Live Q&A Episode!! (Recorded LIVE On 11-29-23)

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H Yo. What's good is big
holding on high tolerance. That's highest tolerance.

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This is that this might her podcast
come to you live here. You

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look good. You don't about it. You look good. Yo. It's

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been a minute since you've been on, bro. I mean we've had we've

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had people you know as highest or
it's highest that you gotta get them on.

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You gotta get them on. And
you you ain't been around bros.

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You know now that you on,
you gotta you're gonna tell the fans.

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Bro, Hey, good to be
back. Man, Thank you for having

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me as always a pleasure. You
know how life is, man, we

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we we all got caught up.
But it's important that I put it like

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this. Man. The biggest reason
I do this is just to chop it

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up with you. Man. Love
the fans, love the support, but

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it's it's really to catch up with
you. Man. Your guess your fellow

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hosts. I know some people pop
in and now you know, so you

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know you can you can count on
me for for that that that circle of

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people that are that will pop up. Man. So yeah, let's let's

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make it happen. Yeah, no
doubt, no doubt, no doubt.

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So anyway what's the weather like down
now? Yo? It's brisk, man,

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it's in the fifties. But I
don't want to act like a spoiled

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brat, you know. Yeah,
it's about it's about twenty nine right now.

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It's it's it's fucking brick out there, Bro, it's brick. So

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I got eight I got eighty degree
weather to look forward to this week.

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And so that's that's the dope part
about over here. Nice fucking nice,

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spoiled motherfucking so anyway, bro,
so you know, we we're waiting on

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well TG. You know, she's
she's she's not gonna be able to make

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it to night. She's got some
pressing issues she's gotta take care of.

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Shout out to G. Yeah,
Dubbs, is he gonna be here.

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He's, you know, not feeling
well either. He's a little bit under

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the weather. He's gonna try and
pop in. Hold on one second,

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you got Lady G in the building. Hold up, Yeah, Lady G

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was good, not much, having
some trouble getting on. Nice to meet

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you. Hi is tolerance, finally
get to meet you. Peace my sister,

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Happy holidays, he as well.
Yeah, So we were just always

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letting everybody know that that TG.
You know, she's got some presentent she

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take care of and doves. You
know, he's not feeling too well,

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so he's not gonna be here.
So it's gonna be us three tonight.

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We're gonna chop it up. We're
gonna do what we do how we do

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it. You know what I'm saying. And you know, yeah, oh

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boy, yeah, trouble already.
Yeah, that sounded like trouble already.

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So this is a Q and this
is a Q and A episode. I

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got a bunch of of of questions
from fans that I've gotten through email and

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ship, so they don't even know
where I put the book at I wrote

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them. I don't know. I
didn't print in mind I how to write

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some ships down because my print is
acting stupid. But yeah, you know

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late late Lady Lady G. She
you know what I'm saying, She's very

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knowledgeable. She knows her ship.
You know what I'm saying. He is

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tolerance, he knows his ship.
So it's about I know, he's about

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timing. He's been here. There
was a few times, you know what

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I'm saying, and we were all
just sitting here like yo, man,

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guy, you know what I mean, like ship, But it's all good.

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He's here now. We ain't gonna
complain about it, you know what

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I mean. So first topic,
this is uh, this motherfucking all right,

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here we go in my Marvel book. Alright, I'm not gonna front

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man, it's nice as you're always
gonna be a toys r ust kid Cordon,

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no doubt. All right, So
first question, how do you deal

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with a woman who has a man
but wants to fuck around with you and

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makes purpose purposely starts fights so she
can come see you? How do you

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deal with a woman like that?
She's purposely starting to fighting her man.

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She wants she wants to be with
this other dude, right, That's that's

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what I'm getting from it. She
wants to be with this other dude,

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but she has a man, so
she's purposely starting to fight with this dude

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to come back. I think it
didn't. I answered this once before.

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I think that's the same chick.
Hold on, what's her name? Chivalry

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still exists. I'm gonna I'm gonna
let Lady g take the floor first on

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this one. All right, So
yeah, it's the same, it's actually

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the same person. I think the
same situation is going on, but this

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time he's he's asking that what does
he do about the davy that keeps starting

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to fights with her? Man to
come see him? But he feels bad

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for the dude, but you know, he still wants to funk around with

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this chick. So I don't know, Lady g you're the woman that you'd

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lady in charge? What's up?
Hello? All right? Well, you

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know me, I'm all about doing
what can you hear me? You hear

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me? Yeah? All right?
Well you know I'm always about doing what's

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right. My thing is accountability.
You need to hold the woman accountable for

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her behavior, but you also need
to hold yourself as the gentleman or as

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the man, accountable for what you
do as well, because people can only

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do to you what you allow them
to do. So if she continues to

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start these fights in order to go
see the other dude, whichever dude is

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the one that knows about it,
if they both know about it, unfortunately

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she's got to be called on the
carpet because you can't have your cake and

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eat it too and expect everything to
turn out all right. It is the

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problem because my thing is I always
want to be the choice, not the

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option, right right? You want
to be the choice, not the option.

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That's that. That's yo. That
your boy, your boy, Drake

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says that highest he has that that
track. I'm forty five years old,

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Bro. You can't if Drake could
be my son? Oh yes, yeah,

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absolutely, your son, your son, Drake. I think Drake would

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be all of our sons. Yeah, definitely he can. Definitely, his

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son's my grandson. You're tripping,
bro, You're tripping, But I your

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point. Now, now back to
the topic. I mean, gosh,

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it sounds like a situation that I
don't want a part of. So I'll

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give a couple of different perspectives and
I'll piggyback on on what Lady G was

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saying. I mean, obviously,
if if from a woman perspective, you

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want to you want to be the
top choice. If you're putting yourself in

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that predicament, I think you sort
of take that away or take that off

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the table. If if, if, if you're trying to play both sides

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of the fence from the male perspective, the guy on the other end,

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not the husband, I mean,
it's got to be worth something long term

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to be able to deal with that
kind of drama if you even want to

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go there. Me personally, I
wouldn't. You know, it's it's not

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it's not something that I just I'm
not built for that, you know.

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I'd rather keep things on the up
and up, keep them honest. If

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there's a real connection there and there's
something about you know, two people and

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there's a connection, and again,
both both parties are going to be risking

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a lot there. You know,
when you're jumping into that kind of situation,

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if you're going to if you're willing
to break up a marriage or even

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be a part of that on either
side of the fence, you know,

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you have to be ready to go
the distance. If not, then then

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don't play that game. Don't don't
don't play that game. It's not worth

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it. And then it also comes
down to what age you're talking about to

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here, you know, are we
talking about twenty twenty five year old people?

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We're talking about you know, middle
aged people? You know, is

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is it a young marriage and older
marriage? So there's a bunch of different

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perspectives. With me personally, I
would just I would stay away from that.

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You know, I practically have my
whole life. That's the one thing

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I really wasn't into even as a
youngster when the opportunities were there. I

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really try not to mess around with
married women. Man, It's just it

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wasn't worth it, you know.
But putting that aside, you know,

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you're gonna get five six different perspectives
on this, just depending on like you

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know, age has a lot to
do with it, maturity, you know,

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and then what part of that that
triangle are you playing? What angle

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are you? You know, are
you the point which is the woman or

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are you one of the two corners
as one of the two men, and

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so forth and so on. But
that sounds like a lot of drama.

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Yeah, done, sound like a
lot. I'm trying to figure out a

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good way to put this screen.
Yeah, because you can get a little

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bit, you a little cut off
on top highest this. Oh shit,

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I know what the Christmas tree back
there? Man, I'm in the spirits.

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Man, it's the best time of
the year. I love the holidays.

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Man. Oh shit, I could
have just said yo, up your

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camera, But now I'm trying to
figure facts. Yeah right, yeah,

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so so, I mean, I
think definitely, it definitely depends on what

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the situation is like, if if
the woman is serious about her primary situation.

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Then you have to wonder what is
your reason for trying to get into

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a secondary situation, And then for
the secondary situation, what is the goal

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of it is it? Are you
actually digging each other or is this just

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a physical thing that's happening because unfortunately, uh, and and I don't I'm

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not a man, so I can't
speak, but I can, you know,

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with my profession and everything, I
can kind of speak a little bit

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on it. It's like, well, if you're trying to have something serious

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with this woman, you're not gonna
want to be having her. You don't

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want to share her anyway, So
you're not gonna take her seriously if she's

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willing, because I'm sorry, the
way you get somebody is exactly how you're

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gonna lose them. If she's gonna
step out on her man to be with

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you. Don't think she's not gonna
step out on you to be with somebody

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else. Well, no part of
that. We're no part of that.

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And it happens, you know,
it happens. It could happen in a

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in a relationship where you know people
have been together for a long time and

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and family ties and you know,
life makes it harder to to to detach

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yourself from that, you know.
So it just it really depends man on

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what's going on and what the relationship
is. But the moment that becomes a

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reality, most of us as humans
don't tend to accept that right off the

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bat, and and just you know, why fight for it. It's very

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seldom that you see somebody just cut
the bilical cord and walk away and take

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things for face value, right right
right up right right on, you know,

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on site, like the moment that
you find out what's going on.

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If you really want the best for
yourself, you just gotta be ready to

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walk away from it right there and
then and not even look back. It's

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not worth it, not in this
day and age, man, Not in

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this day and age. That's just
necessary drama. Like, think about it,

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Why do you want to put yourself
to that? Can you guys see

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the chat room or it's just me
is Oh that's not good. I thought

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everybody could see it. Nope,
damn sucks because because damn sure, all

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right, well, oh I know
what I know what I'm doing here,

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hold on, Like what in the
honorable thing to do would be? Like

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yo, listen, man, I'm
just I'm feeling somebody else. You know,

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I want to take the time out
to do this, and you know,

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I don't know. At least leave
the door open, like why go

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behind somebody's back. Just be honest
with the person. Most people accept it

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anyway. Let's be honest. Like
how many people get cheated on and then

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they go back? Hell, just
be honest upfront. Women are to be

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seen, not heard. That sounds
like duves. What have you got a

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dove fan? Lady? G what's
up? I'm coming, I'm coming.

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I'm trying to nah, but you
popped up twice on the Yeah, that's

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because I was trying to join on
my phone because my computer is trash,

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all right, all right, so
not note. Now, I know how

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to work the chat board, so
I get the I get the chats over

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here. Let me see, and
then let me see, and then I

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could I could put them on I
could put them on the screen. See

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I can see them. So that's
that's how. That's how it works.

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And then yeah, so that that
that's we all know who who that is.

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So women are to be seen and
not heard. I'm sorry, I

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don't I don't believe that, not
one bit, not one bit. I've

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worked too hard in my life,
blood, sweat and tears, education,

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the or is from a sixteen year
marriage. No I am. I'm definitely

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to be seen and to be heard
you telling them, and my thing is

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and like I said, at the
end of the day, I'm all about

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accountability. If you're willing to do
the messed up thing, then you got

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to be willing to deal with the
consequences. And sometimes you go out on

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a limb and you're not communicating with
your partner, So you know, that's

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the whole, that's the whole,
that's the whole thing. Though the whole

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thing is is also is communication because
if you cannot if you cannot communicate how

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you feel, what you're thinking,
and what you're going through, shit,

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it's just not going to work.
You have to be able to shit there

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and say baby, look, I
think people overthink emotions, right, and

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this is what I mean. The
logic is this, if you're in a

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relationship and you get an inclination,
the sense of feeling the moment that you

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want to be with somebody else and
you really want to act on it,

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your safety then will always be just
being honest and being like all right,

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this is what I want to do
and move on with life and see what

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happens. You have a better chance, You have a better chance. Let's

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just say with that person that you're
expressing that to long term, if it

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doesn't work out with the person,
that you're leaving them for simply because you

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were honest. And if you don't, you know, I'm not saying I

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will go back to that, but
if you if you don't, at the

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very least like you were just honest
and you kept it real with them,

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and more importantly, you keep it
real with yourself. You know, that's

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the problem people, you know,
people like you're only lying to yourself.

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Man, how selfish can someone be? Right? Absolutely, that's what it

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comes down to. So to me
that that's just overthinking your emotions. Oh

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I want this person, I want
that person. Just slow it down,

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think logically, think about yourself,
right, build some value in yourself,

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have some pride, have some integrity, you know, think about the other

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person a little bit. You know, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first.

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So by acting on it and expressing
that to your to your to the

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other person, you're doing that.
You're putting yourself first. You're saying,

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you know, my feelings are most
important, and sorry, I'm gonna hurt

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you, but I'm gonna be honest
with you. I'm gonna let you know

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what's going on. And if that
happens, you know, I could,

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I could. You know. It's
just it is what it is, lies,

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lies to the female, waste her
time. Wow. Wow, No,

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it's not worth it, man,
it's not worth it. I don't

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agree with that. That's how we
get to hurt people. Hurting people.

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It's like we still keep doing toxic
kings, you know, Derek Sanders,

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Man, I ain't mad at you, Doug, you know what I mean.

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I don't judge, man, It's
just and things don't work for me.

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Man, that's all I'm saying.
Like that's that's not my cup of

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tea. Man, it's not.
But you know, I know plenty of

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people that that do what they gotta
do and uh and that's that and that's

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that waste her time twenty twenty four. I'm going there, Yeah, that's

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great, that's wow, that's wold. Yeah. So but yeah, like

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I said, you know, like
like you said, I'm I'm a feed

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off for what you just said about
about you know, it's kind of like

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tempering your your emotions. You know
what I'm saying. It's true, you

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gotta, especially with a situation like
that, but you gotta, you gotta

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really be easy because you know you
to be. My personal opinion is you

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don't. You don't do it,
period. Don't even get yourself into a

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situation like that, period because for
one, like you said, like like

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Lady g said, the way you
the way you get them is the way

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you're gonna lose them. You know
what I'm saying. Just the fact that

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she's stepping out, the way she's
stepping out and doing it, how she's

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doing it. That only that that
only you know, tells you about her

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character, what kind of a woman
she is, you know what I'm saying.

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I mean, instead of being honest
and saying, you know, to

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her, do like you're this thing
working out between us, you know whatever,

246
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whatever, you know, we gotta
find a different way. We can't

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find a different way. We got
to split, you know, and that

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that that's just how it is.
Man. Does anybody here know somebody that

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that that that left for somebody for
the side piece and it ended up working

250
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out and they build they built something
from it. I mean, if if

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I'm sat here and thought about it, I might be able to come up

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with like, well, let me
just tell you tolerance. Like I said,

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I was married for sixteen years.
My ex husband married my daughter's Madrina

254
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a month after we got divorced,
and four years later so far they're still

255
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together. Wow. See that's why
I asked, because you never know,

256
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you never know, there it is. How's that? How's that for a

257
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personal experience? Yep, Oh,
believe me. I got plenty of personal

258
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experience. But my thing is I
know and and like you were saying,

259
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it's about you know, the self
respect to self worth. Right. So

260
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when any person, woman, man, whatever, when you get to a

261
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point not to be cocky, not
being conceded, but when you get to

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a point where you actually know your
true value the things that you bring to

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the table, right, then the
truth is you're not gonna be afraid to

264
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lose people by being honest with them
because again, you know your value.

265
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And my thing is, no relationship, no matter what, is ever gonna

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work, not even not even a
jump off, is gonna work without adequate

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communication because if you don't set those
expectations, if you don't be honest with

268
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each other. My thing is tell
me the truth that hurt me right now,

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instead of wasting my time, like
Derek said, wasting my time and

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causing a whole lot more. You
know what, I've only got so many

271
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days in my life. I don't
know when I'm going, but I'm gonna

272
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spend every one of those days not
wasting my time because I've got a life

273
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to live. I've got happy,
happy to be. And again, I

274
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know my value. I know my
value as a person. I know what

275
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I've worked for. And the most
importantly, and what people don't understand is

276
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you want all these things, but
what are you willing to give? So

277
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my thing is I'm a willing I'm
willing to give someone one hundred and ten

278
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percent of myself, so of course
I'm going to expect that back. So

279
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there's no way I'm going to disrespect
myself by thinking that I need to step

280
00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:33.880
out because I'm not receiving clearly,
because if you're stepping out, there's something

281
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:40.400
missing from what There's something something's definitely
lacking. If you're stepping out something something's

282
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missing, and unfortunately going to be
time though sometimes it's just time takes this

283
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toll on people and people. You
know, the one thing with long with

284
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with relationships that that that are long
term, that started at young ages,

285
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is that you don't necessarily evolve into
compatible people at some point. That's that's

286
00:22:10.839 --> 00:22:14.680
it's a reality. It's not that
something is missing. Change. People change,

287
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right, But again, if you're
not communicating that that because when people

288
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change, we begin to miss something
that we need or we need something that

289
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that person never had when we change. But if we're not communicating that,

290
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because I'm sorry, any relationship,
even the ones that are fifty sixty years

291
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long, the important piece is work. People are not willing to put work

292
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in anymore. They want to waste
because how many of those relationships that are

293
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that long have at that stage of
the game have real you know, is

294
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:56.920
it fifty years because they just build
a really big family and have kids and

295
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grandkids and you know they you know, back in the fifties or not,

296
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believe it or not. I was
a therapist, a marriage and family therapist

297
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for twenty years. So I've heard
I'm going to give you the floor.

298
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But what I'm trying to say it
basically, is is I think that the

299
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percentage of relationships that start at a
young age. Let's call it high school

300
00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:33.880
sweethearts. Right for now, let's
say high school sweethearts into middle aged relationships

301
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:41.039
with kids, you know, potentially
grandkids. How much of that relationship was

302
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:52.240
built on real love in comparison to
circumstances? Fine, he knows true,

303
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:56.519
true, and that is very true. So then what happens when people like

304
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you said, you know, we
grow up, we change, and uh

305
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and and then and then and then
you know, we become people that maybe

306
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:11.440
we couldn't at an earlier age because
of responsibilities the family. Let me,

307
00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:15.000
let me, I'm gonna givenyd the
floor too. But hold on one second.

308
00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:22.319
I also think it's a it's a
really big generational thing also because you

309
00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:27.000
see a lot more marriages that have
lasted throughout the years from the older generation

310
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than you do with the generation now, because the generation now just don't give

311
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fuck. You know what I'm saying. My grandparents were married for like sixty

312
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years. They couldn't stand each other. But what I get what you're saying

313
00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:41.279
it was more about responsibility. I
get it. I get it. Yeah

314
00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:45.000
that's what I'm saying. Yeah,
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Honestly,

315
00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:49.960
I'm I'm glad I met my wife. I heard in my thirties it

316
00:24:51.079 --> 00:24:53.119
was it was a big difference,
man, Oh yeah, it was a

317
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:59.279
big difference. Like I could really
say, Yo, we're gonna be together

318
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:03.240
as long as God wants us to
be together, you know. But again

319
00:25:03.319 --> 00:25:07.000
it's about that is she standing behind
you with that knife in your back making

320
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:14.920
sure you say the right thing.
But it's but it is about that hold.

321
00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:17.440
It's never about the knife at the
back. It's just how hard they

322
00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:22.559
twisted. That's true, because everybody
will disappoint you. You just have to

323
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:26.200
decide who's worth the disappointment. But
because we're all human, we're human.

324
00:25:26.359 --> 00:25:30.839
But yeah, that that that totally
makes sense. Tilrance, That totally makes

325
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:36.240
sense because circumstances sometimes put people together. But again, it's about the communication

326
00:25:36.599 --> 00:25:41.240
and and and recognizing self awareness,
recognizing that you know what you and me

327
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:48.160
as a couple, you and me
as individuals, we have grown, maybe

328
00:25:48.279 --> 00:25:53.319
evolved, become different people. It's
about being honest with each other that you

329
00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:57.319
know what, we're not the people
that met because you know, we're different

330
00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:00.160
people now, we have different needs. Now, then we need to call

331
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:04.440
it because you got to be honest
with yourself and honest with that other person.

332
00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:10.480
And it's better to call something when
it's time to go than to just

333
00:26:10.599 --> 00:26:12.480
continue to stay in it. Because
one thing I have learned is like a

334
00:26:12.519 --> 00:26:15.559
lot of people stay together for the
kids, you know, and for those

335
00:26:15.640 --> 00:26:21.039
connections that you were talking about,
you know, the wrapping things together.

336
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:23.960
And yes, it is a lot
harder to pull something apart than it was

337
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:27.160
to put it together. I kept
saying it was cheaper to keep me.

338
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But the thing is, the thing
is, you know, both people have

339
00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:38.839
to be in that mature place where
they're saying, you know what, I'd

340
00:26:38.920 --> 00:26:44.119
rather stop this now and remain cordial
with one another, be able to be

341
00:26:44.359 --> 00:26:48.200
good co parents, be able to
communicate with each other instead of getting to

342
00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:52.039
that point like your grandparents, who
you know, like freaking hated each other.

343
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And I know that feeling may al
wilitha God bless her soul. She

344
00:26:56.799 --> 00:27:02.039
is still alive at ninety six years
old. Her and my grandfather are now

345
00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:08.559
living in separate apartments because her apartment
building said that he had to go because

346
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:12.920
they can't stop screaming and hollering at
each other, you know, and getting

347
00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:17.279
on each other's nerves. So it's
like they even have that new thing.

348
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:22.519
Now it's mostly in the Caucasian families
where it's like we're married together, living

349
00:27:22.599 --> 00:27:26.519
apart type of thing. So they've
come up with some all kinds of new

350
00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:30.960
fangled stuff. But my thing is, at the end of the day,

351
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.519
it all comes down to the same
thing. Part of my interruption, I

352
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:41.400
respect, I respect the way you
phrased it and being politically correct, but

353
00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:45.680
that is some white people ship that
that What did you just say that people

354
00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:51.799
married but living separately? Yes,
yes, again, I respect you,

355
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:56.559
you being politically correct with the Caucasians
that some white people. Shit, what

356
00:27:56.640 --> 00:27:59.960
are you talking about right there?
Well, you know, we talked about

357
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:07.519
people's personalities, and at all times
I display conduct befitting a lady. So

358
00:28:08.759 --> 00:28:14.839
and and that's that's how it is. That's and that's one thing about me.

359
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:18.680
That's why I like when when Doves
is here, I don't do a

360
00:28:18.759 --> 00:28:22.200
lot of talking because you know what, I grew up in Camden, New

361
00:28:22.319 --> 00:28:27.440
Jersey, right, I'm from South
America, so the ghetto fabulous is in

362
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:34.000
me. But I am choosing not
to be that woman because, yeah,

363
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:40.319
I aspire, I aspire to better
things, and I'm part of an organization

364
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:45.279
that. Yeah, one of our
credos is always displaying conduct befitting a lady.

365
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.039
And one thing I will always be
at the end of the day is

366
00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:56.880
a lady nice, very nice at
that. Nope, can't at all?

367
00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:00.640
Is there me? Should let me
ask there's another question here, But this

368
00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:07.440
was asked to do with child support? Oh no, oh no, this

369
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:15.759
should be easy, is that?
He said? He says, is it

370
00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:23.200
true that there's some government lady trying
to abolish child support to make it a

371
00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:26.880
choice for men or women to pay
child support instead of being forced to pay

372
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:33.640
child support? Well, technically they
choose now because you ain't got to pay

373
00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:37.839
it. There's a consequence if you
don't, but you don't have to pay

374
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:41.960
it, and then and you also
have the right to to to sign off

375
00:29:42.039 --> 00:29:48.720
on the child and give up your
parental rights exactly. Yeah. I think

376
00:29:48.839 --> 00:29:51.759
that I was trying to look up
because when I when I read the question,

377
00:29:51.799 --> 00:29:52.480
I was trying to look up.
There was there was an article.

378
00:29:52.519 --> 00:29:59.680
I forgot who the lady is though
there's a counsel, counselwoman or somebody in

379
00:29:59.720 --> 00:30:03.400
the lature that the pronounced it,
because you know, I got I got

380
00:30:03.480 --> 00:30:11.960
big lips, so you know my
ship and sometimes but saying that that they

381
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:15.680
want they want to make child support
a choice. They don't want to they

382
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:22.039
don't want it to be forced because
a lot of parents are getting screwed by

383
00:30:22.119 --> 00:30:25.960
the system. So they want to
give them the opportunity to choose whether or

384
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:30.160
not they want to pay child support. That's that's what the child didn't get

385
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:36.240
to choose if they existed. Exactly. I agree, and I'm sorry.

386
00:30:36.279 --> 00:30:38.359
It ain't about the Okay, so
I work on this on the daily.

387
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:42.039
Okay, It's not about the parents
once you have that child. It's about

388
00:30:42.119 --> 00:30:47.400
what the child deserves and what you
are responsible for as the person who made

389
00:30:47.480 --> 00:30:52.319
that so called adult choice. Uh, that brought this child into the world.

390
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:56.079
I don't care for the man or
the woman. Both parents are responsible.

391
00:30:56.519 --> 00:31:00.559
I totally agree with you and fonsibility. But at the core of the

392
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:06.240
question, let's talk about the system. Is it's a system and and the

393
00:31:06.359 --> 00:31:11.200
actual the money aspect, right,
the child the child support is abused on

394
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:15.039
both sides of the spectrum, not
just by the payer but by the receiver

395
00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:21.039
as well. Right, yeah,
not on all occasions, but yeah,

396
00:31:21.079 --> 00:31:23.079
I know, bro, it's it's
it's it's a real issue, and it's

397
00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:30.960
and it's it's a topic. Right. So with that said, if the

398
00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:36.640
only time, look, if the
if whoever is responsible for paying the child

399
00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:42.920
support is working at any capacity,
let the system play it out. Right,

400
00:31:44.680 --> 00:31:47.880
you show up to court, you
take your pay stumps. They're going

401
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:51.799
to be more than fair. And
what that does is is two things.

402
00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:59.279
A. It prevents you from any
kind of legal problems, right, and

403
00:31:59.480 --> 00:32:05.359
B you are contributing to the child
in some capacity. Now, the fact

404
00:32:05.400 --> 00:32:10.240
that people base their contributions on how
often they see the kid or whether they

405
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:15.240
don't see the kid, or how
much whatever, that's a whole different ballgame.

406
00:32:15.720 --> 00:32:22.319
But the system, although it has
flaws, it is designed to protect

407
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:25.680
the individual that I believe in.
And you have to cover yourself because if

408
00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:29.720
not, then what's going to end
up happening is is you're going to end

409
00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:32.480
up in jail, you know,
and at that point you can't do anything

410
00:32:32.519 --> 00:32:38.480
for anybody. So, you know, I know it sucks. Sometimes parents

411
00:32:38.599 --> 00:32:42.359
paying child support, they don't get
to see the kid, whatever the case

412
00:32:42.440 --> 00:32:45.279
may be. Sometimes they pay it, the money doesn't go to the kid.

413
00:32:46.279 --> 00:32:50.599
The person receiving it, you know, does whatever they have to do

414
00:32:50.680 --> 00:32:55.680
with it. It's so all over
the place that you have to follow the

415
00:32:55.799 --> 00:33:00.920
system. Now, you know the
responsibility like ladies you said, of course

416
00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:07.240
you bring a child into this world, you know the responsibilities are are are

417
00:33:07.880 --> 00:33:12.039
are not to be like second guests. But you know, as far as

418
00:33:12.160 --> 00:33:15.519
like how the system works, you
got to believe in it because it's the

419
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:20.319
only thing you have to protect yourself
exactly, and that's that's that's paying it,

420
00:33:20.519 --> 00:33:24.720
you know now. So me personally, I mean, I I've been

421
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:29.480
I've been paying child I paid child's
postcel. I was like sixteen, seventeen

422
00:33:29.559 --> 00:33:34.000
years old, so I know about
the child support system tolerance knows. So

423
00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:44.160
anyway, I think personally, I
think child support shouldn't just be a financial

424
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:47.079
obligation, you know what I'm saying, I think it should. I think

425
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:52.960
a lot more men or women that
pay child' support should also if they're not

426
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:58.920
already be involved emotionally, you know
what I'm saying with with with their child,

427
00:33:58.960 --> 00:34:01.319
with their children, because a lot
of parents out there, because of

428
00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:07.720
the fact that they're having trouble with
the child support system, they don't they

429
00:34:07.799 --> 00:34:14.199
don't interact enough with their children and
get emotionally involved with their children, because

430
00:34:14.239 --> 00:34:20.119
the parents who get that that said
money either feel like they got jipped or

431
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:24.760
they got stuck and want more from
the parent that's obligated to do so,

432
00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:29.639
I think, but like I said, I think it's it should be it

433
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:36.559
should be more of a uh it's
I know it's it's a financial obligation to

434
00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:40.320
some parents, but I think it
should be more than just financially. So

435
00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:43.840
what what what if? What if
you're the type of dad that could be

436
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:47.280
there for your kid every day but
you can't pay that That's that's what I

437
00:34:47.400 --> 00:34:51.039
mean. That that's that's that's the
problem, because they'll be in jail and

438
00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:54.079
then and and then the mom doesn't
see that or the dad vice versa.

439
00:34:54.159 --> 00:34:57.760
I don't want I don't want to. I don't want to implicate one one

440
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.440
parent over the other. That's what
I'm saying. So that that's what I

441
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:04.159
mean, Like if you could be
there emotion you know, if you could

442
00:35:04.199 --> 00:35:07.039
be there physically and emotionally for a
child, or can't can't pay up,

443
00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:12.280
you end up in jail, what
happens to the kid? Then you understand

444
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:15.119
what I'm saying. Yeah, but
what if the person that has the what

445
00:35:15.239 --> 00:35:19.719
they call the primary custody of the
child, who has the child the majority

446
00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:23.119
of the time if they're not able
to like legitimately. Okay, so the

447
00:35:23.159 --> 00:35:27.719
system is all over the place.
It's all over the place. You know,

448
00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:30.679
we can have a scenario for each
one. But so you are there

449
00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:34.480
for the for the child. Every
day, you show up, every day,

450
00:35:34.599 --> 00:35:37.920
You're a good you're a great co
parent, you do all this wonderful

451
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:42.960
stuff. The unfortunate thing is,
without that financial situation, none of that

452
00:35:43.079 --> 00:35:45.840
holds weight in court. None of
that, all that showing off every day,

453
00:35:46.039 --> 00:35:50.079
all that good parent thing, none
of that will hold Wait and the

454
00:35:50.159 --> 00:35:52.719
judge will tell you go sit in
the cell while you figure out how to

455
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:55.239
catch up on your arrears. Oh
definitely. But I'm saying the situation,

456
00:35:55.480 --> 00:36:00.480
like why what he's saying wouldn't work, is because at the end of the

457
00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:02.519
day, that child still needs to
eat, that child still needs to have

458
00:36:02.679 --> 00:36:07.519
clothes. It doesn't matter which parents
providing it. If nobody's providing it,

459
00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:10.239
the child at the end of the
day is the one that's going to suffer.

460
00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:15.679
But the thing is, there's definitely
a problem, definitely a problem.

461
00:36:15.079 --> 00:36:20.079
First of all, because we're still
trying to catch up from those fifties where

462
00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:23.280
the mom was the primary parent,
you know, raising, but they also

463
00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:29.079
weren't working. Then the system still
has not caught up to the fact that

464
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:36.400
we now have fathers who are taking
great care of the kids, and then

465
00:36:36.440 --> 00:36:39.480
the mother's the one that has disappeared. So there's both in every situation.

466
00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:44.559
There's good mothers, good fathers,
you know, the co parenting, whatever.

467
00:36:44.679 --> 00:36:46.880
But what the most important thing is
a lot of people get in their

468
00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:50.880
feelings and it's not about the kid. At the end of the day.

469
00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:54.679
It becomes about what I can do
to hurt you because you apparently hurt me,

470
00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:59.480
and I want to make you pay. That's a good point because honestly,

471
00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:02.079
if if if that, if that
were the situation that the person was

472
00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:07.599
showing up every day even though that
they weren't able to be financially responsible at

473
00:37:07.639 --> 00:37:09.119
that point in time, and there
was a legitimate reason, then why the

474
00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:13.760
heck are are you not in the
relationship and in the house and and and

475
00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:16.360
as a unit to begin with?
Like you know, so, I guess

476
00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:21.920
we're asking people to be what they
couldn't be when they had the opportunity to

477
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:23.760
do so you know what I mean. So, so yeah, people are

478
00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:27.159
going to just act the way that
they act. And there are people out

479
00:37:27.199 --> 00:37:29.960
there that have kids and you know
they send me care about them. They

480
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:32.119
don't care about them, they fully
care about them. I could tell you

481
00:37:32.239 --> 00:37:36.440
something. At some of my darkest
moments in life, man, you know,

482
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:38.800
I would, I would, I
would. I would scrape up whatever

483
00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:42.719
I could, take the bus or
pick up my son, you know,

484
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:45.119
get us whatever we could to eat. You know, I didn't have a

485
00:37:45.239 --> 00:37:49.480
car. I didn't, I didn't. I was sharing an apartment with three

486
00:37:49.559 --> 00:37:52.559
of my cousins. I had a
bedroom. But I would make sure that

487
00:37:52.679 --> 00:37:55.480
no matter what I did, I
went and I and I and I and

488
00:37:57.119 --> 00:38:00.320
now so now I'm going to talk
to you from from my perspective, right,

489
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:04.000
I did that. I was there. I picked them up every day.

490
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:07.480
I traveled for long distances to go
get them and make sure that I

491
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:09.599
was there. And I wasn't a
week and that, and I was working,

492
00:38:09.679 --> 00:38:13.400
but I had bills to pay,
and I was paying my child support.

493
00:38:13.480 --> 00:38:17.159
But I fell behind. And when
I showed up to court to do

494
00:38:17.239 --> 00:38:21.960
with with with half of what I
owed, the judge told me, you

495
00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:23.320
can go sit in the cell and
figure out how you're gonna get me the

496
00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:28.199
other half. That's right. Yeah, And you want to know something,

497
00:38:29.719 --> 00:38:31.440
I'm not a bad father. I
was never a bad father. I was

498
00:38:31.519 --> 00:38:37.159
going through a tough time m hm. And it ended up being that once

499
00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:40.000
I got through that, that boy
came and lived with me, and he

500
00:38:40.159 --> 00:38:45.079
spent from his young teenage years and
to be into his adulthood with me.

501
00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:49.960
Yeah. You know, so it
is a mess up situation. That's why

502
00:38:49.960 --> 00:38:52.199
I tell you you got to play
the course system to protect yourself. It

503
00:38:52.360 --> 00:38:58.079
wasn't even like I was dodging it
right, right, I was dodging it

504
00:38:59.400 --> 00:39:02.639
to three K in the rears at
that time. I was younger. I

505
00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:07.400
didn't have that kind of money.
I showed up with fifteen hundred. The

506
00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:09.760
judge told me that. Yeah.
I sat. That was like, I

507
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:14.199
don't, I don't. I don't
even know how I'm gonna figure this out.

508
00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:20.519
But luckily my brother got window what
happened, stepped up. I handled

509
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:27.920
that, but it didn't make me
forward like it was like, you can't

510
00:39:27.960 --> 00:39:30.960
even be in the rears and try
to like renew a pass support in this

511
00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:35.519
country. You want to leave the
country and go on back by a bar.

512
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:37.320
You can't, can't, you can't
do squad. You want to go

513
00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:43.000
on vacation, God forbid, and
you and your passports expired and you try

514
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:46.360
to renew that and you hell no, don't try to do yankob tasks because

515
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:52.519
they take that. Don't win a
lot of you. Unfortunately, unfortunately,

516
00:39:52.239 --> 00:40:00.480
unfortunately, don't get married. As
detrimental as it is to the child to

517
00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:07.800
to to to you know, to
not pay it. You have to do

518
00:40:08.559 --> 00:40:12.639
that's that's that's important. Of course, you have to take care of the

519
00:40:12.719 --> 00:40:15.360
child. But if you don't do
it through the system, then as a

520
00:40:15.559 --> 00:40:19.599
parent, you're really not giving yourself
the best chance to be there for that

521
00:40:19.719 --> 00:40:22.039
kid, because the system will swallow
you up. Yep, and then and

522
00:40:22.119 --> 00:40:27.639
then you're gone. Then you ain't
there for the kid. Now you can

523
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:31.000
do you can have no kind of
criminal record, nothing. Now all of

524
00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:34.639
a sudden, you're in jail.
Now you come out of jail. Now

525
00:40:34.679 --> 00:40:37.000
you're trying to get a job.
You get fired from whatever job you have,

526
00:40:37.239 --> 00:40:40.480
like you know, to be those
extremities didn't happen, But that's the

527
00:40:40.599 --> 00:40:45.440
reality of life. It is,
So I got to put that slightly ahead

528
00:40:46.119 --> 00:40:50.599
of the needs of the kids.
Because if I can't be out there doing

529
00:40:50.679 --> 00:40:52.519
the best that I could for myself, how am I supposed to be the

530
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:57.159
best that I can from my heart? Yeah, And when guys or even

531
00:40:57.239 --> 00:41:00.639
women, they kind of get mad, like why I'm given you know,

532
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:04.199
so I'm giving the other parent money
cash money directly, right, Why do

533
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:07.280
they got to put me on child
support? I put it like this right

534
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:10.559
because I'm I'm in the middle,
you know, like I'm that happy medium

535
00:41:10.639 --> 00:41:15.079
person. I said, you know
what, even though this is a sucky

536
00:41:15.159 --> 00:41:22.159
situation, you might want to be
on that probation child support because at the

537
00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:24.800
end of the day, you've got
paper. You've got paper that says,

538
00:41:24.920 --> 00:41:29.360
you know what, when mom's bad
mouthing or dad's bad mouth in me,

539
00:41:29.639 --> 00:41:31.840
when the child grows up, you
can go right to that child and say,

540
00:41:31.880 --> 00:41:36.480
you know what, I'm not going
to negate what anybody has said to

541
00:41:36.519 --> 00:41:39.960
you, but let me show you
something. Here are all my receipts,

542
00:41:40.079 --> 00:41:44.400
all of my pay stuffs, all
my paperwork. I want to show you

543
00:41:44.599 --> 00:41:49.000
that although I may not have been
as active as the other parent, I

544
00:41:49.199 --> 00:41:52.239
still took care of you. I
still was a part of your life.

545
00:41:52.559 --> 00:41:55.079
So it's like, it's like having
that paper trail is helpful in so many

546
00:41:55.159 --> 00:42:00.800
different ways in the court of law, or nothing that's documented through the state

547
00:42:01.280 --> 00:42:09.719
or child you know, or whatever
our family court division. It's not worth

548
00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:15.719
it doesn't come I know somebody who
got clipped was doing it. Let's call

549
00:42:15.800 --> 00:42:19.159
it off the books, because at
that point it's almost like a business.

550
00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:25.039
That's how wicked the system is.
I personally try to avoid it. I

551
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:30.760
personally try to avoid it with my
oldest son, he's twenty one. And

552
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:36.519
you want to know something, It
was going good because I didn't have to

553
00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:39.800
get the system involved. And can
I tell you something, It got actually

554
00:42:39.960 --> 00:42:45.400
better when I did get the system
involved. That's what I'm saying, because

555
00:42:45.480 --> 00:42:51.360
then it wasn't subjective. It wasn't
when I thought how much I thought was

556
00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:55.599
right based upon anything, and there
was no opportunity for her to come back

557
00:42:55.679 --> 00:43:00.119
and say, you ain't doing nothing
exactly. That's what I said. The

558
00:43:00.199 --> 00:43:04.920
pay per trail, the pay per
trayal proves it all like apart from the

559
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:08.920
court, apart from the poor,
apart from but if you're making the efforts

560
00:43:09.000 --> 00:43:14.039
to do the right things and communicating
with the right with the court systems.

561
00:43:14.679 --> 00:43:17.039
You know, at that point,
the court systems are communicating with the parent.

562
00:43:17.159 --> 00:43:22.719
That's the other thing too. It
just it makes things so black and

563
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:25.840
white. It clears up a lot
of that gray area. And a lot

564
00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:30.360
of times people's feelings are not involved
when you're told this is a lot of

565
00:43:30.440 --> 00:43:37.679
times the parent that seeking the child
support ends up getting screwed. Because then

566
00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:40.559
if that's the part what I mean
about, it doesn't become subjective anymore,

567
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:49.960
right because a real g like me
knew what I had to do to maintain

568
00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:54.159
my son's lifestyle. My son travel
the world with the help of my current

569
00:43:54.280 --> 00:44:00.639
wife, now, okay, help
travel the world while he was competing at

570
00:44:00.679 --> 00:44:05.920
a high level, never lacked anything, always had the freshest whatever we could

571
00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:08.159
give them, more than I ever
had, more than any of us had.

572
00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:15.480
And what ended up happening is is
when when we got the courts involved,

573
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:19.360
they looked at it through the numbers, and through the numbers, it

574
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:23.599
ended up being less. M h. It ended up being less. You

575
00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:29.519
follow, So at the end of
the day, it's protection all the way

576
00:44:29.559 --> 00:44:31.519
around. Then, that's what it
is. But I don't involve one thing

577
00:44:31.559 --> 00:44:35.800
with the other, that's for sure. You know, I wouldn't let money

578
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:38.199
if I was the one that that
that had, that was the primary,

579
00:44:38.599 --> 00:44:46.840
the primary guardian, and that within
itself would prove to me how much of

580
00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:52.280
a good father I am and that
I that I could do without, you

581
00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.000
know, the child's mom. If
that were the case, that that's I'm

582
00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:58.559
not I'm not speaking from a personal
standpoint, but if it was like that,

583
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:01.880
like if the if the court just
gave me full custody of a child,

584
00:45:02.920 --> 00:45:07.840
because that's so hard for a man
to obtain. Nowadays, that was

585
00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:12.960
it's hard. Yeah, nowadays most
things are all joint. Everything is joint.

586
00:45:13.199 --> 00:45:16.159
Yeah, that means the mom's got
to be you know, part of

587
00:45:16.239 --> 00:45:22.960
my friend here a pos you know. And I'm just being honest. That's

588
00:45:22.400 --> 00:45:27.679
for a father to be granted full
custody of a child full I'm not talking

589
00:45:27.719 --> 00:45:31.199
about joint Oh yeah, that that's
happening a little bit more often nowadays.

590
00:45:31.320 --> 00:45:37.559
Yeah, it is, it is, it is. There are women just

591
00:45:37.639 --> 00:45:43.480
abandoning their children. Yeah. Yeah, But but I'm saying more now than

592
00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:49.119
ever because in the past the system
was definitely weighted towards the woman and benefit

593
00:45:49.239 --> 00:45:52.119
of the woman. But and and
it's taken a long time to even get

594
00:45:52.159 --> 00:45:57.119
where we got now. But the
system, at least the judges that you

595
00:45:57.239 --> 00:46:00.360
know that I know, are starting
to come back like, no, I'm

596
00:46:00.400 --> 00:46:06.360
not taking the father's rights away just
because you think it's in the kid's best

597
00:46:06.400 --> 00:46:09.039
interest. I'm gonna look at the
facts and say, no, you're gonna

598
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:14.320
both have joint custody. You know, you're both gonna be responsible. You're

599
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:17.639
both gonna have a say in how
this child is raised. And if either

600
00:46:17.719 --> 00:46:21.599
one of you violates that core order, guess what, you're gonna have to

601
00:46:21.639 --> 00:46:23.840
come back in front of me.
Uh, And we're gonna have to discuss

602
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:28.039
that so more and more, and
I'm happy about that. It's not where

603
00:46:28.079 --> 00:46:31.039
it needs to be, but more
and more, you know, parents are

604
00:46:31.119 --> 00:46:34.920
getting equal rights and you can't.
You know, we're back in the day.

605
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:37.320
It won't be like, well,
I just want to have full custody

606
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:40.280
because I want it. No,
it don't work that way. No more,

607
00:46:40.599 --> 00:46:44.480
it don't work that way anymore.
Unless you can prove that that other

608
00:46:44.639 --> 00:46:51.599
parent is truly unfit to be a
parent. You're not taking away the parental

609
00:46:51.719 --> 00:46:55.440
rights. No. I think,
I think, I think, I think

610
00:46:55.559 --> 00:47:01.840
if if the individual you know,
look right, reality is, things don't

611
00:47:01.880 --> 00:47:06.239
work out. We get it.
People have children for all different kinds of

612
00:47:06.280 --> 00:47:12.960
reasons. But if you just because
relationships don't work out doesn't make anybody a

613
00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:17.880
bad person. There could be a
plethoray's a wonderful parent. Yeah, just

614
00:47:19.039 --> 00:47:22.440
do the right thing. If you
do the right thing, and everybody knows

615
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:25.239
what the damn right thing is.
If you do the right thing, at

616
00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:32.159
the very least, you can minimize
or potentially eliminate the drama. And if

617
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:37.239
you really really care about the kid, that is the most important thing.

618
00:47:37.719 --> 00:47:43.320
Yes, they need the necessities,
but the most important thing for children nowadays,

619
00:47:44.039 --> 00:47:46.719
especially nowadays, with all the stuff
they're getting bombarded with, or at

620
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:52.480
least people are trying to bombard him
with, is that they have a safe

621
00:47:52.639 --> 00:47:59.199
place and somewhere where they can feel
that they're themselves. And there's modern day

622
00:47:59.320 --> 00:48:07.920
families left and right. I've seen
families nowadays. Like I'm talking like the

623
00:48:07.239 --> 00:48:13.719
dad is there with like a two
year old son and a seven year old

624
00:48:13.880 --> 00:48:19.760
son, and his girlfriend is given
pregnant, but like the other kid's mother

625
00:48:20.079 --> 00:48:24.440
is like in the baby shower.
Yeah, yeah, you know, do

626
00:48:24.559 --> 00:48:30.880
you found me? Like so,
I totally get it, but it you

627
00:48:30.960 --> 00:48:38.639
know, unfortunately, the world is
selfish and more people than not don't think

628
00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:44.039
that way. So that's why you
got to appreciate good parents. You know,

629
00:48:44.199 --> 00:48:45.159
a good parent is a good parent. You know, it's got nothing

630
00:48:45.199 --> 00:48:49.639
to do with anything other than the
effort that they put into their kids.

631
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:52.639
And you know, them truly challenges
do whatever they can for them. So

632
00:48:53.079 --> 00:48:58.039
it's not easy. Nobody's perfect.
Everybody's got their own way. But at

633
00:48:58.079 --> 00:49:00.639
the end of the day, the
way I look at it is if you're

634
00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:02.519
just trying to make it a little
bit better for them, then you had

635
00:49:02.599 --> 00:49:07.039
it. Then that's all that we
can do, you know. That's all.

636
00:49:07.199 --> 00:49:09.000
That's all that we really can do. Man. But huh y,

637
00:49:10.119 --> 00:49:13.519
I love kids. I have three
of them. I have three of them,

638
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:15.960
two of them are two of them
are still on the younger side.

639
00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:17.679
You know, one's an adult,
but the other two are still young.

640
00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:22.480
So I got some raising with them
still, you know. Yeah, I

641
00:49:23.599 --> 00:49:30.440
got a bunch yo, come right, six grandchild six yo, My man,

642
00:49:30.800 --> 00:49:36.159
bro, that is amazing. I'm
not there yet. I don't have

643
00:49:36.320 --> 00:49:39.880
none, so yeah, I got
a long way to go before I catch

644
00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:44.679
you. Man. But dam that
is amazing. Brother. Yeah, man,

645
00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:47.079
that is amazing. Bro God bless
man. I know you broke.

646
00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:57.639
I'm not paying support. Christmas is
coming, that's why, as you said,

647
00:49:57.719 --> 00:50:02.280
I know you broke. We said
now really unreal though, you know,

648
00:50:05.199 --> 00:50:08.280
Like my my oldest, my oldest
granddaughter, she's she's eight, she's

649
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:12.960
in jiu jitsu. She's just just
got she just jumped up another belt.

650
00:50:15.079 --> 00:50:21.119
My grandson will start his jiu jitsu
career next uht on his next birthday,

651
00:50:21.159 --> 00:50:23.559
he'll be he'll be five, so
he'll be able to start then. And

652
00:50:23.880 --> 00:50:28.880
are you kidding me? Man,
dude, you waited until the show to

653
00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:32.800
tell me this stuff. I'm really
I got a bone to pick with you.

654
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:37.119
Man, you know how much I
love that stuff. Dude. Yeah,

655
00:50:37.199 --> 00:50:40.960
my granddaughters, Yeah, my grandson
will be involved when he turns five,

656
00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:45.559
and then and the other one.
The other ones are younger. You

657
00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:51.920
know what I'm saying. They're all
real little little Yeah, some advice,

658
00:50:52.079 --> 00:50:55.599
you know what I mean? If
you're gonna be involved, it's a long

659
00:50:55.719 --> 00:51:02.239
journey, and they're young, such
as makes or that they're having fun and

660
00:51:02.360 --> 00:51:07.320
they stay in day and it doesn't
become an obligation. I tell you this

661
00:51:08.440 --> 00:51:14.639
from experience my son, you know, as you know, at the age

662
00:51:14.679 --> 00:51:19.760
of eight, he started training jiu
jitsu, and we pushed him to become

663
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:25.239
essentially a professional by the time that
he was eighteen, you know, ten

664
00:51:25.400 --> 00:51:35.440
years plus, like school jiu jitsu
or school homework jiu jitsu tournament every other

665
00:51:35.519 --> 00:51:39.719
week, and I'm not talking about
local, I'm talking about nationally, so

666
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:44.880
in the track of his career.
Right. The moral of the story is

667
00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:47.119
simply this, if I could do
it all over again, I would do

668
00:51:47.159 --> 00:51:51.719
it the same way, because I
always looked at it like this. I'd

669
00:51:51.800 --> 00:51:55.039
rather him if there was ever any
resentment, I rather it came from me

670
00:51:55.360 --> 00:52:02.320
exploiting his potential because he really had
a natural ability plus the work ethic versus

671
00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:08.920
not doing that. But at the
same token, what he helped me learn,

672
00:52:09.760 --> 00:52:15.320
especially now with my younger kids,
is just you know, let their

673
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:20.239
coaches coach them and let them go
at their own pace. You know,

674
00:52:21.440 --> 00:52:24.320
I do I want to build like
an athlete factory over here. Of course,

675
00:52:24.639 --> 00:52:28.119
you know, that's that's just the
data in me. And I set

676
00:52:28.159 --> 00:52:31.559
the example too because I trained myself
and I've always been competitive and involved in

677
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:37.159
sports and things like that. But
you know with the younger kids, now,

678
00:52:37.280 --> 00:52:39.960
I had them in it, and
it was it was getting to the

679
00:52:40.039 --> 00:52:43.559
point where like it was getting tough
on them. They were getting hurt,

680
00:52:43.559 --> 00:52:47.320
a little bit bruised up, and
you know, I was like, you

681
00:52:47.360 --> 00:52:51.280
know what, let's pump the brakes
and we tried some other stuff. So

682
00:52:51.760 --> 00:52:54.480
look, as long as they're having
fun and they want to do it,

683
00:52:55.079 --> 00:52:59.519
freaking go for it. Bro go
for it. Because it's still a very

684
00:52:59.599 --> 00:53:05.239
young age, you know. My
suggestion is is keep it peppered in with

685
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:10.000
other activities too. That's the best
way to to to really keep them engaged

686
00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:14.719
because they have other things to look
forward to, because jiu jitsu could become

687
00:53:14.840 --> 00:53:16.760
up. It's an all year around
thing, right, you can train jiu

688
00:53:16.800 --> 00:53:21.800
jitsu all year around, but there
could be times where you take a little

689
00:53:21.880 --> 00:53:24.079
time off and if they want to
play t ball, you know, because

690
00:53:24.119 --> 00:53:28.760
you're saying they're five six years old, they want to play whatever something else.

691
00:53:29.440 --> 00:53:32.679
Yeah, my granddaughter does soccer too, So there you go. That's

692
00:53:32.760 --> 00:53:37.519
that's what my that's what my my
my little son does soccer. My daughter

693
00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:42.840
does gymnastics. I had them training
like pretty full time, and then we

694
00:53:42.920 --> 00:53:45.320
gave that a break, But soon
I'll be training with them at home and

695
00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:51.280
that's that. But you know,
hey, one of those one of those

696
00:53:51.320 --> 00:53:55.079
little cats is a monster. Hell
and and y'all see some potential. Get

697
00:53:55.159 --> 00:53:58.960
them out there, man, get
them out there, get them, get

698
00:53:59.000 --> 00:54:01.960
them competing. Bro. It's fun, man, it's fun. That's my

699
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:07.440
little two cents that Dady g my
batman. He started talking about one of

700
00:54:07.519 --> 00:54:10.079
my favorite subjects over his Yeah,
it's just, uh, you know,

701
00:54:10.239 --> 00:54:16.599
I'm I'm of the opposite you know, thought process. You know, like

702
00:54:16.760 --> 00:54:22.280
I support my kids and whatever they
want to do, but you know I'm

703
00:54:22.360 --> 00:54:28.920
not I'm not going to push them
because I know what it is for something

704
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:31.880
that I love to become a job. Uh, and then I lose interest

705
00:54:31.960 --> 00:54:37.800
and don't want to do it anymore. So my thing is, I will

706
00:54:37.880 --> 00:54:40.920
support whatever you want to do,
but if you don't make it, it's

707
00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:45.239
because you didn't do what you needed
to do. I'm not going to be

708
00:54:45.320 --> 00:54:49.639
the one doing it for you.
So yeah, in my in my house,

709
00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:54.000
I always preached academics and athletics because
at the end of the day,

710
00:54:55.199 --> 00:55:02.039
those are two very, very very
real, realistic opportunities for my children to

711
00:55:02.159 --> 00:55:07.480
be able to do more for themselves. Yeah. You know, no matter

712
00:55:07.719 --> 00:55:13.320
no matter how much money I have
or don't have, if I was a

713
00:55:13.400 --> 00:55:16.320
billionaire right now, I would teach
my children how to go out and be

714
00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:22.159
billionaires versus leaving on my money.
You know. That's the kind of mentality

715
00:55:22.239 --> 00:55:25.320
that I have. So, you
know, the academics and the and the

716
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:29.400
and the athletics to me, they
go they go hand in hand. And

717
00:55:30.440 --> 00:55:31.599
I'm the type of guy if we're
going to do something, we're going to

718
00:55:31.639 --> 00:55:35.719
do it and we're going to get
it done. But to your point,

719
00:55:36.840 --> 00:55:42.920
I've become a lot more uh,
you know, a lot more self aware

720
00:55:43.199 --> 00:55:47.519
and a lot more conscious of of
not being over the top of it.

721
00:55:49.079 --> 00:55:52.199
You know, I can't say that
I could fully like take my foot off

722
00:55:52.239 --> 00:55:57.559
the gas pedal when it comes to
that. But I'm the type of person

723
00:55:57.800 --> 00:56:02.239
like, for example, my daughter
got out of gymnastics today. You know,

724
00:56:02.480 --> 00:56:07.199
my wife will be like, oh, you know, this was pretty

725
00:56:07.239 --> 00:56:10.679
good if you look good over there, and I'll just be like, Okay,

726
00:56:12.079 --> 00:56:14.239
you need to work on this,
and you need to work on that,

727
00:56:15.480 --> 00:56:19.239
you know. So I guess it
balances itself out, But that doesn't

728
00:56:19.280 --> 00:56:22.559
mean I'm not supporting her or I'm
not. You know, I go how

729
00:56:22.599 --> 00:56:25.800
they go, right, That's what
I tell them. You want to do

730
00:56:25.960 --> 00:56:29.880
something, show me you want to
do it, and then we're going to

731
00:56:29.920 --> 00:56:34.039
get it done. But I'm not
into the you know, oh, you

732
00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:37.000
want to try this and then you're
going to quit, or you don't want

733
00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:42.679
to go to practice or you know, that's not definitely not. Yeah,

734
00:56:42.840 --> 00:56:46.039
that's that's not. That's not because
I believe in I believe in the academics

735
00:56:46.079 --> 00:56:50.559
and the athletics. That's how you
get scholarships, that's how you you know,

736
00:56:50.679 --> 00:56:54.000
listen, not everybody set that way
right now, everybody's wired like that.

737
00:56:54.119 --> 00:56:57.800
But if you look at the ncuble
A commercial, they'll tell you,

738
00:56:59.599 --> 00:57:05.320
you know, they have you know, I don't know, three thousand athletes.

739
00:57:05.800 --> 00:57:08.519
Not all of them will go pro
in athletes, but just about all

740
00:57:08.559 --> 00:57:13.719
of them will go pro in something
in life, you know. So to

741
00:57:13.920 --> 00:57:17.679
me, that's that's just it.
I'm from that culture, you know.

742
00:57:17.880 --> 00:57:22.519
I guess I guess that's just the
competitive part of me or whatever the case

743
00:57:22.599 --> 00:57:27.079
may be. But and I think
everybody was created for something, you know,

744
00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:30.199
like we have to have people like
you, and there has to be

745
00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:36.480
people like Coulion, and there has
to be people like me because that's what

746
00:57:36.639 --> 00:57:39.480
makes the world interesting and helps it
to go around. Because like right now,

747
00:57:39.719 --> 00:57:44.840
my thing with my youngest is next
year she's a senior and then she's

748
00:57:44.880 --> 00:57:49.639
going to college. Right, So
Congress, thanks. I'm one of seven

749
00:57:49.719 --> 00:57:54.119
kids. I'm the only one who
graduated high school. And then I went

750
00:57:54.199 --> 00:57:58.639
to college, and then I was
like, what do I want from my

751
00:57:58.760 --> 00:58:01.039
kids? So I went back to
college again and got my master's degree.

752
00:58:01.679 --> 00:58:08.960
So I've I far exceeded my expectations
and other people's expectations of me. So

753
00:58:09.400 --> 00:58:15.239
in that vein, you know,
my daughter wasn't until recently, it wasn't

754
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:19.119
really interested either one of them.
Actually, do you expect the same thing

755
00:58:19.159 --> 00:58:22.880
from her? See, that's the
thing, expectation. If you continue to

756
00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:29.639
have too hive an expectation, you're
always going to be disappointed. I was

757
00:58:29.679 --> 00:58:32.159
just looking for a yes or no
answer. Oh, I apologize. No,

758
00:58:32.320 --> 00:58:38.440
don't need to apologize only because because
you know, that's all I just

759
00:58:38.559 --> 00:58:44.559
wanted to just an honest yes or
no. Do you expect her to achieve

760
00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:50.079
the same academics that you did expect? No? Hope? Yes? Okay,

761
00:58:50.559 --> 00:58:55.000
Now when you say hope because I
can understand that perspective, right,

762
00:58:55.119 --> 00:58:59.920
you hope? But are you Are
you doing everything in your power to push

763
00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:05.039
that, to push her to particular
Definitely? Definitely, I'm promoting it.

764
00:59:05.199 --> 00:59:08.320
I'm promoting it like this is This
is the statement I made to her.

765
00:59:09.519 --> 00:59:16.199
You have to go to college.
Once you get there, we can reevaluate

766
00:59:16.320 --> 00:59:21.760
because I have realized college is not
for everybody. How does an ultimatum become

767
00:59:21.840 --> 00:59:29.920
hope? That sounds like an expectation
to better herself. That is the expectation.

768
00:59:30.440 --> 00:59:32.440
But to do what I did is
not the expect There's nothing wrong with

769
00:59:32.519 --> 00:59:36.519
you expecting that. By the way, I want you to say that you

770
00:59:36.599 --> 00:59:39.360
expect her to do it, because
if you did it, why can't she

771
00:59:40.360 --> 00:59:45.719
Because she's not me. I get
it. But does that mean that we

772
00:59:45.880 --> 00:59:49.800
can impose our will as much as
we can? Isn't that our parental duty?

773
00:59:50.239 --> 00:59:52.239
I won't know. I don't think
so. So we can agree to

774
00:59:52.280 --> 00:59:55.480
disagree on that one. But no, I don't think that that's the duty.

775
00:59:57.360 --> 01:00:02.480
Because I exceeded. Like I said, I exceeded expectations. My mother's

776
01:00:02.519 --> 01:00:08.519
only expectation of me was to not
be pregnant at sixteen years old and you

777
01:00:08.599 --> 01:00:13.280
know, to not become a drug
addict and locked up and all that kind

778
01:00:13.320 --> 01:00:16.880
of stuff. So that was her
expectation and so no as her parents,

779
01:00:17.079 --> 01:00:21.239
Yes, I will guide her,
I will be an example for her,

780
01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:25.079
I will be strong with her,
I will show her and support her.

781
01:00:25.920 --> 01:00:30.280
But at the end of the day, you can't make somebody do something that

782
01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:32.840
they don't want to do. And
I don't. I wish that were the

783
01:00:32.920 --> 01:00:37.039
case. My son passed when he
graduated of high school. He graduated with

784
01:00:37.159 --> 01:00:43.760
a three point nine maybe an eight
worst case scenario from high school. The

785
01:00:43.880 --> 01:00:46.800
kid never cracked the book open and
like you know, how to put minimum

786
01:00:46.840 --> 01:00:55.119
effort just like naturally smart and wrestled
his senior year to enhance his jiu jitsu,

787
01:00:55.360 --> 01:01:00.079
and he could have gone to a
local, you know college or so

788
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:04.920
look, my son passed on college. I didn't impose my will on him

789
01:01:05.400 --> 01:01:09.880
because I didn't go to college.
But I didn't have the opportunities that he

790
01:01:10.079 --> 01:01:14.639
did at that same point in time. By the time I was eighteen,

791
01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:19.079
I don't want to say it was
too late for me, but I dropped

792
01:01:19.079 --> 01:01:23.800
out of high school when I was
a freshman. So you know, with

793
01:01:23.960 --> 01:01:28.280
that said, it was hard for
me to really put but his mother did

794
01:01:28.519 --> 01:01:32.320
graduate from college, so there was
an example there. There was an example

795
01:01:32.360 --> 01:01:37.280
there in his life. Yeah.
So with that said, it made it

796
01:01:37.320 --> 01:01:38.840
a little bit harder for me to
do so, but I was I was

797
01:01:39.039 --> 01:01:45.960
encouraging it and set it up and
you know, so forth and so on.

798
01:01:45.119 --> 01:01:49.440
But I felt because I didn't,
I didn't, I wasn't able to

799
01:01:49.480 --> 01:01:52.920
accomplish what I was asking of him. That it made it, It made

800
01:01:52.920 --> 01:01:55.000
it. It made it difficult for
me, you know, but you know,

801
01:01:55.360 --> 01:01:59.760
he also ed And then I also
set an example for him where I've

802
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:02.519
showed him that without going to college, you know, you can still you

803
01:02:02.599 --> 01:02:06.840
know, go on in life and
and and and do good things, you

804
01:02:06.920 --> 01:02:10.119
know, like his father has.
I'm very blessed that I've been able to

805
01:02:10.239 --> 01:02:15.159
have, you know, careers in
my life. Obviously we've all had jobs,

806
01:02:15.239 --> 01:02:17.960
but I've had careers. I have
one now, I own a small

807
01:02:19.000 --> 01:02:22.599
business. So yeah, you know, college isn't for everybody. I get

808
01:02:22.679 --> 01:02:27.800
that, but I guess because you
have that badge, you know, and

809
01:02:28.039 --> 01:02:30.320
and and and yeah, you you
you were the outlier. You you you

810
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:35.960
exceeded expectations. You were the one
that broke the mold. I get it,

811
01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:38.960
you know, obviously we just met. You don't have to take what

812
01:02:39.079 --> 01:02:46.039
I say in any and in any
capacity, you know, as a way

813
01:02:46.079 --> 01:02:51.119
to do things. But I think
that you've earned that, and you know

814
01:02:52.320 --> 01:02:57.199
you can press her if you want
to and not have to feel like perhaps

815
01:02:57.320 --> 01:03:00.519
you're you're you know, you're doing
too much. You know, I don't

816
01:03:00.559 --> 01:03:02.840
know that what you accomplish is a
big deal. And if you're trying to

817
01:03:02.880 --> 01:03:06.719
help her get there, you know, that's a good example, and I

818
01:03:06.760 --> 01:03:08.280
would be using that, is what
I'm That's what I'm saying, like I

819
01:03:08.440 --> 01:03:15.519
help her, I encourage her.
Again, the there is that expectation that

820
01:03:15.840 --> 01:03:21.639
you at least have to start once
you get there. Let's check things out,

821
01:03:21.760 --> 01:03:24.239
see how it goes, see whatever, whatever, and then we can

822
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:28.880
reevaluate. But you can't just decide
not to go, even if it's a

823
01:03:28.920 --> 01:03:31.559
community college. I don't care,
but I'm not gonna I can't. I

824
01:03:31.719 --> 01:03:37.880
won't online courses for crying out loud, I tell you that's not going to

825
01:03:38.000 --> 01:03:43.679
deal. I'm not going to deal
with just sitting around doing nothing, working,

826
01:03:44.119 --> 01:03:46.960
you know, at just anything,
just because you feel like it.

827
01:03:47.119 --> 01:03:51.280
No, you have to at least
apply yourself. But in the end of

828
01:03:51.360 --> 01:03:57.920
the day, she is not me, and she just she's a good student.

829
01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:00.119
I mean she did she did well
in highchol. No, she has

830
01:04:00.199 --> 01:04:04.800
a d D and in attentive,
a d D. Not even hyperactive,

831
01:04:04.880 --> 01:04:12.000
she is inattendive. So unfortunately as
a student she has been consistently inconsistent.

832
01:04:12.079 --> 01:04:15.280
I mean she is a good student, especially now that she's older. She's

833
01:04:15.480 --> 01:04:21.360
a's and b's and she has some
c's and and that changes things for sure.

834
01:04:21.559 --> 01:04:26.960
Yeah, that's that's a that's a
different layer that that that that changes

835
01:04:27.079 --> 01:04:30.360
perspectives because like if it was her, like for your son, like you

836
01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:32.519
say, he didn't even have to
crack a book something. That's that's the

837
01:04:32.599 --> 01:04:36.320
part that got underneath my skin right
there. Like man, and he's still

838
01:04:36.360 --> 01:04:39.440
young though, don't get me wrong, and he's got a game plan.

839
01:04:41.039 --> 01:04:45.880
But you know, I'll be honest
with you, all that pushing that I

840
01:04:45.960 --> 01:04:48.800
did for those ten plus years with
with the school and and and his training

841
01:04:48.880 --> 01:04:53.159
and the traveling, he kind of
just wanted to break once he was done

842
01:04:53.159 --> 01:04:56.159
with high school for a little bit, you know, just to kind of

843
01:04:56.239 --> 01:05:00.000
like breathe a little bit and then
that, and then and then COVID happened,

844
01:05:00.679 --> 01:05:03.840
and then COVID happened. He graduatedd
COVID year. His graduation was wild

845
01:05:05.039 --> 01:05:09.400
other kids. While while other kids
were doing bad because of COVID, she

846
01:05:09.559 --> 01:05:15.199
actually excelled in COVID from home.
Yes, she did well because with attentive

847
01:05:15.400 --> 01:05:23.360
in attentive ad D, you need
more time to get things done. She's

848
01:05:23.400 --> 01:05:25.960
one of those. And it's so
funny because I have to, I have

849
01:05:26.079 --> 01:05:30.079
to be totally honest and transparent because
of my daughter. I found out that

850
01:05:30.199 --> 01:05:34.760
I actually have struggled with a d
D in attentive add my whole life and

851
01:05:34.920 --> 01:05:40.679
never knew it. So I am
so grateful to her. Not that I

852
01:05:40.800 --> 01:05:45.079
am glad that she had to struggle
with it, but it makes so much

853
01:05:45.119 --> 01:05:46.440
sense now. But the thing is, she's one of those people like she's

854
01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:51.679
you know how you walk across the
street and the cars are coming and you

855
01:05:51.840 --> 01:05:56.840
either speed up to miss the car
or you just kind of wait or whatever.

856
01:05:57.639 --> 01:06:02.119
No homegirl will walk across the street
like a turtle and she don't care

857
01:06:02.199 --> 01:06:08.719
for cars coming or not. She
makes them wait for her. Like it's

858
01:06:08.760 --> 01:06:11.559
so funny. I'm like, do
you have no urgency, like she has

859
01:06:11.719 --> 01:06:15.760
no urgency. But I also realize
it's a part. It's a part of

860
01:06:15.559 --> 01:06:20.440
this inattentive ad D and it it
is impactful and it only gets worse as

861
01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:27.320
you get older. As far as
impact in your life. I've lost jobs.

862
01:06:28.119 --> 01:06:30.480
And the funny thing is, I'm
a person with a well one of

863
01:06:30.519 --> 01:06:36.400
my sorority sisters says, a self
righteous grandstandard. But so I have high

864
01:06:36.480 --> 01:06:41.159
integrity, you know, in in
me. So for me, it's like

865
01:06:42.239 --> 01:06:45.400
my goal is always to be doing
the right thing, always to do my

866
01:06:45.559 --> 01:06:48.440
job, you know, always,
you know, so much so that me

867
01:06:48.599 --> 01:06:53.440
doing my job calls attention to the
people who aren't doing their job. And

868
01:06:53.559 --> 01:06:58.719
so I have a tendency to be
hated. And that's all right, I'm

869
01:06:58.760 --> 01:07:01.079
okay with that. Were two pieces
in the power when it comes to that,

870
01:07:01.360 --> 01:07:05.480
I could relate to that. Please
kidding me now, Even now in

871
01:07:05.599 --> 01:07:10.159
the job that I do, they
had to move me because all of my

872
01:07:10.239 --> 01:07:15.159
co workers were having difficulty with me
and hating on me and stuff and causing

873
01:07:15.199 --> 01:07:18.679
a hospital environment because me actually getting
my work done. Because we have remote

874
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:23.239
days and stuff, like we have
like one day week we can work from

875
01:07:23.280 --> 01:07:29.159
home and uh, the norm was
all the work wasn't getting done. So

876
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:31.480
then I come on the scene,
I do, I get my remote day.

877
01:07:31.920 --> 01:07:35.320
All of a sudden, I'm banging
out all my work and the supervisors

878
01:07:35.440 --> 01:07:40.239
like, what's going on here?
Why is this so inconsistent? People telling

879
01:07:40.280 --> 01:07:43.760
me they can't get their work done. So now they're checking up on people,

880
01:07:44.000 --> 01:07:45.880
and again they're hating me even more. I'm like, oh, I'm

881
01:07:45.960 --> 01:07:49.559
sorry that just because I'm home,
I actually get my work done because I

882
01:07:49.719 --> 01:07:51.840
have to. I mean, because
of the A D D. I actually

883
01:07:51.920 --> 01:07:58.440
have to sit down and focus.
But I also serve the community, and

884
01:07:58.559 --> 01:08:01.199
for me, that's that's of the
up most importance. And I have a

885
01:08:01.320 --> 01:08:04.239
job that you know, people get
burned out really quickly. But my thing

886
01:08:04.360 --> 01:08:08.639
is it's about integrity. It's about
if you don't want to do this job,

887
01:08:08.719 --> 01:08:12.880
then you better keep it moving and
get out because these are people's lives

888
01:08:12.920 --> 01:08:18.760
on the line, and I'm not
willing to to have somebody suffering and without

889
01:08:19.319 --> 01:08:23.399
just because I don't like their attitude
or just because I don't feel like working

890
01:08:23.479 --> 01:08:26.359
that day. It don't work like
that, because if it was you,

891
01:08:26.920 --> 01:08:30.399
you sure as crap would be on
the phone hemming and horn and getting mad

892
01:08:30.640 --> 01:08:35.199
if you're not getting this and you're
not getting that. So yeah, so

893
01:08:35.319 --> 01:08:38.720
it's been a it's been a tough
road. And that's why I don't.

894
01:08:39.600 --> 01:08:42.760
I don't stress her. I don't, you know, Like my thing is,

895
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:45.960
I have expectations. Yes, as
a mother, you're going to do

896
01:08:45.079 --> 01:08:48.079
this, You're going to do that
to the to the point where she can't

897
01:08:48.119 --> 01:08:54.600
wait till she's eighteen. But right
now, see, I was leaning towards

898
01:08:54.640 --> 01:08:59.560
one way, right, I was
leaning towards you, you trusting her because

899
01:09:00.039 --> 01:09:08.119
you got your masters. Then I
was leaning towards the fact that obviously I'm

900
01:09:08.199 --> 01:09:13.600
sensitive to her having the But then
you tell me that you realized through her

901
01:09:13.720 --> 01:09:17.399
that you said I with it and
then were able and you were still able

902
01:09:17.479 --> 01:09:23.000
to accomplish what you did. So
definitely, but I also had I grew

903
01:09:23.079 --> 01:09:26.960
up at a different times. That's
two bullet in the chamber. Now that

904
01:09:27.039 --> 01:09:30.640
you got there, yes, I
know. But when I grew up,

905
01:09:31.359 --> 01:09:35.439
especially in the Latino community, there
was no such thing as a d D,

906
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:40.600
no such thing as therapy, no
such thing as medication. You know

907
01:09:41.000 --> 01:09:45.920
free what was that gluten free?
Yo? Man, Get out of here.

908
01:09:46.119 --> 01:09:55.359
I'm cooking one meal, You're gonna
go hongry, Yo. These kids

909
01:09:55.399 --> 01:10:00.119
these days, I can't. I
can't, but MSG, yeah, those

910
01:10:00.199 --> 01:10:03.640
types of things. Yes, I'm
still the same old mom that my mother

911
01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:11.560
was and all this stuff, but
I don't, like, I know,

912
01:10:11.760 --> 01:10:15.520
the suffering and the struggling that I
went through, Like I almost got kicked

913
01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:19.319
out of college, right and did
you know and didn't know why. So

914
01:10:19.520 --> 01:10:24.600
the thing is I went through some
unnecessary crap. So yes, I did

915
01:10:24.640 --> 01:10:29.399
accomplish it because I had that drive
and I you know, I lost my

916
01:10:29.520 --> 01:10:33.520
mom when I graduated high school,
before I graduated college, right, So

917
01:10:34.359 --> 01:10:39.079
I've been on my own since I
was about twenty twenty one, like totally

918
01:10:39.159 --> 01:10:43.439
totally on my own, no parents, no nothing. So she doesn't have

919
01:10:43.600 --> 01:10:47.000
that situation. She has both parents, you know, So her situation is

920
01:10:47.119 --> 01:10:51.000
very different than mine. And I
don't ever want her to have to live

921
01:10:51.079 --> 01:10:56.439
the life that I lived, uh, just for an expectation that she do

922
01:10:56.600 --> 01:10:59.199
what I did. I'm going to
hope, and I'm going to lead by

923
01:10:59.319 --> 01:11:01.880
example, and I'm going to continue
to encourage and I'm going to provide her

924
01:11:01.960 --> 01:11:06.079
the resources. But at the end
of the day, I guess this is

925
01:11:06.319 --> 01:11:10.359
some people look down on me for
it. But at the end of the

926
01:11:10.479 --> 01:11:13.359
day, I did my work.
It's up to her to do it.

927
01:11:13.640 --> 01:11:16.920
Yeah, I feel the same as
soon. It's up to If she fails

928
01:11:17.199 --> 01:11:20.479
and falls in her face, that's
on her. That's on her, not

929
01:11:20.640 --> 01:11:24.640
me. Yeah, I hope him, pray that he did this that in

930
01:11:24.720 --> 01:11:27.079
the third but at the end of
the day, you know, and here

931
01:11:27.119 --> 01:11:30.880
he is here. He is actually
about to be twenty two now, twenty

932
01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:33.960
two in January he turns twenty two, so and he's figuring it out.

933
01:11:34.479 --> 01:11:40.359
You know. I thank god he
doesn't have any drug addictions, he doesn't

934
01:11:40.399 --> 01:11:45.760
have any any any kids he's got. He's actually got a very nice girlfriend.

935
01:11:47.199 --> 01:11:53.640
She's she's in college, she's studious, and he's figuring it out.

936
01:11:53.720 --> 01:11:58.359
You know, I miss him.
He's back up there. I'm just glad.

937
01:11:59.079 --> 01:12:03.199
I'm just bad on my all my
kids are doing doing them the right

938
01:12:03.279 --> 01:12:06.800
way, you know what I'm saying. I mean my starting from from my

939
01:12:06.920 --> 01:12:15.960
oldest she's thirty, she's got her
master's and social work and she's got a

940
01:12:16.039 --> 01:12:21.359
degree in national security. She works
for facility, you know what I'm saying.

941
01:12:21.439 --> 01:12:26.159
And she she does you know,
case management, she does a whole

942
01:12:26.199 --> 01:12:29.319
bunch of good, good things,
you know, with these with these people

943
01:12:29.840 --> 01:12:38.560
that she she works for. My
son is a chef. My two other

944
01:12:38.720 --> 01:12:43.600
daughters ones in r N the other
one's uh, cosmetologist. She does all

945
01:12:43.680 --> 01:12:46.640
that her hair and nails and all
that other stuff, you know, really

946
01:12:47.239 --> 01:12:50.520
works out at a spot. She
does them really well. And my youngest

947
01:12:50.800 --> 01:12:56.880
is in college. So all of
them are doing what they need to do,

948
01:12:57.920 --> 01:13:04.479
you know, for them, for
parents, you know, they're they're

949
01:13:04.640 --> 01:13:08.640
they're just living their lives. You
know what I'm saying. Everybody has their

950
01:13:08.720 --> 01:13:13.399
creator, everybody has their their careers, everybody has you know, I have

951
01:13:13.520 --> 01:13:16.279
no complaints, you know what I'm
saying. They they will make me proud,

952
01:13:17.359 --> 01:13:21.239
you know. And that's what's subject
bro. You know, like like

953
01:13:21.560 --> 01:13:25.199
like she said, man, you
know you did your job. At the

954
01:13:25.319 --> 01:13:28.640
end of the day. Life is
a crap shoot. Life is a crap

955
01:13:28.640 --> 01:13:31.039
show. Because I'm sorry, you
could give your kids all the support,

956
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:36.279
you could be the best parent,
like the best parents, and they're going

957
01:13:36.319 --> 01:13:39.800
to turn out how they're gonna turn
out. Yeah, they're gonna do what

958
01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:43.720
they're gonna do. The thing is
you can only do your best because again,

959
01:13:43.880 --> 01:13:48.479
absolutely I've seen people who have done
crappy, crappy jobs as a parent,

960
01:13:49.039 --> 01:13:53.720
and their kids are some of the
best kids, Like they're successful,

961
01:13:53.840 --> 01:13:57.000
they're got good heads on their shoulders. And then I've seen some of the

962
01:13:57.079 --> 01:14:00.840
best parents who have all education,
who have all money, all resources,

963
01:14:01.119 --> 01:14:04.520
and the kids ain't nothing but bums. So at the end of the day,

964
01:14:04.600 --> 01:14:10.000
it's like, I can only do
my job. After my job is

965
01:14:10.079 --> 01:14:13.560
done, it is up to you
to take what you've been taught and run

966
01:14:13.640 --> 01:14:16.399
with it, you know. And
I've been very blessed. My older daughter,

967
01:14:16.479 --> 01:14:21.720
she's thirty four now, and she
she was like, no college,

968
01:14:21.880 --> 01:14:26.920
no nothing. She was rebellious,
she ran like she just ran. She

969
01:14:28.319 --> 01:14:30.199
she didn't she didn't do nothing.
I paid for her to go to school

970
01:14:30.199 --> 01:14:33.880
a couple of times, like bartending, doing all this stuff. She dropped

971
01:14:33.920 --> 01:14:39.039
out of everything, and so I
was scared. She married somebody that I

972
01:14:39.159 --> 01:14:42.800
actually liked, you know, he
was a kid in one of my programs.

973
01:14:43.800 --> 01:14:45.680
They've been married thirteen years now,
and I have a one year old

974
01:14:45.720 --> 01:14:50.359
granddaughter and she is now a dental
assistant. So I mean, so,

975
01:14:50.880 --> 01:14:56.640
you know, yeah, they find
their way, they find their way.

976
01:14:56.960 --> 01:15:00.720
A little one she's got a good
head on her shoulders, know what life

977
01:15:00.760 --> 01:15:04.439
has in store for her, but
I'm leaving it in God's hands. Man,

978
01:15:04.720 --> 01:15:11.039
Yeah, yeah, I get it. So we have YO. We

979
01:15:11.159 --> 01:15:13.760
we we know we run on the
table. Head's already, We've been on

980
01:15:13.880 --> 01:15:16.439
for a while. This this is
some good ship. So of course the

981
01:15:16.560 --> 01:15:20.039
number two I know, and I
got. I got a weird one.

982
01:15:21.560 --> 01:15:24.960
I know. I got over here, man, I was like, Yo.

983
01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:35.960
The next one is actually it's weird
because it says you've spoken about these

984
01:15:36.039 --> 01:15:41.319
topics before. I just don't remember
when I heard them or where I heard

985
01:15:41.399 --> 01:15:46.319
them, but I would like to
know from your your experience and your co

986
01:15:46.479 --> 01:15:53.319
host experience. Are these two questions? And I remember speaking about this before.

987
01:15:54.079 --> 01:16:02.600
The one question is how do you
How do you feel about what Chris

988
01:16:02.760 --> 01:16:06.680
Rock said in one of his stand
up shows? And I know what she's

989
01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:12.000
talking about, so I talked about
it before, but I guess she wants

990
01:16:12.039 --> 01:16:15.119
to hear. And you guys are
on a roll, so I'm gonna let

991
01:16:15.159 --> 01:16:17.640
y'all take it. I don't even
know what Chris Rock said, so I

992
01:16:17.680 --> 01:16:19.920
don't know. All right, I'm
gonna tell you right now. So he

993
01:16:20.079 --> 01:16:30.880
said this, He said, only
women children and dogs are loved unconditionally,

994
01:16:30.760 --> 01:16:34.199
but a man. Wait a minute, Wait a minute, but a man

995
01:16:35.000 --> 01:16:42.439
is only loved under the condition that
he provides something. What do you think

996
01:16:42.520 --> 01:16:49.359
of that? I think that's not
true, Todd. You're looking around at

997
01:16:49.359 --> 01:16:57.560
you're thinking, I think that's one
hundred percent. I don't because if if

998
01:16:57.560 --> 01:17:00.880
you're not providing something, then what
you're worthless. We're not even talking about

999
01:17:01.039 --> 01:17:08.439
money. Providing something, love,
support, comfort, I don't know,

1000
01:17:10.760 --> 01:17:13.239
but it's the same thing. You
don't think it's the same thing for a

1001
01:17:13.319 --> 01:17:15.800
woman. If she's not providing something
for the man, then he's not going

1002
01:17:15.840 --> 01:17:24.399
to love her unconditionally. Okay,
there are circumstances and relationships where all the

1003
01:17:24.479 --> 01:17:29.359
women has to provide a sex and
that's good enough. That's not the same

1004
01:17:29.439 --> 01:17:31.479
situation for men. And I don't
want to get into the topic of sex.

1005
01:17:31.600 --> 01:17:38.319
I'm just saying a man has to
provide something. If not, he's

1006
01:17:38.439 --> 01:17:43.520
worthless. But that doesn't mean that
the partner thinks that he's worthless. Okay,

1007
01:17:43.640 --> 01:17:46.239
again, I can only use my
situation. I can't speak for other

1008
01:17:46.319 --> 01:17:50.920
people. Well, if let's just
say, yeah, let's not get into

1009
01:17:51.000 --> 01:17:56.279
specific relationships, but let's say just
in general. Right, if you're not

1010
01:17:56.359 --> 01:18:02.760
bringing something to the table, something
one thing, then what is what is

1011
01:18:02.920 --> 01:18:06.319
what is your worth? What is
the worth of a relationship? Like like

1012
01:18:06.439 --> 01:18:09.720
what? Yeah, but they didn't
say about the worth. They said that

1013
01:18:09.840 --> 01:18:15.119
they can't be loved unconditionally, but
they can be they can still be loved

1014
01:18:15.239 --> 01:18:20.000
unconditionally. What was the question?
It was this? It was they say,

1015
01:18:20.439 --> 01:18:28.079
they say, only women, children
and dogs are loved unconditionally, but

1016
01:18:28.239 --> 01:18:32.479
a man is only loved under the
condition that he provides something. Okay,

1017
01:18:32.920 --> 01:18:36.000
so yeah, in order to provide, if you have to provide something,

1018
01:18:38.760 --> 01:18:42.479
you have to provide something. This
is my perspective simply, I look at

1019
01:18:42.520 --> 01:18:46.880
it like this. I don't need
anything from my family. I'm the one

1020
01:18:46.960 --> 01:18:50.399
that like, I'm sorry, not
that I don't need anything from my family,

1021
01:18:50.760 --> 01:18:55.760
Like I don't. All I need
for them is to be there,

1022
01:18:56.479 --> 01:19:01.520
right, All I need for them
is to be there. But the other

1023
01:19:01.600 --> 01:19:09.880
way around, they count on me
to support them. And I'm not saying

1024
01:19:09.960 --> 01:19:20.560
that my wife doesn't, but emotionally, financially, physically, like I I

1025
01:19:20.600 --> 01:19:26.159
don't want to say a real man, but most men would just take all

1026
01:19:26.239 --> 01:19:30.880
that responsibility on themselves and look at
it that way, Like, at the

1027
01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:33.479
end of the day, whatever,
my wife and I are equal. She

1028
01:19:33.720 --> 01:19:38.680
works, I work, she does
great with the kids. But if she

1029
01:19:38.840 --> 01:19:44.439
did none of that, none of
that, and let's just say she just

1030
01:19:45.439 --> 01:19:49.880
stood home with the kids, which
is a lot. But if she wasn't

1031
01:19:50.039 --> 01:19:56.039
educated and had her degrees and have
her career, if she didn't help me

1032
01:19:56.079 --> 01:20:00.600
out, like I would still like
love the shit out of my family.

1033
01:20:00.800 --> 01:20:03.640
I don't think if it was the
other way around that it would be the

1034
01:20:03.680 --> 01:20:06.399
same. And my wife loves me
for who I am. My wife met

1035
01:20:06.479 --> 01:20:12.640
me at my darkest moments, but
in my mind, I couldn't fathom like

1036
01:20:13.359 --> 01:20:16.119
accepting their love if I wasn't providing
for them. Okay, what I'm saying,

1037
01:20:16.279 --> 01:20:19.840
it's more of a mething, but
that's different. It's different. It's

1038
01:20:19.920 --> 01:20:25.560
not that you can't be loved unconditionally. It's that you feel that you wouldn't

1039
01:20:25.640 --> 01:20:29.079
deserve that own conditions. But that's
how But that's how people are looked up

1040
01:20:29.079 --> 01:20:31.800
at. But that's how many And
I'm going to tell you that's not true

1041
01:20:32.520 --> 01:20:36.359
because you're right. I'm not going
to argue your opinion, but I would

1042
01:20:36.359 --> 01:20:42.239
say that you're in the minority,
but it's still but it because there is

1043
01:20:42.359 --> 01:20:47.199
a minority, it totally cancels out
that statement because there's that exception to the

1044
01:20:47.359 --> 01:20:53.119
rule. So yes, a majority
of people, that may be the thing.

1045
01:20:54.239 --> 01:20:59.239
But again, I have witnessed not
just in my life, but in

1046
01:20:59.359 --> 01:21:08.199
other people's lives. People women who
have loved their man unconditionally and in reality

1047
01:21:09.479 --> 01:21:14.279
he was not providing anything a value. And how long did that relationship last

1048
01:21:14.359 --> 01:21:21.399
or those relationships last? Well,
mine lasted sixteen years, other people it

1049
01:21:21.600 --> 01:21:27.640
varies, you know, months years. Again, it's about self awareness,

1050
01:21:27.760 --> 01:21:31.560
about self respect, self love,
self esteem, because these are the things

1051
01:21:31.600 --> 01:21:34.279
that we learn and grow upon,
you know too. Yeah, but not

1052
01:21:34.439 --> 01:21:42.800
everybody does. Not everybody does.
There are still women who the man beats

1053
01:21:42.840 --> 01:21:50.199
the crap out of them and they
still love them unconditionally. They would lay

1054
01:21:50.279 --> 01:21:56.840
down their life for this man.
And that's an unfortunate reality as well.

1055
01:21:57.800 --> 01:22:05.079
Certainly is it shouldn't have way,
but it is. Yeah, so unfortunate.

1056
01:22:05.439 --> 01:22:11.880
Agree with the statement, you what
I said? So I respectfully disagree

1057
01:22:11.920 --> 01:22:19.600
with with Chris Rock's statement. All
right, tolerance He agrees, Oh you

1058
01:22:19.720 --> 01:22:23.720
agree with it? Yeah, it's
it's it's to me. It comes down

1059
01:22:23.800 --> 01:22:29.560
to a yes or no, like, it's it's it's it's yes. I

1060
01:22:29.840 --> 01:22:36.000
I like, of course that you
can't stereotype or categorize everyone, but I

1061
01:22:36.279 --> 01:22:45.800
think that the majority of people would
would look at it that way. All

1062
01:22:45.880 --> 01:22:47.520
right, all right, I mean, well, and then here's the other

1063
01:22:47.600 --> 01:22:56.920
thing. It's not fair to categorize
the children, the dog, and the

1064
01:22:57.000 --> 01:23:01.039
significant other all in one group.
First of all, dogs are amazing.

1065
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:08.239
They love them. That's number one. Number two, if you're a halfway

1066
01:23:08.319 --> 01:23:12.640
decent dad or mom, your kids
are gonna love the crap out of you.

1067
01:23:13.479 --> 01:23:17.439
That's number two, regardless of what
happens. Yeah, so we're really

1068
01:23:17.520 --> 01:23:23.800
talking about the significant other. That's
what we're really talking about here. You

1069
01:23:23.880 --> 01:23:29.039
know, is the significant other going
to really love you? And you know,

1070
01:23:29.239 --> 01:23:32.920
like, here's the thing. Love
covers up so much. Because somebody

1071
01:23:33.039 --> 01:23:39.079
loves you doesn't necessarily mean that they
respect you. Because somebody loves you doesn't

1072
01:23:39.119 --> 01:23:44.479
necessarily mean that they trust you.
Because you want to know something, those

1073
01:23:44.720 --> 01:23:50.880
things are betrayed, broken, or
taken advantage of during love. So love,

1074
01:23:51.079 --> 01:23:55.880
that little four letter word likes to
mask up a lot of things.

1075
01:23:57.079 --> 01:24:00.960
Yeah, of course, if you're
with somebody for sixteen twenty fifteen, ten

1076
01:24:01.119 --> 01:24:05.000
years. If you have children with
them, you won't love that person to

1077
01:24:05.079 --> 01:24:10.520
the day that they die. Probably
whether you're with them or not, you're

1078
01:24:10.560 --> 01:24:14.680
going to have some sort of love
for them. But does that mean you're

1079
01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:18.720
gonna respect them? Does that mean
you want to be with them? Not

1080
01:24:18.880 --> 01:24:25.840
necessarily so? Of your own Spanish
show on the Spanish channel show right now,

1081
01:24:25.920 --> 01:24:30.159
like the fucking dude that did the
astrology shit, you sound like you

1082
01:24:30.239 --> 01:24:34.279
really that right now? Yeah?
Yeah, yo, ma man, right

1083
01:24:34.319 --> 01:24:41.760
now he's in two keep going.
I'm just saying because you know, look

1084
01:24:42.359 --> 01:24:46.600
that that's just those are the reality
of life. That's just how you know.

1085
01:24:47.399 --> 01:24:51.039
You love covers a lot, and
yeah, it's easy to say,

1086
01:24:51.079 --> 01:24:55.760
Okay, I will love that person
no matter what. Gosh, it takes

1087
01:24:55.840 --> 01:25:00.800
a lot to like unlove somebody once
you really love them, no matter what

1088
01:25:00.039 --> 01:25:05.640
happens, regardless of how things end
up happening, right because love is a

1089
01:25:05.640 --> 01:25:11.960
real thing. But outside of love
is their respect? Is there? Is

1090
01:25:12.000 --> 01:25:15.039
there? Trust? Is there?
Can you count on that person? How

1091
01:25:15.119 --> 01:25:21.399
much? How how safe do you
feel? You know, we talked about

1092
01:25:21.479 --> 01:25:26.439
accountability, didn't We open up the
show talking about accountability? How can you

1093
01:25:27.239 --> 01:25:31.079
you're not going to hold somebody accountable
for not bringing anything to the table.

1094
01:25:32.520 --> 01:25:36.279
Uh, I'm sorry. I can
bring a chicken. I could bring a

1095
01:25:36.439 --> 01:25:42.319
twelve piece Okay. If that gets
it done for the family, bro for

1096
01:25:42.439 --> 01:25:45.800
the night, and and that's the
best you could do and you feeding the

1097
01:25:45.880 --> 01:25:47.840
fans, then so be it.
You want to know something because I grew

1098
01:25:47.960 --> 01:25:57.199
up on some KFC. That KFC. My mom used to make sao every

1099
01:25:57.319 --> 01:25:59.800
day or for the most part,
because it was the cheapest thing to do,

1100
01:26:00.239 --> 01:26:01.479
and then when she didn't want to
cook, she would send me the

1101
01:26:01.520 --> 01:26:04.479
KFC to get more chicken. You
know what I'm saying, like once a

1102
01:26:04.560 --> 01:26:10.720
week. So I ain't mad at
that my mom and she she was could

1103
01:26:10.720 --> 01:26:15.680
definitely whip it up. So yeah, man, I'm gonna have to agree

1104
01:26:15.720 --> 01:26:17.920
with Chris rock Man. You know, men are looked upon differently if they

1105
01:26:17.960 --> 01:26:23.319
can't bring anything to the table and
provide. Man, you're really gonna like

1106
01:26:23.399 --> 01:26:29.239
this this last question. It's definitely
gonna kick it off, all right,

1107
01:26:29.600 --> 01:26:41.319
So here we go. Ready,
I'm ready. Can a person raised on

1108
01:26:41.600 --> 01:26:53.720
love handle a person raised on survival? Yes, we talked about this.

1109
01:26:54.039 --> 01:26:58.600
Yeah that of course definitely. You
get all kinds of crazy. You got

1110
01:26:58.640 --> 01:27:01.720
all kinds of different background is that
that really do work it out, That

1111
01:27:01.880 --> 01:27:04.800
really do work it out. You
got all kinds of people and and the

1112
01:27:04.880 --> 01:27:10.720
whole you know what, and and
this is just again my experience I can

1113
01:27:10.800 --> 01:27:15.640
only like in my life and my
profession like all that. The thing is,

1114
01:27:17.560 --> 01:27:24.239
things work when everybody doesn't come to
the table with the same tools,

1115
01:27:25.199 --> 01:27:33.680
right, So the opposite attract really
does work, and it works if people

1116
01:27:33.840 --> 01:27:39.960
work it well, because it's like
you're supposed to compliment one another. You're

1117
01:27:39.960 --> 01:27:43.760
supposed to where I'm weak, you're
strong, and vice versa, you know,

1118
01:27:43.960 --> 01:27:47.880
And and that makes this relationship,
whether it's a friendship or relationship,

1119
01:27:47.960 --> 01:27:54.800
even a parenting you know, thing
with the kids, it's like people pick

1120
01:27:54.920 --> 01:28:00.079
up where others leave off, and
then that creates this whole rounded, well

1121
01:28:00.239 --> 01:28:04.800
rounded relationship in person. But if
a person, but if a person that

1122
01:28:05.039 --> 01:28:10.800
that that wasn't raised on love or
strictly survival like learning, how just just

1123
01:28:10.880 --> 01:28:15.960
surviving through life without that love?
How? How how do you how do

1124
01:28:15.039 --> 01:28:24.119
you expect them to to relay that
love back if they've never you know what

1125
01:28:24.159 --> 01:28:30.680
I'm saying, willingness, open mindedness, They have to be willing to accept

1126
01:28:30.720 --> 01:28:35.960
that in because when people like you
can only beat somebody over the head so

1127
01:28:36.199 --> 01:28:43.680
long before they either run away or
beat you back. You know, like

1128
01:28:44.920 --> 01:28:47.560
if they are with you, clearly
they're with you because they have feelings for

1129
01:28:47.640 --> 01:28:51.760
you, because they see something in
you. And and and that's the whole

1130
01:28:51.800 --> 01:28:58.239
thing. Like people go into relationship
seeing other people's potential, and that doesn't

1131
01:28:58.319 --> 01:29:01.479
work just seeing somebody's potential because the
reality is they are who they are.

1132
01:29:02.319 --> 01:29:08.880
People can change, but that's only
if they want to, are willing to,

1133
01:29:09.199 --> 01:29:13.039
and are given the tools to do
so. And who's the one that

1134
01:29:13.119 --> 01:29:17.560
provides the tools? You provide them
to each other. The person who was

1135
01:29:17.640 --> 01:29:23.600
brought up in love provides the tools
of love to the survivor, and then

1136
01:29:23.680 --> 01:29:29.159
the survival skills are then taught and
brought to the person with love, you

1137
01:29:29.279 --> 01:29:31.439
know, like it's it's it's a
give and take, you know, but

1138
01:29:31.560 --> 01:29:38.279
you have to be open minded and
willing. I think if if it's if

1139
01:29:38.319 --> 01:29:44.880
it's a relationship where you know,
the two individuals met at a young age,

1140
01:29:45.239 --> 01:29:50.000
that that could potentially be dangerous down
the road. I like, I

1141
01:29:50.239 --> 01:29:57.000
like that scenario, or I would
agree more with your point lady g if

1142
01:29:57.039 --> 01:30:03.119
it was a relationship that I got
into probably you know, in my in

1143
01:30:03.199 --> 01:30:08.760
my in my thirties, you know, like right before middle aged, right

1144
01:30:08.840 --> 01:30:16.680
right before middle aged, simply because
I think I think life experience helps out

1145
01:30:16.720 --> 01:30:20.840
a lot in that situation. You
know, if you're looking at it at

1146
01:30:20.880 --> 01:30:26.640
a perspective from from from a relationship
from a young age, all those all

1147
01:30:26.680 --> 01:30:31.560
those things that we're talking about,
that stuff's not important at that age.

1148
01:30:32.279 --> 01:30:35.039
It's just like, Yo, I
just met this person, I love them.

1149
01:30:35.720 --> 01:30:39.840
Whatever the chemistry was, whatever the
connection was, you go with that,

1150
01:30:40.520 --> 01:30:43.640
and and before you know it,
you know, now you ended up

1151
01:30:43.640 --> 01:30:47.319
with this person, you know,
ten years down the road and you're figuring

1152
01:30:47.359 --> 01:30:51.399
out like, okay, well this
person is a survivor and you know,

1153
01:30:51.760 --> 01:30:58.560
I'm a lover, and are we
really compatible versus you know, people that

1154
01:30:58.680 --> 01:31:02.560
are just more mature, more emotionally
mature, and able to handle that and

1155
01:31:02.640 --> 01:31:08.880
more importantly appreciate that and then really
take full advantage of what the other person

1156
01:31:09.000 --> 01:31:12.560
is trying to bring up. And
on this topic, I will speak a

1157
01:31:12.640 --> 01:31:18.199
little bit from self experience, because
my wife was brought up with a lot

1158
01:31:18.239 --> 01:31:23.479
of love, and that doesn't mean
she had a perfect upbringing, but regardless

1159
01:31:23.600 --> 01:31:27.840
of what her situation was, it
was with a lot of love from every

1160
01:31:27.920 --> 01:31:31.399
angle, you know, Like an
example, like some mornings she'd wake up

1161
01:31:31.439 --> 01:31:36.920
to like a hot cup of chocolate
and like Disney songs. That's a lot

1162
01:31:38.000 --> 01:31:41.960
of love, you know what I
mean. And so then on the flip

1163
01:31:42.000 --> 01:31:47.239
side of that, I'm the survival
guy. I was running the streets at

1164
01:31:47.239 --> 01:31:51.560
the age of twelve years old,
like really running the streets, not like

1165
01:31:53.000 --> 01:31:56.079
out in the streets, like doing
things that twelve year old's like. I

1166
01:31:56.119 --> 01:31:59.800
couldn't even fathom my children doing the
things that I was doing. A definitely

1167
01:32:00.359 --> 01:32:02.319
so. And you're from Camden,
so you know, we could have a

1168
01:32:02.359 --> 01:32:09.960
whole nother episode on that. But
the more of the story is is is

1169
01:32:10.880 --> 01:32:16.760
had I met her at a younger
age, I don't think we would have

1170
01:32:16.840 --> 01:32:23.840
been able to appreciate that from one
another. Right now. We met later

1171
01:32:23.960 --> 01:32:30.039
on in life, and it was
just like a perfect balance because a I

1172
01:32:30.199 --> 01:32:39.079
wasn't in survival mode anymore, but
I have been through it enough to be

1173
01:32:39.279 --> 01:32:43.720
aware of my surroundings and be that
person in the relationship that's constantly looking over

1174
01:32:43.800 --> 01:32:46.399
their shoulder because of my upbringing,
you know, to the point where,

1175
01:32:46.479 --> 01:32:49.279
yeah, it could be a little
obnoxious, but it also makes sense because

1176
01:32:49.319 --> 01:32:54.359
of the society that we live in. You know what I mean. If

1177
01:32:54.399 --> 01:32:58.319
I'm in the department store, I
got my head on a swivel. You

1178
01:32:58.479 --> 01:33:05.560
follow. My wife believes more in
humanity, you follow, So we become.

1179
01:33:05.800 --> 01:33:10.119
But had we met at a younger
age, perhaps we would have not

1180
01:33:10.199 --> 01:33:15.640
even seen those traits, those those
qualities and able to take care of it.

1181
01:33:15.800 --> 01:33:20.520
So, you know, it depends
where in life you run into that

1182
01:33:20.600 --> 01:33:25.119
kind of scenario. But if it's
done at a young age, I don't

1183
01:33:25.600 --> 01:33:30.039
it could be disaster simply because again
I'll go back to what I said before

1184
01:33:30.119 --> 01:33:31.039
you wake up on there and you
realize, yo, I'm this kind of

1185
01:33:31.079 --> 01:33:33.840
person, and that's that kind of
person, and we really we ain't clicking,

1186
01:33:34.439 --> 01:33:39.319
Like and now we got kids,
we got potentially grandkids, whatever the

1187
01:33:39.399 --> 01:33:43.000
case may be. We got a
mortgage, we co signed about two cars.

1188
01:33:43.600 --> 01:33:49.079
Because life makes us want to do
the right things, regardless of how

1189
01:33:49.159 --> 01:33:51.680
we got there. You know,
we all get to that point where like

1190
01:33:51.960 --> 01:33:56.800
life presents us and it's knocking on
our front door and we're like, okay,

1191
01:33:56.920 --> 01:33:59.439
we got to this point, we're
going to move forward and and we're

1192
01:33:59.479 --> 01:34:03.239
going to do what we can.
But you know, I don't know.

1193
01:34:03.399 --> 01:34:05.640
I think it comes down to,
really like, at what point in life

1194
01:34:05.680 --> 01:34:10.720
you come across that scenario. You
know, I don't. I don't.

1195
01:34:10.760 --> 01:34:13.319
I don't think. I don't think
it could. I know a lot of

1196
01:34:13.359 --> 01:34:15.000
people, don't, get me wrong, I know a lot of people.

1197
01:34:15.359 --> 01:34:19.800
But what happens is is typically when
you meet with those two different ends of

1198
01:34:19.880 --> 01:34:24.840
the spectrum at that young of an
age, that represents that you're not from

1199
01:34:24.920 --> 01:34:29.600
the same area, that you're not
from the same it's the same, right,

1200
01:34:29.680 --> 01:34:31.880
because in other words, birds of
a feather flock together, right,

1201
01:34:32.079 --> 01:34:36.399
is that the same? You know
what I mean? Like I came from

1202
01:34:36.439 --> 01:34:40.720
a broken home, like ninety eight
percent of the people I grew up with

1203
01:34:40.880 --> 01:34:45.000
and were around also come from a
broken home. You follow what I'm saying.

1204
01:34:45.479 --> 01:34:50.920
So, therefore, if if you
run into somebody that was raised on

1205
01:34:51.039 --> 01:34:56.039
that kind of pure love, that
means you met this person somewhere outside of

1206
01:34:56.119 --> 01:35:00.439
your your circumference, outside of your
your area, your zone where used to

1207
01:35:00.520 --> 01:35:04.159
be in and then what ends up
happening is is to you when those two

1208
01:35:04.239 --> 01:35:10.640
worlds collide does it make sense?
Does it work out? You understand what

1209
01:35:10.680 --> 01:35:14.720
I'm saying. You guys follow what
I'm saying on this one. I know

1210
01:35:14.800 --> 01:35:16.680
what I mean. We agree with
that. I honestly agree with that.

1211
01:35:17.439 --> 01:35:20.119
In other words, it's like,
you know, you from the hood,

1212
01:35:20.199 --> 01:35:24.600
you go to a to a club
that night, a dope pass club,

1213
01:35:24.680 --> 01:35:28.520
and you meet some some chick that's
from another state, sort of saying,

1214
01:35:28.640 --> 01:35:31.119
she from a nice neighborhood and a
nice family, and yall end up.

1215
01:35:31.159 --> 01:35:35.000
And when those worlds collide and things
start to evolve, and it could be

1216
01:35:35.079 --> 01:35:40.199
potentially dangerous. You know what I'm
saying. Nor happened with others shooters.

1217
01:35:41.199 --> 01:35:45.119
Yeah, but you also might not
want to have that person in your world

1218
01:35:45.479 --> 01:35:49.880
because of who they are. True, Like when I was young, I

1219
01:35:49.920 --> 01:35:56.239
would never in a million years have
introduced my ex husband to anybody in my

1220
01:35:56.399 --> 01:36:00.039
hood, in my family, not
at all, Not at all. Yeah.

1221
01:36:00.119 --> 01:36:03.760
I always made it a point to
day outside of my hood when I

1222
01:36:03.880 --> 01:36:09.000
was young. I really, really, really do you know? Do you

1223
01:36:09.119 --> 01:36:11.319
know the only one? And you
know, I want to say, I

1224
01:36:11.439 --> 01:36:13.600
want to say no names over here, nothing but loose. You know,

1225
01:36:13.680 --> 01:36:15.800
there was just one local back in
the old neighborhood. That's how I met

1226
01:36:15.840 --> 01:36:23.119
you matter, wasn't it right?
Hanging out in in downtown? Nah?

1227
01:36:23.279 --> 01:36:29.319
Nah? We meet me and me
and you men at the park basketball Gregory

1228
01:36:30.079 --> 01:36:33.720
Gregory, Absolutely, Okay, that's
how we That's that's how we. I

1229
01:36:33.840 --> 01:36:39.840
was. I was rolling with with
with with O'Brien and then and biscuiting them,

1230
01:36:39.920 --> 01:36:44.239
and you rolled up on it and
we we we started chilling and it

1231
01:36:44.399 --> 01:36:47.960
was me and you O'Brien and shaving
our heads, going down to the seaside

1232
01:36:48.039 --> 01:36:54.479
and acting the fool and you know
what I'm saying and saying asylums and ship

1233
01:36:54.760 --> 01:36:58.960
like crazy saying, oh my goodness, oh yeah, me and me and

1234
01:36:59.079 --> 01:37:02.600
him and a bunch of bunch of
people ran up insign an abandonment, an

1235
01:37:02.640 --> 01:37:06.399
abandoned uh insane asylum? And what
was it? Edison? Was it was

1236
01:37:06.439 --> 01:37:12.640
in per damn boy, per damn
boy? Wow. Yeah, it's a

1237
01:37:12.680 --> 01:37:18.279
targets target now, Jesus Christ target. Oh god, I'm not surprised it's

1238
01:37:18.319 --> 01:37:21.800
a target now. But do you
remember really quick before we we we we

1239
01:37:23.079 --> 01:37:26.000
chat, do you remember how we
how we rolled up in there that night.

1240
01:37:27.359 --> 01:37:30.600
We didn't have flashlights. We lit
up torches, Bro. Yeah,

1241
01:37:31.039 --> 01:37:33.399
the whole place to the way burning
down, and we would have been stuck

1242
01:37:33.399 --> 01:37:39.119
in that motherfucker just in asylum.
Brother, you're crazy. Could you wouldn't.

1243
01:37:39.399 --> 01:37:42.000
I wouldn't do that now, My
life depended on it. Bro.

1244
01:37:42.279 --> 01:37:47.199
You wouldn't catch me there going up
into something like that. Man. Yeah,

1245
01:37:47.279 --> 01:37:49.960
I was talking to my wife about
that the kid, Bro, I

1246
01:37:50.159 --> 01:37:53.760
was I was about to have a
heart attack to go on a ferrist wheel

1247
01:37:53.760 --> 01:37:56.680
the other day. Bro, the
ferrist wheel, a ferris wheel, my

1248
01:37:56.760 --> 01:38:05.399
guy, and it had the cage
and you won't catch me on the fresh

1249
01:38:05.399 --> 01:38:13.800
feel like that the big my knees
starts to hurt, My knees starts to

1250
01:38:13.880 --> 01:38:20.720
hurt. Man ship but but but
but look man, we did we This

1251
01:38:20.920 --> 01:38:24.319
was a great show. It was
good. It was a good time.

1252
01:38:28.399 --> 01:38:31.239
Yeah. I really appreciate Tolerance coming
through. He's gonna be here a lot

1253
01:38:31.279 --> 01:38:38.720
more often a show. Hey,
g we appreciate you coming through. I

1254
01:38:38.800 --> 01:38:42.279
know you're gonna you're gonna be a
staple, just like tolerance. You know,

1255
01:38:42.279 --> 01:38:44.920
I'm saying, we're gonna we're gonna
have a lot more time. So

1256
01:38:45.000 --> 01:38:50.479
what we're gonna do is this all
right, We're gonna say good night,

1257
01:38:51.359 --> 01:38:58.119
don't don't, don't disconnect after the
show ends on. All right, can

1258
01:38:58.199 --> 01:39:00.600
you do me one more favor though? Before you before we say good night?

1259
01:39:00.920 --> 01:39:03.680
What's up? Can you take off
that whack ass Washington's had ship the

1260
01:39:03.840 --> 01:39:10.760
fuck up man? Put the funk
out of here, so that ship where's

1261
01:39:10.760 --> 01:39:14.760
the trash can put it right there
in the trash can na? No no,

1262
01:39:14.880 --> 01:39:17.960
no, no, oh real quick. Brought to you by Monster Sugar

1263
01:39:18.000 --> 01:39:26.880
Free Energy. It's nice, you
know, and that's about it. Working

1264
01:39:26.920 --> 01:39:34.399
on. Yeah, well, I'm
big hold on high at Solaris and Lady

1265
01:39:34.520 --> 01:39:42.039
g And this has been another episode
of this My Harry podcast We are Out.

1266
01:39:43.079 --> 01:39:43.800
He saw people