July 12, 2025

It's Just Another Honest Wednesday (Recorded LIVE On 7-9-25)

It's Just Another Honest Wednesday (Recorded LIVE On 7-9-25)

THIS MIGHT HURT PODCAST EPISODE: "It's Just Another Honest Wednesday." You thought Wednesdays were safe? Think again. Big Corleone is back behind the mic, raw, ruthless, and refusing to sugarcoat a damn thing. Alongside the always bold Lady G, the...

Spotify podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
iHeartRadio podcast player badge
Amazon Music podcast player badge
Spreaker podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player iconApple Podcasts podcast player iconiHeartRadio podcast player iconAmazon Music podcast player iconSpreaker podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon

THIS MIGHT HURT PODCAST
EPISODE: "It's Just Another Honest Wednesday."

You thought Wednesdays were safe?
Think again.
Big Corleone is back behind the mic, raw, ruthless, and refusing to sugarcoat a damn thing.
Alongside the always bold Lady G, the unapologetically real TG Love, and the wildcard himself, Simon Phoenix they're peeling back layers and cutting through the noise.
Expect truth bombs.
Expect no filters.
Expect to feel seen, called out, and maybe a little attacked.
Because honesty isn’t always pretty.
This Might Hurt... but you’ll thank us later.
New episode drops now.
Stream it wherever you listen to podcasts.
Not for the faint of heart.


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/this-might-hurt-podcast--3239767/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.120 --> 00:01:48.680
Y y nay, stop everybody, just big colding on of

2
00:01:48.959 --> 00:01:54.000
this my heard podcast coming to you live as always.

3
00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:56.719
You know how it is, You know how we do here,

4
00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:03.519
always live, always real, and it is what it is. Right,

5
00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:06.719
this might hurt at some point, you get it. I'm

6
00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:12.719
going to bring in the fabulous Lady g La Dot.

7
00:02:14.520 --> 00:02:16.680
Hello, Hey guys, how's it going.

8
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:17.759
How are you?

9
00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:19.240
I'm wonderful.

10
00:02:20.039 --> 00:02:21.680
That's always that's always a good thing.

11
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:25.919
Yes, when you wake up on this side of the dirt,

12
00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:27.240
it's always a wonderful thing.

13
00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:34.199
Yeah. Nobody wants dirt on them. Yeah, nobody wants Yeah,

14
00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:37.879
we don't want dirt on us. No, that's not good.

15
00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:47.039
You have to keep it above ground, yes, always above grown, all.

16
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:49.520
Right with you.

17
00:02:49.520 --> 00:02:51.960
You can see the chat is on the screen now

18
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:52.919
you can see it, right.

19
00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:57.599
Ah, well it's pretty small, but yeah.

20
00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:01.800
It is small, but it's just pop it up on.

21
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:05.759
The screen midnight. Yes, thank you so much. We've missed

22
00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:06.319
doing it.

23
00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:14.240
Yeah, most definitely. I'm gonna start off by talking about

24
00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:22.800
some mistake that I just recently made. So I wasn't

25
00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:27.759
worth it. No, no, has nothing to do with no, no, no, no, no,

26
00:03:27.879 --> 00:03:33.039
nothing like that. But so as you got you. Everybody

27
00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:37.199
knows we got shirts. You know what I'm saying. We

28
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:42.400
have gorgeous shirts. This Man podcast t shirts, you know

29
00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:44.280
what I'm saying. And we give them out to the

30
00:03:44.360 --> 00:03:49.039
fans that have been long time listeners. They went contests,

31
00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:50.879
you know, stuff like that. We send them out to fans,

32
00:03:50.919 --> 00:03:53.560
you know whatever. So what I did was what I

33
00:03:53.639 --> 00:03:59.080
wanted to do. Was I wanted to, you know, get

34
00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:02.800
a whole new style of T shirt for the fans,

35
00:04:03.240 --> 00:04:06.560
you know what I mean. So I go to the

36
00:04:06.599 --> 00:04:13.319
website where I got these shirts made, and you know,

37
00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:17.360
I set it up. I send them the info. They

38
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:21.439
get back to me. They say, listen, bro, the file

39
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:24.399
you sent us is a good file, but we need

40
00:04:24.439 --> 00:04:29.160
to be able to make it bigger, the logo bigger

41
00:04:29.279 --> 00:04:33.839
on the shirt, so we need a different file. The

42
00:04:33.879 --> 00:04:39.319
file is called an AI file, not artificial intelligence. It's

43
00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:44.120
a photo is a type of photo file. Right. So

44
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:48.920
when I when I, when I, when I had the

45
00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:56.319
logos made, the dude that that helped me accidentally sent

46
00:04:56.480 --> 00:05:00.160
me the wrong logo. He sent me the logo to

47
00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:04.399
the words are kind of wrong. So I can't see

48
00:05:05.079 --> 00:05:07.439
what the AI fiul is because I don't have the

49
00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:13.720
program to see the file. So what I did was

50
00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:18.120
I assumed, and I should never do that, No, you should,

51
00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:23.000
I should never assume. I assumed the AI foul was

52
00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:26.279
the correct file that I needed to send. I sent

53
00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:32.480
them the file, they made the shirts, they sent me

54
00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:42.399
the shirts, and I sent my fellow co hosts a picture.

55
00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:45.079
Well, we weren't supposed to be proofing it. We were

56
00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:47.199
supposed to be saying if we liked it or not.

57
00:05:48.639 --> 00:05:52.639
I sent everyone a picture of the T shirt, and

58
00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:57.199
not one of you, not one of you, said, yoon,

59
00:05:59.199 --> 00:06:08.120
shit ain't right. Not one person said, listen, that doesn't.

60
00:06:07.759 --> 00:06:11.680
Look right, because it did look right. We weren't supposed

61
00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:13.839
to We weren't supposed to be reading it. We were

62
00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:15.480
supposed to be looking at the design.

63
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:20.120
If we were gonna it was nice, right, it was,

64
00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:23.240
it was, it was, it was nice. But I get

65
00:06:23.279 --> 00:06:27.720
the I get the shirts in all right. Now, listen,

66
00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:34.160
the shirts are dope, the logo is dope, but it's wrong,

67
00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:36.000
and I'm gonna tell you why it's wrong, and you

68
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:39.160
could tell me why you think it's wrong. So listen,

69
00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:47.800
I have twelve of these shirts.

70
00:06:48.560 --> 00:06:53.199
We can't see bro mm hmm.

71
00:06:55.759 --> 00:06:56.439
Look at that.

72
00:06:58.040 --> 00:06:58.680
It's nice.

73
00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:08.199
It's nice, but what does it say? What did you say.

74
00:07:07.639 --> 00:07:08.639
This my heart?

75
00:07:09.560 --> 00:07:09.759
Yeah?

76
00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:14.839
Yo, I was maybe maybe that means you might love

77
00:07:14.920 --> 00:07:15.839
this podcast.

78
00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:19.000
Maybe maybe I told you.

79
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:21.120
I told you I will rocket either way.

80
00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:28.600
Yeah, heart exactly, yeah, heart exactly. I was like, yo,

81
00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:35.759
but yeah, but you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna send

82
00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:38.800
them out to everybody who wants one. I have to,

83
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:44.120
you know, reorder them, but this time with the right

84
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:59.600
with the right information. It's crazy. So now I want

85
00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:01.560
to I want to I want to talk about the

86
00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:06.759
movie theater real quick. So movies movie comes out tomorrow.

87
00:08:06.759 --> 00:08:10.319
I'm gonna go see it with my movie partner. I'm

88
00:08:10.319 --> 00:08:14.040
gonna go see Superman right now. Have you heard the

89
00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:21.199
ship going around about this movie? No, I know, I know,

90
00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:24.560
we don't. We don't get into all that bullshit, Okay,

91
00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:32.519
but there's they're saying that now that the director of

92
00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:42.879
the film said that Superman is no, he's an illegal immigrant.

93
00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:45.759
Oh my gosh.

94
00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:48.639
That he's from that he's from another planet. So during

95
00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:51.360
an interview, he said, oh, Superman is an illegal immigrant

96
00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:55.440
or illegal alien from another planet. And guess who ran

97
00:08:55.559 --> 00:09:02.360
off with that? All all all, all the all the.

98
00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:05.679
All of the the Newspeople.

99
00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:09.000
The Newspeople ran off with it and one and one

100
00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:14.600
one Fox News. A reporter on Fox News said this,

101
00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:16.679
and I'm gonna I'm gonna quote him because I watched

102
00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:18.600
the video ten times to make sure I heard what

103
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:21.559
I heard. He said, do you know what it says

104
00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:26.360
on Superman's Cape and the one says what he said, MS.

105
00:09:26.279 --> 00:09:30.679
Thirteen, That is horrible.

106
00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:35.440
That's exactly what he said. And I saw the videos

107
00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:40.200
and it was it was it was bad. It was bad.

108
00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:45.120
He said, Yep, that's exactly what he said. But I'm

109
00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:47.080
not We're not gonna we don't talk to you know,

110
00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:49.440
you know how we do here. But you can go

111
00:09:49.559 --> 00:09:53.759
look up the video yourself, check it out and yeah,

112
00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:56.240
those people and they're crazy.

113
00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:00.480
They that's gonna have some repoks quesions.

114
00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:07.080
Yes it is, Yes, it is. So Anyway, now, I

115
00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:09.559
want to talk about a couple of things I want

116
00:10:09.559 --> 00:10:12.000
to talk about. We'll get into a fany man, We'll

117
00:10:12.000 --> 00:10:17.399
get into a couple of topics here. But what is

118
00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:27.679
the primary reason men get into relationships? Right? So, everybody

119
00:10:27.720 --> 00:10:30.080
has their own reasons for wanting to be in a relationship,

120
00:10:32.440 --> 00:10:39.200
and I I personally think for for me personally, and

121
00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:40.879
for a lot of men out there. I don't know

122
00:10:40.919 --> 00:10:43.000
about all men, but I know a majority of men

123
00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:47.200
they get into it, not not not just not just

124
00:10:47.240 --> 00:10:49.720
because they're not alone, because that that's that's not really

125
00:10:50.279 --> 00:10:51.039
a good reason.

126
00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:52.799
It's a reason.

127
00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:58.320
But men, men are only into relationships. They get into

128
00:10:58.360 --> 00:10:59.200
relationships for love.

129
00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:02.679
What what do you know?

130
00:11:03.799 --> 00:11:06.200
I know, I know a lot of dudes. All right,

131
00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:08.639
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna play family few and

132
00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:13.200
be like survey says, but there are men men, A

133
00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:17.320
majority of men get into relationships for love. What else

134
00:11:17.399 --> 00:11:20.399
is there? Though? What else is there to get into

135
00:11:20.440 --> 00:11:24.840
a relationship for besides being lonely? If you you're lonely

136
00:11:24.879 --> 00:11:25.679
and you want to be with.

137
00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:29.679
Someone, there are lots of reasons, all right, So give

138
00:11:29.720 --> 00:11:33.919
me some. Are you talking good reasons or.

139
00:11:34.200 --> 00:11:36.360
Any any any reason that you think a dude would

140
00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:37.720
want to get into a relationship.

141
00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:41.639
Oh, a dude would want to get into relationship. Uh,

142
00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:56.000
easy access to intimacy, their their physical intimacy, somebody to

143
00:11:56.000 --> 00:12:01.000
cook for them, clean for them, wash their clothes, take

144
00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:02.480
care of their business.

145
00:12:04.679 --> 00:12:07.919
Yeah, so you don't think you don't think of.

146
00:12:10.200 --> 00:12:17.120
Very few having been a marriage and family therapist for

147
00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:25.039
many years. I I can't say that I found a

148
00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:30.519
lot of men who got into a relationship for love

149
00:12:33.320 --> 00:12:44.559
infatuation maybe, but it was more for their own emotional security. Hmmm.

150
00:12:46.519 --> 00:12:49.480
I don't know. I think I think a majority of

151
00:12:49.559 --> 00:12:51.519
some men, I'm not going to say a majority is

152
00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:54.960
less than I think. I kind of think that it's

153
00:12:55.159 --> 00:12:57.960
because what I mean, what what what? What? What could a

154
00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:08.240
man possibly gain from from being a relationship, being in

155
00:13:08.279 --> 00:13:11.879
a relationship other than gaining the love of a woman.

156
00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:19.759
I mean, if that's.

157
00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:25.519
Amanda, Hey, Amanda, well, I mean, based on a lot

158
00:13:25.559 --> 00:13:26.240
of the things that.

159
00:13:26.519 --> 00:13:31.039
Amanda, how are you? You're one of our You're one

160
00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:33.240
of our favorites too, So you are got to send

161
00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:35.159
you a T shirt, one of the new ones, not

162
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:39.320
the one that we got messed up. All right, good,

163
00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:40.679
I'm sorry.

164
00:13:41.000 --> 00:13:48.240
No, you're not. No, I just I I'm not seeing

165
00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:55.559
that Cooleon. I'm not because and I've seen it on

166
00:13:55.639 --> 00:13:58.639
a lot of different feeds, a lot of different you know,

167
00:14:00.279 --> 00:14:09.679
relationship shows and whatnot. They get something out of it,

168
00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:18.360
but they use it as you know, a game, you know,

169
00:14:18.519 --> 00:14:21.799
like that for instance, Like and I've talked a lot

170
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:24.080
about some of my experiences here on.

171
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:26.919
The show, and.

172
00:14:25.799 --> 00:14:30.080
And you know, like my own personal experiences are that

173
00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:34.559
it's just a game for them. It's a challenge, it's

174
00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:43.320
it keeps them occupied even today, you know. And in

175
00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:49.120
setting up boundaries with people, I told somebody, listen, I'm

176
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:55.240
not a placeholder, you know. So, yeah, you popping up

177
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:58.000
every once in a while saying Hi, how are you

178
00:14:58.120 --> 00:15:01.559
just checking in on you? Like, what is the purpose

179
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:06.399
of that other than trying to keep a line of

180
00:15:06.440 --> 00:15:13.720
communication open that you're not really pursuing. It's kind of like,

181
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:18.279
let me hold on to this until something better comes along,

182
00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:22.960
you know. And that's actually a lot of what I

183
00:15:23.000 --> 00:15:25.720
am seeing, and it could also be the population I

184
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:30.600
work with right now. But people are not taking it

185
00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:35.000
seriously because with men, once they're kind of locked in.

186
00:15:35.240 --> 00:15:41.639
I do agree that they they're locked in, you know,

187
00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:44.240
like that that they're in, they're they're doing their thing.

188
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:49.120
But it's like if or when they get hurt. And

189
00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:53.039
even Dubbs has talked about this before. You know, it

190
00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:56.080
only takes one for a guy, you know, it only

191
00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:59.600
takes for a guy to get that one hurt, that

192
00:15:59.639 --> 00:16:02.919
one bad hurt, and then it ruins it for everybody

193
00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:06.200
who comes later, because they're in this place where I'm

194
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:10.159
never gonna be that vulnerable again. I'm never gonna allow

195
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:14.879
a woman to place me in that position. So it's

196
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:17.600
kind of like get or be gotten, And so then

197
00:16:17.639 --> 00:16:21.000
it turns into this constant game of let me string

198
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:25.879
these women along, hold place, you know, have them as

199
00:16:25.960 --> 00:16:31.720
placeholders when I don't have anything going on. I mean,

200
00:16:31.799 --> 00:16:34.720
men do kind of run relationships. If a man is

201
00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:39.000
not looking for a long term thing with somebody, it's

202
00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:39.759
not gonna happen.

203
00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:46.080
So you feel you feel that men men run relationships.

204
00:16:46.279 --> 00:16:49.159
Well, they're the ones that do.

205
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:52.159
The men like like you're saying that they dictate how

206
00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:53.240
the relationship goes.

207
00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:56.519
Yeah, the men are the ones who kind of dictate

208
00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:02.960
whether it becomes a relationship or not. Because the natural

209
00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:07.359
order of things is men are supposed to be the leaders, right,

210
00:17:07.400 --> 00:17:12.400
And I'm not talking I'm sure if TG was here, right,

211
00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:15.160
they don't know if they don't open up and try.

212
00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:19.599
But that's the issue, especially in the Latino community, the

213
00:17:19.640 --> 00:17:24.680
minority community. The men are always taught to quote unquote

214
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:28.279
be a man, right, so the messages that they have

215
00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:32.200
received are a man can't cry, a man can't show

216
00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:36.200
his feelings. Yes, midnight, the man does set the tone

217
00:17:36.200 --> 00:17:39.920
of the relationship and then the woman either allows it

218
00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:45.720
or doesn't, you know. So he's supposed to be the

219
00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:50.960
natural lead of the relationship and the woman is the support,

220
00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:55.720
you know. So it's like he gives the bread. She

221
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:59.559
multiplies it, she helps it to grow, she cooks it,

222
00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:04.000
you know. So he gives her something and she is

223
00:18:04.279 --> 00:18:08.440
supposed to like help it bloom. Right, So when he

224
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:14.000
gives her love, and if you've ever really noticed, when

225
00:18:14.039 --> 00:18:17.400
a man truly loves and cares for a woman and

226
00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:21.680
takes care of her the way she needs to be

227
00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:26.359
taken care of, she tends to open up. She tends

228
00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:32.720
to be more you know, loving and caring, and she

229
00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:36.480
tends to give back again, multiply the love that he

230
00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:38.720
gives to her. When a woman feels safe, Go ahead,

231
00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:39.480
go ahead, Cordelon.

232
00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:44.720
All right, So you just said that if a man,

233
00:18:46.039 --> 00:18:51.680
you said, if a man truly loves a woman and

234
00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:54.759
she knew, she realizes that, she opens up, right, Yeah,

235
00:18:55.759 --> 00:19:02.519
all right, So here's my thing. Okay, this is actually

236
00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:07.279
something I was gonna talk about later on anyway, So

237
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:11.480
this this actually leads right up into it all right,

238
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:19.519
So if a man if if a man is considered

239
00:19:19.559 --> 00:19:25.119
to be the provider, right, he's the one that provides

240
00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:31.599
structure and provides whatever else he needs to provide for

241
00:19:31.640 --> 00:19:40.640
the relationship, right is it? Is it because of dot

242
00:19:40.759 --> 00:19:48.559
I word this? If a man puts boundaries on a woman,

243
00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:56.200
mm hmm. Now a lot of women are aren't aren't

244
00:19:56.200 --> 00:20:01.440
gonna like this. But I think man who puts boundaries

245
00:20:01.440 --> 00:20:07.440
on a woman loves that woman. I don't think putting

246
00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:12.839
boundaries on a woman means that he's being overly protective

247
00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:18.240
or he's being controlling. I just think in some instances

248
00:20:18.279 --> 00:20:23.839
he's protecting herself. He's protecting her from herself by putting

249
00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:26.079
boundaries on the relationship.

250
00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:31.000
And on time. I find that interesting. Number One, placing

251
00:20:31.079 --> 00:20:34.880
boundaries can be a healthy thing. Yes, the thing is

252
00:20:35.559 --> 00:20:38.119
where people A lot of people get it wrong. Right.

253
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:43.200
So men are still in that control brain space. They're

254
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:46.759
still in that I'm in charge headspace. What they've been

255
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:50.200
told all their life. You know, the man doesn't cry.

256
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:52.440
The man's the leader, the man's this, the man is that.

257
00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:54.799
So they take it I think in the wrong way.

258
00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:58.400
So when a man when we say a man is

259
00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:02.839
to lead, right, it's because he is supposed to, you know,

260
00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:07.400
set the tone for the relationship. Have boundaries. However, where

261
00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:11.720
I feel that they go wrong is they don't see

262
00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:15.920
it as a reciprocal type of boundary. Right, It's more

263
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:19.799
about a mutual respect. A woman is not going to

264
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.599
just do what a man tells her to. It's about

265
00:21:24.599 --> 00:21:26.519
the communication. Right.

266
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:29.880
So if I say, if I say kitchen now, it's

267
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.160
the kitchen, that's it.

268
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:39.119
Sorry, that's why you're single. So okay, So let's take

269
00:21:39.160 --> 00:21:43.279
that as a perfect example. Right, So the guy sets

270
00:21:43.279 --> 00:21:48.359
the tone. He says to his wife, honey, because I

271
00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:52.599
am going to work hard and be the financial and see,

272
00:21:52.599 --> 00:21:55.480
being a provider is just not financial. There are so

273
00:21:55.559 --> 00:21:59.400
many things that go with being a provider. Yeah, he's

274
00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:03.400
not just make me a sandwich, all right, you're dumb.

275
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:10.880
We know who that is. So you know, it's not

276
00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:15.039
saying kitchen now, it's you know, honey, I've had a

277
00:22:15.079 --> 00:22:19.839
really long day. Here's your you know, here's the money

278
00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:23.200
for today. You know, like, here's what I did for you.

279
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:26.079
I went out, I hit some people over the head.

280
00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:29.319
Here's the meat for you to cook and blah blah blah.

281
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:33.079
It's a natural give and take, right, It's not him

282
00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:37.160
telling her here's the meat, now you cook it. It's okay,

283
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:39.480
this is what I did for us today. I went

284
00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:43.799
out and I got our food. So here's the food, honey.

285
00:22:44.519 --> 00:22:47.200
And then she says, okay, so you did your part.

286
00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:50.079
Now let me do my part. I'm gonna take what

287
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:52.799
you brought for us, and I'm gonna make it into

288
00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.880
something that sustains our body. Right, that's what I'm talking about.

289
00:22:57.039 --> 00:22:59.319
You give something to a woman and she multiplies it

290
00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:06.000
as as soon as a guy or you know, a

291
00:23:06.039 --> 00:23:10.799
guy comes in and says, do this, and putting boundaries

292
00:23:10.839 --> 00:23:14.599
on stuff is good. So when a guy is, you know,

293
00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:19.079
trying to have some intimacy with his woman, his wife, whoever,

294
00:23:20.759 --> 00:23:24.599
and she lays down a boundary. Maybe she's had and

295
00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:29.400
these are realistic situations, she's had a history of sexual abuse,

296
00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:34.599
or she maybe on her monthly you know, like there

297
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:36.680
could be so many reasons. Maybe she was up all

298
00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:41.759
night with the kids. There's many reasons. So he's seeking

299
00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:46.400
something from her and she places a boundary. But instead

300
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:51.839
of communicating or asking questions like is everything okay? Because

301
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:54.880
clearly if you love me and I'm trying to get

302
00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:57.720
something from you and you're clearly not in the mood

303
00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:01.920
for that, there's a reason people. People don't just say

304
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:05.720
no for nothing, right, But instead of trying to find

305
00:24:05.799 --> 00:24:12.400
out what the issue is or giving some grace, automatically

306
00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:17.799
they feel rejected. They feel what is it till they

307
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:23.119
get the law? You know what? He better go sit down,

308
00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:26.559
you better have go go have many seats, sir. Okay,

309
00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:32.000
you know so Again, it's about the communication. It's about

310
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:34.440
the give and take, because honestly, I look to a

311
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:40.160
man to to to guide that relationship. But if you

312
00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:43.160
don't adequately lead, like if you don't lead in a

313
00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:47.160
way that makes me want to follow you, I'm not following,

314
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:51.799
you know, Like when you start putting the demands, it's

315
00:24:51.839 --> 00:24:57.480
not supposed to be a demand. It's supposed to be leading.

316
00:24:58.960 --> 00:25:01.799
When I see that you you're leading not just me

317
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:05.759
but us, when I see that you're leading us into

318
00:25:05.799 --> 00:25:08.960
something that is for our good, for our well being,

319
00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:14.480
and not just because of your selfish wants, needs or yes,

320
00:25:14.519 --> 00:25:19.720
communication is everything your selfish once needs, your ego. That's

321
00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:22.000
where we get messed up at a guy.

322
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:27.359
So So a man, a man, alright, hold on boundaries

323
00:25:27.519 --> 00:25:29.119
like id like we were like we were totally told

324
00:25:29.160 --> 00:25:30.319
about boundaries.

325
00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:31.680
Right, So give an example of a boundary.

326
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:36.200
All right. So a dude, a dude's chilling home, he's relaxing,

327
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:40.799
lady walk his lady walk sins, uh, I'm gonna go

328
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:43.720
have some drinks with the girls, all right, and he

329
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:46.319
sees how she's dressed and knows that they're going to

330
00:25:46.359 --> 00:25:48.759
the bar, to the club wherever to go get some drinks.

331
00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:54.519
He says, I really don't feel comfortable, you know, with

332
00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:58.759
the way you're dressed, like you're inviting shit, you know

333
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:00.400
what I'm saying, Like you here.

334
00:26:00.279 --> 00:26:04.720
The way you just said that, corleone, No, no, I'm

335
00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:10.559
I'm not comfortable with that, right right, That's one way,

336
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:15.000
Like as a woman, I can respect that, especially if

337
00:26:15.079 --> 00:26:18.200
I love you. I'm not comfortable because you know why,

338
00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:21.920
you're talking about your own feelings. You didn't come out

339
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:25.119
and say, oh, you ain't going out like that. You know,

340
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:29.000
Like there's a difference the way you handle it. Right,

341
00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:31.960
You're like, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you dressed

342
00:26:32.039 --> 00:26:35.960
like that, you know, So you're letting me know I

343
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:40.799
see you. You look good, but I'm concerned for your

344
00:26:40.839 --> 00:26:45.960
well being instead of I like you. You look good,

345
00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:48.400
but that's only for me, and you shouldn't be showing

346
00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:51.640
it to nobody else. Now, if the woman has enough

347
00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:54.599
self respect, she wouldn't want to be doing that either, right,

348
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:57.960
But the way you just said that feels good to

349
00:26:58.039 --> 00:27:01.559
me as opposed to saying oh no, or not going

350
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:04.599
out with the girls looking like that, because then that's

351
00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:08.200
just you throwing your weight around, throwing your power around,

352
00:27:08.759 --> 00:27:11.400
and then that's when women start to get defensive. It's like,

353
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:15.680
hold on, since when were you my father? You're supposed

354
00:27:15.720 --> 00:27:19.079
to be my partner. You're supposed to be my lead.

355
00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:22.599
You know, you're supposed to not only are you supposed

356
00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:24.839
to protect me, you're all supposed to show me what

357
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:29.079
respect looks like. You know. So the way you said that,

358
00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:31.640
I mean that. We can always word it in different ways,

359
00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:35.319
but the way you said that didn't feel attacking or

360
00:27:36.279 --> 00:27:39.799
you know, like, oh no, you're not like you're trying

361
00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:45.240
to control because you spoke about your own feelings. I'm

362
00:27:45.319 --> 00:27:51.440
not comfortable. So when my man tells me what he's feeling,

363
00:27:51.559 --> 00:27:56.799
how he's feeling, oh, trust and believe my ears are

364
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.279
going to open up because I want to hear why

365
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:01.720
you feel that way? Right?

366
00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:02.720
You know?

367
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:07.519
So the way the way a man does it is everything. Community,

368
00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:10.319
the way he communicates it is everything.

369
00:28:13.039 --> 00:28:22.200
Absolutely right. Yeah yeah, yeah man, because I don't. I

370
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:24.400
I was I was never the type to be like,

371
00:28:25.319 --> 00:28:25.599
you know.

372
00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:29.960
You know what you need to be doing.

373
00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:32.839
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not. I was never that type

374
00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:36.680
to be like her barking all is and ship like that.

375
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:40.720
But again, a lot of guys, well, I mean it's

376
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:43.599
both guys and girls. I can't just put it on one.

377
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:49.559
It's both guys exert something and then women allowed, you know,

378
00:28:53.720 --> 00:28:56.200
and when a woman's you know, I know you guys

379
00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:59.039
have seen it everywhere, like these memes that are like

380
00:28:59.079 --> 00:29:02.039
when a woman leaves you for herself, you know she's

381
00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:05.559
not coming back, you know, because it's like when a

382
00:29:05.599 --> 00:29:09.240
woman actually and I don't mean like in a smart way.

383
00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:14.880
When a woman said up, she'll be called in tyrone.

384
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:20.799
Oh gosh, no, I was not an ergan idol. That

385
00:29:20.839 --> 00:29:21.200
wasn't me.

386
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:30.359
Oh boy. So so so it's like, and you just

387
00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:40.079
took me off of my train of thought. My bad, bad, No,

388
00:29:40.200 --> 00:29:45.440
but you were saying about women realizing when women truly

389
00:29:45.559 --> 00:29:50.440
see and feel their value in a relationship, they're more

390
00:29:50.519 --> 00:29:53.640
apt and more likely to be and and and don't

391
00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:58.119
get messed up here. People submissive right, and it's not

392
00:29:58.200 --> 00:30:00.880
a submissive like yes, masters tell me what to do

393
00:30:01.640 --> 00:30:03.680
and dubs. If you say something, I'm going to slap

394
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:16.440
you it if you're if you're providing for me the

395
00:30:16.519 --> 00:30:22.680
safe space, if you're providing for me, the providing you know,

396
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:27.160
the emotional you know you're providing the emotional support, the

397
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:32.440
physical support, the respect, Like, if you're providing that for me,

398
00:30:33.960 --> 00:30:37.480
I'm going to follow you anywhere. I'm going to trust

399
00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:41.079
that you're that you know where you're leading us, and

400
00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:43.960
that you feel it's actually right when you're willing to

401
00:30:44.039 --> 00:30:47.839
communicate to me. Sometimes reasons why we're not always going

402
00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:51.279
to get the reason. Sometimes we're going to have to trust.

403
00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:54.559
But the thing is, if you're leading me correctly, I'm

404
00:30:54.599 --> 00:30:59.559
going to trust you without fail, without question, because you

405
00:30:59.640 --> 00:31:03.359
ever already shown me that I don't have to question

406
00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:08.160
anything that you're asking of me. So if my girl

407
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:10.920
happens to be there when you say to me, I'm

408
00:31:11.000 --> 00:31:13.799
not real comfortable with you going out on that dress.

409
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:17.160
I don't need to question you right then, right there

410
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:20.519
with her there, because you and I have such a

411
00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:28.000
relationship of trust, respect, love, you know, and and and

412
00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:31.599
and real growth, you know, real I'm looking out for

413
00:31:31.640 --> 00:31:34.920
you type stuff. I'm not gonna question. I'll be like,

414
00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:37.079
you know what, all right, honey, and I'm gonna go

415
00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:40.039
change my clothes, and I'm not gonna I'm not going

416
00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:42.920
to ask the questions. Maybe letter later I might want

417
00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:46.480
to know what you were concerned about. But when you

418
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:52.839
lead as a pair, as a couple without fail, you

419
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:56.920
say something and I'm going to respectfully submit to you,

420
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:00.000
and I'm not going to ask. I'm not going to question.

421
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:02.920
I'm just going to say, okay, because I know at

422
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:06.240
some point you're going to make it all right for me.

423
00:32:07.400 --> 00:32:08.240
Does that make sense?

424
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:16.720
Makes a lot of sense? Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Yeah,

425
00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:21.359
I mean there's no other way to put it.

426
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:22.640
Yeah, you know.

427
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:23.079
What I mean.

428
00:32:23.559 --> 00:32:26.519
Yeah. And unfortunately, you know, we're just in a space

429
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:30.640
right now where there is no trust. You know, people,

430
00:32:31.160 --> 00:32:34.240
and I've said this before too, people have just spent

431
00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:39.599
so much time hurting and being heard that nobody is

432
00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:45.720
willing or able. Oh thank you Amanda. Nobody is willing

433
00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:48.599
or able right now to want to put themselves out

434
00:32:48.599 --> 00:32:52.039
there because they know how painful that is. You know,

435
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:54.640
we're back back in the day, not even that many

436
00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:58.160
years ago. People were at least willing to go out

437
00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:02.240
on a limb, right, But then that limb started getting

438
00:33:02.279 --> 00:33:07.680
smaller and smaller, and the beatings started getting harder and harder.

439
00:33:08.359 --> 00:33:12.680
So it's like people can't just cheat anymore, right, They

440
00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:14.960
can't just go to a bar and have a one

441
00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:17.799
night stand. It's like, no, I've got to go into

442
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:23.279
your house, into your brother and sister's bedroom, and actually

443
00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:28.279
violate our relationship with an even closer relationship, and then

444
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:31.519
prance them around in the local bar so that everybody

445
00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:33.880
and their mom sees it. And then I'm gonna take

446
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:36.200
your credit card and i'm gonna run the bad boy up,

447
00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:37.119
take your.

448
00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:40.519
Car noo, and I'm gonna buy some stuff here.

449
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:44.359
Yes, but that is where we've gotten took.

450
00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:47.279
Like that sounds a little bit too detailed, like what's

451
00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:47.839
going on.

452
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:51.279
Here, because that's what it's turned into. People can't just

453
00:33:51.400 --> 00:33:54.359
key cars anymore. They got to take the car for

454
00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:57.160
a joy ride first, then keep it and set the

455
00:33:57.200 --> 00:34:00.400
thing on fire. So it's like, you can it just

456
00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:02.519
cost me money, You actually got to cost me my

457
00:34:02.559 --> 00:34:06.920
whole lifestyle. Because people are just sick and tired of

458
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:09.519
being sick and tired and hurt. People are hurting people,

459
00:34:10.079 --> 00:34:14.360
and so then for the people who refuse to go

460
00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:19.239
around hurting people, they're just continuously being hurt because they're

461
00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:23.719
still loving and caring and wanting to believe in something good.

462
00:34:24.760 --> 00:34:28.079
You know. I know we don't talk about religion or anything,

463
00:34:29.079 --> 00:34:31.920
but there's a song that I listen to, you know,

464
00:34:32.039 --> 00:34:35.239
and it talks about you know, it's talking to God,

465
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:42.360
and it's like, when when I should have given up,

466
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:47.840
When when I should have just lost it all, you

467
00:34:48.079 --> 00:34:51.880
kept God kept my heart alive, right, And so that's

468
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:57.119
what he does for some people, you know, like there

469
00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:00.440
are still people out there that their heart is still alive.

470
00:35:00.639 --> 00:35:06.079
They're still hoping and doing their job and trying to

471
00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:12.000
prove that love does exist. Good people do exist, and

472
00:35:12.519 --> 00:35:17.639
unfortunately they have to keep going through a lot of

473
00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:21.400
stuff and seeing a lot of pain and agony in

474
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:25.360
the meantime. Because and I know I'm going to get

475
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:30.760
some blowback for this too. It actually takes a stronger

476
00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:34.679
person to keep their heart alive than the people who

477
00:35:34.679 --> 00:35:39.079
become jaded, because it's easy to get hurt one time

478
00:35:39.159 --> 00:35:42.599
and then give up. It's easy to say, oh, you're

479
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:45.880
never gonna get me again, and then you become the

480
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:49.280
player and you just keep playing on people's emotions and

481
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:54.239
leading people along and all this stuff. You know, I

482
00:35:54.320 --> 00:36:01.199
know somebody that they just string strings, string people along,

483
00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:05.840
and when the person finally stands up for themselves, they're

484
00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:10.239
hoping that that person's gonna fight for them. But what

485
00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:16.960
ended up happening was the guy says, oh, Bet, I

486
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:22.719
won't contact you anymore, just because she spoke up about

487
00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:27.159
feeling like she was a placeholder, right, So he spends

488
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:30.559
all this time telling her he likes her, he cares

489
00:36:30.599 --> 00:36:33.239
about her, he's just not in a good place right.

490
00:36:33.719 --> 00:36:37.119
And of course she wants to believe the best she

491
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:41.039
sees and knows like his potential, she has seen good things.

492
00:36:41.519 --> 00:36:44.280
And so when she stands up for herself, when she

493
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:47.880
starts to respect herself and say, listen, this is how

494
00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:50.599
I'm feeling. This is how it's been going for such

495
00:36:51.000 --> 00:36:54.920
a long time, and right now I'm feeling like if

496
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:57.480
this is the way it's gonna be I'd rather you

497
00:36:57.599 --> 00:37:01.480
not communicate with me anymore. And she's sitting there hoping

498
00:37:02.679 --> 00:37:08.119
that something changes, but instead he just says, oh, okay,

499
00:37:08.159 --> 00:37:10.480
no problem, you'll never hear from me again.

500
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:11.719
Oh wow.

501
00:37:12.079 --> 00:37:17.440
So it's like wow, all this time he spent fighting her,

502
00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:19.639
saying you don't want me, you don't want me, and

503
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:22.039
he's like, that's not it, that's not it. That when

504
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:27.719
she finally stands up for herself, he's like, no problem. Bye,

505
00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:30.039
I mean that's some that's some painful stuff.

506
00:37:30.719 --> 00:37:35.400
That's that's yeah. Yeah.

507
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:38.039
But because she has decided to stand up for herself,

508
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:41.039
the only thing she can say is all right, piece bro.

509
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:48.360
Yeah yeah, yep, that's crazy.

510
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:49.320
Yeah.

511
00:37:50.519 --> 00:37:56.039
Now not a backtrack real quick to the providing thing.

512
00:37:57.119 --> 00:38:01.599
I just want to say this for people, whether it

513
00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:10.039
be men or women, that think or feel that a

514
00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:16.199
man being the provider means that it's all about providing financially,

515
00:38:17.119 --> 00:38:24.320
grow the fuck up, yes, because that's not at all, right,

516
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:29.559
it's not that's not that's not the case. Because sometimes

517
00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:32.519
when when when you get into a conversation about this

518
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:35.599
kind of stuff and it's like, well, a man needs

519
00:38:35.599 --> 00:38:38.800
to be the provider, he needs to provide because I'll

520
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:42.039
tell you what, if your man cannot pay your bills,

521
00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:45.039
you don't need a you don't you don't need a

522
00:38:45.079 --> 00:38:46.840
new man. You need to find a fucking job.

523
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:54.000
But see, if we're both coming to the table with jobs,

524
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:58.480
right right now, hold on. But if we're both coming

525
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:01.119
to the table with jobs, then just like the man,

526
00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:08.039
and she's also still expected to do the cooking, the cleaning,

527
00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:11.039
the carrying, the raising, and he's not willing to do

528
00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:15.079
anything more than just that job. That is an issue.

529
00:39:17.639 --> 00:39:19.239
That's an issue, you know what.

530
00:39:20.199 --> 00:39:23.840
I'm not getting that. Explain it all right.

531
00:39:23.880 --> 00:39:26.320
So you and me, we both work.

532
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:40.599
Melissa, And I was like, oh my god, no.

533
00:39:40.599 --> 00:39:42.320
So you and you and me we both work?

534
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:49.639
Oh boy, yeah, yeah, good goead.

535
00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:58.320
So we so we so we both work. We both

536
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:02.000
have long days. You know. Neither one of our jobs

537
00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:06.559
is better worse than the other, you know. But then

538
00:40:06.599 --> 00:40:10.760
I come home around the same time you do. You

539
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:13.559
come in, you sit down, you take off your shoes,

540
00:40:13.719 --> 00:40:17.320
you sit back, you watch your sports, you know, you

541
00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:21.400
do all that. And I'm in the kitchen, I'm bathing

542
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:24.679
the kids. I'm putting the kids to bed, getting their

543
00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:28.119
stuff ready for school tomorrow. In the kitchen, cooking dinner

544
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:33.400
and you're just kind of sitting there. Then you're complaining

545
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:38.000
about the trash, and you're complaining about the room not

546
00:40:38.079 --> 00:40:43.920
being vacuumed. You're complaining that groceries aren't in the fridge,

547
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:50.559
you know, And it's like, Okay, we both work. You

548
00:40:50.679 --> 00:40:54.360
have the same amount of time that I have, However,

549
00:40:54.559 --> 00:40:57.199
because I love you, because I care, because this is

550
00:40:57.239 --> 00:41:00.519
what I want to do. I'm taking care of our kids,

551
00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:04.719
I'm cooking our dinner, I'm putting things away. But now

552
00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:09.559
you're questioning me about why certain things are not done right?

553
00:41:10.039 --> 00:41:13.719
Do you also not live here? Do you also not

554
00:41:14.639 --> 00:41:20.119
you know, partake of the joy of this home. Could

555
00:41:20.159 --> 00:41:22.920
we not be cooking together? Could we not be taking

556
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:26.320
the kids to bed together? You know? Could I not

557
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:28.840
be cooking and you setting up the kids lunch for

558
00:41:28.920 --> 00:41:32.639
tomorrow or our lunch for tomorrow. You know, Like there's

559
00:41:32.679 --> 00:41:35.639
that give and take. It's like, I'm not asking you

560
00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:38.239
to be the sole provider, because clearly I'm helping to

561
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:42.840
provide too, But I'm asking for a partnership, not for

562
00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:43.679
a dad not.

563
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:45.519
That's how it should be.

564
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:48.559
Yes, but people don't see it that way. There's like

565
00:41:48.639 --> 00:41:51.639
if I provide bacon on the table, it's your job

566
00:41:51.719 --> 00:41:52.280
to cook it.

567
00:41:52.719 --> 00:41:56.320
I like bacon, what I like bacon?

568
00:41:56.760 --> 00:41:58.800
Yeah, you like bacon. How about you help me cook

569
00:41:58.840 --> 00:42:04.599
the bacon instead of just throwing it at me and saying, yeah,

570
00:42:04.599 --> 00:42:06.880
that's fine, that's fine. But that's what I'm saying though.

571
00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:11.920
It's like they're just these these unrealistic expectations right now.

572
00:42:12.519 --> 00:42:16.559
You know, women want men to provide for them, and

573
00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:22.800
you know, honestly, I mean, it doesn't bother me either way.

574
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:27.960
I think a gentleman should pay for dinner right now.

575
00:42:28.039 --> 00:42:31.079
I'm not going to be mad if I'm taking him

576
00:42:31.079 --> 00:42:33.840
out for a special occasion and I'm footing the bill

577
00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:37.199
or whatever, because especially if we're together, we should be

578
00:42:37.239 --> 00:42:42.039
contributing equally, you know, two things. So I should be

579
00:42:42.079 --> 00:42:44.199
willing to do things for you, just like you're willing

580
00:42:44.280 --> 00:42:47.519
to do for me. However, I feel that, and this

581
00:42:47.639 --> 00:42:50.559
is my personal preference. It's not my expectation, but it

582
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:54.199
is my preference. Is that I want to be lady.

583
00:42:54.719 --> 00:42:58.079
I want to be feminine. I want I don't need

584
00:42:58.519 --> 00:43:00.480
anyone to take care of me, but I want them

585
00:43:00.519 --> 00:43:03.559
to want to. I want to be babied. I want

586
00:43:03.559 --> 00:43:07.760
to be treated like I'm a piece of glass, even

587
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:09.920
though they know that I'm not, and I know that

588
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:18.480
I'm not. You know I'm clumsy. Uh okay, you know

589
00:43:18.599 --> 00:43:21.480
so so. So it's kind of just like you got

590
00:43:21.480 --> 00:43:25.039
to figure out what each other's strengths and weaknesses are, absolutely,

591
00:43:25.159 --> 00:43:27.400
and you have to be willing to make up where

592
00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:28.880
the other one may fall short.

593
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.199
That's why it's hardly ever fifty to fifty. If you

594
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:34.000
come in at forty, I come in, I'll take I'll

595
00:43:34.039 --> 00:43:34.800
take the rest of them.

596
00:43:34.840 --> 00:43:37.519
It's not even I can't even say it should be

597
00:43:37.639 --> 00:43:40.880
that whole fifty to fifty thing, right, because it's never

598
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:43.119
going to be fifty to fifty. There's always going to

599
00:43:43.199 --> 00:43:46.199
be one giving more than the other at any given moment.

600
00:43:46.760 --> 00:43:49.039
One day it's going to be you, the next time

601
00:43:49.079 --> 00:43:52.039
it's going to be me. So it's like, I really

602
00:43:52.039 --> 00:43:54.199
don't like to give into that fifty to fifty. It

603
00:43:54.199 --> 00:43:57.320
should always be one hundred for both people. The hundred

604
00:43:57.519 --> 00:44:04.039
just looks different each day, each moment, right, right. But

605
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:07.440
the thing is we also have to maintain our own identities.

606
00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:11.519
We can't be totally codependent on each other. That Heaven forbid,

607
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:14.599
someone goes somewhere for a couple of days, the other

608
00:44:14.639 --> 00:44:18.559
one's lost. Like if I go to visit my family

609
00:44:18.639 --> 00:44:20.760
for a day or two, I don't expect to come

610
00:44:20.800 --> 00:44:23.320
home and find you on the floor crying because you

611
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:25.840
didn't know how to make yourself a meal, or wearing

612
00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:28.719
dirty clothes from before I left because you didn't know

613
00:44:28.760 --> 00:44:32.159
how to do the laundry. I mean, I need you

614
00:44:32.199 --> 00:44:34.559
to take care of business even when I'm not around,

615
00:44:35.119 --> 00:44:41.079
you know, and vice versa. So but again, communication is key,

616
00:44:41.119 --> 00:44:45.679
It's key, It's key to everything. But also open mindedness,

617
00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:49.599
because some people are just so true, they're just so

618
00:44:49.880 --> 00:44:53.599
stuck in their ways. They're not open to hearing other

619
00:44:53.679 --> 00:44:58.719
people's perspectives or other people's feelings about things. Sometimes somebody's

620
00:44:59.159 --> 00:45:03.719
uh has citation to do something, it's just that it's

621
00:45:03.719 --> 00:45:06.920
a fear, it's a hesitation. It has nothing to do

622
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:08.960
with you. So why in the world do you have

623
00:45:09.000 --> 00:45:12.480
to take it so personally? You know? And and all

624
00:45:12.519 --> 00:45:14.800
of a sudden, you know, Heaven forbid, a guy ask

625
00:45:14.880 --> 00:45:18.880
somebody out and she says no, thank you. She was

626
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:22.000
nice about it. But because you take it as rejection,

627
00:45:22.119 --> 00:45:23.719
all of a sudden you gotta be like, well, f

628
00:45:23.800 --> 00:45:27.760
you be you ain't all that anyway? Well, clearly I

629
00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:33.760
was something that you approached me. So why why because.

630
00:45:34.599 --> 00:45:37.400
Man that don't know how to take rejection.

631
00:45:38.440 --> 00:45:40.280
Exactly because they haven't.

632
00:45:40.679 --> 00:45:43.599
That's why I say none of the biggest bitches today

633
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:49.599
because that's all you see, you know, like like damn

634
00:45:49.639 --> 00:45:51.679
you know, like hasn't dignity? You know, like.

635
00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:54.239
Whatever?

636
00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:57.840
Man? You know, like these dudes like see what happens

637
00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:05.719
when you know as back then that's what happens. Mm hmmm,

638
00:46:06.039 --> 00:46:07.400
so exception.

639
00:46:09.840 --> 00:46:15.719
So this is this, Yeah, I know, it's so real quick.

640
00:46:17.119 --> 00:46:18.280
Then this this goes out to.

641
00:46:19.800 --> 00:46:19.840
This.

642
00:46:20.039 --> 00:46:23.960
Actually, there is gonna be a question to you, lady

643
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:27.280
g and to the women that are actually in the chat.

644
00:46:27.760 --> 00:46:30.760
I'd like to I'd like I'd like to know your

645
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:37.039
answer to this question. Now. The question is this, do

646
00:46:37.159 --> 00:46:43.559
you have a preference when it comes to finding a

647
00:46:43.599 --> 00:46:46.639
man and dating a man? What are your preferences? What

648
00:46:46.679 --> 00:46:50.599
do you prefer over other things when it comes to

649
00:46:50.639 --> 00:46:58.559
the man you're looking for. Nobody's gonna say a fucking thing, no.

650
00:46:58.320 --> 00:47:00.960
No, yeah, yeah. I just don't want to always be

651
00:47:01.039 --> 00:47:02.679
the one talking. I don't want people to feel like

652
00:47:02.719 --> 00:47:03.960
I'm monopolizing everything.

653
00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:07.400
No, no, no, no, well I can't, I can't this

654
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:10.440
This goes out to you the only woman here TG

655
00:47:10.599 --> 00:47:13.519
is not here, so and to and this goes out

656
00:47:13.559 --> 00:47:18.280
to the women in the chat room. Also, do you

657
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:21.039
have preferences? What? What are your preferences?

658
00:47:21.239 --> 00:47:24.519
There are preferences. There are your once your needs and

659
00:47:24.559 --> 00:47:26.639
then your preferences, right.

660
00:47:26.559 --> 00:47:31.360
Right, So what what are your all? Right? What are

661
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:33.719
your needs?

662
00:47:35.079 --> 00:47:39.679
All right? So my needs one, he has to be

663
00:47:39.719 --> 00:47:45.239
a god fearing man. That's that's my first thing. Uh.

664
00:47:45.280 --> 00:47:57.519
My other need is respecting boundaries, consistency, and communication. Like

665
00:47:57.599 --> 00:48:00.800
if if I have to go down just to the needs,

666
00:48:01.639 --> 00:48:08.800
it's communication, consistency, and respect, you know. But first and

667
00:48:08.840 --> 00:48:12.559
foremost he has to be God fearing because for me,

668
00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:15.880
especially now at this time of my life, if you

669
00:48:16.239 --> 00:48:22.280
don't have a relationship with God, then for me everything

670
00:48:22.280 --> 00:48:27.199
else doesn't even matter because that's for me, that's my foundation.

671
00:48:27.360 --> 00:48:31.039
That's that's that's the thing on which the rest of

672
00:48:31.079 --> 00:48:36.119
my life moves. You know, you don't have to have this.

673
00:48:36.360 --> 00:48:39.039
You ain't got to be the preacher or the preacher's son.

674
00:48:39.800 --> 00:48:42.719
You know, I'm not asking for all that. I don't

675
00:48:42.760 --> 00:48:45.960
want a bible thumper, somebody who can quote the scripture.

676
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:48.800
I don't want any of that. I just want someone

677
00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:55.320
who knows who Jesus Christ is, believes and follows and

678
00:48:55.320 --> 00:48:58.960
and thinks twice before they do things, you know, And

679
00:48:59.280 --> 00:49:02.159
so that that's something for me, especially again now in

680
00:49:02.239 --> 00:49:04.920
this later part of my life, that is that is

681
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:09.239
a necessary must. I need that first, and then those

682
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:11.599
other three things, and then everything else can just pretty

683
00:49:11.679 --> 00:49:15.079
much fall into place because I'm pretty uh flexible with

684
00:49:15.159 --> 00:49:18.440
most other things. I can work everything else out.

685
00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:26.920
Okay, And those are your needs, right, those are the needs.

686
00:49:27.400 --> 00:49:29.400
What are your preferences?

687
00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:42.440
Preferences are preferences are definitely kind of like old fashioned chivalry.

688
00:49:42.599 --> 00:49:48.760
Someone who naturally falls into opening doors.

689
00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:51.800
Somebody who thinks about the consequences of his actions.

690
00:49:52.360 --> 00:49:59.239
Yeah, yeah, you know, someone make his partner feel and

691
00:49:59.239 --> 00:50:03.679
and instead of complaining about something that I'm not doing,

692
00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:09.320
maybe doing that for me because it seems important.

693
00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:12.239
To you yourself.

694
00:50:14.920 --> 00:50:20.440
You're a hot mess, Yeah, hot mess. An example of

695
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:22.719
that is, right, So, I know a lot of guys.

696
00:50:23.239 --> 00:50:24.800
I can't say all, but I know a lot of

697
00:50:24.840 --> 00:50:30.840
guys who are very particular about vehicles. Right. Uh, if

698
00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:35.760
you have stuff in your car if you know it's vacuumed,

699
00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:39.360
if it's clean. You know, like guys tend to really

700
00:50:39.480 --> 00:50:43.599
like to baby their vehicles, right, and so heaven forbid

701
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:49.000
I leave a trash bag in there, or uh, the

702
00:50:49.079 --> 00:50:52.400
baby through cheerios all over the back seat, or you

703
00:50:52.440 --> 00:50:53.159
know something like.

704
00:50:53.119 --> 00:50:55.639
That, right, I definitely got that issue.

705
00:50:56.719 --> 00:51:01.239
Yes, So the difference, you know, the difference to what

706
00:51:01.320 --> 00:51:05.000
I'm looking at is well, since the car thing is

707
00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:07.199
such an important thing to you, it doesn't mean as

708
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:09.159
much to me. Yes, I would love to be in

709
00:51:09.199 --> 00:51:11.920
a clean car all the time, but with a million

710
00:51:11.960 --> 00:51:14.559
other things I have to do during the day, it's

711
00:51:14.639 --> 00:51:19.000
not my first priority. So as the man who cares

712
00:51:19.039 --> 00:51:22.159
about it, how about you say, well, because I love

713
00:51:22.280 --> 00:51:25.400
my wife and I know how I feel driving in

714
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:28.639
that clean car, let me it's a Saturday, let me

715
00:51:28.679 --> 00:51:33.719
go clean my wife's car for her. Right, And then

716
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:37.519
that gets back into that reciprocity. You know, that's important

717
00:51:37.559 --> 00:51:41.320
to you, not necessarily to me. But when you're constantly

718
00:51:41.960 --> 00:51:45.000
crapping and moaning to me about my car not being clean,

719
00:51:45.559 --> 00:51:49.400
that doesn't make me feel good. You know, because what

720
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:52.360
people don't realize is when you start criticizing people about

721
00:51:52.400 --> 00:51:55.840
certain things, you act like they don't know it already

722
00:51:55.880 --> 00:51:59.480
and that they haven't already criticized themselves. You know, when

723
00:51:59.480 --> 00:52:01.840
people talk about weight, it's like, well, why would you

724
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:04.920
let yourself get like that? Why have you looked in

725
00:52:04.960 --> 00:52:09.960
the mirror? Do you think that what you do you're good? Yeah? Like,

726
00:52:10.280 --> 00:52:12.880
do you think that what you're telling me is new

727
00:52:12.920 --> 00:52:15.199
information for me? Do you think I don't look myself

728
00:52:15.239 --> 00:52:18.559
in the mirror every day and ask how I got here?

729
00:52:18.960 --> 00:52:22.159
Do you think that I look in the mirror every

730
00:52:22.239 --> 00:52:26.679
day and just decide this is what's happening today? No,

731
00:52:28.239 --> 00:52:30.760
you know, like I've I've already beat myself up more

732
00:52:30.800 --> 00:52:33.280
than you could ever imagine. So I don't need you

733
00:52:33.360 --> 00:52:37.000
to add on to my daily grind. I need you

734
00:52:37.039 --> 00:52:40.039
to be supportive. If it means that much to you,

735
00:52:40.719 --> 00:52:43.719
then how about we find out what's going on and

736
00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:47.360
we work on that. You help me instead of just

737
00:52:47.400 --> 00:52:49.719
sit there and dictate to me what you think should

738
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:52.000
be happening. How about you become a part of the

739
00:52:52.039 --> 00:52:57.599
solution and not in addition to the problem.

740
00:52:57.639 --> 00:52:59.039
They very very true.

741
00:53:00.039 --> 00:53:03.159
Because some people don't like Some people don't like peace,

742
00:53:03.199 --> 00:53:03.960
They like problems.

743
00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:06.440
That's why.

744
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:07.519
Mm hmm.

745
00:53:08.920 --> 00:53:15.079
Unfortunately, I love letters.

746
00:53:15.639 --> 00:53:19.239
Word word because because the reason why I brought that

747
00:53:19.400 --> 00:53:24.639
up right about the preferences and ship, because some some women.

748
00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:27.920
I'm not saying all women, I'm not. I'm not saying

749
00:53:29.280 --> 00:53:34.880
I mean just some women. They have these preferences like

750
00:53:34.960 --> 00:53:39.639
save for instance, they want a man that makes one

751
00:53:39.679 --> 00:53:41.760
hundred thousand dollars a year because they have such a

752
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:44.199
great job. They're making all this money. They want a

753
00:53:44.239 --> 00:53:46.159
man equal to them. So they want a man that

754
00:53:46.199 --> 00:53:49.679
makes one hundred thousand dollars a year, right that right there?

755
00:53:51.719 --> 00:53:53.440
And I saw some I saw some of this on

756
00:53:53.480 --> 00:54:00.159
a previous video. That right there eliminates like eighty the

757
00:54:00.199 --> 00:54:04.760
pool of men, right, okay, that leaves you what fifteen percent?

758
00:54:04.880 --> 00:54:11.320
Right out of that fifteen percent, there are half of

759
00:54:11.360 --> 00:54:18.239
them are married engaged. That that leaves you what seven

760
00:54:18.239 --> 00:54:21.480
and a half percent? Right, okay, So that's seven and

761
00:54:21.559 --> 00:54:26.320
a half percent. Some of them, some of that percentages

762
00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:33.239
are they're either gay, let's be whatever, talk talk. Yeah,

763
00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:35.679
they all have to have issues. So that leaves you

764
00:54:35.719 --> 00:54:37.559
with what four percent?

765
00:54:38.079 --> 00:54:38.480
Mm hmm.

766
00:54:38.840 --> 00:54:42.159
You don't want a man that's you want a man

767
00:54:42.280 --> 00:54:45.880
that's let's just say taller than you. That knocks a

768
00:54:45.920 --> 00:54:49.800
percentage out. You want a man that's not a Capricorn

769
00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:53.719
or Pisces or a Scititarius that knocks out some ship too.

770
00:54:54.239 --> 00:54:56.880
So let's just say, for instance, you're down to one

771
00:54:56.920 --> 00:55:00.159
percent of men. Now you have to rely on the

772
00:55:00.199 --> 00:55:03.679
fact that does this man even like you?

773
00:55:04.519 --> 00:55:04.760
Right?

774
00:55:05.360 --> 00:55:09.360
This man has preferences as well. How are you gonna

775
00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:13.119
meet that criteria? You might end up the cat lady.

776
00:55:13.599 --> 00:55:17.480
Yes, but look at this, corleone, look at this. Everyone

777
00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:22.079
has to no virgos. Oh, I'm with you, girl, I

778
00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:28.079
am with you on that, uh anyway, But when people

779
00:55:28.280 --> 00:55:30.920
put those like again, you have to be able to

780
00:55:31.039 --> 00:55:36.119
stand on your own once needs and preferences. Okay, So,

781
00:55:36.280 --> 00:55:40.920
if if I'm out here crying, there's nobody out there

782
00:55:40.920 --> 00:55:44.320
for me, and I have all of these filters that

783
00:55:44.400 --> 00:55:47.519
I'm filtering these men through, I have to be able

784
00:55:47.559 --> 00:55:50.920
to accept that what I'm looking for is a certain

785
00:55:50.960 --> 00:55:56.679
standard right now. If I can't accept that that's my problem,

786
00:55:56.760 --> 00:55:59.960
then I need to adjust my filter. However, there are

787
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:02.960
there are some women and men out there who have

788
00:56:03.079 --> 00:56:06.119
made that life for themselves, and I'm gonna be totally honest.

789
00:56:06.480 --> 00:56:11.639
They have every right to expect the same now, but

790
00:56:11.719 --> 00:56:15.320
they also have to understand that the more filters they have,

791
00:56:16.599 --> 00:56:20.199
the less people they have to choose from. But depending

792
00:56:20.239 --> 00:56:23.599
on how strong you are on those values and morals

793
00:56:24.079 --> 00:56:26.920
or whatever it is you're looking for, then you have

794
00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:30.159
to be willing to stand on that consequence. Like me,

795
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:31.800
like what I just said about he has to be

796
00:56:31.840 --> 00:56:36.920
a godfearing man right right right? That definitely already from

797
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:41.880
the door with no other requirements, that already cuts out

798
00:56:42.119 --> 00:56:43.400
a good portion of men.

799
00:56:43.840 --> 00:56:46.000
How many on that you think?

800
00:56:46.840 --> 00:56:47.159
Probably?

801
00:56:47.440 --> 00:56:52.800
I probably I would say sixty sixty five percent That

802
00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:56.960
already cuts them out for me, because yeah, that's more

803
00:56:57.000 --> 00:57:00.559
than half. But you know what, that particular thing is

804
00:57:00.599 --> 00:57:05.360
something that I am willing to stand on. Then that

805
00:57:05.440 --> 00:57:11.440
means because that means so much to me. Yeah, Like

806
00:57:11.639 --> 00:57:16.079
I'm so all in on that that if that's what happens,

807
00:57:16.679 --> 00:57:19.000
I have to be able to stand on that. I

808
00:57:19.039 --> 00:57:22.480
can't sit here and cry and moan about how there's

809
00:57:22.519 --> 00:57:26.639
no one out there for me, because I'm the one

810
00:57:26.639 --> 00:57:30.360
that's setting the bar, you know. And so it's like

811
00:57:30.920 --> 00:57:33.719
do I want I say this, Do I want to

812
00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:37.360
settle for less than what I actually need? Because a

813
00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:41.480
lot of women do that they have these wants and

814
00:57:41.679 --> 00:57:46.559
needs and even their expectation or their their their needs,

815
00:57:46.639 --> 00:57:51.000
they have them, but because it closes the pool, they're

816
00:57:51.039 --> 00:57:54.639
so afraid to not have access to more people that

817
00:57:54.679 --> 00:57:59.559
they're willing to settle and discount their own needs just

818
00:57:59.599 --> 00:58:04.679
to feel not being by themselves, right, And so you've

819
00:58:04.719 --> 00:58:07.159
got to ask yourself, is that enough? Like for me,

820
00:58:07.320 --> 00:58:11.400
I've worked on my life so much. I've worked on

821
00:58:11.559 --> 00:58:15.639
me as a person. I've worked on so many things.

822
00:58:15.719 --> 00:58:18.239
I know what I have accomplished and how I got

823
00:58:18.280 --> 00:58:24.280
to where I am. So if that means that only

824
00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:31.360
having less than fifty percent to choose from, because I'm

825
00:58:31.400 --> 00:58:34.519
so strong on that point that I have to accept

826
00:58:34.559 --> 00:58:39.719
that I'm going to be single longer, that I'm going

827
00:58:39.800 --> 00:58:45.280
to have less people, you know, approaching me. But because

828
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:48.400
that's so important to me, I accept that. I accept that,

829
00:58:48.559 --> 00:58:53.440
and I'm okay. I'm okay as I am until I'm

830
00:58:53.480 --> 00:58:57.400
not the way I am anymore, you know. And if

831
00:58:57.400 --> 00:59:03.400
it never happens, guess what I would rather live happy,

832
00:59:03.679 --> 00:59:09.920
peaceful by myself, the miserable and fighting with the wrong

833
00:59:09.960 --> 00:59:13.079
person for the rest of my life. For what if

834
00:59:13.119 --> 00:59:15.840
I'm gonna be miserable. I can be miserable by myself.

835
00:59:15.880 --> 00:59:18.440
I don't need another person. I do not need another

836
00:59:18.519 --> 00:59:22.159
person eating my food, sleeping in my bed, taking up

837
00:59:22.199 --> 00:59:25.519
my space, doing all this just to still make me

838
00:59:25.679 --> 00:59:29.679
feel alone. I'm not gonna do it. I've been there,

839
00:59:29.719 --> 00:59:32.559
I've done that. I'm too old to put up with

840
00:59:32.599 --> 00:59:33.000
the crap.

841
00:59:33.480 --> 00:59:35.719
You what are you talking about?

842
00:59:35.840 --> 00:59:40.239
You know what if only my child is thirty six?

843
00:59:40.320 --> 00:59:43.400
So I don't want to hear it. But I do

844
00:59:43.400 --> 00:59:45.239
look good. I do look good for my age, though,

845
00:59:45.360 --> 00:59:51.159
I have to admit. Hey, so yeah, it's just about

846
00:59:51.159 --> 00:59:54.840
what you're willing to deal with and how important certain

847
00:59:54.880 --> 00:59:57.239
things are for you. Like me, I am very much

848
00:59:57.280 --> 01:00:02.199
still the woman who enjoys chivalry. I am not this feminist.

849
01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:05.920
I can open my own door, I can know my

850
01:00:06.039 --> 01:00:09.159
truth is. I can open my own door. I can

851
01:00:09.239 --> 01:00:13.320
take care of myself. I don't need anyone to take

852
01:00:13.360 --> 01:00:18.599
care of me, but I want that. I want to

853
01:00:18.639 --> 01:00:23.079
be in a relationship where the man sees me as

854
01:00:23.119 --> 01:00:26.880
something he wants to protect, something he wants to take

855
01:00:26.920 --> 01:00:30.679
care of, because in turn, I want to be able

856
01:00:30.719 --> 01:00:34.760
to do that for him. You know, I am essentially

857
01:00:34.840 --> 01:00:38.800
creating the woman that I want my man to be.

858
01:00:41.559 --> 01:00:48.800
I'm ccating, I'm creating in me. I'm creating the woman

859
01:00:49.079 --> 01:00:51.079
that deserves the man that I want to have.

860
01:00:52.280 --> 01:00:54.079
Okay, because you don't want to create the man you

861
01:00:54.119 --> 01:00:55.199
want him, but I.

862
01:00:55.159 --> 01:00:57.960
Don't want him to be, but I do. I do

863
01:00:58.119 --> 01:01:05.400
need him to be open to his sensitive side. Yeah,

864
01:01:05.440 --> 01:01:07.639
there is a difference in needing one and wanting one,

865
01:01:08.360 --> 01:01:11.400
you know, because yes, we are in a in a

866
01:01:11.480 --> 01:01:15.880
world where women are fully capable of providing and taking

867
01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:22.639
care of themselves, but we don't want to have to if.

868
01:01:23.079 --> 01:01:25.719
Yeah, but the thing that the ship is too is

869
01:01:25.719 --> 01:01:27.840
that you have some of these some of these women

870
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:28.480
out there.

871
01:01:28.320 --> 01:01:32.320
That, oh, the expectations are ridiculous, not just.

872
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:36.760
The expectations but the masculine energy that gets shot out

873
01:01:36.800 --> 01:01:37.840
of some of these women.

874
01:01:37.960 --> 01:01:39.760
Man, Okay, but let me tell you, what do you

875
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:43.039
expect to come from a woman who's had to take

876
01:01:43.079 --> 01:01:45.000
care of everything all by themselves?

877
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:47.559
Yeah, but the the ship is is that you have

878
01:01:47.639 --> 01:01:49.880
a man. You have, you have a dude that's coming

879
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:50.480
into your.

880
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:54.280
Life, but clearly he's still not but clearly he's not

881
01:01:54.440 --> 01:01:58.320
allowing it to be safe enough for you to let

882
01:01:58.400 --> 01:02:02.719
go of that masculine energy because I'm gonna lie. I

883
01:02:02.840 --> 01:02:07.840
have masculine energy all day, every day, but in my heart,

884
01:02:08.199 --> 01:02:11.239
I don't want to live in that energy every day

885
01:02:11.239 --> 01:02:14.639
all day. But I've had to live there so long

886
01:02:15.320 --> 01:02:18.000
that it's hard to just turn it off. Because someone

887
01:02:18.119 --> 01:02:21.920
comes into your life saying that they want to be

888
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:25.519
the man, yeah, we have no choice but to We

889
01:02:25.639 --> 01:02:28.400
have to figure it out. The problem is we have

890
01:02:28.519 --> 01:02:33.480
to find not just any person that was just gross.

891
01:02:34.000 --> 01:02:39.360
We have to find no, I ain't burn it is

892
01:02:39.400 --> 01:02:42.920
that I was trying to like, you know, well I

893
01:02:43.000 --> 01:02:45.320
got to spinal stimulate. I'm changing it because like it's

894
01:02:45.400 --> 01:02:47.519
raining and like it just hit me like hard, and

895
01:02:47.559 --> 01:02:51.480
I was like, I'm lowering it right now. Sorry, I

896
01:02:51.519 --> 01:02:52.639
got shocked, you know.

897
01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:59.880
Apologize. Oh this ship many this shit too strong, all right?

898
01:03:01.599 --> 01:03:02.679
Most important.

899
01:03:03.800 --> 01:03:08.159
Leaves us no choice sometimes, well the ship is too

900
01:03:08.239 --> 01:03:11.159
is that when a dude, when a dude comes into

901
01:03:11.159 --> 01:03:14.840
your life, Okay, when a dude comes into your life,

902
01:03:17.119 --> 01:03:20.000
how is how is? How is he supposed to decipher

903
01:03:20.159 --> 01:03:28.039
whether whether or not dealing with your mastering Energy twenty

904
01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:30.239
four to seven is something that he wants to he

905
01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:32.320
wants to put up with. You need to give this

906
01:03:32.360 --> 01:03:33.400
guy an opportunity.

907
01:03:33.800 --> 01:03:36.199
Hold on, how about if he communicates that feeling.

908
01:03:36.519 --> 01:03:39.719
Yeah, well, how about if.

909
01:03:39.639 --> 01:03:42.920
He sticks around long enough to find out if that's

910
01:03:42.960 --> 01:03:45.480
the true you or just the facade you've had to

911
01:03:45.599 --> 01:03:47.480
take up all this time.

912
01:03:47.880 --> 01:03:49.719
Well that's that's that's what That's what I'm saying.

913
01:03:49.920 --> 01:03:56.679
In another words, another words, you're representative the facade, that's

914
01:03:56.679 --> 01:03:58.840
what it is. A representative. That's my representative.

915
01:03:59.519 --> 01:04:03.960
Yeah, everybody has one, but people again, I can only

916
01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:06.920
speak for for For me as a woman, I have

917
01:04:07.119 --> 01:04:10.000
not met a man who won is up for the

918
01:04:10.119 --> 01:04:17.159
challenge or two is honest and communicating that they feel

919
01:04:17.159 --> 01:04:18.960
that way. I'm not a mind reader.

920
01:04:19.159 --> 01:04:25.199
Hold on one second, yeah, ordering the court, you are

921
01:04:25.239 --> 01:04:28.760
now being held to content the court. You are full

922
01:04:28.800 --> 01:04:31.840
of ship and I don't agree with it.

923
01:04:32.440 --> 01:04:37.440
Next, what what proof do you have?

924
01:04:39.880 --> 01:04:41.440
I'm just goofing. I'm just goofing.

925
01:04:41.920 --> 01:04:45.400
Yeah, you bet. You better bring your proof to hold

926
01:04:45.480 --> 01:04:46.360
up that statement.

927
01:04:47.440 --> 01:04:50.800
Hold on, hold on, trust believe I love to show

928
01:04:51.320 --> 01:04:52.400
my feminine side.

929
01:04:52.760 --> 01:04:56.000
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and you.

930
01:04:55.960 --> 01:04:59.000
Know who you know showing a feminist side to a

931
01:04:59.039 --> 01:04:59.880
lot of men out here.

932
01:05:01.760 --> 01:05:04.719
And then how about how about not run away because

933
01:05:04.800 --> 01:05:08.280
you're wait a minute, all right, so not run away

934
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:10.519
because you're independent, all right, there's.

935
01:05:10.280 --> 01:05:15.960
Nothing because our confidence triggers their insecurity.

936
01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:18.480
No, see that? Then then to be honest with you,

937
01:05:18.480 --> 01:05:20.280
you're dealing with bitch dudes.

938
01:05:21.719 --> 01:05:23.480
That's that's where I'm coming from.

939
01:05:23.880 --> 01:05:27.960
That's what that's because a man who runs away from

940
01:05:28.239 --> 01:05:32.000
who can't have who runs away from a woman who

941
01:05:32.079 --> 01:05:37.320
shows her independence is is somebody you know you don't

942
01:05:37.320 --> 01:05:37.960
want to deal with.

943
01:05:39.559 --> 01:05:44.920
The triggers they're insecurity and making sure about then you

944
01:05:44.960 --> 01:05:46.079
need to look at yourself.

945
01:05:46.800 --> 01:05:48.400
And that's what I mean when I say that, you

946
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:51.639
know a lot of men have feminine qualities as well,

947
01:05:53.000 --> 01:05:56.320
you know, like because of things like that by that nature.

948
01:05:58.440 --> 01:06:00.840
Yeah, you you gotta a lot of people got to

949
01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:04.639
understand too, is that when when dealing with with with

950
01:06:04.639 --> 01:06:08.880
with with a woman that that that is that isn't dependent, Okay,

951
01:06:09.280 --> 01:06:17.000
that is a strong independent woman. It takes a lot

952
01:06:17.039 --> 01:06:21.679
of communicating how it's making you feel.

953
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:26.360
Yeah, but it's also about doing your research and trying

954
01:06:26.400 --> 01:06:30.920
to understand why is this woman like this? What is

955
01:06:30.960 --> 01:06:34.480
it about her life? What is it about her history

956
01:06:35.239 --> 01:06:37.360
that puts her in because believe it or not, being

957
01:06:37.440 --> 01:06:40.960
in the masculine thing is a defense mechanism, right.

958
01:06:41.320 --> 01:06:43.079
I was just about to I was just about to

959
01:06:43.119 --> 01:06:46.280
be like, listen, but go ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're

960
01:06:46.280 --> 01:06:46.719
ahead of me.

961
01:06:47.679 --> 01:06:51.440
Yeah. So it's like, hold up, I see in this

962
01:06:51.519 --> 01:06:55.159
woman A B and C. Right, what I feel is

963
01:06:55.280 --> 01:06:57.960
D E, n F. What is it that I need

964
01:06:57.960 --> 01:07:00.920
to know about her? So that kind of like what

965
01:07:00.960 --> 01:07:03.840
Maria said, so that I can put her at ease,

966
01:07:04.400 --> 01:07:08.239
so I can push that button that allows that wall

967
01:07:08.400 --> 01:07:12.000
to just fall away, right, and not for a bad reason,

968
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:17.599
because that's the thing. Guys are truly out there to conquer. Yes,

969
01:07:18.000 --> 01:07:19.800
but you don't want to do it all alone. No,

970
01:07:19.880 --> 01:07:22.920
I don't think most any of us women really want to.

971
01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:26.599
But then we've got the knuckleheads, of course, who are

972
01:07:26.639 --> 01:07:29.000
walking around. Who are walking around?

973
01:07:29.480 --> 01:07:31.119
That's what I mean talking about.

974
01:07:31.519 --> 01:07:34.280
Uh, And I've seen some of these reels and I

975
01:07:34.400 --> 01:07:38.239
laugh my behind off talking about, Oh, you want to

976
01:07:38.280 --> 01:07:42.079
take me to the cheesecake factory? What are you talking about?

977
01:07:42.599 --> 01:07:45.559
I ain't gonna know, darn cheesecake girl. Do you know

978
01:07:45.599 --> 01:07:49.639
how expensive that place is? Like they have these expectations

979
01:07:49.639 --> 01:07:54.000
that are so stupid. You know, you patience, you pay

980
01:07:54.119 --> 01:07:57.440
for our meal with a coupon that is so cheap.

981
01:07:58.119 --> 01:08:00.239
Excuse me the fact that he's paying it all. Oh,

982
01:08:00.239 --> 01:08:05.039
you need to chill. She's been on her own since

983
01:08:05.039 --> 01:08:10.400
she was seventeen, and she excudes confidence all day every day. Yes, Melissa,

984
01:08:10.440 --> 01:08:14.840
but there is a difference between confidence and just cockiness,

985
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:18.159
you know, confidence and just wanting to be a boss,

986
01:08:18.840 --> 01:08:21.680
you know, like for instance, you know, we as women,

987
01:08:21.880 --> 01:08:24.560
a lot of us talk about being alpha female and

988
01:08:24.600 --> 01:08:27.960
all that stuff. Personally, I don't want to be an

989
01:08:28.000 --> 01:08:32.399
alpha Do I have a strong and confident personality, yes,

990
01:08:32.720 --> 01:08:34.840
Do I speak my mind, do I go after what

991
01:08:34.920 --> 01:08:37.560
I want? Yes? But I don't ever want to be

992
01:08:37.800 --> 01:08:41.840
an alpha female because you are no.

993
01:08:41.880 --> 01:08:43.960
Longer a female if you are alpha.

994
01:08:44.319 --> 01:08:48.600
Yes, Unfortunately, And again it goes back to my thing

995
01:08:48.720 --> 01:08:52.439
about wanting a man to lead. I can't be an

996
01:08:52.520 --> 01:08:56.079
alpha female and expect to have a man who will

997
01:08:56.159 --> 01:09:01.399
lead me because I need him and and alpha doesn't

998
01:09:01.399 --> 01:09:06.680
always mean what people think it means. You know, yeah,

999
01:09:07.079 --> 01:09:08.680
you know so, so No, I don't want to be

1000
01:09:08.720 --> 01:09:11.319
an alpha female. I am a strong female, I am

1001
01:09:11.359 --> 01:09:14.920
a confident female. I'm honest with myself, I know what

1002
01:09:15.039 --> 01:09:19.399
I want, I'm I'm you know, uh, I'm finally it

1003
01:09:19.479 --> 01:09:26.039
took a long long time. You know, I understand that Melissa,

1004
01:09:26.079 --> 01:09:29.319
that that you don't you don't want to be, But

1005
01:09:29.399 --> 01:09:33.159
I would challenge you to actually kind of do some

1006
01:09:33.399 --> 01:09:38.800
inner like some inner focusing on why, like what is

1007
01:09:38.840 --> 01:09:41.319
it about your life that has caused you to need

1008
01:09:41.399 --> 01:09:46.159
to be that? Because we can be those strong, independent,

1009
01:09:46.960 --> 01:09:51.720
you know, badass women and not need to be alpha,

1010
01:09:52.279 --> 01:09:57.439
you know, because again one, you know, you have alpha,

1011
01:09:57.600 --> 01:10:01.279
you have omega. So it's kind of like, what is

1012
01:10:01.319 --> 01:10:06.399
it what does it mean to be alpha or omega?

1013
01:10:06.479 --> 01:10:09.520
And and kind of say is that where I want

1014
01:10:09.640 --> 01:10:12.600
to be? You know, because again, if we're gonna claim

1015
01:10:12.640 --> 01:10:17.239
a position, we can't claim that position and then expect

1016
01:10:17.279 --> 01:10:20.119
someone to be in our life that is also in

1017
01:10:20.159 --> 01:10:24.199
that position, because you can't have two alphas in a relationship.

1018
01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:28.279
You can't just like you can't have two betas or

1019
01:10:28.279 --> 01:10:32.880
that's gonna be that's gonna be crazy too. That's actually actually.

1020
01:10:32.560 --> 01:10:35.640
You know what I'm saying, Actually, actually you can actually

1021
01:10:35.720 --> 01:10:38.119
have two alphas in a relationship. You just have to

1022
01:10:38.199 --> 01:10:40.439
you know what I'm saying, both of them have both

1023
01:10:40.479 --> 01:10:45.479
have to learn how to and the alphased no, actually

1024
01:10:45.520 --> 01:10:48.159
you know what. No, there is in certain situations, you

1025
01:10:48.159 --> 01:10:50.079
know what I'm saying. Both of them have to learn

1026
01:10:50.079 --> 01:10:53.199
how too. You know what I'm saying, Bounce that little power.

1027
01:10:54.640 --> 01:10:56.960
But if you learn, but if.

1028
01:10:56.800 --> 01:11:02.199
You share power, you are no longer alpha, right, well.

1029
01:11:02.119 --> 01:11:03.720
In the relationship, no, but like you know what I'm saying.

1030
01:11:03.760 --> 01:11:06.279
But like in certain situations, you know what I mean,

1031
01:11:06.319 --> 01:11:08.479
like one has you know what I'm saying, Like for instance,

1032
01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:13.199
right that says a problem that you can't you can't handle,

1033
01:11:13.239 --> 01:11:16.439
but your man can handle. Then out, you know what

1034
01:11:16.439 --> 01:11:18.720
I'm saying, let him take charge on that part. There's

1035
01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:22.319
a certain situation that he can't handle that you can't handle.

1036
01:11:22.960 --> 01:11:24.159
Then you know what he has to seen. You know

1037
01:11:24.159 --> 01:11:24.560
what I'm saying.

1038
01:11:24.560 --> 01:11:25.119
The little you know.

1039
01:11:25.560 --> 01:11:29.079
But that's not being alpha though, duves. That's that's the

1040
01:11:29.159 --> 01:11:32.600
relationship piece of it. When you're alpha, that's alpha. That

1041
01:11:32.720 --> 01:11:36.039
is a part, that's a personality, that's a role, that's

1042
01:11:36.079 --> 01:11:39.399
a place you know, so you can have again, you

1043
01:11:39.439 --> 01:11:42.279
can have a strong and and going back to what

1044
01:11:42.319 --> 01:11:44.680
Melissa said about whenever she's been a beta, it's bitter

1045
01:11:44.680 --> 01:11:49.840
in the ass. Unfortunately, honey, that's because you were choosing

1046
01:11:49.880 --> 01:11:54.000
the wrong person to be the alpha. You know, like again,

1047
01:11:54.119 --> 01:12:00.199
we have to be choosy. We we are powerful and

1048
01:12:00.279 --> 01:12:04.359
valuable beings. But what we tend to not do is

1049
01:12:04.960 --> 01:12:10.039
we tend to not be more mindful. Yes, you got

1050
01:12:10.079 --> 01:12:12.560
to realize your worth. We have to be more mindful

1051
01:12:12.600 --> 01:12:15.560
about what we bring to the table so that we

1052
01:12:15.600 --> 01:12:19.880
can find the complementary to what we bring. And so

1053
01:12:19.920 --> 01:12:23.680
when we're talking about the alpha, we can be strong, independent,

1054
01:12:24.600 --> 01:12:27.760
you know, strong character, opinionated. We can be all of

1055
01:12:27.800 --> 01:12:32.479
that and not need to be the alpha in the relationship.

1056
01:12:33.039 --> 01:12:37.079
You know, because I'm a Leo okay, and so Leo's

1057
01:12:37.119 --> 01:12:42.319
are natural leaders, we're natural protectors. We we we roar,

1058
01:12:42.760 --> 01:12:46.640
you know, we have power. You're making lots of noise there,

1059
01:12:46.680 --> 01:12:54.720
dubs my water. I'm thirsty, you're distracting. I am a

1060
01:12:54.960 --> 01:13:01.640
very I'm very passionate personality, but my my roar is

1061
01:13:01.680 --> 01:13:06.239
worse than my actual bite right because I don't want

1062
01:13:06.760 --> 01:13:10.239
I don't want at any at no time do I

1063
01:13:10.279 --> 01:13:14.159
want any part of alpha. You know, I'm happy being

1064
01:13:14.199 --> 01:13:19.279
the supporter, but I do have that alpha trait where

1065
01:13:19.319 --> 01:13:23.680
it's like, mess with people I love and you're gonna

1066
01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:30.279
get hurt. By August fifth, you know. So it's like,

1067
01:13:31.560 --> 01:13:34.239
you know, I have that power in me, right, but

1068
01:13:34.319 --> 01:13:40.720
I'm mindfully choosing my position, you know, And I don't

1069
01:13:40.800 --> 01:13:43.920
like to compete. I don't like to compete. I'm either

1070
01:13:44.800 --> 01:13:47.039
I'm either it or I'm not. But I have to

1071
01:13:47.079 --> 01:13:51.199
be more mindful about the partner that I choose, right

1072
01:13:51.239 --> 01:13:56.319
so it will allow me to be the beta that

1073
01:13:56.399 --> 01:13:59.920
I want and need to be, so that I can

1074
01:14:00.159 --> 01:14:03.239
live in my feminine energy, so that I can live

1075
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:09.840
in trusting someone else. At this time in my life,

1076
01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:15.960
I work in a profession that requires a very strong personality.

1077
01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:16.720
Uh.

1078
01:14:16.760 --> 01:14:19.239
You know, I'm no longer a therapist who's there to

1079
01:14:19.359 --> 01:14:22.920
like support and help people, you know. That's me as

1080
01:14:22.920 --> 01:14:27.199
a person, though my personality is a helper, is a

1081
01:14:27.359 --> 01:14:32.760
very sensitive, you know, loving person, you know. But I

1082
01:14:32.800 --> 01:14:36.680
have to be more more careful with the people that

1083
01:14:36.760 --> 01:14:39.479
I give my my energy to. I have to be

1084
01:14:39.560 --> 01:14:42.560
more careful about the people that I allow to see

1085
01:14:42.600 --> 01:14:47.920
me in that more feminine role in that you know, uh,

1086
01:14:48.119 --> 01:14:52.079
for lack of better words, that that weaker energy, you know,

1087
01:14:53.000 --> 01:14:55.760
but that doesn't make me weak. It actually takes a

1088
01:14:55.760 --> 01:14:59.319
lot of strength to be that because my natural every

1089
01:14:59.399 --> 01:15:04.800
day place is the masculine energy. I have to be

1090
01:15:04.840 --> 01:15:08.000
a masculine energy all day, every day as a mother,

1091
01:15:08.560 --> 01:15:12.720
as an employee, you know, I have to be able

1092
01:15:12.960 --> 01:15:15.479
to point people in the right direction and put my

1093
01:15:15.520 --> 01:15:17.760
foot down and you know, I have to be able

1094
01:15:17.800 --> 01:15:20.319
to do all of those things. But when it comes

1095
01:15:20.399 --> 01:15:23.439
to coming home, yes, I have to. I have to.

1096
01:15:23.760 --> 01:15:27.079
I can't be vulnerable during the day. But I also

1097
01:15:27.159 --> 01:15:30.720
have to be careful about choosing. I can't just choose

1098
01:15:30.840 --> 01:15:33.600
any FULO that comes up to me talking about I.

1099
01:15:33.560 --> 01:15:38.159
Like you, you.

1100
01:15:35.319 --> 01:15:47.920
Know, because people Yes, what people don't realize about me

1101
01:15:48.119 --> 01:15:52.479
is yes, you don't know him. He lives down the street,

1102
01:15:53.159 --> 01:15:53.319
you know.

1103
01:15:57.680 --> 01:16:03.800
Yeah, we know him all too damn well.

1104
01:16:07.279 --> 01:16:09.399
And the thing and the thing too that a lot

1105
01:16:09.439 --> 01:16:12.199
of people don't whether it be when men and women

1106
01:16:12.319 --> 01:16:14.800
a lot of them don't realize, is that at this

1107
01:16:15.000 --> 01:16:18.119
point in your life. I think I've said this before,

1108
01:16:20.000 --> 01:16:24.520
someone coming into your life, their life doesn't start.

1109
01:16:24.279 --> 01:16:25.279
With you when they meet you.

1110
01:16:25.520 --> 01:16:31.079
Yeah, they come with baggage, all their experiences, all their heartache,

1111
01:16:31.279 --> 01:16:36.680
all their dysfunction, all that everything comes with them.

1112
01:16:37.079 --> 01:16:41.479
What I'm saying, because he Corleone, is have they dealt

1113
01:16:41.560 --> 01:16:45.800
with it? That is the question have they allowed themselves

1114
01:16:46.239 --> 01:16:50.560
to not only put a name on it, recognize it,

1115
01:16:50.840 --> 01:16:53.720
but have they been able to work through it? Have

1116
01:16:53.840 --> 01:16:57.399
they been able to heal themselves? And get this straight, ladies,

1117
01:16:58.119 --> 01:17:04.239
you are not responsible to fix anyone and same thing

1118
01:17:04.279 --> 01:17:09.439
for men. A man is not supposed to fix you. You

1119
01:17:08.840 --> 01:17:12.039
have to fix yourself, and they're there to hold you,

1120
01:17:12.199 --> 01:17:15.720
support you, help you pick up the pieces of what

1121
01:17:16.039 --> 01:17:20.159
was left behind. No one else is responsible for our

1122
01:17:20.399 --> 01:17:25.920
happiness nor our healing. They can be catalysts, they can

1123
01:17:25.960 --> 01:17:29.319
be helpful, They can be the one that puts you

1124
01:17:29.560 --> 01:17:35.199
over that healing edge. They can soothe you and protect you.

1125
01:17:35.880 --> 01:17:38.800
Say it a little louder, you know they are. They

1126
01:17:38.800 --> 01:17:42.399
can soothe you, protect you, support you. But it is

1127
01:17:42.479 --> 01:17:46.680
no one else's responsibility or job because that's a lot

1128
01:17:46.720 --> 01:17:51.039
of pressure to put on somebody, whether they are. You

1129
01:17:51.079 --> 01:17:52.920
got to heal yourself and now you got to heal

1130
01:17:52.960 --> 01:18:00.520
this other person too. Okay, I'm not because you know what,

1131
01:18:00.560 --> 01:18:02.399
I'm going to put it to y'all like somebody put

1132
01:18:02.399 --> 01:18:04.880
it to me. And you know what, It really took

1133
01:18:04.920 --> 01:18:07.039
that slap in the face for me to really see

1134
01:18:07.079 --> 01:18:13.880
and understand. My therapist slapped me find out, she said,

1135
01:18:15.359 --> 01:18:23.600
you are not supposed to take on projects. You know,

1136
01:18:23.800 --> 01:18:26.880
like when your partner or that other person in your

1137
01:18:26.920 --> 01:18:32.720
life becomes a project for you to handle, then that

1138
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:36.279
you're in the wrong place. You're in the wrong place.

1139
01:18:36.840 --> 01:18:40.600
You can be you can be hurt, you can have baggage,

1140
01:18:40.680 --> 01:18:43.760
you can have all of those things and still not

1141
01:18:44.039 --> 01:18:47.319
have to be a project for somebody. Right, But when

1142
01:18:47.399 --> 01:18:53.840
you're looking to someone else to fix you, to fill

1143
01:18:55.239 --> 01:18:58.760
a broken piece, to fill the hole that has been left,

1144
01:18:59.199 --> 01:19:05.479
when that becomes codependency and not relationship, that becomes toxic

1145
01:19:05.680 --> 01:19:09.680
and not healthy. Right. So it's like when somebody has

1146
01:19:09.720 --> 01:19:15.960
to manipulate you into staying or manipulate you into believing

1147
01:19:16.439 --> 01:19:19.840
that you are needed and wanted and that if you

1148
01:19:19.920 --> 01:19:21.920
don't do what they need you to do, that you're

1149
01:19:21.960 --> 01:19:26.680
not worthy. That is a toxic problem. That is a problem.

1150
01:19:27.520 --> 01:19:30.560
You should come and be able to feel like you

1151
01:19:30.680 --> 01:19:34.479
can be in your space just the way you are

1152
01:19:35.199 --> 01:19:39.239
and still be accepted, but also hold that person accountable

1153
01:19:40.119 --> 01:19:45.039
for their own stuff, like my damage is not an

1154
01:19:45.039 --> 01:19:49.000
excuse for me to treat you like garbage. Heck no,

1155
01:19:49.199 --> 01:19:51.159
And if you're not going to stand yeah, and if

1156
01:19:51.199 --> 01:19:53.520
you're not going to stand your ground as my partner

1157
01:19:53.920 --> 01:19:58.439
and hold that boundary. Then I've got a wonder. Are

1158
01:19:58.520 --> 01:20:02.560
you just as broken as me because two broken people

1159
01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:03.680
can't fix anything.

1160
01:20:04.239 --> 01:20:08.279
Nope, nine ten times the answer is yes.

1161
01:20:09.479 --> 01:20:12.359
It's just that you know what we don't say.

1162
01:20:12.720 --> 01:20:17.439
Man, we don't say nothing because, like you know, like

1163
01:20:18.600 --> 01:20:21.399
we got well. I can't speak for anybody else, but

1164
01:20:21.399 --> 01:20:23.720
I got so used to well. They get so used

1165
01:20:23.720 --> 01:20:26.199
to the point where it's like, ah, I'm so broken.

1166
01:20:26.199 --> 01:20:29.560
If it ain't broke, don't fix it, that it be.

1167
01:20:30.199 --> 01:20:32.239
But if you know you're broken, you need to come

1168
01:20:32.279 --> 01:20:35.359
with that. You need to come correct and say listen,

1169
01:20:36.239 --> 01:20:40.640
I right now am broken, but it's not your responsibility

1170
01:20:40.680 --> 01:20:43.439
to fix me. If you can hang out with me,

1171
01:20:43.640 --> 01:20:46.920
if you can hold on with me, I promise you

1172
01:20:47.039 --> 01:20:50.760
I will break, I will fix my pieces, I will

1173
01:20:50.800 --> 01:20:55.399
come to you correctly. I will manage my stuff. And

1174
01:20:55.479 --> 01:20:57.680
also these guys who think that they have to do

1175
01:20:57.720 --> 01:21:01.479
it all by themselves. No, if you feel that you're

1176
01:21:01.520 --> 01:21:04.760
broken doesn't mean that you can't come to me and

1177
01:21:04.800 --> 01:21:09.319
say that. I can't have you expecting me to fix it. However,

1178
01:21:09.640 --> 01:21:12.600
when you keep it from me, you're also not giving

1179
01:21:12.640 --> 01:21:15.920
me an opportunity to be supported. You're not giving me

1180
01:21:16.319 --> 01:21:20.119
the opportunity to be your equal. You know, you're not

1181
01:21:20.239 --> 01:21:23.319
giving me the opportunity to be an adult and to

1182
01:21:23.439 --> 01:21:27.479
allow myself to choose you if you're not even going

1183
01:21:27.560 --> 01:21:31.159
to choose you, you know, like because when you shut

1184
01:21:31.159 --> 01:21:34.119
me out, when when you don't make me a part

1185
01:21:34.199 --> 01:21:38.319
of the solution, then that's making you a bigger problem.

1186
01:21:39.439 --> 01:21:43.239
Yeah, and it all, it all comes down. It all

1187
01:21:43.279 --> 01:21:47.680
comes down to uncommunicated expectations, you know what I'm saying,

1188
01:21:48.319 --> 01:21:51.119
Like we have that. Yeah, you have to be able

1189
01:21:51.159 --> 01:21:54.600
to express what it is you want, need and you

1190
01:21:54.720 --> 01:21:57.960
need and it needs to it needs to be heard,

1191
01:21:58.079 --> 01:22:01.159
needs to be said. And if it's huh, how do

1192
01:22:01.199 --> 01:22:07.920
you expect your partner to be able to help help

1193
01:22:08.039 --> 01:22:10.359
or or stand by you or do whatever it is

1194
01:22:11.039 --> 01:22:12.479
make the choice.

1195
01:22:12.399 --> 01:22:14.760
Or even make the choice to walk away in the beginning,

1196
01:22:15.399 --> 01:22:21.680
Because when you don't voice those unverbalized expectations, needs, or wants,

1197
01:22:22.279 --> 01:22:25.880
you're not giving the other person the opportunity to not

1198
01:22:26.079 --> 01:22:30.640
hurt you. You're actually giving them more time to hurt you.

1199
01:22:31.159 --> 01:22:33.079
Because if you don't put it out on the table,

1200
01:22:33.159 --> 01:22:35.760
like she said, if you don't put everything on the table.

1201
01:22:36.520 --> 01:22:41.520
You're leaving things unset, undone unknown. And this goes way

1202
01:22:41.560 --> 01:22:43.600
way back to a story I told you guys a

1203
01:22:43.640 --> 01:22:47.079
while ago about somebody that I was dating or trying

1204
01:22:47.079 --> 01:22:52.520
to talk to at least who uh who had diabetes,

1205
01:22:53.119 --> 01:22:56.159
and I guess he was. So he was so traumatized

1206
01:22:56.239 --> 01:22:58.680
by the fact that there were women out there who

1207
01:22:58.680 --> 01:23:02.079
didn't want to accept the diabetes that he started to

1208
01:23:02.119 --> 01:23:05.000
get defensive about it, and so then he stopped staring

1209
01:23:05.640 --> 01:23:08.199
to the point where he actually moved the right one.

1210
01:23:08.960 --> 01:23:11.640
What are you doing, Doug, yo?

1211
01:23:12.560 --> 01:23:16.399
Back yo, I'm just like like, move.

1212
01:23:17.359 --> 01:23:20.600
My hand around my he's making a whole lot of noise.

1213
01:23:22.159 --> 01:23:24.640
Yeah, hold on, y y, you know what, let me

1214
01:23:24.680 --> 01:23:28.399
switch her phones ecstatic. I can't prepare it.

1215
01:23:29.840 --> 01:23:35.600
Good. This So so he basically out of fear, out

1216
01:23:35.600 --> 01:23:37.880
of fear of what other people had done to him,

1217
01:23:39.199 --> 01:23:41.479
he couldn't see that I wasn't going to do the

1218
01:23:41.520 --> 01:23:46.840
same thing. So in his efforts to hide or or

1219
01:23:46.960 --> 01:23:52.720
or not be a burden he felt to someone, he

1220
01:23:52.920 --> 01:23:55.439
hid things from me that were very important for me

1221
01:23:55.560 --> 01:23:58.359
to know, which would have gave him given me the

1222
01:23:58.399 --> 01:24:02.680
opportunity to make a choice. So things just kept going

1223
01:24:02.800 --> 01:24:05.399
and going and going. It was just kind of like

1224
01:24:06.079 --> 01:24:10.680
we were running. He was getting more connected and all

1225
01:24:10.720 --> 01:24:13.000
this kind of stuff. He was falling more and more

1226
01:24:13.039 --> 01:24:17.800
and more until the whole truth finally came out. And

1227
01:24:17.840 --> 01:24:22.600
then that's when I said, dude, like I needed to

1228
01:24:22.720 --> 01:24:25.800
know this from the door. Oh, but I was afraid.

1229
01:24:25.800 --> 01:24:28.279
I didn't want to feel like a burden. I was like, dude,

1230
01:24:28.760 --> 01:24:31.560
if you told me this stuff in the beginning, I

1231
01:24:31.560 --> 01:24:36.039
would have still respected. I would have still I would

1232
01:24:36.039 --> 01:24:39.039
have still been able to make choices. I would have

1233
01:24:39.079 --> 01:24:40.920
still been able to I was not going to just

1234
01:24:41.039 --> 01:24:43.920
drop you because this was an issue, but because you

1235
01:24:44.039 --> 01:24:46.319
hid that from me, you got it to a point

1236
01:24:46.359 --> 01:24:50.039
where I could no longer deal with the consequences of

1237
01:24:50.119 --> 01:24:53.159
what you were hiding. You could have given it all

1238
01:24:53.199 --> 01:24:55.880
to me in the beginning so that I could prepare myself.

1239
01:24:56.079 --> 01:24:58.199
I wasn't going to just drop you because you had

1240
01:24:58.239 --> 01:25:01.760
to deal with A B and C. But now you

1241
01:25:02.079 --> 01:25:06.000
allowed yourself to be a part of this relationship or

1242
01:25:06.079 --> 01:25:09.960
trying to have this relationship that now I can't try.

1243
01:25:10.039 --> 01:25:12.840
I feel like I can't trust you because now you've

1244
01:25:12.880 --> 01:25:19.560
done shit in my bed, Like oh damn, you know,

1245
01:25:19.720 --> 01:25:22.079
like it's it's I mean, it's it's it's a metaphor

1246
01:25:22.239 --> 01:25:24.439
as well as you know other things. You know, It's

1247
01:25:24.520 --> 01:25:28.640
like it's like I had every right, you know, because

1248
01:25:28.640 --> 01:25:31.560
now you allowed yourself to get caught up. Now you

1249
01:25:31.680 --> 01:25:35.760
caught feelings for me, but you didn't give me all

1250
01:25:35.800 --> 01:25:38.239
the information I needed. And it would have been better

1251
01:25:38.239 --> 01:25:40.159
had you told me this in the beginning and not

1252
01:25:40.279 --> 01:25:44.359
got caught up and given me the opportunity to make

1253
01:25:44.399 --> 01:25:48.600
a choice in the beginning. Then to just lead me

1254
01:25:48.720 --> 01:25:59.000
into this false unless you know, giving me this false

1255
01:25:59.800 --> 01:26:06.600
set of security that really didn't exist, and essentially you lied.

1256
01:26:07.359 --> 01:26:11.039
And once you lie to me, I can't trust you anymore,

1257
01:26:12.600 --> 01:26:16.039
you know, like once for me again, I'm not going

1258
01:26:16.119 --> 01:26:19.039
to say because I'm a Leo, but as as a

1259
01:26:19.119 --> 01:26:23.840
Leo personality, if you don't give me all the information

1260
01:26:24.079 --> 01:26:29.039
I need to make my educated choice and decision. When

1261
01:26:29.079 --> 01:26:31.840
I start to find out that you were hiding things

1262
01:26:31.880 --> 01:26:36.479
from me that were very pertinent, I've gotta bow out,

1263
01:26:36.840 --> 01:26:39.760
not because of who you are, but because of what

1264
01:26:39.800 --> 01:26:43.359
you did. So the thing is, because he didn't want

1265
01:26:43.359 --> 01:26:47.159
me to leave him for having diabetes, I ended up

1266
01:26:47.239 --> 01:26:52.800
leaving because he lied about it. I would. I was

1267
01:26:52.880 --> 01:26:57.800
totally on board because I was after the person, not

1268
01:26:59.079 --> 01:27:02.600
the illness. I could have held all of that down

1269
01:27:02.680 --> 01:27:05.920
if you had just trusted me and been vulnerable enough

1270
01:27:05.960 --> 01:27:10.399
with me and think me as an adult to give

1271
01:27:10.439 --> 01:27:13.439
me the opportunity to show you that I'm not like

1272
01:27:13.520 --> 01:27:17.199
everybody else. I wasn't going to treat you like everybody else.

1273
01:27:17.680 --> 01:27:21.199
But because you were so afraid of what I might do,

1274
01:27:22.760 --> 01:27:26.439
you didn't give me all the information I needed, and

1275
01:27:26.479 --> 01:27:29.760
so then it led to a very bad situation that

1276
01:27:29.880 --> 01:27:32.520
in the end made me feel as though you lied

1277
01:27:32.560 --> 01:27:37.520
because technically you lied by omission, and yes, people by

1278
01:27:37.640 --> 01:27:43.199
not saying something, you are lying because you're hiding. So yes,

1279
01:27:43.279 --> 01:27:45.840
it is a lie. It's a lie because you know

1280
01:27:45.920 --> 01:27:50.279
there's something there that you're not sharing that could potentially

1281
01:27:50.359 --> 01:27:54.319
be bad, that could potentially ruin everything. And it did

1282
01:27:54.520 --> 01:27:59.159
because I felt betrayed because I was not given all

1283
01:27:59.159 --> 01:28:02.239
the information I need it. And so when push came

1284
01:28:02.279 --> 01:28:07.560
to shove, because I was trusting you, you showed me

1285
01:28:07.880 --> 01:28:13.199
that I couldn't because you can trust information. Yeah, I'm sorry,

1286
01:28:13.239 --> 01:28:14.439
go ahead, no, no.

1287
01:28:14.600 --> 01:28:20.239
No, So so right now, let's hold on. Let's read

1288
01:28:20.319 --> 01:28:22.199
this first, because it was like a big message.

1289
01:28:22.640 --> 01:28:28.720
Yeah. So Maria is in a similar situation right now.

1290
01:28:29.319 --> 01:28:32.039
She found she found out early about something. It was

1291
01:28:32.079 --> 01:28:34.920
brought up briefly and swiftly, and she had to believe

1292
01:28:34.960 --> 01:28:37.319
it at the time, but something about it bothered her,

1293
01:28:37.760 --> 01:28:40.800
it allowed her. She allowed it to bother her for months,

1294
01:28:41.199 --> 01:28:43.720
and when she finally told him it was bothering her

1295
01:28:44.560 --> 01:28:47.880
and finally asked him the question, she got, Oh, I

1296
01:28:47.880 --> 01:28:50.920
don't want to talk about it right now. So right there,

1297
01:28:50.960 --> 01:28:56.680
you're telling me you don't trust me with you, So

1298
01:28:56.720 --> 01:28:59.880
then that means you don't trust me to be your partner.

1299
01:29:01.319 --> 01:29:02.800
Certain things are hard to talk about.

1300
01:29:03.439 --> 01:29:05.920
Okay, there's one thing about being hard to talk about,

1301
01:29:06.000 --> 01:29:09.840
and there's another thing about totally not talking about it right.

1302
01:29:10.640 --> 01:29:12.079
Certain people don't know how to speak to you know

1303
01:29:12.079 --> 01:29:13.479
what I'm saying, how to express themself.

1304
01:29:14.520 --> 01:29:17.319
But you gotta at least but you gotta at least

1305
01:29:18.359 --> 01:29:23.640
allow people to know that there is something there, you know, like,

1306
01:29:24.319 --> 01:29:26.880
you can't just hide it. Because the thing is, if

1307
01:29:26.920 --> 01:29:32.600
you a relationship this and this is coming from a therapist, Okay, people,

1308
01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:39.319
a relationship therapist, Why in the world do you want

1309
01:29:39.319 --> 01:29:46.359
to be with someone that you cannot feel comfortable enough

1310
01:29:46.399 --> 01:29:49.880
to know things about you that you will not willingly

1311
01:29:49.960 --> 01:29:55.319
share with anyone else. That is the purpose of a partner, right.

1312
01:29:55.520 --> 01:29:57.479
It might take you a while to get there, and

1313
01:29:57.520 --> 01:29:59.800
that's fine. That's fine because some.

1314
01:29:59.720 --> 01:30:01.319
People get your head in that direction.

1315
01:30:01.800 --> 01:30:09.439
Yeah, some people's damage is so bad and they can't

1316
01:30:09.479 --> 01:30:11.880
talk about it, they don't want to talk about it.

1317
01:30:12.359 --> 01:30:15.159
But if you're telling me that you love me, you

1318
01:30:15.279 --> 01:30:17.920
at least have to let me know that there's something

1319
01:30:18.000 --> 01:30:23.079
that eventually needs to be talked about. If you're hiding

1320
01:30:23.359 --> 01:30:29.359
that there's damage at all, that is lying because you're

1321
01:30:29.399 --> 01:30:35.960
telling me that you don't trust me enough that I

1322
01:30:36.000 --> 01:30:39.399
can know this about you. Because again, for me as

1323
01:30:39.439 --> 01:30:44.159
a woman, although I cannot heal you, I cannot fix you,

1324
01:30:45.079 --> 01:30:50.199
and I cannot put you together. You're not a craft project.

1325
01:30:50.840 --> 01:30:57.319
I can be supportive, loving, caring. I can be there

1326
01:30:58.279 --> 01:31:02.720
and hold space for you you while you are managing

1327
01:31:02.760 --> 01:31:03.319
that issue.

1328
01:31:03.800 --> 01:31:10.640
That's why such thing as d Y I yeah, do

1329
01:31:10.720 --> 01:31:11.239
it yourself?

1330
01:31:13.119 --> 01:31:17.520
Why baby, d I Y?

1331
01:31:18.920 --> 01:31:23.520
The moment you do it, that is not but that's

1332
01:31:23.560 --> 01:31:24.680
not it yourself.

1333
01:31:25.039 --> 01:31:30.840
Again, if you go to yourself relationship yourself, if you

1334
01:31:30.920 --> 01:31:34.039
go into a true relationship, if you go into a

1335
01:31:34.119 --> 01:31:35.119
committed relationship.

1336
01:31:35.159 --> 01:31:36.920
I'm not talking about just talking.

1337
01:31:36.600 --> 01:31:43.079
To somebody different committed relationship. First thing you want to

1338
01:31:43.119 --> 01:31:45.600
tell that person is something.

1339
01:31:46.039 --> 01:31:49.319
Yeah, there's something that I need you to know because

1340
01:31:49.359 --> 01:31:52.199
it's a big thing for me, and I need you

1341
01:31:52.239 --> 01:31:53.560
to understand it's big for me.

1342
01:31:54.359 --> 01:31:56.199
Hey, look, you know what that is?

1343
01:31:56.279 --> 01:31:58.000
Too cute? Where did you get that?

1344
01:31:59.840 --> 01:32:02.439
I am held in contempt of court. I have to

1345
01:32:02.439 --> 01:32:04.920
pay a five thousand dollars fine and ten days in jail.

1346
01:32:05.359 --> 01:32:07.479
Melissa's like, get the gavel.

1347
01:32:09.359 --> 01:32:10.960
You better wrap that gavel up, b.

1348
01:32:12.800 --> 01:32:13.840
Oh shit.

1349
01:32:15.239 --> 01:32:18.439
Up, cause if you're gonna be in a committed relationship

1350
01:32:18.439 --> 01:32:20.399
with me, I'm gonna let you know this right now.

1351
01:32:20.520 --> 01:32:24.399
I'm giving you everything. I've got, everything that's under the hood.

1352
01:32:24.520 --> 01:32:27.479
I am trusting you because you know what, in my

1353
01:32:27.600 --> 01:32:31.720
life I need but one person. I only need one

1354
01:32:31.800 --> 01:32:37.840
person to absolutely give everything to, to absolutely be vulnerable with.

1355
01:32:38.319 --> 01:32:41.640
And if that is not my partner, then I don't

1356
01:32:41.680 --> 01:32:45.439
want you. I don't need you. I don't want you.

1357
01:32:45.560 --> 01:32:50.079
I don't like those videos you see on on like Facebook,

1358
01:32:50.159 --> 01:32:53.640
the reels and stuff where it's like if if our

1359
01:32:53.680 --> 01:32:55.560
love don't look like this, I don't want it.

1360
01:32:56.399 --> 01:32:56.600
Right.

1361
01:32:57.199 --> 01:32:59.800
If I can't if I can't be vulnerable with you,

1362
01:33:00.039 --> 01:33:02.680
if I can't be goofy with you, if I can't

1363
01:33:02.680 --> 01:33:06.079
be nasty with you, if I can't be me, if

1364
01:33:06.079 --> 01:33:08.560
I cannot be my true self and give you all

1365
01:33:08.560 --> 01:33:11.680
that I have, then I don't need you to be.

1366
01:33:12.079 --> 01:33:14.720
We can't wear a match in pajamas for Christmas.

1367
01:33:14.800 --> 01:33:16.840
Yes, yes, I don't want it.

1368
01:33:17.000 --> 01:33:19.199
I don't want If you know what's applot to us

1369
01:33:19.239 --> 01:33:21.560
about that, it'd be you know what I'm saying. It

1370
01:33:21.560 --> 01:33:24.199
would be the right message, but the wrong messenger because

1371
01:33:24.239 --> 01:33:27.560
the messenger, you know, yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

1372
01:33:27.760 --> 01:33:30.239
The messenger will be like, damn, you know what I'm saying.

1373
01:33:30.359 --> 01:33:32.079
You look at the messages like it just like your

1374
01:33:32.119 --> 01:33:36.479
fifth relationship this year talking this shit or you know

1375
01:33:36.479 --> 01:33:39.359
what I'm saying, or like the messages is like extremely toxic.

1376
01:33:40.039 --> 01:33:42.720
Tell her about this relationship. How about you get a

1377
01:33:42.720 --> 01:33:43.680
relationship with yourself?

1378
01:33:44.439 --> 01:33:49.840
Yes, yes, how about you learn how to live with

1379
01:33:49.920 --> 01:33:52.760
you before you be trying to live with somebody else,

1380
01:33:54.439 --> 01:33:56.439
because if you can't live with you, why in the

1381
01:33:56.439 --> 01:34:03.279
world would I want to live with you. That's that's powerful, dove, No.

1382
01:34:03.319 --> 01:34:07.359
That's the true besides that another baby on the way.

1383
01:34:07.680 --> 01:34:13.079
And if you're what not for me? Oh oh my gosh.

1384
01:34:13.479 --> 01:34:15.399
I was about it to be like what.

1385
01:34:17.319 --> 01:34:17.760
Not for me?

1386
01:34:22.279 --> 01:34:24.479
It's true. If you can't match my goofy, you either

1387
01:34:24.600 --> 01:34:25.159
keep it moving.

1388
01:34:25.720 --> 01:34:28.560
Yeah, And you know what, there's also like I have

1389
01:34:28.640 --> 01:34:33.439
to admit, although I think I like goofy, I'm not goofy.

1390
01:34:34.520 --> 01:34:38.520
But I'm also like people see me as serious. But

1391
01:34:38.600 --> 01:34:40.880
the truth is, if you really know me, if you

1392
01:34:40.960 --> 01:34:44.359
really take the time to know me, right, I'm only

1393
01:34:44.479 --> 01:34:49.479
serious about things that mean something to me. Right. So

1394
01:34:49.560 --> 01:34:51.640
when you start, when I start to feel like you're

1395
01:34:51.640 --> 01:34:56.800
disrespecting something that I find very important, that's when I'm serious.

1396
01:34:57.199 --> 01:35:00.279
That's when I'm not playing no more. But I love

1397
01:35:00.319 --> 01:35:03.319
to joke and be and busted up with the best

1398
01:35:03.319 --> 01:35:09.920
of them. There's just certain things that people find funny

1399
01:35:10.079 --> 01:35:12.640
that really aren't, that really aren't to me. You know,

1400
01:35:12.840 --> 01:35:16.800
like people think I'm uptight. You know what I'm gonna

1401
01:35:16.800 --> 01:35:20.039
tell you from the door. I am a rule follower.

1402
01:35:21.359 --> 01:35:23.800
I will bend a rule, but I will not break it.

1403
01:35:24.479 --> 01:35:27.279
I'm not out there cheating the system. I'm not out

1404
01:35:27.279 --> 01:35:31.560
there buying people's food stamps. I'm not doing all this stuff. Now,

1405
01:35:31.640 --> 01:35:34.520
I don't judge people who do that because that's your thing.

1406
01:35:35.439 --> 01:35:38.960
But what she said, Oh, I'm a whole vibe. I

1407
01:35:39.000 --> 01:35:42.680
love letting my hair down. Now, I'm not loosey goosey.

1408
01:35:42.880 --> 01:35:45.520
I don't drink. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke.

1409
01:35:45.720 --> 01:35:49.199
I don't do those things. But that's personal preference.

1410
01:35:49.880 --> 01:35:51.840
You know you are polar opposites.

1411
01:35:52.880 --> 01:35:57.640
Yeah, yeah, the polar because like and that's okay, like

1412
01:35:58.520 --> 01:36:01.960
how you feel about the system. I see it's nate,

1413
01:36:02.960 --> 01:36:07.760
no like. But the reason I feel that way because

1414
01:36:08.079 --> 01:36:10.399
because I know for a fact that the system is riten.

1415
01:36:12.199 --> 01:36:14.000
And it might be you know what it might be.

1416
01:36:14.199 --> 01:36:20.479
But the thing is, what's that? What she said? She

1417
01:36:20.600 --> 01:36:25.039
said me, either either what Melissa.

1418
01:36:25.520 --> 01:36:28.600
Na has made a great song is playing.

1419
01:36:30.199 --> 01:36:33.199
You? Either what Melissa I need to know? You either

1420
01:36:33.239 --> 01:36:38.479
what my thing is? Because I have needed the system

1421
01:36:38.800 --> 01:36:43.199
and but not been able to access it. But then

1422
01:36:43.239 --> 01:36:46.479
I watched the people who don't need the system play

1423
01:36:46.479 --> 01:36:53.760
it all a fool. So I but see that no drugs,

1424
01:36:53.760 --> 01:36:55.960
no drinking, good for you, Melissa. And for me, that's

1425
01:36:56.000 --> 01:36:59.000
just a preference. It's a preference. I don't I just

1426
01:36:59.039 --> 01:37:00.880
don't like it. I don't like the way it makes

1427
01:37:00.920 --> 01:37:04.479
me feel. I also have to realize my boundaries. I

1428
01:37:04.600 --> 01:37:08.960
come from a family that has addiction, you know, different

1429
01:37:09.039 --> 01:37:12.119
types of addictions, so I have to be mindful. I

1430
01:37:12.159 --> 01:37:14.640
have to care, you know, and and honestly, I do

1431
01:37:14.720 --> 01:37:19.159
have an addiction that I am in recovery, and that's food. Right.

1432
01:37:19.720 --> 01:37:23.720
Yeah, Look, you know what. Everybody's addicted to something?

1433
01:37:24.439 --> 01:37:25.760
Yeah, everybody, everybody.

1434
01:37:25.800 --> 01:37:28.439
Everybody, everybody has an addition, some of it.

1435
01:37:28.600 --> 01:37:31.279
Some some are healthy and some are very unhealthy. And

1436
01:37:31.359 --> 01:37:34.960
I'm you know what I'm I'm battling that and I'm

1437
01:37:35.000 --> 01:37:37.920
working with it. But I also recognize that it's an

1438
01:37:37.920 --> 01:37:41.039
issue for me, so I'm doing something about it.

1439
01:37:43.439 --> 01:37:45.560
That's true. Nice and food said it best.

1440
01:37:45.840 --> 01:37:49.000
Yeah, but you have to but you have to be

1441
01:37:49.079 --> 01:37:51.920
open to recognizing that it's the people who are in

1442
01:37:52.000 --> 01:37:56.279
denial that make it a problem. Right. So so you're like,

1443
01:37:56.520 --> 01:37:59.520
F the system, right, I don't say F the system

1444
01:37:59.800 --> 01:38:04.000
becase because even if it is rigged, even though it

1445
01:38:04.159 --> 01:38:07.840
is rigged, or the potential that it is, it only

1446
01:38:07.920 --> 01:38:10.600
takes one person to ruin it for everybody, there are

1447
01:38:10.760 --> 01:38:14.439
truly people out there who are in need of these things,

1448
01:38:15.159 --> 01:38:18.239
and if we're out there. Hello, my name is Melissa,

1449
01:38:18.560 --> 01:38:21.960
and I am a chocoholic girlfriend. I am in your

1450
01:38:22.319 --> 01:38:25.800
lane when I feel bad, that's the first thing I

1451
01:38:25.840 --> 01:38:28.880
want to do. Go spend me some money.

1452
01:38:28.920 --> 01:38:34.520
But you have you know what about that? You know, like, yeah,

1453
01:38:34.560 --> 01:38:37.119
I mean being a chocoholic is an issue. But like

1454
01:38:37.479 --> 01:38:39.039
when you're feeling bad or whatever and you feel that

1455
01:38:39.079 --> 01:38:40.880
you want to reinvent yourself and you have the means

1456
01:38:40.880 --> 01:38:42.319
to do it, why not.

1457
01:38:42.840 --> 01:38:46.119
But that's the keyperd dubs the means to do it.

1458
01:38:46.560 --> 01:38:49.239
We go out there, and I'll be the first one

1459
01:38:49.279 --> 01:38:51.359
to admit it, we go out there spending money that

1460
01:38:51.399 --> 01:38:55.079
we truly don't have to make ourselves feel better, but

1461
01:38:55.119 --> 01:38:57.600
then we put ourselves in a worse situation.

1462
01:38:57.600 --> 01:39:00.840
And regret it later. Yeah I know, yeh likes.

1463
01:39:00.920 --> 01:39:04.199
And then we have a difficult time making it back up.

1464
01:39:04.279 --> 01:39:06.720
We have a difficult time getting back on our feet

1465
01:39:06.840 --> 01:39:11.199
after we've done slipped up and made a decision saying well,

1466
01:39:11.399 --> 01:39:14.319
oh well, oh well, we can't say oh well right,

1467
01:39:14.920 --> 01:39:17.439
we can treat ourselves. We should treat ourselves. We should

1468
01:39:17.479 --> 01:39:22.039
care about ourselves before we go around caring for everybody else. Definitely,

1469
01:39:22.560 --> 01:39:24.840
if we don't put our air mask on first, how

1470
01:39:24.840 --> 01:39:27.199
are we supposed to help anybody else put theirs on?

1471
01:39:28.000 --> 01:39:28.760
So, yes, this is.

1472
01:39:30.920 --> 01:39:36.119
I see care mask not face masks. Oh, oh my gosh,

1473
01:39:36.199 --> 01:39:38.880
I'm talking about the plane. When the plane is going down,

1474
01:39:39.319 --> 01:39:41.920
and they tell you put your face mask on first,

1475
01:39:41.920 --> 01:39:45.479
your air on first, so that you can help.

1476
01:39:45.319 --> 01:39:48.960
Other people, and and you know what, and they also

1477
01:39:49.000 --> 01:39:50.840
tell you put your you know, put your head between

1478
01:39:50.880 --> 01:39:54.439
your knees and kiss you ask the bye, especially if

1479
01:39:54.439 --> 01:39:55.199
you're flying with spirit.

1480
01:39:55.239 --> 01:39:58.239
If you fly spirit, I feel bad for you. He

1481
01:39:58.359 --> 01:40:00.159
fly spirit going to end up becoming.

1482
01:40:00.680 --> 01:40:02.159
Oh look he brought the baby.

1483
01:40:03.399 --> 01:40:12.119
Okay, hi, I mean say hello, hello, Hey, I ev

1484
01:40:12.840 --> 01:40:14.319
I know, I know you know my voice.

1485
01:40:14.359 --> 01:40:15.760
I know you recommend my voice.

1486
01:40:16.079 --> 01:40:17.039
I got the headset on.

1487
01:40:17.159 --> 01:40:26.239
She don't hear many you ever played a dog whistle?

1488
01:40:30.119 --> 01:40:33.920
Yeah, they have. They're on a whole nother level now

1489
01:40:34.319 --> 01:40:39.720
all done. So it's like, we do have to take

1490
01:40:39.760 --> 01:40:42.079
care of ourselves, but we also have to be you know,

1491
01:40:42.239 --> 01:40:45.560
self aware, you know, we we have to know us

1492
01:40:45.680 --> 01:40:47.760
before we can be trying to know other people. And

1493
01:40:47.800 --> 01:40:51.600
that's the issue. Okay, so real quick, this is a

1494
01:40:51.600 --> 01:40:54.359
good example of this, right And I love the man

1495
01:40:54.439 --> 01:40:59.920
to pieces he's my father. Without him, I wouldn't exist

1496
01:41:00.319 --> 01:41:07.399
on this earth anyway in the flesh. However, this man

1497
01:41:07.680 --> 01:41:13.119
is seventy seven years old and has never in my

1498
01:41:13.479 --> 01:41:16.319
entire life, and he hasn't been in my life a

1499
01:41:16.319 --> 01:41:22.760
whole lot. But I have never known him to be alone.

1500
01:41:23.760 --> 01:41:27.880
And he admitted to me this weekend he doesn't know

1501
01:41:28.039 --> 01:41:31.439
how to be alone. And that is a problem. That

1502
01:41:31.600 --> 01:41:39.640
is a problem. When people cannot be by themselves, then

1503
01:41:39.680 --> 01:41:43.520
there's an issue. That's a red flag for me. If

1504
01:41:43.600 --> 01:41:45.920
you're telling me you just got out of a long

1505
01:41:46.000 --> 01:41:51.479
term relationship less than a year or two ago, I

1506
01:41:51.520 --> 01:41:53.800
gotta think twice, bro, Like, we could be friends, we

1507
01:41:53.840 --> 01:41:57.279
could build, we could get to know each other. But

1508
01:41:57.399 --> 01:42:00.720
I am getting into a relationship with you because that

1509
01:42:00.800 --> 01:42:02.319
tells me you can't be alone.

1510
01:42:03.800 --> 01:42:05.520
You know what, though, Like the best way to get

1511
01:42:05.560 --> 01:42:07.399
over someone's to get under someone.

1512
01:42:09.199 --> 01:42:12.479
All right by, it was good seeing you.

1513
01:42:13.800 --> 01:42:19.840
Let me get you tomorrow, Well, twelve hour shift, I'll stop.

1514
01:42:20.039 --> 01:42:21.239
Good luck tomorrow too.

1515
01:42:23.319 --> 01:42:25.439
He Look, you know what, if you're doing twelve hours

1516
01:42:25.439 --> 01:42:32.159
on your feet, definitely good luck. Definitely, Melissa, bea have

1517
01:42:32.239 --> 01:42:32.800
a good night.

1518
01:42:33.279 --> 01:42:38.279
Will we be back again? Soon and hopefully we'll see you.

1519
01:42:38.279 --> 01:42:41.840
You have a great night to Melissa, thank you for for.

1520
01:42:41.840 --> 01:42:44.479
Someone you know what you know. I'm reading that, have

1521
01:42:44.520 --> 01:42:46.479
a great night until next time. I wanted to play

1522
01:42:46.479 --> 01:42:51.000
that old school Batman thing. Then I don't know why

1523
01:42:51.239 --> 01:42:53.079
you should you should download that thing.

1524
01:42:53.479 --> 01:42:55.840
I figured you were figured.

1525
01:42:56.000 --> 01:42:59.000
Yeah, she's on her feet. Oh man, God bless good luck.

1526
01:43:01.239 --> 01:43:03.600
But let me tell you. We need you, We love you,

1527
01:43:03.800 --> 01:43:11.560
We appreciate you. Oh yeah, important, You're important, very important. Yeah, dum,

1528
01:43:12.520 --> 01:43:15.479
A nurse made a big, big deal in my life

1529
01:43:15.520 --> 01:43:21.079
once upon a time, and so we appreciate you. Yeah.

1530
01:43:21.199 --> 01:43:25.319
So yeah, it's it's it's about knowing, knowing you, being

1531
01:43:25.399 --> 01:43:32.520
comfortable in your skin, being comfortable. Amanda works ten hours

1532
01:43:32.520 --> 01:43:35.560
a day on her feet, but she dives one hour there.

1533
01:43:35.720 --> 01:43:37.720
Oh, she drives one hour there.

1534
01:43:39.000 --> 01:43:40.600
That's what he wrote. I died.

1535
01:43:42.319 --> 01:43:44.680
What do you mean you dive? You work at bikini bottle.

1536
01:43:44.800 --> 01:43:45.680
Let me find out.

1537
01:43:47.479 --> 01:43:49.800
And I hear you, Amanda, I get up at four am,

1538
01:43:50.479 --> 01:43:53.640
not to go to work, but to go to the gym.

1539
01:43:53.880 --> 01:43:56.720
She stayed alone for two years, not because nobody wanted me,

1540
01:43:56.880 --> 01:43:59.720
but because I needed time to myself. Before I never

1541
01:43:59.760 --> 01:44:02.600
see a single longer than a few months. That's and

1542
01:44:02.600 --> 01:44:07.000
and that's exactly right. If people cannot yes, we knew.

1543
01:44:06.800 --> 01:44:11.279
What you Yeah, yeah, she dies, she wants to share

1544
01:44:11.279 --> 01:44:13.079
what sponge for the next like you know what I'm

1545
01:44:13.079 --> 01:44:17.319
saying a couple of hours and stuffy no, but but

1546
01:44:17.319 --> 01:44:19.039
but you know what the thing.

1547
01:44:18.960 --> 01:44:20.560
Is, give yourself a chance.

1548
01:44:21.039 --> 01:44:22.720
You know what the thing is, man Like a lot

1549
01:44:22.720 --> 01:44:25.760
of people just afraid of who they are or who

1550
01:44:25.840 --> 01:44:26.319
they became.

1551
01:44:29.239 --> 01:44:33.359
You know, like yes, but if if, if you can't

1552
01:44:33.399 --> 01:44:37.720
deal with being afraid of who you are and kind

1553
01:44:37.720 --> 01:44:41.399
of course correcting yourself, how are you going to be

1554
01:44:41.560 --> 01:44:46.359
any good for anyone else? Become that toxic relationship?

1555
01:44:47.439 --> 01:44:49.760
See, and that's the thing, Like all right, let me

1556
01:44:49.760 --> 01:44:53.119
give you know what. I'll talk about my past real quick.

1557
01:44:54.000 --> 01:44:55.760
So yeah, I was scared to be alone. That's the

1558
01:44:55.760 --> 01:45:01.000
reason why I like, whatever something failed, I got a

1559
01:45:01.039 --> 01:45:04.039
new one this week. Or the best part was like

1560
01:45:04.039 --> 01:45:06.720
when I felt like it was failing, I had a

1561
01:45:06.760 --> 01:45:10.479
safety that I didn't want to fall then like you know,

1562
01:45:11.479 --> 01:45:11.760
but you.

1563
01:45:13.520 --> 01:45:17.520
Can do that getting into another relationship.

1564
01:45:17.800 --> 01:45:19.800
But see, but we're seeing that here's the thing though,

1565
01:45:19.880 --> 01:45:21.960
Like I don't want to get a relationship they felt

1566
01:45:22.159 --> 01:45:25.079
they fall for me, you know, and I'm like, oh,

1567
01:45:25.119 --> 01:45:26.920
you know what, I feel bad, like I felt pressure

1568
01:45:26.920 --> 01:45:27.399
to feel bad.

1569
01:45:27.439 --> 01:45:31.560
I'm like, okay, I gotta put the boundary. You gotta

1570
01:45:31.600 --> 01:45:35.800
put the boundary, especially you made it, especially if you

1571
01:45:36.000 --> 01:45:37.920
made it known in the beginning.

1572
01:45:39.039 --> 01:45:42.399
But hold up though, so like so like after my

1573
01:45:42.479 --> 01:45:45.279
last relationship, I took I took time off. When I

1574
01:45:45.279 --> 01:45:48.279
say time off, I took time off like I would

1575
01:45:48.279 --> 01:45:50.319
say like two years, like yeah, you know I was

1576
01:45:50.359 --> 01:45:53.199
having my fun here and there? Why not? You know,

1577
01:45:53.359 --> 01:45:56.000
like how got needs right?

1578
01:45:56.159 --> 01:45:58.600
But you made that known. They knew what they were

1579
01:45:58.600 --> 01:45:59.119
getting into.

1580
01:46:00.159 --> 01:46:05.159
But like my girl, now you know, she came along

1581
01:46:05.239 --> 01:46:12.560
or whatever, right, you know los whatever. And then she

1582
01:46:12.600 --> 01:46:14.479
asked me if she asked what we're doing. I was like, yeah,

1583
01:46:14.520 --> 01:46:18.239
I'm playing how it goes. You know that She didn't

1584
01:46:18.279 --> 01:46:21.159
like to answer, but I'm told her truth. I'm how

1585
01:46:21.199 --> 01:46:25.279
it goes because you know, like I want to you

1586
01:46:25.279 --> 01:46:26.760
know what I'm saying, like I want to make sure

1587
01:46:26.840 --> 01:46:32.399
that you know you know what I'm saying, Like this was,

1588
01:46:33.399 --> 01:46:35.560
you know, a thing and not just a thing for

1589
01:46:35.600 --> 01:46:36.000
the moment.

1590
01:46:37.359 --> 01:46:42.840
Okay, did she walk away when you told her that? No? Okay,

1591
01:46:43.000 --> 01:46:46.119
So that's the thing, right, What would you have done

1592
01:46:46.279 --> 01:46:49.319
if she said, well, I'm sorry, but that's not where I'm.

1593
01:46:49.159 --> 01:46:53.479
At, accepted for what it is? Would you have just

1594
01:46:54.880 --> 01:46:56.640
I have to accept it for what it is because

1595
01:46:57.319 --> 01:46:58.479
because you know what it was to.

1596
01:47:00.039 --> 01:47:04.880
Fear, right, I have to get over that fear. When

1597
01:47:04.880 --> 01:47:05.560
I was getting over.

1598
01:47:06.079 --> 01:47:08.439
How do you know that you really care about her?

1599
01:47:09.000 --> 01:47:14.600
If you're not afraid she's going to walk away?

1600
01:47:15.000 --> 01:47:18.920
How did I know? Oh? Simple?

1601
01:47:19.319 --> 01:47:22.000
You know, because like I'm the man that's you know

1602
01:47:22.039 --> 01:47:23.119
what I'm saying, Like look at me.

1603
01:47:24.560 --> 01:47:29.039
You know what? Just when I like, you know, I'm

1604
01:47:29.079 --> 01:47:30.119
just playing, I.

1605
01:47:30.079 --> 01:47:32.720
Don't I'm just playing playing, I'm playing.

1606
01:47:33.079 --> 01:47:33.520
I'm playing.

1607
01:47:33.520 --> 01:47:37.479
I'm playing, and I can't with you.

1608
01:47:37.840 --> 01:47:40.119
I love you too, I love you too.

1609
01:47:40.600 --> 01:47:43.279
You Just when I start to care about and get

1610
01:47:43.319 --> 01:47:46.439
a little soft in the middle for you, you gotta

1611
01:47:46.600 --> 01:47:50.239
do something, you know what? You right back up?

1612
01:47:51.399 --> 01:47:53.680
You know what? A jo society? JO society?

1613
01:47:53.840 --> 01:47:55.920
Right? A society? One?

1614
01:47:55.960 --> 01:47:59.399
Did I know? It was one? Like we're having a conversation,

1615
01:48:00.079 --> 01:48:02.199
and I started like thinking in my mind and like

1616
01:48:04.319 --> 01:48:07.560
if she needs it? Was like, you know what if

1617
01:48:07.560 --> 01:48:13.039
we stop talking, I know I'm gonna feel hurt. I

1618
01:48:13.199 --> 01:48:16.840
know it, Like I know I'm going to feel like

1619
01:48:16.880 --> 01:48:21.600
I know I'm gonna feel it. No, because like because

1620
01:48:21.640 --> 01:48:26.279
like you know, what the vibe was the Bible was different. Next, seriously,

1621
01:48:26.319 --> 01:48:31.159
the vibe is different. And it's like I got along

1622
01:48:31.159 --> 01:48:34.239
with her. I'm like, yo, you know what's cool ass person?

1623
01:48:35.199 --> 01:48:37.000
You know? And and and and then like you know,

1624
01:48:37.079 --> 01:48:41.520
like what like whenever I would like not being around him, right,

1625
01:48:42.600 --> 01:48:44.920
I'll be getting yo. No, Lie, I used to be

1626
01:48:44.920 --> 01:48:48.760
getting mad. Saied to be like I don't want to

1627
01:48:48.800 --> 01:48:50.680
call it. Damn I want to call it. I don't

1628
01:48:50.720 --> 01:48:53.800
want to call it. Damn it. I feel like calling it.

1629
01:48:53.880 --> 01:48:55.760
I don't want to call this is what I want

1630
01:48:55.840 --> 01:48:58.760
through No Lie, Like, yeah I want to call it.

1631
01:48:59.199 --> 01:49:02.520
No the hell you're not, but stand your ground. I'm

1632
01:49:02.520 --> 01:49:05.920
gonna call it. Yeah, I'll text you all right back.

1633
01:49:06.760 --> 01:49:06.960
You know.

1634
01:49:07.039 --> 01:49:10.319
Like it was like you ever seen the cartoons where

1635
01:49:11.279 --> 01:49:15.239
you got the angel on the double on the shoulder, Yeah, yeah, right,

1636
01:49:15.720 --> 01:49:19.439
The one on the left was like, don't caller, the

1637
01:49:19.439 --> 01:49:21.760
one on the right was like caller. I was like, yeah,

1638
01:49:21.800 --> 01:49:24.520
how about we both come to an agreement text.

1639
01:49:25.760 --> 01:49:26.119
Okay?

1640
01:49:26.960 --> 01:49:27.159
Yeah.

1641
01:49:28.399 --> 01:49:30.079
So then like you know, find the right words too,

1642
01:49:30.119 --> 01:49:33.399
it's like like, you know, like it was kind of hard,

1643
01:49:33.439 --> 01:49:36.560
like I didn't like coming out, you know, especially my heart.

1644
01:49:36.880 --> 01:49:41.359
But you know, just when I was about to I'm

1645
01:49:41.359 --> 01:49:45.199
pregnant and I'm like, yo, what's wait? What you know?

1646
01:49:45.720 --> 01:49:53.960
And like that brought on another fear because of like

1647
01:49:54.079 --> 01:49:58.600
you know, like even like with my past, you know,

1648
01:50:00.159 --> 01:50:05.319
dealing with my kids, mothers and stuff even and I'll

1649
01:50:05.359 --> 01:50:10.119
admit it as a man, yeah, like like like both

1650
01:50:10.159 --> 01:50:11.600
of them are you know saying both of a toss

1651
01:50:11.640 --> 01:50:16.960
of situations. But you know, looking back, I mean when

1652
01:50:17.000 --> 01:50:19.319
they'res fired, you know what I'm saying, and I'm here

1653
01:50:19.359 --> 01:50:22.640
pouring gasoline on it, you know, like I mean, what

1654
01:50:22.680 --> 01:50:23.239
do you expect?

1655
01:50:23.319 --> 01:50:23.479
Right?

1656
01:50:24.560 --> 01:50:29.880
So well, because this is another honest Wednesday, I just

1657
01:50:29.920 --> 01:50:33.680
have to ask this if you, if you are not

1658
01:50:33.880 --> 01:50:37.479
in a committed relationship with this woman, why in the

1659
01:50:37.600 --> 01:50:40.840
freaking world would you be raw dog in it?

1660
01:50:42.359 --> 01:50:46.880
Actually we were. It's just that I was open up

1661
01:50:47.479 --> 01:50:50.800
more right, like like.

1662
01:50:50.760 --> 01:50:54.520
You know, like you but you just said you were

1663
01:50:54.640 --> 01:50:55.720
just letting it ride.

1664
01:50:56.960 --> 01:50:57.960
Yeah, at first committed.

1665
01:50:58.119 --> 01:51:03.039
That's not a committed relationship. And then she pops up, yo,

1666
01:51:03.319 --> 01:51:05.319
know what, it was my choice?

1667
01:51:06.279 --> 01:51:08.800
No, you know what you know what it was. It

1668
01:51:08.920 --> 01:51:17.079
was the fact that you know, all, yo, it's not

1669
01:51:17.239 --> 01:51:20.199
messed up. This sounds messed up. It sounds messed up, like.

1670
01:51:20.520 --> 01:51:22.560
Those questions like don't nobody want to.

1671
01:51:22.520 --> 01:51:26.359
Hear I'm saying?

1672
01:51:26.439 --> 01:51:29.680
And I'm like, I'm away from the I'm not I'm

1673
01:51:29.720 --> 01:51:32.760
not yo. Yeah, yeah, look, you know what I mean.

1674
01:51:32.760 --> 01:51:34.800
Obviously the love was there, it's just that it was

1675
01:51:34.840 --> 01:51:37.479
like it was so hard for me to It was

1676
01:51:37.520 --> 01:51:40.960
so hard for me to like pull out no man,

1677
01:51:41.039 --> 01:51:43.680
no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

1678
01:51:44.000 --> 01:51:45.800
no stuff. It was like so hard.

1679
01:51:47.199 --> 01:51:49.000
We're kind of a shamed. I'm kind of.

1680
01:51:49.239 --> 01:51:51.800
Wait wait wait wait wait wait, it's so hard for

1681
01:51:51.840 --> 01:51:53.800
me to be like you know what I'm saying because

1682
01:51:54.399 --> 01:51:55.880
because yo, you know what, it was so hard for

1683
01:51:55.920 --> 01:51:59.640
me to be like, Yo, you know what this is

1684
01:51:59.640 --> 01:52:03.680
what we on right? That ship was hard, man, Like, like, yo,

1685
01:52:03.800 --> 01:52:05.960
you know what I'm talking about it. I'm getting rumbus

1686
01:52:06.039 --> 01:52:11.039
right now because it's like like it's like like certain

1687
01:52:11.079 --> 01:52:13.159
things that's still like like like I tell her, I

1688
01:52:13.159 --> 01:52:16.920
love it at that it's true in a good place.

1689
01:52:17.079 --> 01:52:19.279
When when's the ring coming.

1690
01:52:20.720 --> 01:52:21.479
After my lawsuit?

1691
01:52:22.520 --> 01:52:22.720
Kay?

1692
01:52:23.880 --> 01:52:26.800
You know you're invited by the way. Oh I'm gonna

1693
01:52:26.800 --> 01:52:27.560
be a pop pop.

1694
01:52:28.920 --> 01:52:32.239
What which one.

1695
01:52:33.720 --> 01:52:35.039
The oldest one?

1696
01:52:35.680 --> 01:52:41.319
Okay, congratulations? You know what, I don't care if you

1697
01:52:41.479 --> 01:52:44.279
know the rhythm method up and down, back and forth.

1698
01:52:44.720 --> 01:52:48.279
If you and I are not exclusive, you are not

1699
01:52:48.479 --> 01:52:54.359
coming nowhere near me without a raincoat on. I have

1700
01:52:54.479 --> 01:52:58.840
made no, no, not no. I am too valuable and

1701
01:52:58.920 --> 01:53:04.039
give too much to put myself in that position anymore.

1702
01:53:04.439 --> 01:53:07.239
I don't care if you like it or not. You

1703
01:53:07.359 --> 01:53:11.720
trying to come at me and and and you're not

1704
01:53:11.840 --> 01:53:15.800
caring enough about your health or my health or the

1705
01:53:15.800 --> 01:53:20.000
possibilities lives into this world. No, no, I'm sorry.

1706
01:53:21.239 --> 01:53:23.159
Yeah, but you know what though, one thing I noticed

1707
01:53:23.159 --> 01:53:27.359
that not everyone can make children. That is true, you

1708
01:53:27.399 --> 01:53:30.000
know so, I mean and like you said, you know

1709
01:53:30.039 --> 01:53:33.079
what that to God? I know we don't talk this,

1710
01:53:33.199 --> 01:53:36.039
you know about you know what I'm saying God as

1711
01:53:36.079 --> 01:53:39.079
much on this, But that was God's way of like

1712
01:53:39.119 --> 01:53:43.319
really calming me down, because you know what, you know,

1713
01:53:43.439 --> 01:53:48.239
like prior to this, you know, like prior to like

1714
01:53:48.279 --> 01:53:50.760
you know, everything, like I.

1715
01:53:50.720 --> 01:53:52.199
Was like, no, I don't care this that and the

1716
01:53:52.239 --> 01:53:54.279
third and thene like you know, it was a calm.

1717
01:53:54.560 --> 01:53:57.199
It was at a slowdown period, Like I started looking

1718
01:53:57.239 --> 01:54:00.079
at life a little different after I'll be honest, this

1719
01:54:00.079 --> 01:54:01.319
is you know what I'm saying. After my DUI, I

1720
01:54:01.319 --> 01:54:03.800
started looking at my life a little different. I'm like, yo,

1721
01:54:03.840 --> 01:54:06.279
you know what, I need to go down, like like

1722
01:54:07.560 --> 01:54:12.640
you know, I need to start like you know, growing up,

1723
01:54:12.720 --> 01:54:15.319
falling back, you know what, fall them back, and like

1724
01:54:16.079 --> 01:54:19.079
analyzing everything that I've done into corrected and there, because

1725
01:54:19.119 --> 01:54:21.359
you know what, obviously you know what, I'm at the

1726
01:54:21.439 --> 01:54:25.000
drawing board drawing up a game, planning my game absolutely sucks.

1727
01:54:25.680 --> 01:54:31.079
Yah, the true hell yeah in the Rocks voice.

1728
01:54:31.520 --> 01:54:33.000
So like.

1729
01:54:34.960 --> 01:54:37.640
I had to fall back and like you know, like

1730
01:54:38.359 --> 01:54:43.039
analyze everything and every moment and then come to realize that, Yo,

1731
01:54:43.079 --> 01:54:44.680
you know what, they weren't a problem. I was the

1732
01:54:44.720 --> 01:54:50.039
problem or you know what, and if I wasn't a problem,

1733
01:54:50.520 --> 01:54:51.920
I was part of the problem.

1734
01:54:52.199 --> 01:54:52.600
Mm hmm.

1735
01:54:53.079 --> 01:54:55.640
You know because because because you know what, either which way,

1736
01:54:56.000 --> 01:54:58.720
no matter how you you know, like like no, maotter,

1737
01:54:58.760 --> 01:55:01.479
how you slice the part your hand is always going

1738
01:55:01.520 --> 01:55:06.880
to be part of that problem either which way, you know,

1739
01:55:07.000 --> 01:55:11.039
like and the hardest thing for anybody on this planet

1740
01:55:11.359 --> 01:55:13.800
walking this planet right now, The hardest thing for anybody

1741
01:55:13.840 --> 01:55:17.720
to do is admit that they're the problem. Nobody wants

1742
01:55:17.760 --> 01:55:22.039
to hear you're the problem, you know, not even yourself,

1743
01:55:22.600 --> 01:55:27.840
not even yourself, you know, and especially when product ego,

1744
01:55:28.000 --> 01:55:34.000
you know, is paramount at the moment. You know, Like

1745
01:55:34.000 --> 01:55:35.560
like you know, like a lot of people walk around

1746
01:55:35.560 --> 01:55:36.920
with the attitude and I was one of them. A

1747
01:55:36.960 --> 01:55:38.560
lot of people walk around with the attitude like you

1748
01:55:38.560 --> 01:55:40.439
can't tell me you shouldn't even if I stepped in it.

1749
01:55:41.760 --> 01:55:45.479
So you know, when you try to tell someone, yo,

1750
01:55:45.520 --> 01:55:48.760
you're the problem and they have that, you know, that mentality,

1751
01:55:49.359 --> 01:55:51.840
they're gonna brush you off, like, nah, I'm the solution,

1752
01:55:52.800 --> 01:55:56.520
you know, because like like you said before's between being

1753
01:55:56.720 --> 01:55:59.640
confident and arrogance. To me, there's a very thin line.

1754
01:56:00.319 --> 01:56:03.079
The line is like really done, like angel hair pasta thin.

1755
01:56:03.920 --> 01:56:05.840
I can't stand angel hair pasta yo.

1756
01:56:06.520 --> 01:56:09.680
But I'm just saying, you know, like it's that thin.

1757
01:56:10.159 --> 01:56:12.479
You know what I'm saying, it's donal flaws thin. You know,

1758
01:56:12.640 --> 01:56:16.119
between cocky and arrogance. It's not that hard to trust

1759
01:56:16.159 --> 01:56:18.399
over the you know, I mean it's not I mean

1760
01:56:18.439 --> 01:56:19.399
confidence of arrogance.

1761
01:56:19.560 --> 01:56:22.239
It's not that hard to trust over the arrogance it

1762
01:56:22.319 --> 01:56:22.840
really is not.

1763
01:56:23.359 --> 01:56:27.199
It's a it's like a tornail way, you know, before

1764
01:56:27.199 --> 01:56:29.279
you slip into the arrogance zone. And that's one thing

1765
01:56:29.319 --> 01:56:33.239
I noticed because I couldn't. I couldn't, you know, like

1766
01:56:33.239 --> 01:56:35.319
like you know what, like I joke around with my

1767
01:56:35.359 --> 01:56:39.560
you know what I'm saying, I arrogantly joke around, but

1768
01:56:40.439 --> 01:56:42.039
something you know what I'm saying, Like you joke around

1769
01:56:42.039 --> 01:56:43.640
so much, you keep saying this so much you start

1770
01:56:43.640 --> 01:56:46.159
to believing you know what I'm saying. There's a good

1771
01:56:46.199 --> 01:56:47.800
possibility that you're lying to yourself.

1772
01:56:48.279 --> 01:56:48.680
Mm hmm.

1773
01:56:48.960 --> 01:56:51.279
And a lot of people do a lot of people

1774
01:56:51.239 --> 01:56:52.119
a lot to themselves.

1775
01:56:52.279 --> 01:56:53.680
So remember that.

1776
01:56:53.600 --> 01:56:56.960
Every time you say it's show joke talking about I'm

1777
01:56:57.000 --> 01:57:00.479
just joking. I'm just joking. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1778
01:57:00.479 --> 01:57:01.399
you know what you're thinking.

1779
01:57:01.680 --> 01:57:04.279
But hold on, though I am joking, I am joking.

1780
01:57:04.319 --> 01:57:06.079
You want to know why because.

1781
01:57:06.279 --> 01:57:09.119
But if it's something you know so much, there's gotta

1782
01:57:09.159 --> 01:57:09.760
be a reason.

1783
01:57:10.960 --> 01:57:13.000
No, no, no, you know what I'm joking about it.

1784
01:57:13.000 --> 01:57:16.479
You want to know why because I was joking with

1785
01:57:16.479 --> 01:57:18.079
my girl, right, you know, like, oh, she was asking

1786
01:57:18.079 --> 01:57:22.359
me about football, right, and she was like and she

1787
01:57:22.479 --> 01:57:25.239
was like, oh, so does that count as like two points.

1788
01:57:25.840 --> 01:57:27.760
And I'm like, yo, look, you know, like and I'm

1789
01:57:28.039 --> 01:57:30.359
I'm here trying to explain it, and that she didn't,

1790
01:57:30.520 --> 01:57:33.000
you know, like she understood me. She didn't understood joke,

1791
01:57:33.279 --> 01:57:35.560
was like pitch. Now. She looked at me. She was like,

1792
01:57:35.800 --> 01:57:37.920
all right, you know that's where the nights are at, right.

1793
01:57:38.000 --> 01:57:40.840
I was like, she said, then you know where the

1794
01:57:40.880 --> 01:57:43.760
frying pants at right. I'm like, oh, oh, double two?

1795
01:57:43.880 --> 01:57:48.479
See okay, you know, like I'm like, okay, you know

1796
01:57:48.600 --> 01:57:50.720
you got me there. You know what I'm saying, Like, so,

1797
01:57:51.720 --> 01:57:54.880
you know, joke, But that's but that's banter.

1798
01:57:55.520 --> 01:57:58.600
But that's witty banter between two people who are that

1799
01:57:58.640 --> 01:58:03.359
way with one another. You do that knowing I am

1800
01:58:03.439 --> 01:58:06.439
who I am and you are who you are, And

1801
01:58:06.479 --> 01:58:09.840
there is no way under God's green earth you're gonna

1802
01:58:09.840 --> 01:58:12.520
say some of the stuff you say and expect me

1803
01:58:12.600 --> 01:58:15.239
to witty banter with you. I'm just gonna be like,

1804
01:58:15.479 --> 01:58:17.760
I can't with you and cut you.

1805
01:58:19.680 --> 01:58:19.960
Damn.

1806
01:58:20.000 --> 01:58:22.880
She's gonna cut you, bro. She's gotta blade in her mouth.

1807
01:58:23.000 --> 01:58:27.840
Be careful, Oh the bladed under the tongue or inside.

1808
01:58:29.479 --> 01:58:31.199
It was better under the tongue because it came out.

1809
01:58:31.640 --> 01:58:36.479
It came out like natural lets then you start slicing away.

1810
01:58:36.880 --> 01:58:42.800
All right. Well, with that being said, great should to

1811
01:58:42.920 --> 01:58:52.119
night people. Awesome show tonight. That is a lady G.

1812
01:58:53.760 --> 01:58:56.199
Hold on wait real quick? Is it is it ringing

1813
01:58:56.239 --> 01:58:57.760
down by your way? Lady G?

1814
01:58:59.439 --> 01:59:01.199
Say that again? Yes, it's pooring.

1815
01:59:03.920 --> 01:59:05.640
Did you guys get a basket on yesterday?

1816
01:59:06.399 --> 01:59:11.520
We're getting it today and yesterday now because we just

1817
01:59:11.600 --> 01:59:14.319
they just a tornado watch this evening.

1818
01:59:15.199 --> 01:59:17.640
Yes, yes, that's what I was about to disput a

1819
01:59:18.520 --> 01:59:20.600
be careful, I be careful out there.

1820
01:59:21.359 --> 01:59:22.079
Yeah you heard?

1821
01:59:23.000 --> 01:59:23.399
Yeah?

1822
01:59:23.479 --> 01:59:26.000
All right, you know like yo know what.

1823
01:59:28.279 --> 01:59:30.840
You know, like you're gonna I'm gonna be the lady

1824
01:59:30.920 --> 01:59:33.319
riding around on the bicycle on the wind.

1825
01:59:38.279 --> 01:59:41.439
With a little bit with a little with a little bell,

1826
01:59:45.359 --> 01:59:48.239
with a little bell that the dumb bell.

1827
01:59:48.880 --> 01:59:52.560
That's lady gee. That's just a Simon Phoenix. This has

1828
01:59:52.560 --> 01:59:56.119
been another episode of this my podcast, and always your mind.

1829
01:59:56.359 --> 02:00:04.039
I always remember that at some point everybody.

1830
02:00:04.960 --> 02:00:05.319
Good night,