:27:28.200
all of a sudden, and then all of a sudden,

418
00:27:28.279 --> 00:27:32.559
he starts like he's the he does something totally different

419
00:27:32.599 --> 00:27:35.559
than I do, but all of a sudden, now he's

420
00:27:35.599 --> 00:27:36.519
the expert.

421
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:37.079
On my job.

422
00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:40.319
And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't need somebody

423
00:27:40.359 --> 00:27:43.119
that's so insecure with themselves that they have to make

424
00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:45.240
theirselves relevant in my job.

425
00:27:46.079 --> 00:27:48.720
Right now. I'm like, no, I don't.

426
00:27:48.759 --> 00:27:53.480
I can't do that. Be confident in who you are,

427
00:27:53.960 --> 00:27:56.759
don't try to don't try to relate to me because

428
00:27:56.759 --> 00:27:59.200
you think it's what I would like to hear, because

429
00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:02.000
it's not. I need you to be your own individual.

430
00:28:02.279 --> 00:28:05.519
Right, Myraus said, glad you ran from that one too.

431
00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:09.839
Let me tell you I've got story. I've got seven

432
00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:16.920
years worth of dating stories. I'm telling you being single

433
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:21.079
is is not for the week, I'll tell you. But

434
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:23.920
I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change it. I would

435
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:27.599
not change it because I'm happy. I'm at peace and

436
00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.240
I don't have to deal with nobody else is Shenanigans.

437
00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:31.799
As my daughter would say.

438
00:28:32.039 --> 00:28:35.599
Welcome back, Debbie. Debbie says, hey, guys, having seen his

439
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:38.000
show in the while, is everybody doing We're doing good?

440
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:38.559
Thank you?

441
00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:40.160
Yeah?

442
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:49.000
Yeah, so so yeah, I guess, I guess keep it moving. Yeah.

443
00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:53.640
When it's the right one, you'll know everything. Not only

444
00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:56.119
will the boxes be checked, it'll be easy to talk,

445
00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:59.559
It'll be you know, it's gonna flow like butter mm hmmm.

446
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:04.400
So so you think you you think or you know?

447
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:09.440
I mean, it depends. But do you think video video

448
00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:12.480
chatting just isn't enough? Right? You need you need to

449
00:29:12.519 --> 00:29:14.599
be in person, You need to see each other.

450
00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:17.000
You gotta you gotta have all of the above, like,

451
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:20.039
but you have to do it in stages. You can't

452
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:23.440
just automatically rush from A to B, you know, like

453
00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:29.200
it when you're texting, even if it's like you know what,

454
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:34.559
if the conversation's going well via text, right, I'd even

455
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:36.680
give it like a twenty four hours before I give

456
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:38.920
a number. But I also don't give my real number

457
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:39.680
at first either.

458
00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:43.319
Oh you got a back phone, Oh do.

459
00:29:45.160 --> 00:29:47.839
A different number, Well, you know what, I don't even

460
00:29:47.880 --> 00:29:48.200
do that.

461
00:29:48.359 --> 00:29:50.799
I do a Google Voice number.

462
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:54.200
So go ahead.

463
00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:56.200
No, No, I was gonna say, it is a question

464
00:29:56.240 --> 00:30:00.319
on the board, would you date someone again you had

465
00:30:00.440 --> 00:30:01.039
history with?

466
00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:05.160
You know what? I would have said yes, because there

467
00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:08.119
was there was some time when I thought to myself,

468
00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:10.960
if my ex husband ever came back, i'd.

469
00:30:10.759 --> 00:30:12.440
Probably go back.

470
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:16.720
But I also realized exes become exes for a reason,

471
00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:24.480
and that's not going to change even if you, I mean,

472
00:30:24.519 --> 00:30:25.599
you definitely changes.

473
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:29.400
People mean that. I was gonna say, people can change

474
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:33.599
and grow as people. Well, let's put it this way.

475
00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:36.200
If it was many years down the line, like I

476
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:39.160
can definitely say in these seven years, I am not

477
00:30:39.319 --> 00:30:42.599
the woman I was when I was married to him.

478
00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:47.359
But everything that has happened in the meantime, like the

479
00:30:47.400 --> 00:30:49.799
way he has treated me just.

480
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:51.759
As a person. Mm hmm.

481
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:58.880
It's like, why would I punish myself by going back

482
00:30:58.920 --> 00:31:01.839
to the thing that broke me to begin with? So

483
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:06.559
it's because of him I became the person that I am.

484
00:31:06.680 --> 00:31:10.759
So why does he deserve to get the new and

485
00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:14.680
improved me? I had to I literally had to pick

486
00:31:14.799 --> 00:31:18.960
my pieces up off the ground and figure out how

487
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:24.960
to glue them back together, you know. And so why

488
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.960
does he deserve the new and improved, you know, person

489
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:30.880
that I have become?

490
00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:36.359
And let's let's let's give let's give him knowing that

491
00:31:36.759 --> 00:31:39.440
you've changed so much, you've grown so much. This is

492
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:44.559
him right now?

493
00:31:50.759 --> 00:31:54.960
Oh my gosh, what the heck was that?

494
00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:56.039
That's him crying?

495
00:31:57.400 --> 00:32:01.400
That the stop Cryun't it all apt?

496
00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:04.839
Let me tell you something. I had the man for

497
00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:10.519
sixteen years, His parents died, He didn't shed a tear,

498
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:13.599
So you can't tell me.

499
00:32:14.440 --> 00:32:16.920
But is he the only one you have history with?

500
00:32:18.039 --> 00:32:20.079
The only man you have some history with?

501
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:25.119
No history with.

502
00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:31.759
History with not necessarily your acts, because that was But

503
00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:34.759
did you ever maybe have something.

504
00:32:35.720 --> 00:32:46.519
That you may entertain because sometimes things don't happen for

505
00:32:47.480 --> 00:32:50.319
timing for you know, like you know what I'm saying,

506
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:54.440
like not to sound wrong commish or anything like that,

507
00:32:54.759 --> 00:33:00.759
but sometimes time Yeah, but like with people I know, so,

508
00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:03.039
I mean, these things really do happen.

509
00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:03.079
So.

510
00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:09.799
Unfortunately, and I'm not I say, no joking. I'm not

511
00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:13.160
even joking. TG. There has been no one in my

512
00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:19.039
life that has treated me in a way that deserves

513
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:25.000
a second chance, even if it's been twenty thirty years

514
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:31.440
if like, and I know it sounds like it's an exaggeration,

515
00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:35.000
but it truly, truly is not there. I don't believe

516
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:38.839
that there's ever been anyone in my life that truly

517
00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:43.319
cared or loved me. And I'm almost fifty years old,

518
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:45.960
so I'm here.

519
00:33:46.200 --> 00:33:47.359
I understand.

520
00:33:48.400 --> 00:33:52.599
So so so TG, and you like there's no one

521
00:33:53.079 --> 00:33:53.440
at all.

522
00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:55.200
I don't know.

523
00:33:55.319 --> 00:33:58.960
It depends because I fucked around and found out what

524
00:33:59.079 --> 00:34:03.480
so many people So the list is pretty big.

525
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:09.440
So let's go to the videotape.

526
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:19.199
But like not, I feel like where I am I'm

527
00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:23.840
good uh and and sort of the same sentiment as

528
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:28.800
Lady G with like you know things and for reasons too.

529
00:34:31.039 --> 00:34:36.719
Not everything is the wrong time, wrong place or whatever situation.

530
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:41.480
But like there there's reasons why I think things end

531
00:34:41.519 --> 00:34:45.000
aren't and aren't fully pursued again or whatever, you know

532
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:45.679
what I'm saying.

533
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:49.440
So, so what about what about those situations that actually

534
00:34:49.480 --> 00:34:54.760
do have the opportunity to be something again from from

535
00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:56.960
something that happened in the past, Like what do you

536
00:34:57.199 --> 00:34:59.119
do you think it's do you really think it's possible

537
00:34:59.159 --> 00:34:59.719
at some point?

538
00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:04.920
Well, I look at it like for me, right in

539
00:35:05.239 --> 00:35:07.719
anybody who's ever been in my life, this is why

540
00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:14.599
I say no, Because I'm someone who gives a million chances. Right,

541
00:35:14.679 --> 00:35:17.039
I'm not somebody. I'm not somebody that you hurt me

542
00:35:17.119 --> 00:35:20.239
once or twice and then I say goodbye. No, I'm

543
00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:25.079
the person that allowed you chance after chance after chance

544
00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:32.320
until it was literally breaking me. So I've given so

545
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:36.519
many chances to whatever people have been in my life

546
00:35:36.599 --> 00:35:41.000
that I can't afford to go back, you know, because

547
00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.760
I've crawled. I've crawled out of that bushel basket, I

548
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:50.559
climbed up the mountain. I can't take the chance. I mean,

549
00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:55.039
we're not a religious thing, but in the Bible there's

550
00:35:55.039 --> 00:35:58.039
a story about Lot. God told him to flee and

551
00:35:58.119 --> 00:36:01.119
go to this new place. Right, but the only thing is,

552
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:06.000
you'll succeed, but don't look back, right and his wife,

553
00:36:06.679 --> 00:36:10.719
His wife looked back, just for a moment, a split second.

554
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:14.360
She looked back, and then she spent the rest of

555
00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:18.519
her life.

556
00:36:18.719 --> 00:36:25.159
What you know, you know what, look? Why why did

557
00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:25.760
she look back?

558
00:36:26.519 --> 00:36:32.039
Because she was she was doubting what was ahead of.

559
00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:36.800
Her, couldn't take the leap of faith.

560
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:43.000
Yeah, she couldn't trust that something better was in front

561
00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:49.519
of her, so she had to keep looking back. Yeah,

562
00:36:49.559 --> 00:36:51.719
and that's what I mean. Like I said, I'm somebody

563
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:55.960
just in general, it is my personality. I'm such a loving,

564
00:36:56.119 --> 00:37:00.320
caring person. I give people to the point that they

565
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:05.280
don't deserve to my own detriment. So after I've gotten

566
00:37:05.320 --> 00:37:06.880
to that, and I think the reason I am that

567
00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:10.320
way is because I want to give people the opportunity

568
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:14.880
to see what they lose once I walk away. Because

569
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:17.599
I don't just turn around and walk away.

570
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:19.119
I stick it out.

571
00:37:19.159 --> 00:37:22.960
I mean, I did sixteen years of feeling alone and

572
00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:26.880
unloved until it got to a point where I could

573
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:33.239
no longer justify feeling what I was feeling while he

574
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:40.039
was perfectly happy feeling empty. And of course, when I

575
00:37:40.119 --> 00:37:43.079
say something about how I'm feeling all of a sudden,

576
00:37:43.119 --> 00:37:48.400
now it's an issue, and instead of fixing it, what

577
00:37:48.559 --> 00:37:53.840
did he do? He went and married a family member,

578
00:37:55.280 --> 00:38:00.400
so it was easy for him to walk away.

579
00:38:01.400 --> 00:38:02.159
It just it is.

580
00:38:03.960 --> 00:38:07.440
Xes or exes for a reason. And I've just done

581
00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:12.679
too much work on myself and given too much of

582
00:38:12.719 --> 00:38:18.039
myself to anyone that at this point anybody deserves a

583
00:38:18.079 --> 00:38:22.199
second chance because I've given. I've given the second and

584
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:23.800
the third and the fourth chance.

585
00:38:25.480 --> 00:38:28.760
So right, that makes that makes a lot of sense.

586
00:38:28.840 --> 00:38:32.320
I mean, that's just who I am.

587
00:38:32.800 --> 00:38:37.920
I wish I had a sound effect to clap for you.

588
00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:39.920
No, don't clap, don't clap for me.

589
00:38:40.519 --> 00:38:45.119
There's nothing to clap for, Oh my lord, because let

590
00:38:45.159 --> 00:38:47.000
me tell you, to get to this point, there's got

591
00:38:47.079 --> 00:38:49.039
to be a lot of breaking going on, so there

592
00:38:49.119 --> 00:38:50.239
is nothing to clap for.

593
00:38:53.880 --> 00:38:54.199
Wow.

594
00:38:56.440 --> 00:39:03.119
I yeah, No, it's dubbed saying sorry for not being here.

595
00:39:04.519 --> 00:39:05.840
If you were here.

596
00:39:08.280 --> 00:39:12.480
So I get it, I get it under under certain

597
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:15.760
under certain circumstances, and and and and you know what

598
00:39:15.800 --> 00:39:17.920
it is you've been through. There's no way in hell

599
00:39:18.639 --> 00:39:21.679
you would I get I get what you're saying. But

600
00:39:21.880 --> 00:39:26.920
there there are instances with with couples and with people

601
00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:33.000
who were together and not together anymore and their exes

602
00:39:33.320 --> 00:39:37.199
or you're not seeing them no more. But things, things

603
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:41.039
aren't things. What if the things aren't that serious. What

604
00:39:41.119 --> 00:39:44.000
if it's just like we didn't get along at the time,

605
00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:46.599
or I know what I'm saying, What if you know

606
00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:49.119
you just didn't get along at the time, or you

607
00:39:49.159 --> 00:39:52.239
know you that it wasn't your season, you know what

608
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:54.360
I'm saying, Like totally.

609
00:39:53.960 --> 00:39:57.760
A wholeheartedly believe in that for some people it just

610
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:00.599
wasn't the time, the place, or that you know, the season,

611
00:40:00.679 --> 00:40:01.280
like you said.

612
00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:05.519
Unfortunately, in my situation, there's.

613
00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:08.559
No one that has ever been in my life that

614
00:40:08.719 --> 00:40:12.840
deserves that because I know, I know what I bring,

615
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:18.199
I know what I have to offer, and I've not

616
00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:21.679
only have a lot of love to give, I have

617
00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:25.519
given a lot of love. So yeah, I do believe

618
00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:30.079
that for some people that is relevant, that's that's totally valid,

619
00:40:31.239 --> 00:40:36.920
But not in my life unfortunately, right right, because I

620
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:40.239
just give too many chances that there's just no way

621
00:40:40.239 --> 00:40:43.639
of turning back, right.

622
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:52.800
Completely understand All right, let's let's move on. Mm hm,

623
00:40:54.440 --> 00:41:00.239
So getting getting ghosted, mister ghost getting ghosted, just keep

624
00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:04.840
it moving, bro mm hmm, go wherever you matter of fact,

625
00:41:04.880 --> 00:41:10.440
you know what, Stop sucking with these apps and go

626
00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:13.000
to the supermarket or some go do laundry or some ship.

627
00:41:13.199 --> 00:41:20.480
Oh my god, god.

628
00:41:19.239 --> 00:41:21.880
Like an old man. Okay, don't be a boomer. If

629
00:41:21.960 --> 00:41:22.400
you're not.

630
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:25.400
Go wash your fucking clothes.

631
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:28.559
Oh well, I mean you should wash your clothes.

632
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:32.960
Go fucking do laundry. Mean somebody at the laundry matter

633
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:33.320
or something.

634
00:41:33.519 --> 00:41:37.360
Honestly, there are a lot of groups on Facebook for

635
00:41:37.559 --> 00:41:41.760
people in your area and stuff for different things, different hobbies,

636
00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:44.840
like if there's interest, that's a great way to meet people.

637
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:50.840
There's even singles nice, there's single like and nobody's saying

638
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:53.199
you have to go clubbing, like you.

639
00:41:53.079 --> 00:41:56.280
Know what I'm saying. There's like a story today.

640
00:41:56.239 --> 00:41:58.760
There the club. I'm definitely not going.

641
00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:02.559
But there's actual things out there.

642
00:42:02.599 --> 00:42:05.599
There's people who plan ship for people to get together

643
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:09.239
because you know, there's a lot of us out there

644
00:42:09.239 --> 00:42:12.159
who get being a certain age and stuff. How difficult

645
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:17.679
it gets where you're just stuck to apps to meeting people.

646
00:42:18.199 --> 00:42:21.239
And you've brought up before like video chats, but a

647
00:42:21.320 --> 00:42:24.880
video chat could be fake. They have like ship where

648
00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:28.840
you can like you're the person's face could look like

649
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:31.000
whoever they want them to look.

650
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:31.880
Like or whatever.

651
00:42:32.559 --> 00:42:35.239
So you gotta be careful, especially with Ai, bro, you

652
00:42:35.320 --> 00:42:36.159
gotta be careful.

653
00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:40.000
Ai ain't ship, yo, AI ain't ship the ship that

654
00:42:40.039 --> 00:42:44.320
you see with Ai. Now, Oh my goodness, Yeah, that's that.

655
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:49.800
That is that is a little bit most definitely. Well,

656
00:42:50.519 --> 00:42:53.199
he's stupid, he said, co own club and at the

657
00:42:53.239 --> 00:42:54.920
Senior Citizens home dancing to the.

658
00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:01.519
Oh my god, you should be the DJ and go

659
00:43:01.639 --> 00:43:07.320
to the fucking senior citizen places, be like, let's do this.

660
00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:10.119
What it's for?

661
00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:21.280
The percolator? Oh ship? Oh my goodness, myras said, I'm

662
00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:22.960
gonna go to needle in a little while to go

663
00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:25.320
find one.

664
00:43:26.079 --> 00:43:27.519
While you're grocery shopping.

665
00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:32.320
Oh my god, just just ask someone if that role

666
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:38.159
is soft enough for you. Go by the bananas and

667
00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:38.639
say is.

668
00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:41.440
This ripe enough?

669
00:43:43.159 --> 00:43:48.519
Oh? Ship? All right? So what's he saying here doing

670
00:43:48.599 --> 00:43:52.360
donuts in a wheelchair? Oh my god, that's all right?

671
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:58.199
All right? So moving on. Yes, So I got another email,

672
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:11.599
and the email was actually aimed towards me particularly, and

673
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:17.559
when I read it, I didn't know how to answer it.

674
00:44:17.599 --> 00:44:19.440
So it took me some time to figure out how

675
00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:22.480
I wanted to answer it. I had I had a

676
00:44:25.119 --> 00:44:28.639
her WiFi is not working on device not connected. Oh

677
00:44:28.679 --> 00:44:29.119
I don't know what.

678
00:44:30.119 --> 00:44:34.760
Oh no, oh well she maybe she shouldn't.

679
00:44:35.320 --> 00:44:37.519
Yeah what happened?

680
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:39.480
Right, Yeah, I'm here.

681
00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:42.840
Oh it's a device not connected. I know what happened.

682
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:44.719
Oh I've been here.

683
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:48.559
Mm hmm all right. So, like I said, it was

684
00:44:49.039 --> 00:44:51.480
I didn't know how to answer it. So I had

685
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:56.480
to write down that was that. I had to write

686
00:44:56.480 --> 00:45:02.119
down what my thoughts were about this because I wasn't

687
00:45:02.199 --> 00:45:07.400
sure how to answer it. So it says for Coleon

688
00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:10.199
and this is what made me think either they know

689
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:12.360
me or they're a fan of the show and watch

690
00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:17.159
often because it's it's it's a pretty deep question that goes,

691
00:45:18.239 --> 00:45:21.119
you've been through a lot and still seem to be

692
00:45:21.239 --> 00:45:26.880
able to show up gentle, strong and self aware. Has

693
00:45:27.039 --> 00:45:30.880
all you've been through made you more guarded or more intentional?

694
00:45:33.920 --> 00:45:45.159
So it's from somebody named Dez, so Dez. That's so

695
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:49.920
I wrote down. I scribbled down some thoughts. So this

696
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:55.039
is this is what this is what I think about

697
00:45:55.039 --> 00:46:00.280
that about whether I'm more guarded or more intentional. H

698
00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:02.960
that's a real that is it's literally a real question,

699
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:07.760
like I mean, that's serious, and it's a grown question

700
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:11.239
for grown folks. You know what I'm saying, and and

701
00:46:11.239 --> 00:46:14.320
and and I respect you for asking it the way

702
00:46:14.320 --> 00:46:19.679
you did. The truth is, it may be both. I'm

703
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:23.119
more guarded because I've learned the hard way that not

704
00:46:23.280 --> 00:46:28.599
everyone deserves access to my heart, to my peace, or

705
00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:36.519
to my vulnerability. I don't bleed, Oh yeah, I don't.

706
00:46:36.599 --> 00:46:39.159
I don't bleed in public in ways I used to.

707
00:46:40.559 --> 00:46:45.599
I don't explain myself to people who already decided who

708
00:46:45.639 --> 00:46:51.440
they think I am. I'm more quieter now, I observe more,

709
00:46:51.800 --> 00:46:58.639
I trust slower. I'm not bitter. It's just that wisdom

710
00:46:59.039 --> 00:47:02.599
has become more part of my life. But I'm also

711
00:47:02.719 --> 00:47:07.000
more intentional than I've ever been. I'm more intentional with

712
00:47:07.039 --> 00:47:10.239
who I give my time to, Intentional with who I

713
00:47:10.280 --> 00:47:14.440
pour into, Intentional with how I love, how I speak,

714
00:47:14.679 --> 00:47:19.679
and how I show up. I don't move off loneliness anymore.

715
00:47:20.679 --> 00:47:25.760
I don't chase validation. I don't force connections. If it flows,

716
00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:27.800
it flows. If it doesn't, it doesn't, I mean, what

717
00:47:27.840 --> 00:47:32.800
can you do? You know what I mean? If it doesn't,

718
00:47:33.239 --> 00:47:36.440
I let it die without trying to, you know, resuscitate it.

719
00:47:36.719 --> 00:47:38.960
I'm not going to fight for something or someone who

720
00:47:39.000 --> 00:47:43.360
doesn't want to be there. What I've been through didn't

721
00:47:43.400 --> 00:47:50.199
harden me, It's refined me. I'm still gentle, still capable

722
00:47:50.199 --> 00:47:54.719
of deep love, still empathetic, still human. The difference is

723
00:47:54.760 --> 00:47:59.760
now I protect that part of myself like it's sacred

724
00:48:00.119 --> 00:48:04.239
because it is so. Yeah, I'm guarded with access, but

725
00:48:04.360 --> 00:48:09.800
intentional with presence, and that balanced, that balance saved my life.

726
00:48:10.119 --> 00:48:13.840
I appreciate you tapping in and seeing me. Thank you

727
00:48:13.920 --> 00:48:17.360
very much for the email. That's my answer, and we

728
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:24.599
can keep it moving. So I'm noticed that that.

729
00:48:24.760 --> 00:48:27.480
Was a great response, I think, and like, I think

730
00:48:27.519 --> 00:48:31.960
it's like people need to understand that, Like it's it

731
00:48:32.039 --> 00:48:36.800
isn't normal to like be guarded in many ways, and

732
00:48:39.519 --> 00:48:42.119
especially if you've been here and you've been through shit

733
00:48:42.239 --> 00:48:45.880
with people and they've ruined your trust or it hurt

734
00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:47.880
you in somewhere, disrespected you.

735
00:48:48.400 --> 00:48:50.239
Like these are these.

736
00:48:50.079 --> 00:48:54.159
Things, these little trauma things that we get like that

737
00:48:54.280 --> 00:48:57.840
impacts us, that hurts us, you know, we we tend

738
00:48:57.840 --> 00:48:59.280
to put our guard up a little bit.

739
00:48:59.320 --> 00:49:01.719
Why not, you know, right?

740
00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:06.599
And I think I think it's because, like I said,

741
00:49:06.599 --> 00:49:08.760
either this person knows me or has been a fan

742
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:10.519
of the show long enough to know that we've talked

743
00:49:10.519 --> 00:49:19.519
about things like this and past, going back back to

744
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:25.800
whenever I've I've I've seen shit, I've been through shit.

745
00:49:25.920 --> 00:49:28.960
You know what I'm saying, And I wasn't. I am

746
00:49:29.079 --> 00:49:32.599
I am, I'm the person I am now can't be

747
00:49:32.719 --> 00:49:35.920
compared to who I was years ago, you know what

748
00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:40.280
I'm saying, because I've grown so much. I I've I've

749
00:49:41.400 --> 00:49:44.519
I've turned a lot of the ship that I've been

750
00:49:44.559 --> 00:49:48.119
through and I and a lot of shit that I've

751
00:49:48.159 --> 00:49:58.360
seen into things that can be positive. You know what

752
00:49:58.400 --> 00:50:01.039
I'm saying. Like I I've done, I've done the work

753
00:50:01.239 --> 00:50:06.519
on myself. You know I've I've done. I've done everything

754
00:50:06.519 --> 00:50:11.760
I can possibly do to be who I am now.

755
00:50:11.880 --> 00:50:15.480
I mean, I'm I'm as real as they get most

756
00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:17.719
of the time, you know what I'm saying. And when

757
00:50:17.760 --> 00:50:19.280
I say most of the time, I like to fuck

758
00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:22.079
around and laugh and bullshit and joke and you know

759
00:50:22.079 --> 00:50:23.840
what I'm saying, I like, I like to do all

760
00:50:23.880 --> 00:50:26.440
that stuff, But when it comes down to it, you

761
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:31.519
know what I'm saying, I've become this this dude, that

762
00:50:31.519 --> 00:50:36.800
that's really real, you know, And I've found I have

763
00:50:36.920 --> 00:50:41.000
found myself. I'm proud of who I am now, you know.

764
00:50:41.159 --> 00:50:43.159
I mean despite all the shit that I've seen and

765
00:50:43.239 --> 00:50:47.639
done and been through. I mean, I've you know, I

766
00:50:48.079 --> 00:50:50.639
have a lifetime of experiences. I'm about to be fifty

767
00:50:50.679 --> 00:50:59.360
people ah in a month, and I mean, I'm a

768
00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:03.800
I'm at the age where it's like, what the fuck?

769
00:51:04.079 --> 00:51:05.519
You know what I mean, Like it's it's got a

770
00:51:06.159 --> 00:51:10.559
ship shop had to have changed, you know, if it

771
00:51:10.719 --> 00:51:14.199
if it doesn't change, or it didn't change, who the

772
00:51:14.199 --> 00:51:16.440
fuck knows, where the hell I'd have been m h.

773
00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:21.400
You know what I'm saying, I'd have been screaming emotion.

774
00:51:23.400 --> 00:51:28.840
You're already screaming that what you talked about you didn't

775
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:30.719
get away from the emotional damage.

776
00:51:31.320 --> 00:51:34.920
Yeah, I'm just I'm just that I feel I feel

777
00:51:34.920 --> 00:51:38.239
like I'm in I'm in a place now, in a

778
00:51:38.280 --> 00:51:45.239
position now where the past doesn't haunt me as much

779
00:51:45.239 --> 00:51:48.679
as it used to. You know what I'm saying.

780
00:51:50.760 --> 00:51:53.800
That's good somelf awareness is huge.

781
00:51:55.199 --> 00:51:58.639
And yeah, I I I completely I completely get it.

782
00:52:01.119 --> 00:52:02.920
Coffee date, I'll make you a cake.

783
00:52:05.559 --> 00:52:07.320
Someone's making you a cake, What the hell?

784
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:17.199
What's up? What's up, Jessica? How you doing? Yeah? What's

785
00:52:17.239 --> 00:52:21.440
what's to say here? Fifty bro first job was busting

786
00:52:21.480 --> 00:52:27.039
tables at Jesus christ Last Supper High School against the Romans.

787
00:52:27.480 --> 00:52:33.239
He's stupid. Yeah, but you know, I just I just

788
00:52:33.320 --> 00:52:35.800
feel like I just feel like, you know, I'm i'm,

789
00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:39.159
I'm in a good place now, and I think that

790
00:52:40.360 --> 00:52:45.400
you know, I'm I'm I'm good. I'm good, you know.

791
00:52:45.599 --> 00:52:50.639
And and I appreciate Lady G. I appreciate TG Love,

792
00:52:50.679 --> 00:52:54.719
I appreciate Dub the down using my motherfucking people. You know, understand.

793
00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:58.239
I appreciate you guys. And I appreciate the fact that

794
00:52:58.960 --> 00:53:04.639
you know, you listen to me and ship sometimes yeah,

795
00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:07.079
sometimes not all the time.

796
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:12.639
But enough, just enough.

797
00:53:14.119 --> 00:53:19.440
Yeah, all right, So now for the I don't even know,

798
00:53:20.119 --> 00:53:22.159
we're gonna have to talk about it because.

799
00:53:22.480 --> 00:53:30.719
The rema whatever. What was the topic, Yeah.

800
00:53:29.800 --> 00:53:35.000
The main topic of the evening. So let's get into this.

801
00:53:35.199 --> 00:53:41.559
They tell they have told men strength looks like silence.

802
00:53:43.320 --> 00:53:48.320
They forgot to mention that silence kills. Yes, they told

803
00:53:48.440 --> 00:53:53.079
men to be rocks. They forgot that rocks crack under pressure.

804
00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:58.639
And now we're going to talk about the stigma, the

805
00:53:58.760 --> 00:54:03.000
damage and the cause of being of forcing men to

806
00:54:03.480 --> 00:54:13.320
suffer quietly. So there's a stigma around the fact that

807
00:54:15.039 --> 00:54:18.119
men can't be how do you say, what's the what's

808
00:54:18.119 --> 00:54:21.519
the word TG? Men can't be what what like?

809
00:54:21.639 --> 00:54:22.840
Sensitive? Emotional?

810
00:54:23.360 --> 00:54:25.719
Right? Right? Right? Yeah? Sensitive and emotional?

811
00:54:26.159 --> 00:54:31.639
But there are men who are but.

812
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:36.599
Are regardless regardless, Yes, they're like I don't like men women.

813
00:54:37.880 --> 00:54:42.199
Stress kills yes, Like stress can literally kill you more

814
00:54:42.239 --> 00:54:46.280
than being. Fact, stress can kill you more than you

815
00:54:47.119 --> 00:54:51.119
like smoking. I'm not even kidding. You can give yourself

816
00:54:52.320 --> 00:54:55.559
like a heart attack, you can give make yourself go

817
00:54:55.599 --> 00:54:58.760
into cardiac arrest with the amount of stress. You could

818
00:54:58.800 --> 00:55:03.079
lose your hair with stress. There's like so many things

819
00:55:03.119 --> 00:55:07.360
that the body that happens to the body when we

820
00:55:07.599 --> 00:55:12.199
don't do what we need to do to manage our stress.

821
00:55:12.639 --> 00:55:20.360
So telling men to like gope, keep goping and golping,

822
00:55:20.920 --> 00:55:23.599
like what's going to happen that's gonna come out? Like

823
00:55:23.800 --> 00:55:26.440
vomit that's gonna come out, Like anger that's going to

824
00:55:26.480 --> 00:55:31.000
come out, Like you know, sometimes for many people, a

825
00:55:31.079 --> 00:55:34.480
version of them they don't like seeing and it's because

826
00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:38.440
they're holding things in it's just like taking a bottle

827
00:55:38.440 --> 00:55:42.679
of soda and like shaking it, shaking and shaking, Like

828
00:55:42.880 --> 00:55:45.599
if you're going to keep shaking it, what's going to

829
00:55:45.639 --> 00:55:48.239
happen when you open it? It's going to explode everywhere.

830
00:55:48.400 --> 00:55:51.800
It's like the same thing with your body, Like if

831
00:55:51.880 --> 00:55:57.280
you are not allowing emotions or the stress to be

832
00:55:57.440 --> 00:56:01.119
relieved in some way, you are with holding all of

833
00:56:01.159 --> 00:56:06.280
that into your body and making yourself sick. So it's

834
00:56:06.400 --> 00:56:12.199
important for people to recognize the just what stress can do.

835
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:16.760
So on top of that, at the societal norms that

836
00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:20.639
we put on men, which have always been that if

837
00:56:20.679 --> 00:56:24.800
you're a strong man, then you don't cry, then you

838
00:56:24.920 --> 00:56:28.000
don't get emotional. That you don't, but let's be real,

839
00:56:28.239 --> 00:56:31.800
men can be more emotional than women at times, and

840
00:56:32.000 --> 00:56:35.840
because they don't know how not to react, there's too

841
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:43.400
many people who react right away instead of taking a moment.

842
00:56:43.440 --> 00:56:45.920
Every I do it sometimes too, like with emails at

843
00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:49.039
work or something something annoys me because I read it

844
00:56:49.079 --> 00:56:51.440
the way I wanted to read it, and then I

845
00:56:51.519 --> 00:56:54.119
have to take a step back instead of just writing

846
00:56:54.119 --> 00:56:56.000
the email right away, because you know I'm gonna say

847
00:56:56.039 --> 00:57:00.119
something stupid, so I have to hold back and be like,

848
00:57:00.199 --> 00:57:03.519
all right, let me not read this like this and

849
00:57:03.639 --> 00:57:10.360
let me answer this email tomorrow. So like, sometimes that's

850
00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:14.519
what a person needs, is time, time to heal, time

851
00:57:14.559 --> 00:57:18.800
to heal wounds that are there. You know, we can

852
00:57:18.840 --> 00:57:21.960
all pretend that, like the past doesn't affect us in

853
00:57:22.039 --> 00:57:25.039
some ways. You know, if our child, if we didn't

854
00:57:25.079 --> 00:57:29.199
have a good childhood, if we didn't see love, loving

855
00:57:29.239 --> 00:57:33.000
relationships in our in front of us, then there's a

856
00:57:33.039 --> 00:57:35.599
bigger chance that we aren't going to have those things

857
00:57:35.679 --> 00:57:38.960
and we're going to be uh the ones. How Like

858
00:57:39.239 --> 00:57:42.360
Lady G brought up always giving and caring, I'm the

859
00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:47.880
same way too many times, given too many chances, only

860
00:57:47.960 --> 00:57:51.079
to be her over and over again until you get

861
00:57:51.119 --> 00:57:54.039
to the point where you're like, bro, I can't do this,

862
00:57:54.360 --> 00:57:58.480
Like this is making me sick. Same thing, Like, we

863
00:57:58.559 --> 00:58:02.840
shouldn't wait till that point. Men shouldn't wait to the

864
00:58:02.920 --> 00:58:08.519
point of anger, because that that's typically what it becomes.

865
00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:12.039
Unfortunately with a lot of men when they hold in shit,

866
00:58:12.800 --> 00:58:17.199
it's anger. Like everyone, so many of you guys out

867
00:58:17.199 --> 00:58:20.000
there think that, like I just need to punch.

868
00:58:19.719 --> 00:58:22.840
Some shit and break some shit and then it'll be

869
00:58:22.920 --> 00:58:23.320
all right.

870
00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:27.599
No, not really Like that's good in that moment to

871
00:58:27.800 --> 00:58:31.599
like get some shit out. But if you are not

872
00:58:31.760 --> 00:58:34.679
really looking at what the problem is internally, what the

873
00:58:34.719 --> 00:58:38.639
problems really are, and you are not trying to fix

874
00:58:39.239 --> 00:58:45.000
what is broken in you, you like, that's not changing,

875
00:58:45.039 --> 00:58:47.800
that's not growing as the person, Like.

876
00:58:48.360 --> 00:58:50.679
I mean, I mean a lot of people, a lot

877
00:58:50.679 --> 00:58:53.599
of people talk about how men should open up more, right,

878
00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:57.519
how men should to just Yeah, like you said, they

879
00:58:57.559 --> 00:58:59.280
should be open and should they should be able to

880
00:58:59.320 --> 00:59:02.840
speak their piece. They should be able to speak whatever

881
00:59:02.880 --> 00:59:07.719
it is they're going through without judgment, be vulnerable without judgment, right,

882
00:59:08.559 --> 00:59:14.400
But I don't think men are scared to feel. I

883
00:59:14.440 --> 00:59:17.800
think men are just scared of what happens after they feel,

884
00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:19.639
you know what I mean.

885
00:59:20.599 --> 00:59:27.440
Yeah, but they're also expecting a certain like we talk

886
00:59:27.480 --> 00:59:32.280
about those expectations, but they're also expecting a certain reply

887
00:59:32.760 --> 00:59:39.159
or a certain kind of reaction to what they're sharing,

888
00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:46.199
not understanding that we're not all the same, you know,

889
00:59:46.440 --> 00:59:50.880
Like they definitely, like anybody, everybody wants to be heard

890
00:59:50.960 --> 00:59:54.440
without judgment. However, what is it that what are you saying?

891
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:55.599
Like, what.

892
00:59:57.480 --> 01:00:02.760
If you're gonna be vulnerable in a way that is

893
01:00:02.880 --> 01:00:06.440
painful to me or hurtful to me? How can I

894
01:00:06.559 --> 01:00:10.800
not judge that? How can I not feel something about that?

895
01:00:11.800 --> 01:00:14.599
Because you know, like the same thing when people say, oh,

896
01:00:14.639 --> 01:00:18.480
I'm just a real one or I'm just honest, right, Well,

897
01:00:18.519 --> 01:00:25.599
there's a difference between honesty, transparency and just plain old jerk. Right.

898
01:00:25.840 --> 01:00:30.000
Just because you tell someone the truth about something doesn't

899
01:00:30.039 --> 01:00:33.639
mean that you're doing it in a way that's respectful

900
01:00:33.719 --> 01:00:38.840
or acceptable. You know. So again, it all depends on

901
01:00:38.880 --> 01:00:43.719
what people's expectations are, those unspoken expectations, right, you know,

902
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:46.280
like like if a man, Okay, so if a man

903
01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:49.960
cries on my shoulder, what is he hoping that my

904
01:00:50.079 --> 01:00:53.880
reaction is? And if my reaction is not what he

905
01:00:54.119 --> 01:00:57.559
hoped it was, how is he going to react to that?

906
01:00:58.199 --> 01:00:59.199
And then come back?

907
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:05.599
You know, because I've had people, you know, I guess,

908
01:01:06.000 --> 01:01:12.320
attempt to be vulnerable, so I nurture that vulnerability and

909
01:01:12.360 --> 01:01:14.559
then all of a sudden it becomes like, oh, you

910
01:01:14.599 --> 01:01:17.079
think I'm weak, you think I'm this, you think I'm that,

911
01:01:17.760 --> 01:01:22.960
And I'm like nobody said that, Like nobody said that.

912
01:01:23.159 --> 01:01:27.559
So that's what's always been said to them.

913
01:01:27.760 --> 01:01:31.079
Yeah, so it's like I'm trying to be understanding and

914
01:01:31.159 --> 01:01:35.480
trying to be you know, supportive. But because I'm trying

915
01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:38.559
to do that, that wasn't I think he expected me

916
01:01:38.920 --> 01:01:42.800
to call him a pussy or something, and when I didn't,

917
01:01:43.800 --> 01:01:44.880
all of a sudden.

918
01:01:44.599 --> 01:01:46.280
That was a problem.

919
01:01:46.480 --> 01:01:46.679
You know.

920
01:01:47.000 --> 01:01:52.400
So every see, we can't we can't generalize. Every situation

921
01:01:53.039 --> 01:01:57.840
is its own, you know. But kind of kind of

922
01:01:57.960 --> 01:02:01.119
back to like what TG was saying is each person

923
01:02:02.119 --> 01:02:08.079
is responsible for their own happiness, their own self awareness,

924
01:02:08.599 --> 01:02:14.559
their own self control. Like we can't put that on

925
01:02:14.920 --> 01:02:15.960
someone else.

926
01:02:19.119 --> 01:02:22.679
Because women are built different in today's society. Society told

927
01:02:22.760 --> 01:02:25.239
us men that crime was for the week.

928
01:02:26.440 --> 01:02:29.719
Yeah, but men are different too, we did, but that way.

929
01:02:29.760 --> 01:02:33.239
We've been trying to change this narrative for years now,

930
01:02:33.679 --> 01:02:36.960
so we can't keep saying, well, that's what's been said, Yes,

931
01:02:37.079 --> 01:02:39.079
it was said there there's been a lot of things

932
01:02:39.079 --> 01:02:40.280
that have been said that are wrong.

933
01:02:40.400 --> 01:02:43.039
Right, But now PEO don't need to be accountable for

934
01:02:43.119 --> 01:02:46.920
their own stuff, exactly like that that that what you

935
01:02:47.000 --> 01:02:50.239
were told cannot be used as an excuse to continue

936
01:02:50.679 --> 01:02:54.559
down the path of negativity, correct, Just like all the time,

937
01:02:55.519 --> 01:02:58.079
not knowing something is not an excuse to keep doing

938
01:02:58.079 --> 01:03:02.199
it right, Like, at some point you have to be

939
01:03:02.400 --> 01:03:07.320
a grown up and say I'm responsible for this. You know,

940
01:03:07.519 --> 01:03:09.239
nobody owes me anything.

941
01:03:10.079 --> 01:03:16.559
Yes, but sometimes we need someone else to tell us

942
01:03:17.320 --> 01:03:22.400
that something like it wasn't our fault or if this

943
01:03:22.639 --> 01:03:23.639
was true.

944
01:03:24.360 --> 01:03:28.559
And I think the partnership part comes from where the genuine,

945
01:03:28.599 --> 01:03:30.039
the genuine.

946
01:03:30.480 --> 01:03:31.920
Empathy comes from.

947
01:03:33.199 --> 01:03:36.920
Let me help you deal with this instead of you

948
01:03:37.119 --> 01:03:41.639
having to deal with it alone. However, you can't lay

949
01:03:41.760 --> 01:03:45.639
this on me and expect me to fix it because

950
01:03:45.679 --> 01:03:49.719
I can't because the work. Yes, but that's what I'm saying,

951
01:03:49.800 --> 01:03:51.840
Like people are like, you want me to be vulnerable,

952
01:03:51.920 --> 01:03:53.079
So here I am vulnerable.

953
01:03:53.159 --> 01:03:54.440
Fix it right now?

954
01:03:54.920 --> 01:03:58.480
That yeah, that's not And I think I've mentioned this

955
01:03:58.559 --> 01:04:02.400
before on the show. You know, we all attract a

956
01:04:02.400 --> 01:04:05.320
certain type of person And for the longest time I

957
01:04:05.360 --> 01:04:09.400
could not understand why all of the people that I

958
01:04:09.639 --> 01:04:14.840
wanted weren't wanting me, because what I was attracting were

959
01:04:15.159 --> 01:04:16.239
the broken and.

960
01:04:18.159 --> 01:04:20.039
Not in committal.

961
01:04:20.199 --> 01:04:26.400
And that was because my personality is very nurturing, very caring,

962
01:04:26.559 --> 01:04:31.000
very given. And so what was happening is I'm attracting

963
01:04:31.039 --> 01:04:35.360
the people who need what I have to offer, and

964
01:04:35.400 --> 01:04:39.320
the people that I am looking for don't need that,

965
01:04:40.079 --> 01:04:46.960
so they're not looking for me. And so when I

966
01:04:47.079 --> 01:04:51.400
understood that and realized that just because someone is seeking

967
01:04:51.440 --> 01:04:54.039
me doesn't mean that I have to take them on

968
01:04:54.159 --> 01:04:55.559
as a project.

969
01:04:56.880 --> 01:04:59.519
Is when things started to change.

970
01:04:59.679 --> 01:05:03.000
You know, like, yes, I can, I can be friendly,

971
01:05:03.199 --> 01:05:06.440
I can be helpful, but that doesn't mean that I

972
01:05:06.480 --> 01:05:10.719
automatically have to take on your trauma, your burdens and

973
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:13.960
help you fix what's wrong, because.

974
01:05:13.719 --> 01:05:15.000
That's that's you.

975
01:05:16.280 --> 01:05:20.280
And then yeah, but then at the same time, while

976
01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:23.559
I'm sitting here trying to help that person, they're standing

977
01:05:23.599 --> 01:05:27.239
in the doorway of my real husband. So it's like

978
01:05:27.480 --> 01:05:30.800
I'm causing them, I'm doing this. I'm allowing them to

979
01:05:30.880 --> 01:05:35.679
be in the way of my true reality, my future

980
01:05:37.079 --> 01:05:41.320
because I'm taking time out and over extending myself into

981
01:05:41.400 --> 01:05:44.119
things that are not my responsibility to fix.

982
01:05:47.719 --> 01:05:54.039
That makes a lot of sense, makes a lot of sense. Yep,

983
01:05:54.960 --> 01:06:02.000
ag said what she said, damn it. M h yeah.

984
01:06:02.039 --> 01:06:04.239
But I mean, it's it's it's it's it's not. It's

985
01:06:04.280 --> 01:06:07.760
not that complicated people. I mean, if you have shit,

986
01:06:08.039 --> 01:06:10.960
you have baggage, you know what I'm saying, and and

987
01:06:11.800 --> 01:06:16.400
you're going through it you know, it's okay to ask

988
01:06:16.440 --> 01:06:19.480
for help, but do the work what.

989
01:06:19.599 --> 01:06:20.920
You have to be self aware.

990
01:06:21.440 --> 01:06:25.360
You cannot be someone who's in constant denial or playing

991
01:06:25.400 --> 01:06:26.719
a victim or.

992
01:06:26.639 --> 01:06:28.360
It's always somebody else's full.

993
01:06:28.880 --> 01:06:31.320
You're never at full. You don't do things wrong. No,

994
01:06:31.599 --> 01:06:36.239
you're obviously doing something wrong. This is why. So it's

995
01:06:36.400 --> 01:06:42.320
taking accountability. It's it's sometimes hearing shit that hurts or

996
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:45.639
you know what I'm saying, Like it's work. It is

997
01:06:45.800 --> 01:06:49.880
work to work on you, to work through the things,

998
01:06:49.960 --> 01:06:51.559
your past, your baggage.

999
01:06:52.119 --> 01:06:55.039
That is work. It is not something that happens overnight.

1000
01:06:55.159 --> 01:06:57.320
It is not something that like happens right.

1001
01:06:57.199 --> 01:07:01.760
Away at all. It could take years. Like you know,

1002
01:07:02.079 --> 01:07:05.960
therapy is supposed to be just like a journey that

1003
01:07:06.280 --> 01:07:09.480
you are in in your life trying to figure shit out,

1004
01:07:09.559 --> 01:07:13.320
getting this the support that you need, you know, Like

1005
01:07:13.440 --> 01:07:16.800
I think I have mentioned this before, Like when I

1006
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:20.280
was in therapy, like I'm talking years into therapy, I

1007
01:07:20.280 --> 01:07:22.760
had a different therapist. It was a completely different therapist,

1008
01:07:22.800 --> 01:07:24.960
I think my third or fourth one that I was on.

1009
01:07:26.199 --> 01:07:29.880
And when I was talking to her about my past,

1010
01:07:30.320 --> 01:07:34.960
and like my mom, she was just like your mom

1011
01:07:35.079 --> 01:07:41.079
was wrong, Like she like her just telling me that

1012
01:07:41.159 --> 01:07:43.360
my mom was in the wrong and what she did

1013
01:07:43.440 --> 01:07:50.199
was not right, like validated the feeling that I already

1014
01:07:50.239 --> 01:07:53.800
had that it was wrong right, you know. But I

1015
01:07:53.840 --> 01:07:56.599
would never had anyone tell me that that was okay

1016
01:07:56.719 --> 01:08:01.679
to feel that way because that was my mom. So

1017
01:08:03.519 --> 01:08:09.000
once I heard like that fucking like goodwill hunting moment

1018
01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:15.239
of it's not your fault type thing, you know, you

1019
01:08:15.239 --> 01:08:17.439
you kind of like you.

1020
01:08:17.439 --> 01:08:18.399
Need that moment.

1021
01:08:18.680 --> 01:08:21.920
It like to hear it from someone else. It's not

1022
01:08:22.079 --> 01:08:25.359
the same to hear it really from people who know you.

1023
01:08:26.399 --> 01:08:29.640
It's it is very different to hear from someone who's

1024
01:08:29.720 --> 01:08:35.800
outside of your circle, right, So that validation, and that's

1025
01:08:35.800 --> 01:08:39.279
what men want too. They want validation. If I was

1026
01:08:39.319 --> 01:08:42.880
with my man and he is crying, I the first

1027
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:45.560
thing I'm doing is saying, oh, what's wrong, And I'm

1028
01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:48.720
holding you, and you know, if you're crying on me,

1029
01:08:49.359 --> 01:08:51.720
I might cry too because I don't know what's going on.

1030
01:08:51.960 --> 01:08:56.159
So but I'm holding you, you know, like.

1031
01:08:56.800 --> 01:08:58.600
He twisted his finger he's crying.

1032
01:08:59.359 --> 01:09:02.439
No, then then I'm laughing at you and being like,

1033
01:09:02.439 --> 01:09:05.479
what the hell seriously, m.

1034
01:09:07.199 --> 01:09:17.439
Fingers, You're like I get what I get what you mean,

1035
01:09:18.079 --> 01:09:19.640
but how do you how do you all? Right? So

1036
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:21.600
I got a I got a good question. How do

1037
01:09:21.640 --> 01:09:27.319
you manage or deal with someone who is whether it

1038
01:09:27.319 --> 01:09:33.199
be a friend, uh, relative or whoever, who's who's so

1039
01:09:34.560 --> 01:09:40.800
into that woe is Me ship that it's it's it's toxic,

1040
01:09:41.000 --> 01:09:44.279
like it's it's they're always crying over something there that

1041
01:09:44.479 --> 01:09:46.640
every little thing you say to them makes them cry,

1042
01:09:47.000 --> 01:09:50.039
or you know those overly sensitive type people. I mean,

1043
01:09:50.159 --> 01:09:52.439
is there a such thing as an overly sensitive person?

1044
01:09:52.680 --> 01:09:52.880
Oh?

1045
01:09:52.960 --> 01:10:01.600
Yeah, Like there's levels of empathy, there's levels of sensitivity,

1046
01:10:01.640 --> 01:10:07.680
but it depends if it's an unhealthy thing, like where

1047
01:10:07.680 --> 01:10:10.159
it is the Woe is Me, they're always the victim

1048
01:10:10.159 --> 01:10:15.560
and it's a victim blaming, then I wouldn't enable that behavior.

1049
01:10:15.840 --> 01:10:18.640
That's the only thing that you can do is kind

1050
01:10:18.640 --> 01:10:19.920
of just not enable it.

1051
01:10:21.680 --> 01:10:24.319
You can't be accusatory towards a person or.

1052
01:10:24.279 --> 01:10:28.359
Call them out because they're they're not seeing it, you

1053
01:10:28.399 --> 01:10:32.119
know what I'm saying. And depends the level of your relationship.

1054
01:10:32.239 --> 01:10:34.800
Like if my best friend is being like this, then

1055
01:10:34.800 --> 01:10:37.600
I'm gonna put them in their place and be like, bro,

1056
01:10:38.119 --> 01:10:42.279
like what the fuck? Like you you know you've done things.

1057
01:10:42.039 --> 01:10:43.039
Wrong, Like.

1058
01:10:44.920 --> 01:10:47.760
But that's what I say, I say, don't I wouldn't

1059
01:10:47.880 --> 01:10:53.479
enable behavior, but if if I don't know, it really

1060
01:10:53.520 --> 01:10:56.159
depends the level of your your relationship, like how much

1061
01:10:56.199 --> 01:10:58.520
do you care about the person? Do you care about

1062
01:10:58.560 --> 01:11:01.239
them enough that every time they break down, you're going

1063
01:11:01.319 --> 01:11:02.920
to support them the way they need it?

1064
01:11:03.439 --> 01:11:03.680
Right?

1065
01:11:05.359 --> 01:11:13.520
Yeah, lady Jeans, I'm here.

1066
01:11:14.119 --> 01:11:19.319
Yeah here, Well, I mean my brothers like that. And

1067
01:11:19.399 --> 01:11:23.840
because I love him, I tell him, but I try

1068
01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:26.279
to tell him in a way that doesn't sound like

1069
01:11:26.319 --> 01:11:29.880
I'm yelling at him, But I point things out to

1070
01:11:29.960 --> 01:11:36.319
him how I experience his woes me moments, right, So

1071
01:11:36.600 --> 01:11:39.239
like I'll repeat to him everything that he says to me,

1072
01:11:40.239 --> 01:11:44.760
you know, Like, dude, for the last three years, you

1073
01:11:44.880 --> 01:11:49.199
keep saying you're gonna get evicted, and so when you

1074
01:11:49.279 --> 01:11:53.600
say that, I feel bad because I want to help

1075
01:11:53.640 --> 01:11:58.000
in some way, but then you don't, like you don't

1076
01:11:58.039 --> 01:12:01.680
do anything with it, Like you've been getting evicted for

1077
01:12:01.720 --> 01:12:06.640
three years, but clearly you're not evicted yet, So what

1078
01:12:06.800 --> 01:12:07.439
has changed?

1079
01:12:07.720 --> 01:12:07.920
Right?

1080
01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:10.880
Like what are you doing? Or he'll complain or he'll

1081
01:12:10.920 --> 01:12:15.159
complain about, you know, getting some kind of you know,

1082
01:12:15.239 --> 01:12:19.399
assistance or whatever, but he always puts the blame on

1083
01:12:19.520 --> 01:12:23.039
the offices. But then when I try to offer it

1084
01:12:23.119 --> 01:12:27.079
to help him fill out the paperwork, he always finds

1085
01:12:27.079 --> 01:12:30.319
a reason why that wouldn't work or wouldn't be helpful, right,

1086
01:12:30.760 --> 01:12:32.880
So then I'll give that back to him, Like, Okay,

1087
01:12:32.960 --> 01:12:36.039
so you've kind of told me these things. I offer

1088
01:12:36.119 --> 01:12:39.279
help to you, but then you don't accept the help,

1089
01:12:39.560 --> 01:12:44.159
So I really don't know what it is you're looking

1090
01:12:44.199 --> 01:12:47.720
for from me. If you want me to listen, then

1091
01:12:47.800 --> 01:12:49.800
just let me know you just want me to listen.

1092
01:12:49.840 --> 01:12:52.760
But if you're asking me for help and then you're

1093
01:12:52.800 --> 01:12:56.560
not gonna take any advice, then I can't keep attempting

1094
01:12:57.279 --> 01:12:59.279
to help. So you need to be kind of clear

1095
01:12:59.319 --> 01:13:01.479
with me what it is you're doing. But I let

1096
01:13:01.560 --> 01:13:05.640
him know that when you do this to me, it

1097
01:13:05.760 --> 01:13:08.600
makes me feel or it causes me because nobody can

1098
01:13:08.680 --> 01:13:11.279
make you do anything, it causes me.

1099
01:13:11.319 --> 01:13:13.840
To feel this type of way.

1100
01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:18.039
So if you want me to continue to listen, I

1101
01:13:18.119 --> 01:13:21.800
need you to have some solutions or I need you

1102
01:13:21.920 --> 01:13:25.039
to allow me to offer solutions, and you at least

1103
01:13:25.039 --> 01:13:28.039
attempt it. So it's like I kind of you know,

1104
01:13:28.119 --> 01:13:32.760
depending on again, who they are and my relationship with them,

1105
01:13:33.520 --> 01:13:36.960
and some people I just say, listen, you say the

1106
01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:39.880
same thing over and over. I don't see any I

1107
01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:44.239
don't see you making any effort at all. So I'd

1108
01:13:44.359 --> 01:13:49.439
rather not be the person that you tell it to. Yeah,

1109
01:13:49.479 --> 01:13:53.600
So it just depends on the people. And because after

1110
01:13:53.600 --> 01:13:57.119
a while, you know, my brother stopped telling me. It

1111
01:13:57.159 --> 01:14:00.359
doesn't make me worry about him any less. But at

1112
01:14:00.439 --> 01:14:03.880
least I'm not stressed out about something that I have

1113
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:06.920
no control over. And he doesn't seem willing to change,

1114
01:14:07.399 --> 01:14:11.960
right because some people, some people actually thrive in that chaos. Yes,

1115
01:14:14.159 --> 01:14:16.640
And so like you said, I'm not going to enable that.

1116
01:14:17.720 --> 01:14:22.600
I'm going to say, either help bring up solutions, crap

1117
01:14:22.640 --> 01:14:24.319
or get off the pot pretty much.

1118
01:14:24.680 --> 01:14:24.920
Yeap?

1119
01:14:27.079 --> 01:14:30.479
Do you think do you think that a person can

1120
01:14:30.560 --> 01:14:37.239
lose like uh, like, say, say you were attracted to somebody.

1121
01:14:37.319 --> 01:14:41.000
You're attracted to somebody and this person, the person you're

1122
01:14:41.000 --> 01:14:48.199
attracted to, is overly sensitive. Can attraction be lost because

1123
01:14:48.199 --> 01:14:49.279
of things like that.

1124
01:14:50.880 --> 01:14:52.319
If they use as an excuse?

1125
01:14:52.399 --> 01:14:56.600
Yeah, I mean it depends on the person. Like if

1126
01:14:56.600 --> 01:14:59.199
you're not into if you wouldn't be into somebody who

1127
01:14:59.279 --> 01:15:03.079
is that sensitive, then that wouldn't work for you. And

1128
01:15:03.159 --> 01:15:06.479
there's people out there who would adore someone who is

1129
01:15:06.479 --> 01:15:10.680
that sensitive, so like, it really depends.

1130
01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:27.079
M okay, okay, I get it all right. So I

1131
01:15:27.079 --> 01:15:34.880
don't have any more emails. I I guess, I guess

1132
01:15:34.880 --> 01:15:42.960
we're good unless there's anything pressing that anybody wants to

1133
01:15:42.960 --> 01:15:47.279
discuss about, you know, the topics at hand, or the

1134
01:15:47.720 --> 01:15:51.760
emails or anything that you want to bring up.

1135
01:15:54.199 --> 01:15:58.840
Well, I wanted to mention earlier, like you asked, like,

1136
01:15:58.960 --> 01:16:02.239
what did you do the past couple of weeks? The

1137
01:16:02.279 --> 01:16:07.039
one thing I did do was I got my colonoscopy scheduled.

1138
01:16:08.239 --> 01:16:12.159
And if you were forty plus, you should be getting

1139
01:16:12.159 --> 01:16:19.600
a colonoscopy. Actually, they're they're encouraging people younger to get

1140
01:16:19.640 --> 01:16:26.960
colonoscopies now because the colon cancer is become a bigger

1141
01:16:27.239 --> 01:16:31.680
cancer issue in younger people as well.

1142
01:16:31.840 --> 01:16:34.399
Mister Vanderbeek just died of it.

1143
01:16:34.680 --> 01:16:40.399
Mister Ohman Dawson's Creek Varsity blues man. Yeah, I'm sad

1144
01:16:40.439 --> 01:16:46.079
about that one because he's like our age, so like, yeah,

1145
01:16:46.159 --> 01:16:48.439
so it's like, god, damn, you know, we lost one

1146
01:16:48.439 --> 01:16:51.520
of our own, and so I.

1147
01:16:51.520 --> 01:16:52.960
Think it's really had.

1148
01:16:54.079 --> 01:16:57.239
Yeah, it's really important to touch base on that that

1149
01:16:58.159 --> 01:17:01.119
it's important to get a colonoscopy. Yes, it sucks, the

1150
01:17:01.199 --> 01:17:06.840
prep shitting all day whatever, but it's better safe than sorry.

1151
01:17:08.560 --> 01:17:11.079
And if there is something, they can take care of

1152
01:17:11.119 --> 01:17:14.159
it right away. And that's what we need, is preventative care.

1153
01:17:14.600 --> 01:17:19.520
That means you're going before it's a problem, because that's

1154
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:23.039
a huge thing. And guess what, these doctors look at

1155
01:17:23.079 --> 01:17:27.279
a holes all day, so don't worry about how bad

1156
01:17:27.319 --> 01:17:31.159
your a hole is or how it looks because they've

1157
01:17:31.199 --> 01:17:36.000
seen it all. They've been shit on during these colonoscopies,

1158
01:17:36.039 --> 01:17:39.840
so don't worry about it. They signed up for this

1159
01:17:39.960 --> 01:17:46.239
shit literally so they get paid. Yes, they do. Make

1160
01:17:46.279 --> 01:17:49.600
an appointment. Get you're a gastroine honologist, get a referral

1161
01:17:49.640 --> 01:17:53.239
from your doctor if necessary, your PCP, and get your

1162
01:17:53.359 --> 01:17:57.239
damn colonoscopy. And women, make sure you're also getting your

1163
01:17:57.279 --> 01:18:04.760
managram please, and and pap smears even even if you've

1164
01:18:04.800 --> 01:18:06.760
had children, and after your children you should be getting

1165
01:18:06.760 --> 01:18:10.239
you have pap smears every minimum every year. No now

1166
01:18:10.239 --> 01:18:14.560
they do them every two years depending if like unless

1167
01:18:14.600 --> 01:18:16.159
you have HPV or something like that.

1168
01:18:17.800 --> 01:18:21.520
Yeah, get the.

1169
01:18:21.680 --> 01:18:22.479
Fuck out of here.

1170
01:18:22.840 --> 01:18:31.119
No, you'll get the I don't want anything about us.

1171
01:18:31.199 --> 01:18:34.600
They put you this. It's wonderful. You take one of

1172
01:18:34.600 --> 01:18:38.239
the best naps ever and you link up and they

1173
01:18:38.279 --> 01:18:41.840
give you the the the Lorna Doom cookies and the

1174
01:18:41.880 --> 01:18:48.079
apple juice. It's amazing what get wheeled around. People treat

1175
01:18:48.119 --> 01:18:50.880
you like, you know, old Sweeten and everything.

1176
01:18:50.880 --> 01:18:54.439
It's the best.

1177
01:18:54.439 --> 01:18:56.680
Just do it, Just do it.

1178
01:18:56.720 --> 01:18:59.359
I'm gonna be following up with everybody, checking in and

1179
01:18:59.399 --> 01:19:01.279
making sure that everyone got one this year.

1180
01:19:03.279 --> 01:19:15.319
I'm having mine in March. Who's next? So she goes,

1181
01:19:15.319 --> 01:19:19.640
you're good, She's good, BC, it's your turn. I better

1182
01:19:19.840 --> 01:19:22.680
next show. I better find out for your BIRTHDAYR fiftieth

1183
01:19:23.399 --> 01:19:27.760
that you got yourself for that's part of your birthday

1184
01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:29.039
gift to yourself, A.

1185
01:19:29.079 --> 01:19:35.119
Great gift to myself. You want, you want to know something.

1186
01:19:35.199 --> 01:19:39.359
We gotta be prepared for this one though, because we don't.

1187
01:19:39.800 --> 01:19:43.399
We don't. We don't have a show next week, of course,

1188
01:19:44.119 --> 01:19:47.960
but the show after next week or the week at

1189
01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:51.359
whenever it is, we have one on the eleventh. I

1190
01:19:51.399 --> 01:19:55.279
looked ahead my birthday, so that's gonna be a big deal.

1191
01:19:56.119 --> 01:19:59.079
We're gonna have We're gonna have a birthday bash, celebration

1192
01:19:59.359 --> 01:20:03.000
season it's gonna be dope. I'm we're gonna do all

1193
01:20:03.039 --> 01:20:04.000
types of crazy ship.

1194
01:20:06.039 --> 01:20:11.000
Ah. I love that. That's gonna be fun. I'm looking

1195
01:20:11.039 --> 01:20:11.439
at the.

1196
01:20:15.439 --> 01:20:21.319
At the thing and hopefully not gonna get myself out

1197
01:20:22.439 --> 01:20:28.399
because I didn't know if there was uh fucking dubs

1198
01:20:28.439 --> 01:20:30.359
over here having whole conversations.

1199
01:20:30.359 --> 01:20:33.079
Would you're doing, bro? If you can't be on here,

1200
01:20:33.199 --> 01:20:35.960
why are you in the comments talking nonsense?

1201
01:20:37.000 --> 01:20:38.560
He tried to pop in, but when I went to

1202
01:20:38.640 --> 01:20:40.000
press the button, it didn't work.

1203
01:20:41.079 --> 01:20:41.399
Bee.

1204
01:20:42.359 --> 01:20:44.399
It was like frozen or something. I don't know.

1205
01:20:47.199 --> 01:20:52.199
Anyway, It's all good. He's probably coughing and stuff, so

1206
01:20:52.279 --> 01:20:57.880
he needs to rest. Yeah, all right, and I need

1207
01:20:58.439 --> 01:21:01.760
you knew it what I need. I'm hungry, all right?

1208
01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:09.520
Right, Well, with that being said, we need snacks. That's

1209
01:21:11.680 --> 01:21:16.359
I'm big hole. That's a lovely TG love the Lovely Lady. G.

1210
01:21:17.560 --> 01:21:19.840
There's been another episode of this My Herd podcast. Thank

1211
01:21:19.880 --> 01:21:21.920
you for everybody that joined us in the chat room tonight.

1212
01:21:22.439 --> 01:21:26.319
Thank you, appreciate you, We appreciate the love. We appreciate

1213
01:21:26.359 --> 01:21:30.319
everything and always and always and you gotta always remember

1214
01:21:30.600 --> 01:21:31.720
and at some point.

1215
01:21:32.920 --> 01:21:35.720
This nice you know what?

1216
01:21:35.880 --> 01:21:36.279
Everybody?

1217
01:21:36.760 --> 01:21:37.239
Good night