Why Not Wednesday (Recorded LIVE on 2-12-25)

0:09 S S S S. S say, Hey, what's up? Everybody is big called on with this might her podcast coming to you live from Like, oh,

1:42 I don't know where the fuck you wanted to come live from. That's where we're live from, mainly somewhere in Jersey. I'm not gonna tell you where, but somewhere in Jersey, you know what I mean. You aren't bringing my co host, Lady g. How you I'm great? How are you? I'm good? I'm good. How's everything been? Everything's great as usual? Yeah, you're always always always you know what I. Mean, It's always great. That's good. That's good. How was your your last two weeks? They've been pretty good. Had some hand surgery, you know what, just the regular stuff.

2:24 Going on, you know, just just just regular dunk thought that shit, right? Yeah? Yeah, wow, hand surgery, Yeah, oh what happened? No, just carpal tunnel, you know, finally getting things. Taken care of. See, that's what happens when you get older. If you don't take care of things when you're young, you know, you get to a point in your life where it's like enough is enough. So I'm trying to be here for my kids, for my grandkids, so just making sure I get the bumps, the bruises, the scrapes, the pain, getting them all. Fixed, you know, right right, I get it. Yeah, I understand.

3:06 So just taking care of myself, that's. All that that that's that's the best thing you could do, you know what I mean, take care of you at some point. You know, some. People just st ain't there. They keep ended up in the hospital and not taking care of themselves. And you know, yeah, I wonder who you're talking about. I don't know. M hmm, I don't know. Maybe somebody I. Know, possibly, possibly. Well, hopefully TG is is out there. She's having some technical difficulties and can't make it tonight. Dubbs is Actually he'll be late. He'll be late as usual. But I can tell you what he I can tell you exactly what he's doing right now. He's having an argument, not an argument, but there's uh uh hectic, crazy debate exactly, That's exactly what it is. It's a debate with highest tolerance.

4:16 Remember highest tolerance. They're they're going they're going at it over Philadelphia super Bowl, and I means being a Jets fan and you know, highest tolerance being a Philly fan and They're just going at it back and forth, and I have him on a on a thread, a text thread, and it just keeps buzzing and buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. And every time I look at them arguing with each other. Wow, yeah, I gotta tell the when he when he shows up, we just gotta gotta make sure, you know. But since he's gonna be late, I don't wanna. I don't wanna, you know. What I mean.

4:56 Let me talk about what's going on with me. Last 's two weeks. Everything has been cool. Everything, everything's been, you know, pretty good, not too bad. Life has been sunshines and rainbows good. You know. I'm pretty I'm pretty sure that uh, you know, the the Philly fans are grateful for the Super Bowl. They beat They beat the living shadow of the Kansas City. Man. I mean, I'm not going to deny that. I mean, they they beat the living crap out of them, you know what I mean. And I wasn't too happy with it.

5:42 But what I'm not out because Philly beat my team to get to the super Bowl. Oh well, they sucky played so yeah, well you know, they did not play a good game. I'm sorry. Yeah, Washington did not play a good game. You're right, You're right. I'm just proud of it. I'm probably I'm proud of them. I'm proud that they got as far as they did. I to be honest, I wasn't expecting much of them this year with a rookie quarterback. But they did great. You know, they did really well. I'm just happy that they got where they went. So it is what it is, you know. I'm glad that they got that far, and I'm to look forward to some more you know, seasons. You know. So with that being said, let's let's move on. I was just still doing whatever he's doing, so okay, here when he gets here, I will say this. I will say that we have the best fans. We have the best fans.

6:52 Why because they don't fall off a polls. No, I don't mean, I don't mean. I'm talking about our fans. Oh, okay, our fans on the show. Yeah, not only fans, our fans of the show. We have the greatest fans. So I get I get an email from, of course, the fan of the show, and it goes it's it starts off with the first email. It said, Dear Big C, I was wondering if the show has a mailing address. I was wondering if I can mail you something? Sorry, right back, I'm like, well, we don't have like a PO box or anything. But you know, why do you want the address? What are you gonna send? I mean, I don't know if it's a bomb or a fucking anthrax and shit like that.

7:52 I mean, I don't know who the fuck these people are, you know what I mean? So I don't know what it is there sendence, so you know, I get a second I get a second email after asking those questions like what is it? Oh? Look who decided to show up at the arguing with highest tolerance? Hold on? Yo? All right, I was I was just telling. I was just telling Lady g we're discussing a fan that we got the greatest fans. A fan of the show emailed, and I'm just discussing what it is. The fans said, so be patient and just listen.

8:37 All right, you good? Where you going? And I'll move my car man? Oh all right? So all right. So after after the fans of the show wanted the address, I was like, you know, what do you want it for? What are you gonna send? Stuff like that. So. I get I get a second email after all those questions and fans said, truth be told. I'm a fairly new fan. I just happened to find I just happened to find your podcast in my search. See. I was in a very very dark place and was suffering in silence with depression. My life was yeah, my life was crumbling right under my feet. I felt as if I was in quicksand and losing everything, including myself. Then I found this Might Hurt podcast. I didn't realize this was a live show for a little while, but I started listening and bounced around and bounced around a bit. That's when I discovered you guys do a live show. I started watching on YouTube. At first, I just listened. Not long after, I kept coming back to listen and found

10:10 myself smirking, then smiling, and I surprised myself when I started laughing. I was in such a lonely place. I didn't remember what I was, what it was like to laugh. Big C, Lady, G Dubs, the Dawn, and TG you all made me laugh again. I started chatting with you guys during the live shows, and now I feel part of it. Now I feel like I'm part of the crew. Just kidding. I just hope you know what I mean.

10:51 So this is the this is the funny part now, So so this is what this is all right, hold on grab it. So I'm sending this calendar with stickers so you can mark your good days. And I brought one for myself too. To start to I brought one for myself too. The story on the show about the calendar was more about a couple of rewarding with stickers and stuff. Maybe I should reward myself too by giving myself a sticker for good days. Why not send the show a calendar too. In previous episodes, Big C shared his affinity for Marvel movies, and that's why I sent a Marvel calendar. You guys are the best, well except for doves. That goes on and on and sometimes I don't know about what. But in all seriousness, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for bringing the laughter back into my life. Love your fan. Guess which one midnight?

12:29 That's something. But what I do to you? Why yeah, I see and you know. Now you know, I I just I just want to say that, you know, I really greatly appreciate the calendar and the fucking and you gotta see the stickers. The stickers have have smiley faces. I saw an the other ones have comic book bang. I guess. The knockouts like these are the bad days and ship.

13:12 Cordon got a special fan because he gets the calendar and the stickers. So so. Thank you, you know, min, that's awesome. Yeah, we appreciated. I'll have to say thank you. But you said, it's like, why. What they said? She said and over you know, she she was trying to because I ended up. I ended up saying I wanted the address, so I so, and then she ended up the midnight was I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say her name, but she's actually from your Negative Woods lady.

14:02 G oh, yeah, she's down that way and. You know she. South Jersey, Yeah, all the way down there. I'm not I'm not gonna put an information out there, but thank you very much. And I want to say, you know, thank you to the fans, because this isn't the first time you know that that we've actually you know, received praise from fans, you know, and and just for just for that, like like I said, I told her, I told her to give me an address because I am going to send her this might hurt podcast T shirt.

14:49 You are so lucky, Midnight, because I haven't gotten anything yet and I'm actually on the show. I gotta I gotta order more T shirts because there's another there's another fan. There's another fan that's actually I didn't know that the that the fan page on Facebook has this, but there's a top fan badge that's given to the to the most active fan on the fan page. Okay, so. I want to give a shout out to Christina Christina Andrea for being a top fan on the fan page.

15:32 You are also gonna get a T shirt. Just hit us, hit up the show with your address and stuff, and we'll get that out to you. A s a p oh here look, oh you're so sweet Midnight. So that's that's what that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get some get get the get the merch out we're gonna send. I got I got stickers, land, I got all types of merchant ship we're going to send out to you guys, and thank you, thank you for being fans. I mean, we we do this for the fans. You know what I'm saying. We do this because yeah, knows.

16:15 We don't get paid for it, all. Right, very true, But we do it for the love of the pan. We do it for the love. You know what I'm saying. I mean, it's that. That's what it's about to me, you know what I'm saying. I mean just being able to help, being able to have you know, people come in and listen and saying that, you know, we we we help them smile, we help them laugh. It makes us feel good, you know what I'm saying. It's it's a good thing. And it helps us too. Of course, we're human, you know. We sometimes we gotta let it out too. You're absolutely right, You're absolutely right. And people don't listen to me in real life.

16:59 Oh man. So yeah, man, that's that's that's great, you know. I I'm just glad that I'm gonna so if this is a good show, I'll put a smiley face on the calendar for today, and if it's if it's a bad show, I put one of the Zach bamboom, one of those things on the on the calendar. And you know that that's what it is. So with that being said, let's move on. So, So, mister Phoenix, how was your last two weeks. It was I you know what I'm saying, Like I had to move my car for no reason because I'm parked on Kennedy Like like you know what means, it's kind of like raining and whatever. But like, you know what, there's no parking, you know what I'm saying, Like like some parking authority person called me.

17:59 Oh they called you. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. The red of my ship, my table would have actually called, like you have to go in your car. I'm like, where park is somewhere? Why don't do it like that? Yeah, Like the problem is there's no freaking parking anywhere. See. I hate you know, I hate this. I hate this place. Bro. Yeah, don't get me, don't get me started. Man, I don't get about the park thing. Man. Other than that, I mean, I mean, you know last two's supposed tood you know what I'm saying, Like, like you know that Kencha Lamar halftime show was banging. That's the only thing I'm talking about when. When not even when not even touch it because you know we're off the radar, manly.

18:45 That's his back up, his back up thing, Yeah, my back of stuff. Let me know. And like you know, like some you know, saying something some jackass decide like you know, the double park, like too close to my car. Mm hmmm, that made that that Yeah, that's cause for a being So I have. I've gotten other emails one yep, one asking we're gon we're gonna do We're gonna do a little bit of storytime. But that's a little later. But I got two other emails and there they're one one is one is pretty interesting. Well, they're both interesting, but this one's pretty damn interesting.

19:29 Interesting. Yeah, I know they're Yeah, I understand that this this one's not not well, you know, well whatever, I'll read it. I never I never felt the need for sex. I never felt the need or feeling for sex. But it's very important to my boyfriend, which I understand. How do I navigate this. We've had many conversations, but I don't know how to at it through to him that I have never felt the feeling. I have never found a want for sex in my life or get turned on.

20:13 I dated a guy when I was sixteen for two years and he never had and we never had sex. He didn't because of his religious background. I was I was totally fine with that. I went to college, had guys over, but never felt the need to hook up, the hookup feeling. When I was nineteen, I had a boyfriend for two years and we had sex. Oh, we had we had sex. It was my first time, but I never hold on. I can't even see that shit. See, that's why I was gonna get old. I never had the feeling of being horny. I started dating my current boyfriend that I've been friends with for years, and he's amazing.

21:05 I have to force myself to want to because I know it's very important to him. We've talked about this many times, but I don't know how to explain clearly that it's not him. I just never feel the need for any sexual activity, and I don't want to have I don't want to have very hard time bringing this up to him all the time. Hold On, I've never fantasized about I've never hold on, bro, I've never fantasized about other men or women. I get anxious when we cuddle or kiss for too long because I expect it to lead to asking for sex, and when I say no, nine times out of ten, it disappoints him. For obvious reasons.

22:01 I'm not considering breaking up with him? Am I a sexual or something? Do I have? Do I navigate my extreme lack of sex drive while how do I? How do I navigate my extreme lack of sex drive while being with the man I truly love? Doc thought, I Yeah, what's up? So? Yeah, that is what they call a form of a sexuality. It's when people just they don't have the interest or are not really physically attracted to sex or for sure what they call him aces yeah, asexual. So and that's not necessarily anybody's fault. I mean, there are definitely ways to navigate it, one of them being, you know, clear communication because as adults especially, we have to make our own choices. And although it's not something that you choose or do on your own, it is it is a thing.

23:13 So I mean, it is a conversation that you have to have and then coming to maybe to a compromise, you know, what would be acceptable for you as a possible asexual human being, and what's okay for them as far as you know the amount they're willing to handle not getting it, you know. So it's about a communication. Because we're different, We're not going to find people just like us. The thing is we have to find that people who are willing to love us in spite of that, but also be willing to come to that middle ground, because it's not fair for him to go without constantly, and it's not fair for you to have to feel like every time you guys have this emotional bond or this kiss or something, that it's always going to lead to that physical sexual action. So definitely has to have you know, have to have a talk. And as much as it might hurt, sometimes these things hurt, you've got to. Yeah, you've got to accept because that for some people, and I think I've mentioned it on the show before. You know, I was seeing someone who for them a must for them, something that was like they could not go without. It was having provocative photographs every day. And for me, that's something that is against my comfort level. That's something that flow. Yeah,

24:48 Like for me, that was it was really challenging my moral aptitude, my moral feelings, and I was feeling very unsafe and so as an much as I like this person, I had to basically say, you know what, because I respect you, and because I respect your needs and your wants, and you're telling me that for you, this is a need, then I'm just gonna have to say that I can't be the one to fulfill that because that's not a need to me. And actually it causes me. I can't say it makes me, because nobody can make me feel anything, but it causes me to feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And no one should have to feel unsafe in any kind of a relationship, whether it's platonic, monogamous, non monogamous, whatever.

25:40 And we just have to be able. And I think that's where we've gone wrong. We don't accept people for where they are. And even more recently, you know, you can love people and not be with them because it's not good for you. Yeah, well you can't say toxic because what's. You know what you know what like I'm only speaking, I'm speaking from my experience, you know, like the toxic people, you know, like as much as. You want to love them, but you know what I'm saying, but you can't be with them you love them from afar. Yeah, yeah, that is true, and leave it there, you know, because like, yeah, but there are a lot. Of different type of relationships.

26:21 Yeah true, not just like damn, but but damn, you know what being you know, like being a sexual is like, it's like it's that like some type of like. It's an orientation. Is it an orientation or is it like does that something to do with the mental or something like I'm actually asking the question. I'm not, you know, trying to throw nothing out there, none out of curiosity. Is it like it's like a hormonal like misbalance or like like. Nobody really knows what causes a sexuality, but it's someone's sexual orientation. Some people are just not born with the ability to sexually be attracted to anyone or want to be in a sexual relationship.

27:09 So so is is that kind of along the lines as well as a sapio sexual? Do you know what? Do you know what a sapio sexual? Isy's somebody who's attracted to. Intellect. Intellect, Yeah, yeah, I mean everybody has their preferences, so that that is an orientation too. I currently have never met anyone in my field of work. I've currently not met anyone who identifies as a sapio sexual as an orientation per se. Oh TG's here. Wow, what's up? You know that that's just been more of that's just been more of an attraction and not necessarily an orientation.

28:00 Save your sexual like like like you know what I'm saying from my understanding, Yeah, you know, like it's like you know what it's like, it's like you're trying to see what a woman's that intellectually or vice versa, and you know you get attracted by you know what I'm saying, just how their mind works, right, you know, like how like their thorough process everything, right. Yeah, So something that it's something that i've actually yeah. Look at the cat. Speaking. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, lady, sorry about that. So something that I actually just recently found out about myself is you know, I am something that is considered uh of the population have this uh I don't know what you would call it, this thing where it's called HSP, which is highly sensitive personality, highly sensitive person right. And so although it doesn't lead to any type of orientation or any of that per se, it's about people having their own their own gifts, their own.

29:25 Struggles, their own things. Right. So just like we have to choose about this whole asexual thing, it's like you have to respect somebody and where they are. So just learning pretty much something that I probably should have loaned years and years ago. You know, having been in the field I was in, you know, I'm just now finding this. And it came by someone saying that I was emotionally intense, right, So I was like really, and and they're like, yeah, yeah, you're just so emotionally intense, Like it doesn't bother me. But I could see how some people wouldn't want to put in the energy it takes, you know, to kind of be a part of your life. And and so I really had to research that for myself.

30:20 I had to. I had to do some research, you know, And so I did that, and I'm telling you, it was like reading my own story understanding understanding highly highly sensitive personality. So it's a lot of empathic people are part of that, but it's literally twenty percent of the population where they have this heightened sensitivity emotionally to things. So just like the eighty percent of the world, they have happy moments, they have sad moments, they you know, you have all those different emotions. But for me, it was almost like being ultrasensitive to those things. So like, my happies are joyous, my sads are horrible. The fact that I actually cry when I'm angry, you know, like, yeah, moments in my life that I'm like, why am I like this? What am I doing wrong? Only to find out I'm not doing anything wrong because that's all Yeah, this is something that is me, Like it's my makeup. It's not something I'm choosing. And so like with that person and the asexuality, it's not something that you can just turn off. It is literally a part of your inner workings, your inner person you're born with. Yeah, and it's something that you don't have to beat yourself up about, but you definitely

31:52 have to create boundaries and create what works for you and then finding and then finding that other person in your life that's willing to do that work with you and maybe it helps them in some way to be more self controlling, you know. Of theirs. I have a question when when let's just say, you know, you're you're You're in a room with crowded people, right, and there's that one person that's giving off a bad vibe, and does that change your whole mood? Like you know, like like you know, like like let's just say, you know, like for instance, right, like we're all. Having a good time and just walks in the room. That's what I want to say.

32:34 What happens now, Like you know, like first, right, like you could be on the train or whatever, right, you just be walking by. Then all of a sudden, there's that one person that you know, like you know, you just glanced at it. You just glass at this person and all of a sudden, like you feel their vibe and it just changes your mood, you know, like all of a sudden. You know, like like you know, like you're like hm hm, you know, like like that does that happen to you? Yeah? But the thing is, if you know, like it's about knowing what triggers you what doesn't. My thing is it comes with a high sense of integrity. Right, So for instance, I'll give you a perfect example about the train. So when I'm on the train. We all know that on the trains there's no smoking, no drinking, you know, none of that nonsense. So someone who has hsp when someone gets on the train with a lit cigarette or you know they're smoking their bud, or one guy even got on the train and he popped open, you know, can of beer. Right, there's something in me that bothers me.

33:44 It makes me not angry, but disappointed in the situation, and it just it bugs me. It bugs me because and again people are like, you need to loosen up, right, And I've had so many people on my life saying you need to loosen up, you need to take it easy. But and I'm thinking, but I am easy, like I feel, I don't feel stressed. I don't you know, I'm very cool, calm and collected people's I guess I'm one of those that other people's moods. I feel vibes, like I can feel people's moods, but it doesn't affect my mood because I have control over my stuff, you know, Like you know, if TG comes on and she's like extra laughy and you know, a little extra bubbly, that might be contagious for me. But if Corleon comes on and he's just annoyed, his annoyance doesn't it doesn't cause me to be annoyed.

34:48 But I can pick up that feeling. I feel what he feels or what he's expressing. So I do pick up people's feelings. But I'm at a place because of my profession that I I've learned to be in a little bit of control. Of what I do about it. But again there's that that yeah, but there is that high sense of integrity. So it's like that's what makes you good for your job. See, like, yeah, my job is great, but when I come home, my job is not going to love me. My job is not going to marry me. Because we love you. Yeah, we love you, but as far as marriage not you know, but we love you anyways.

35:31 Wow. Wow, And and. You know what, I can marry you. And I just you know what, I just want to say this, you know, thank god, lady g it's not Batman or Bruce. But he doesn't have Bruce Wayne money or she's like Batman or not because that same person that's smoking that popped up in that cann of beer when he gets off, when he gets off, you know what I'm saying, she would have turned the dark Knight just as a servant breakers. You know what I'm saying, Like, thank God, thank God, thank god you don't have Bruce Layne money. Well, I'm glad you share that because some of the things that you brought up. Actually, I am an EmPATH myself, and I don't know, I'll look into it more. I don't think I'm that sensitive though, but but I do.

36:25 I'm very emotional and I get very when I'm angry, I get very upset, like and I'm crying, and like if I can't control that, there's just I think it's just there's just a lot coming out, Like when there is anger, it's like very hard feelings, whether it's extremely happy I cry or very angry cry. So I think it's it is possibly even just a reaction of the body. It's just letting go, because like if you don't and you hold that in, you might just fucking explode. Low. Yeah, You're gonna blow up. Or have a freaking heart attack. Literally, So it's like you This is why I think it's important to kill this stigma around mental health. Why it's important for us to keep having these conversations about different personalities, different people, different you know, mental illnesses and what they look like, and you know what what's available to help people, and uh, you know that there there are resources, there are people who care, there is support out there, there's medications. If there isn't medications, there are people. Uh, there's a lot of things available to people. And men need to stop this bullshit of feeling less than or weak if they show emotion. It's bullshit, Like you're a human fucking being.

37:56 And human beings have real emotions. People get angry, people get upset, people get depressed. Doesn't mean they have depression. But these things happen, like there are things that weren't in life that bring us to our knees. Okay, like it happens. All of us have stories for days because we've lived life, we've struggled. We know what it's like to hit rock bottom and what it feels like though to get the best back up and do what you gotta fucking do. And it does help to have a friend, and it does help. Even if it's somebody that you message on messenger, it is still a conversation that is being had on being heard in some way, Like talk to your friends, Like I feel like I'm nervous for the younger generation, I don't know, like I feel like the internet has ruined things, so like all these iber bullying and stuff like that. But like talk to your friends or someone you love, like someone you know you can trust. There are people out there who love you and care about you, and and it's okay, but we should go back to that asexual thing because it's really interesting to me.

39:19 But go ahead, does real quick? You know what you said, rock just hitting the rock bottom. All of us hit the rock bottom. Yes, but have you ever hit the rock bottom of someone else? Will you stop? No? I'm serious, I'm serious, I'm serious. I was there. I was there, Yo, I was there, you know Yo. It was so disrespectful. It was funny. I felt bad for the girl, but it was funny. We were young. We were young, just wanted, you know, because because you know what, all of her was rock bottom. I was like, yeah, you know, always hit rock bottom, but none of us ever hit the rock bottom. Oh he hit the rock bottom.

40:01 You know. He told some girl to lift her hands up and he was like, for what and he does the rocket. She's like, but what saved her? Right? What saved her? Pretty much? It wasn't like on the ground, you know what I'm saying. It was on top of like snow. But you know, yeah, problems, that's what she was like. She was like my. I was like, I was like, yo, what are you doing? Oh my lord? But you know what that's drugs and alcohol do to people.

40:41 But but but you know what that the whole sexual thing is pretty you know what I'm saying, it's it's pretty interesting, you. Know, like like you know, like not how do you how do you maneuver that? Sexual orientation? Is fun? It's it's so interesting, it's so fluid. There is oh man, there's so much fun stuff. But listen, a sexual person like, they don't have that want that kind of intimacy. Intimacy for them is different, and it's different for each person. Some people don't like to be touched at all, and they actually are in a relationship with someone who may be asexual as well. Obviously that's going to work. The best is a relationship where both are the same sexual orientation. Right, So I'm curious if this person is open to possibly having an open relationship because you are not going to fulfill that need for him, and you shouldn't have to because that's kind of just going against how you are and how you feel and who you are as a person.

42:00 So why put yourself in that type of scenario if. You can help who you love? Because can we be real, you can't help who you love, Like there are some people out there, I feel like I have multiple soulmates. You understand this, okay, Like, look, yeah, it's not like I don't know, it's more like an emotional level or an intellectual level. There are people who meet certain needs of mind, like we all have specific needs in relationships, and we get that. I'm a married woman, but I'm in an open relationship and this is unique and different.

42:44 I'm not going to go into details about it but my situation. But what I'm saying is, if you love this person this much and they are willing to accept you as you are and be okay with not having sex with you or not being intimate in those ways with you, would you be willing to allow him to have that with someone else? Now there's boundaries and rules around that. How No, no, bro, what are you talking about? The guy is getting girls, yo?

43:25 But still you know what she's a No, she's not. She would be. In this. This is what an open relationship is. Oh my lord, you know what I'm playing. You better be playing. I'm about to drive far to put a foot up an ass. Okay, still broken? Hush? Oh yeah, that's what I This is what I say to that person. I wonder if you would be open to something like that, because you are very it's very capable or a capability to have love for just one person and just have sex with other people. Because because because men are more capable of doing this than women.

44:31 But you guys can cut off emotional connections with sex because sometimes it is a need that's being fulfilled for both parties that that happens. So from a personal standpoint of course, like what, I don't think I'll be able to do something but my age now, you know, I'm saying where I'm at right now, I don't think i'll be able to to Like you know. You can't handle one woman, Okay, you don't need another. We're not talking about you. I'm not not I'm saying. I'm saying, like you know, well, I mean back then. I mean, I'm talking about a healthy, mature relationship. I am not talking about someone who's in a relationship and is cheating. I'm talking about someone that you may think this is crazy mutual understanding. And my husband and I talk to each other about our dates or people that we're seeing or whatever. And I've met some of them and he's met some of my mind some yeah some Okay, I mean my story is even crazier. So but we're not going to get into that because that's another show.

45:46 It's this whole thing we listen and we don't judge, that's right, because I feel that I have I feel that he and I have enough trust and respect any each other. We understand our relationship and what it is and and he and likes and as long as we are honest with the other person, because I never lie. I always put it out there. And if a person is uncomfortable with that and it's happened, then they say, because some people don't understand it, like you two are going what?

46:30 Because it is not a norm that people, let me tell you over here out here in PA a lot of polly life, that's not that's a big thing. Like polygamy. Is a thing. And I mean, I don't know if you want to divulge in this, but it's fucking interesting too, man, Like it is very capable. There are people out there. I think I'm one of those people who's very capable of loving more than one person. Hmm. Can I ask you a question? How? How how do you? How do you find yourself loving more than one person? Are you? Are you right now in love with two people?

47:14 Yes? How do you? How do you maneuver that? But I imagine that they both serve different purposes in your life? Bingo? They fulfill different needs in my life. So you love one because of this and you love the other because of that. All right, now, I have a question. I have a question. You know what I'm saying, serious ship, Is it possible that you just love one and lust the other? Nope? Because you know what, lest sometimes because I'm not I'm just saying because I know, I know the difference love and lust. I know when I'm wanting and I just want to get you know what, when I.

47:57 Love someone, I'm just asking because like because like you know what, in this day and age, like a lot of a lot of people not I'm not saying us, but a lot of people confuse you know what I'm saying lust for love like you know, like like you know, like like for instance, like a lot of like like men out here, maybe the end their dick dictate their heart, you see what I mean. When but if they can ask themselves the question what would I do without this person? Or what can I not do without this person? That's going to tell them is this love or lust? You know? Like? Yeah, So then that's that's them being immature and not being able to think deeper about the things that people fulfill, you know, especially women. We have we have very complex uh things about our emotions and about our physical and about our needs and sometimes and it is totally possible. Again, almost twenty years I was a marriage and family therapist, and so I've not only seen it, but even you know, have experienced some of these things myself. You know, I personally am a monogamous person. I don't I don't practice polygamy or any of that kind of stuff, but I can definitely see how and why people do live their lives that way. And each of us as individuals have to do what works for us, what makes us happy,

49:29 what makes our partners happy, and not everybody can do what TG does. You know, some people try, but they're not good at it, you know, because I just don't think they truly totally understand what that entails, you know, And it's about expectations and the honesty, you know, Like people don't understand that when you're truly honest with somebody about something, you can hurt for a moment and be fine, where when you continue to live the is perpetual lie after lie after lie. You can be monogamous with somebody, but if they're lying to you, if they're lying to you that is home so much more damaging than actually loving two people who are totally honest between the three of them. You know, like, it's just about to what extent are you willing to go to understand each person's wants versus their needs, your own goals for life. It's just a lot deeper of a question.

50:35 I'm like, what's happening? Because stuff went. Out and then came back in. Yeah. And the funny thing is this is part of what came up with me finding out about my HSP. Was like people could not understand how I could have these deep seated conversations with people. I'm horrible at small talk makes me uncomfortable. I don't know how to do it. It's just basic. So it's like all of these little things, especially with the stuff that TG's bringing up, that had me looking into and being evaluated for this stuff. You know, like, what does that mean to be a highly sensitive person?

51:17 And no, it doesn't mean that I cry at the drop of the hat. It's so much deeper than that. It's the fact that you know, I come on here and sometimes when you guys are all laughing and keep kicking in and everything, I don't get it, you know. And it's not because I don't want to. It's just not in me. Some of the things that we talk about, which is I think what makes the four of us so good together is that each one of us has our place, our perspectives, our roles. You know, me and TG are women, but we're two different women and two different professions, with two different life experiences. But on on on most things, you know, we're in agreement. Uh. And then we bring light to the things that the other may not know about.

52:08 And the same thing with Corleone and Dubs. You know, all four of us bring perspectives that are good to be heard out for the for the people that we talk to, you know, for for our audience, you know, and to I come on here and I'm real about it, you know, I'm not afraid to say this is me. Uh, this is what I do, this is how I feel. I never feel bad that I'm not laughing at the stuff you guys laugh at sometimes, because that's just not me. It's it's and it's not that I don't think it's funny. Some of the stuff I think it's hilarious. I just it doesn't touch me the way it touches everybody else. I don't want to, yeah, but at the same time, I.

52:55 Know that nobody would want to live like to, you know, being transparent, and I know a lot of people won't understand it, but I live a daily life of perpetual sadness. I'm not depressed. It's just my heart hurts every single day for one thing or another. And I know it's hard to explain. It was hard for me to even understand. And for a long time, I was like, what is wrong with me? Why do I fear this? I felt like I was in utter despair right and couldn't understand why. You know, it's actually part of what led me to church and all those different things. But the truth is, it is a thing, and it's twenty percent of the population.

53:40 And that made me feel Hello, Heather, that made me feel a little bit safer to know that I'm not I'm not by myself. You know, it was painful to find out that, you know, eighty percent of the world's not going to get me, it's not going to understand me, and it definitely saw us down the pool of eligible bachelors for me. But you know, I'm a very hopeful you know, positive person, you know. But I I honestly live every single day in my life in physical heartache. And and that's not something I know that other people want to deal with, you know. But I also I celebrate who I am and and that I feel this way because I tell you this, It's guaranteed. If I ever told you I loved you, you would never you would never doubt it, you know.

54:35 Mm hmmm. So I know that who I am. Yeah, I know who that I am. That who I am is special, definitely unique. But I also have to learn to navigate the world like everybody else. I know. I'm telling you, we're gonna do it a bachelor at for you on this So is that happen eventually? I think it needs to happen. I'm gonna go find me a help group I need to join. I need to join a support group. Wow. Too overwhelmed by that one. Oh boy, I can only handle one of me.

55:19 My daughter says it. She just turned eighteen. Congratulates to her, Yeah, congrats. Yeah. No, And she says to me, Mom, sometimes you are just so extra. I'm like, all right, so go get you another mother. She's like, no, I'll keep you. I'll keep you. To you. Wow, but I have to say, like I like when you were saying that we each bring something like I do. Doubs drives me crazy obviously, but I kind of do like when he says the things he says because there are people in the population who feel that way, and I guess for me, it gives me an opportunity to set them straight. So I I think, yeah, I'm talking to everyone, I'm not really talking to them.

56:13 Yeah, First, I think, you know. First of all, real quick, you know, I purposely say the things that I say. You know, you know what, you know what? First off? You know what I speak my mind because like like you know what, this is who I am. Like you know what, there's certain things that I don't understand. That's why I listen. And then there's certain things that I think, like come on, man, this is so bro you know, like like I'm sorry, you know what I mean, Like like you know, like like you know, like it's like you know, like it's just certain things that it's like come on, man, yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like you're making a dishard when it give be this simple why you know what I'm saying? Like why why why do we feel the need to make things complicated?

57:03 Like one plus one is two, is not eleven, But why do we have to Like you know what I'm saying. One one plus one equals one. Bro, that's a new man. But you're gonna understand something, Dubs. You've been in your little corner of the world for however long, right, And what's easy to you might not be easy for other people, and what's hard to you might not be hard to other people. Like I've had plenty of people say to me, why do you have to make it so hard? And I'm like, what are you talking about? You haven't even seen the stuff that I'm not saying, Like you think this is so hard just to say I'm sorry to me that comes second nature, you know, or or something like a man cry please that's simp, Like every time you call somebody a simp And I'm like, yeah.

57:57 Yes, no, you know what, that's the cry. But like it's like what you're what I'm saying? Period? Yeah? Last week? Period? Yeah? Last week? You know I did you want to why you want to? Why? Because like, yo, you know what you know, Like if you're noticing some ship, you know what I'm saying of that caliber, and you and you and you. You know what I'm saying. You're here like asking why, like bro, like like make a move, do something. Man, don't don't why you even writing up while you were writing a fucking letter. They don't know the answer. That's why someone writes here. They want to hear other persons people, and now they have they can be in an open relationship.

58:38 So they're like like like, Yo, you know what, I understand you. I'm saying how the hard works. You know what I'm saying. But at some point, you know, I mean like like, yo, you know what, you gotta put your mind before ya. You know. See, that's the situation where you put your mind before the heart. Period. You know what I'm saying, period man, because like because it's like, Yo, you know what at that point, you know what I'm saying. You're saying, Yo, I was this woman one that I love myself. I'm like, oh my god, here we go, man, Like yo. Learn yo, love yourself first. Bro. That's you know, that's the reason why I called it. That's the reason why I said. That's some simp ship I understand, but. That's the reason why I said, Yo, That's the reason why I said some simp ship because no, you know what, if you're not loving yourself, how to fuck you know what love is if you expect you know what I'm saying.

59:20 If you do, you know, get there? Though, How did you get to loving yourself? You were not born that way, you were not. Yourself a straight jacket. Maybe forced me to hug myself and that's some ship that person. Got into their straight jacket. Yet, Okay, yo, no, I'm serious, you know what, And that's the first time I embraced myself because I was forced to. But other than that, but you know what I'm saying. But other than that, other than that, you know what, After Yo, after numerous attempts of suicide, I decided that, Yo, you know what, maybe I should love myself. Yeah. That's to say to you that, like what if somebody called you a quitter, I'm still here? Who quit?

1:00:01 Apparently? You know? No, I didn't say that you did. But you're calling somebody else assent based on their emotions and the way they expressed them. You're very open, You're very hold on. You are very open about the amount of times that you have attempted suicide, and thank you Lord, that you have not completed God. However, that might lead other men or other people to believe that you're a quitter and that you like to take the easy way out. Now you and I both know to make that decision is not easy, all right, It is not easy. No, I think all of us have at least thought about it, if not attempted, at least once in our lives.

1:00:46 So yes, we totally understand that. But there are others who haven't gotten to that precipice who are calling you know who. Who I've right this town right now, dollars. Work are exactly. We got, we got we gotta laughing. Yeah, yeah, right, look at she does, looking at. I laugh. It's just unfortunately, it's that high integrity thing that I never understood that now I'm better understanding. It's like where the people that we would tell on ourselves if we stole something, we would be the ones bringing it back talking about I'm sorry I took it like, but it's just it's something.

1:01:49 Like what I said, if it's free, it's for me. If it's but I'm not going to steal. Behold, behold, this three hundred dollars jacket doesn't have a tag if it's for me. So that's what I'm saying, like only the population. So it's not that I don't want to. I just don't really have that ability, you know, you know, I'm I'm you know, maybe that's why, you know my career started out in law enforcement. I don't know, you know, like I don't know that's some thirty years ago, because that's what that's what My undergraduate was, criminal justice.

1:02:42 Thirty years ago. Yeah, Nico came out thirty years ago. What was that. He was talking about. He's talking about an album. Yeah, I'm saying, you know what I'm saying, you know what? The you know what the fact that you know what I'm saying, you told about thirty years ago and I was and I was getting kicked out, and like my second high school says a lot. You start law enforcement, you start my parents. My parents got tired of my ship, was signing me down in Miami at the time. Memories, memories, I still, I still. I still have one more email. I can, I can.

1:03:24 I can read to you guys. If you want to hear it, go for this. One says I told my boyfriend I loved him right after we had sex. How badly did I mess up? Big? I never told somebody you loved them in that And now guys are so weird about that. It's so stupid. But yees don't just don't do that. Yeah, she told so. To paraphrase, she said that they were hanging out over to his crib. They've been together for a little while, and they had sex. They had a great time. They would enjoying each other and all this other ship. And then after she also she also put in parentheses that they climax together mm hmmm. And after that and after that they just laid there and she said, oh baby, I love you.

1:04:23 And then yeah, that moment, that was the moment. Though, guys do ship like that too, so it should be forgiven, like people say, stupid ship when they come. So, she she said. After after everything was done, and then she got you know, they hung out for a while. She left. She pulled over to the side of her own and said, what the fuck did I just do? That happened. Like every movie. Yeah, we all say stupid shid like you know what I'm saying. Moms would be like congratulations your single mother, you know, just like I'm just around, just like I was just playing now like like like you know what I mean?

1:05:12 Yo? Yo, you know what? It's worse right when or like you know what I'm saying, Like there was. A question she goes, she wants to know did she not mean it? I mean if she's having regrets over saying I don't think she did. No, you know what? Now you know what? You know what? And she pulled over like, yo, what the what the fuck did I just say? And you're thinking about it all the way and that's the only thing you're thinking about, you know what I'm saying, yo, Just more regrets about what the. Guy is thinking. Yeah, it's like she could have meant it. But then she's like, oh, crap, did I just mess it up? Because he ain't yet. Oh no, by the way, he didn't say it back. Right, Okay, I'm sure he didn't.

1:05:54 He didn't say it back, and that's why. He's second guessing it. Yeah, he didn't say it. Back, correct, she wrote that. Yeah, But like but but like yo, you know what, but like yo, you know what? When one you know what I'm saying, Like when have you ever you know what I'm saying? So that's something you know what I'm saying? Says something like that, you know, like I mean me, you know what I'm saying, Like it took me a while to be like, yo, the fuck like you know what I'm saying. Then and and then yo, you know what I'm thinking about that ship? I'm like, do I do? I not? You see what I mean? So it takes it takes us a while, you know what i mean, Like not all of even you know what I'm saying to even like you know what I'm saying, trying to express that you know what I'm saying that you know what I'm saying.

1:06:35 It takes us a while, like you know what I'm saying, compute everything. It's like you know what because like you know what, like you said, lady G like you know what I'm saying. Yo, women are complex, Yes, you guys are, but you're vocal. We're complex too, But like we've seemed simple. You know what I'm saying, Like, for instance, you know what I'm saying, the simplicity of of us men be like what you want for dinner? I make a sandwich? Who cares? You know what I'm saying. We're not asking for like a t bone steak. You know what I'm saying, or a freaking you know what I'm saying, freaking you know, like a thors You know what I'm saying, thors hammer, you know what I mean. And Thorst hammers that big ass stick that's like sixty pounds. This ship that you have throat. You know that you're not asking for that, you know what I mean? Like, it's basically not at a ten times?

1:07:18 What do you want for ye? Where you off with dinner? What do you feel like making? You know what I'm saying? Like shit, you know what I'm saying. I'm good enough for the comedy man. But when somebody asked you a question is because they actually want to know, not because they want to hear you say, well, what do you feel like making? Now? But I felt like making I wouldn't even ask you. I just make it and say eat it right now? Not now? See you know what? Now hold on, let me finish, Let me finish. You know what I'm saying. The simplicity of men and the outside will be something like what do you want to? Yeah, what do you want? Robin Nudas? Who cares? You know what I'm saying, Like, we don't care about that? You know what I'm saying, like, but when it comes to the heart, you know what I'm saying.

1:08:00 You know what some what I'm saying, but like most of us don't. How do you know that, bro? You know you speak from Bubb's point of view, right, I know a lot of men who expect a dinner when they come home, or that would prepare her to have a home cooked meal, or would want to go out there. There are people out there still want cook food, cooked food or ordering you together. Oh yeah, you know what I'm saying. Oh yeah, Susan, Brenda beal Brenda pot roast. You know I'm saying. I take off my shirt and show your wife, beat, I'll show you what a white beer is. Like, nah, man, Like, why.

1:08:42 Does that have to be fifties for someone to cook a meal at home, especially for their family? Like that's actually a way to save money? Is so expensive? Right now? Have you conquers? And that's why I said, you know, and that's why I said, yo, make some morom and noudles. I don't. I don't care. But it might be cheaper to go to fucking McDonald's to eat, honestly, at some points, than it is to buy certain ingredients to make food at home McDonald's. Yeah, I could get a five dollar meal there, But what did that say? Because I couldn't read it. A lot of men want. Yes, because yes, because we want to make our man happy.

1:09:24 We don't want to hear I don't care or whatever, just saying and that's right. It's the same thing like they're like, oh, babe, what do you where do you want to go to eat? And she and turn goes on, I don't know what do you want to eat? You know, like like make a decision, make a choice. I hate when people do that. So look at that however, yo, but yo, you know what I mean. People love it, Yo, But hold on. You know what I'm saying, like like, yo, you know I'm getting. You know what I'm getting. You know what I'm saying. If I'm in saying though, like like I'm just saying, like example, you know what I'm saying, all right, some men you know what I'm saying, since you know. I have to like you know, whatever's right from you speak for some you know what I'm saying.

1:10:04 You know what? Some men you know what I mean? They rather you know what I'm saying, like they don't care what what to eat. You know what I'm saying. But when it comes to like things that happen to do with the heart, you know what I'm saying, there's like a million of more questions, the wrong through the. Head or whatever I have to hear. I love you exactly because yo, you know what that's you. You know what I'm saying. That's the eternalized part. That's the complex part about it. You know, like that's just you know what, No, no. Like you No, no, Yo, you know what we're talking about. When it comes to like, you know what I'm saying, that I love you part, we keep it inside. You ain't talking about the food no more.

1:10:50 We're talking about the same I love you And. The only reason I broke that saying because the food, but because they know the only reason why I bought the food part, because the food parts are like a lot more simple when it comes to that I love you part, You know what I'm saying. For us, it only took once for you to get hurt for you to be more careful with that. Right With women, we have to go through it over and over and over again and pick ourselves back up and put our pieces back in different ways shape. And that's what makes you guys better than us. But apparently, but apparently being better than you guys doesn't help us at all.

1:11:36 When it comes when you know what, Now here's the thing that I said it before, I say it again because like, like you know what I understand from myself and and I'm kind of seeing that a lot of people too, you know what I'm saying. Like, the minute a man gets hurt, you know what I'm saying, not only does his heart is broken, his ego is broken too. And like, for some reason, our ego means a lot, you know what I'm saying. Our ego means a lot some fucking reason, I don't know. You know what I'm saying. I'll try to you know what I'm saying, pridate ego, you know what I'm saying, follows that heard that hard ship. So it's like, you know what, when it comes to that emotional women have to continue to go hold on. Don't cannot finish, y y'all cannot finish though, like like like when it comes to yo, you know what, yo?

1:12:18 You know what? When it comes to that though, when it comes to that part though, it comes to that part though, it's like you know what I'm saying, Like we don't you know what I'm saying, Like we don't know how to communicate that part. You know, you see what I'm saying, Like we really don't know you know what I'm saying, because like it's like an emotion that you know that we barely try to touch on, like unlike unlike women, you know what I'm saying. That's why I said, you guys are better than us. You guys touch on every angle, every aspect of the emotional feel like we don't. I don't know who say I love you the second time they've met you. I've met men who uh love bomb and use love as a.

1:12:59 Means to get in what they will and use as a means. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. So it does get thrown around a lot sometimes and for the wrongs. So it can't be like, oh, we don't really say it. There are a lot of guys out there who do and they don't mean it. So I think that and it can be used as a tool, which is disgusting really because like you want to fuck, then just say that and you don't need to tell someone you love them. They don't realize that sometimes if you just say what you want and let us make our choice, things will be so much easier than if you go through all of this rigmarole about trying to say this.

1:13:47 Rigam role. I thought. I thought. I was like, what, that's what I was like? Number hold on though, seriously, that's like my first time. Hey, new word of the day for me? What does that mean? After someone dies? And thers? I know that part? What the hell one? And on, etceterac.

1:14:28 Yeah, it's another one of those words. Yeah, it is, because you're rid of the day. I have experienced men jump through and I don't understand jump through hoops after hoop after hoop talking about women are difficult jumping through hoops just to get in the panties. And I'm like, dude, if you would have just said that's what you wanted from the door, what would have been the problem. I ain't gonna lie read that to a woman saying. I just want to I'm asking because if that's what men just want, they should just say that. But if a woman said that, then. What, oh, then you're a hoe? Obviously, Why do I want to even waste time with that? But I will say this, Okay. I'm in a group for women. It's a private group. There are things that get shared in there, and I see the things that meant say on dating apps, and a lot of them it's just sex. And they just put it out there and say it. But you know what, I would rather you do that because then I know straight up what this is about. And then because if I'm searching for someone, I'm not gonna waste time with you. So I know these women get annoyed and upset about it, but I'm like, dude, let it be, because let them be honest, let them put it out there and make fools of themselves. And it may work for some people, but it won't work for the majority

1:16:00 because that's what a lot of people are not looking for. That. So wait, But see that you saved so much time, right, because I'm one of those that if that's what you're looking for, you can keep swiping because I ain't the one, right, but somebody tell me right from the door that's what I want, so that I can say yes or no now so you can move on to the next. Right, I don't have time to be wasting because I'm actually looking I'm actually looking for a partner, okay, Somebody that I oh, my goodness, Somebody that I can build with, Somebody I can depend on, that I can trust, that I can feel safe. That's what I'm looking for. If that's going to hold on, just say it the door so that I can go ahead and tell you thank you, but no thank you, and we can keep it moving.

1:16:52 You don't waste your time. I don't waste mine because I'm not getting any younger and I don't have time to be sitting here going through the moments with you if you have no Bob Marley said it best. Coward is a man that awakens the fire in a woman's heart with no intention of loving her. Okay. And so my thing is stop being a coward and just say what it is so that I can say it's not what I want, or yes, it is what I want, and we could keep it moving. Yep, And that's said it best. I don't want to make you mad, no, no, no, yes, yes, yes.

1:17:33 The back. I just I'm just king you know what I mean? What do you mean, Jessica, don't you have to test the waters before you know which one's best for you? What do you mean sexually? Now? Are we talking to other things? Like, I think that if me for you, for you specifically, if you are looking for a partner, then yeah, I would think I would hope that at some point, if the relationship got serious, that you were going to be trying this on before moving forward. I'm just or maybe I'm asking that question. Is that something that you would do?

1:18:17 Are you talking to me? Yes, I am. I'm asking you that if you were dating someone, If you were dating someone, seriously, are you going to test the waters? Because would it do you? Like, wouldn't you want to know if they are compatible to you in that way? Well it's kind of hard, okay, because again I'm pulled in so many different ways.

1:18:59 I'm an overthinker. So my thing is the one person without getting to know others. Oh yeah, I mean unless i'm like legitimately not like exclusive with somebody I'm dating whoever, and I make that known. See, that's my thing. I'm a communicator. I tell people that unto until I. See that that See that's the bullshit right there, man, because see with like like me, see this is the thing I wasn't gonna I. Was I was question I know, I was listening. I was listening and this, look, man, I I don't have what I don't I don't have the the mental capacity to sit there and deal with multiple women.

1:19:50 Okay, that's okay, say deal? What do you mean? Like like when when when people talk about dating dating? I can't stand the fucking word dating because to me, dating means you're just gonna try ship on. You're just gonna try and see who works best for you and at the end pick the one that's best for you. What happens to everybody else that you you were seeing? What if someone what if what if one of them were feeling you and you're not feeling them, then you gotta let them go. What's the purpose of dealing with multiple people when at some point this might hurt. But at some point you're gonna have to let everybody else go and stay with the one that you. Somebody gets hurt in that in that situation.

1:20:32 But that's gonna happen even if you just deal with Even if I'm just dealing with one person, if him and I don't click, we don't click, whether I'm. With just him, then you keep that at that point, you keep it moving. But why deal with? Why? Why? Why sit there? And put so many people through a fucking application process. You gotta I'm not I'm not Barbie, So I'm not going like she. Got a fucking binds. All right, I'm choosing him at the d hired.

1:21:17 Until all. You have to get to know people first, right If I like and it depends on each person, So me personally, when I'm dating, that means i'm gonna I'm not I'm not exclusive with one person. If I'm just dating, you know, so if someone else happens to ask me out, I'm not gonna say no. But at the same token, if I feel that something is moving in a specific thank you midnight. If I feel like something is moving in a closer thing, then I'm going to try to lessen the other interactions more. Right again, I'm a very transparent person.

1:21:58 I'm a very honest and open Like, if I feel something's not working, I'm going to say this is not working for me. It's the way things flow. Not every situation is the same. Like, okay, so if it was you were dubs, right, I've known you guys for you or I'm going to say you two TG, I'm not going to discriminate. I've known you I've known you. I've known you guys for you know, a long period of time. Right, So if if one of us says, you know what, I would like to date you, we've known each other, so I may not so that our connection is going to be a little bit deeper than if I just met you for a date. Right, So I'm probably not going to be talking to other people because you've known me long enough that if you actually, you know, put your foot forward and say you know what, I'm interested in you, because we already went through that get to know you stage, So it might be before we become exclusive.

1:22:58 School need to fucking TG's ply program over there. Oh my god, Polly program. That's a different situation. But when you're just meeting people, all right, And I'm talking this because you know, I've been on these dating sites. I'm on these dating sites, not really actively, but I'm on them. The thing is, these are total strangers. Right. If I'm just limiting to one person and then I never see them again after the first date, I pretty.

1:23:40 Much you know, Yeah, you don't put. You can't because again, no matter what, somebody is always going to get hurt. But it's again the communication. I don't think they have to if there is community cation. No, I think that when dating means like talking to people and getting to know that. Jessica, I have been out with some of those people and it's it's I'm talking to somebody. I'm sure somebody has pissed in the dating pool. It was like twenty if any if anybody from plenty of fish. You know what I'm talking about, twenty of fish man like like, yo, you know what?

1:24:31 H five years? In my five years since my divorce, I have experienced plenty of fish, cheese spot uh tender match up? What is it? Upward? Christian mingle? E harm oh, Christian mingle? Did you did you see my screen ning? Not even Jesus in the streets? Is in the sheets? I saw that. I don't know. I don't know what made me think that being on a Christian site because I'm looking for a Christian man. I don't know what in the world made me think that they were going to be any different than any other.

1:25:21 I believe it. I believe it. You know what you know what yo and not about? Then let me let me say something real funny. I even uh matched with my own biological brother. It was like and was like, who the heck put him on a Christian website? Oh my god, I'm like something, please, oh my Lord, forgive us, father for. I was.

1:26:05 The sentence match. Can't be. No stop, that's crazy. That's I hope you're making this spot up man, because this. My profile. You should. Your brother the father. Why have you forsaken by. Yo?

1:26:45 That's insane. Bro. I'm not I'm not trying to laugh at your pain, but like like, yes, yo, yo, but imagine, imagine you know what I'm saying. You like you forget you know what I'm saying, matching up and you're like, wow, this is great. You're like wait what. Bro? That is like so heartbreakingly funny. I know that, yo. The I can see what yo? Yo? What is the match on that though? What do you mean?

1:27:25 Yes? I mean my bad? The percentage of that to your brother? You know what I mean? Like the percentage on that that That's what I'm saying. Oh, I don't know, but we were a sixty percent match and he popped up and him and I are so different, oh lord. But my thing that made it funny was finding him on a Christian app. I'm like, yeah, you have got to be kidding me. I honestly, I don't know that. I well not really catfished. I mean I have. Because I usually because of this HSP, I actually think, thank you midnight. I'm glad I can be friend you.

1:28:11 I have a tendency to be able to pick up when people are being disingenuine, so I tend to catch them pretty quickly. I have never personally been catfished as far as like when I go out on the date one because I'm not one to quickly go out with somebody. I don't quickly give my phone number, I don't quickly do anything because one for. That, for that very reason, right. And also, there are a lot, I mean, there are a lot of fake profiles, a lot, a lot, a lot. But if you're telling me that you are the one in the military, yeah, yeah, But if you're telling me that you're a Latino and and you know you speak perfect English and you've only been here for you know, a couple of months, and and no, no, if you're speaking perfect English and you've only been here a couple of months, you're either using a translator. Or if you tell me that you're a white, a white guy with blond hair, blue eyes, and you don't.

1:29:21 Know how to spell. That's a red flag. Just a lot of things. Some people don't know how to spell. Yeah, it's not that but but but you know what I mean, degree and you can't. There there you know? And and all right, that's spell the thing, right, And this day and age of auto check autocorrect, you still a lot of spell. Yeah, right, It's just it's usually just that right, yeah. Like So, I mean, I've been pretty lucky with the catfishing thing. And again, because of my line of work, I have a tendency to be suspicious of people. So I tend to do my due diligence, background checks and all that good stuff.

1:30:12 So where were you like four years ago? In my life? Holy shit, I've been. I've been blessed in that way that my you know, my my work and my personality. I guess I tend to do because I know what I want for my future, and so I I don't take people at their word. Actions speak louder than words. So but I also do my due diligence and I do some checks and I so, yes, I know how much you owe your baby's mama. Yeah, I know how many charges. You've got on your record. I know what your mother's and father's name is, I know where you grew up, so I know all that. Most of the times before I agree to go out with somebody, I know all of that before I even meet them.

1:31:08 That kind of feels like cheating. Yeah, no, it ain't cheating, you know what I'm saying, because you know what not everyone. As to find. But I don't even use my work resources. I don't know. I like, this is why I don't like the Internet, but I do at the same time because yes, for safety reasons, I can understand that now, But at the same time, it just kind of feels fucked up because judgment is being made without knowing a story. So well, that's where I'm coming from. I could see that. But at the same token, if the person who's doing that is being oh whoa, I mean, Damna, Jessica, Okay, you have to read well.

1:31:58 I think I can read it now. I met a guy on Facebook his picks. He looked good, but I did notice he wasn't smiling, so I went for it. And dude's teeth were bigger than chick lits and he had a. Real little head with a huge built body. For the date. But when he spoke, he spoke like Mike Tyson, Oh no, the bill because he only had three beers. I'm glad I had money. Laughed my eyes off. So the next day he called me and said he only did that with the bill because I told him, I W I don't know what happened, went, how dare you facebook?

1:32:40 You know what? In that case, I would have to I don't call that cat fishing, But yes, I have been fooled because. I had a think for half fishing. Yeah, because yeah, like I know people they'll share old pictures of themselves and they're not like showing you new ship. And then you see them and you're like that looks. Like you like, ain't about the smiling thing? Right? So I did meet someone who actually I've met a few people like this. I have a thing about oral hygiene. People's breath, you know, their teeth, like your teeth don't your teeth don't have to be straight, they don't, you know, they like they don't have to be straight. They don't have you know, but you have to have all of them dragons, Yeah, like you have to have all your seas.

1:33:36 They have to at least be healthy, right. So I have met people who had half their mouth missing, people whose teeth have been so rotten. Like, I was like, what the guy opened his mouth and they were all black. I was like, oh no, And of course I was. Trying to be you know, I was trying to be nice about it, but I was like, I'm sorry, this is so bad. Wow, actually had no teeth at all.

1:34:19 He trying to gummy. Gumb you know what, though he probably eats really well. Gums. Oh wow, to go on a date with me, have to get a baby food. Apple? Can you paraise this? Blend that ship? That's crazy?

1:35:00 What do you want to eat? You? Guys are so long. So I love when guys portray themselves as tall, but they're not. Hold on, hold on, what do you consider short? I anything shorter than me? Yeah? I got five six. He's got to be at least five six. And how tall you? Five four yo? Yo? First off, any male that's five to six is nothing more than a petite woman. To me.

1:35:41 Five seven. And both my guys are five to six. So yo. And a half technically, and they're you know. What, You might as well just get us some uggs and call it a day apple bottom. Boots with women should not be wearing heels to begin with. They're so bad for your feet. It's not pretty. They got them, they got them healed things for shoes to lift you up? May you a little taller? Kevin Hart uses them? I mean, so what, Kevin? But I don't. I kind of don't like that people discriminate with height because I just don't feel like that should be such a big thing, the preferences and having preferences. But society does push that, like the man should be taller than the woman, and if we see the opposite happen, we are like, oh, that looks weird. I'm both. I'm not against it, is what I'm saying. I think that I'm saying they should any more. There are some great short guys out there that are not getting love because everybody wants some tall, beautiful man.

1:37:04 Let me tell you something, he sucks. Bring a short man to my house that treats me the way I deserve to be treated, and I will entertain it. I got my list going here. So all right, lady g fair enough. You know what I'm saying. Do you want me to son you? Oh? Damn, you need a boo. See, you know what I'm saying to put him in the I could not look down. It's terrible. Why I love what I'm looking down and he's taking care of things. He's like, no, I mean I've got stories.

1:37:55 I've got. Oh oh damn. It's the stupidest ship. But it's so funny. Oh boy, but man, he talks about lit of shit. Man, you know what? Man like, you never. Finished some stuff. But that's okay. I would let it go. You had a question. Yes, they'd never let me finish that, right. I'm curious to know that if you would allow Like if that is, I don't know what your boundaries are, So I'm just curious. Okay.

1:38:37 So my history says yes, I would drive a test drive the car. My desire is no. I don't want to test drive the car because I'm a pretty good teacher. Hey, who's better to teach somebody what I because then I don't have to tell him to unlearned something. You know. So my heart, my life, my spirit, my religion tells me I need to wait until they put a ring on it. And as much as I want to, I don't know. I don't know if I could I don't know. My desire is not to test drive because again I can teach them what I need them to know.

1:39:22 That's teachable, you know. And if it's not up to size part, that's why they create toys and extensions and so that stuff is fixable. All of that is fixable to an extent, Yes, to an extent, because if it doesn't thing I could do about that. Yeah, because if you have somebody who is like incredibly horny and needs it all the time and that's not you, then you know what I'm saying. Or yeah, definitely, But again that's about conversation. Those are communications, that's true.

1:40:03 These are all conversations that should be had, that really be had. Yes, But I am not quick to be driving a car before I know if he even likes the brand, you know, so because. I think I would. I would want you to make sure that he really likes the band and has intention yes to go something. Because being totally honest here on you know what, shut up, I got to know that somebody can you know that somebody can actually drive, you know, before they start testing out the cars.

1:40:48 Oh my gosh, I learned how to drive stick actually, but I don't know. I'm bad. I'm bad at it, so I'll fuck up the clutch. Don't let me. My thing is my past, my past person who I was when I was younger. You know, like all of us, we all have our stories when we were younger. I I didn't maybe I didn't love myself enough. I don't know. I had abandonment issues. My mom died when I was you know, practically a teenager, so nobody was teaching me nothing right, you know, low self esteem, looking for love in all the wrong places. And I realized that I was giving pieces of myself to people that I cannot get back. And so as I get older, as I learned to love myself more. You know, the truth is, if it happens, it's not happening for a while, because I need to know that that you're really in this.

1:41:53 We definitely have to be exclusive, you know. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If they're unteachable, you turn it back. Oh yeah, we're going to. Be a lot younger than me. But I. Could take it to leave it. You know, I got got me through this far. I just keep that up. But if he can love me, that to me is more important to me. Right now in my life than the physical stuff. If he can love me and treat me the way I deserve, the way I need, the way I want. You know what, if I got to give it up somewhere, I'll give it up there all right, I'm closer to the fifty mark, so yo.

1:42:47 Over there. Yo. The fact that she said, Joe, what do you do we turn it back here? The first thing I thought. I was, like, you don't say her bringing the nigga to the store, like with the receipt here, it doesn't work. Ain't working out at that point. Look, if he's feeding my heart at that point, I might have to go talk to TG and let her talk to me about this whole policy. Open, Yeah, I got you. Don't worry. I'll teach you how it's done. Honestly, I feel that if people have real conversations about sex and what they like and why, I think that's important because I feel and unfortunately I know that there are men who are married and they go outside of the relationship to have the kind of sex they want because they don't do that at home.

1:43:57 Right, But they probably also don't discuss that with the white That is the problem. This is the thing too. It's like well, how do you know? But the thing is too for me. I always would say this. This is always be my question with someone who doesn't satisfy you this way or have this conversation with that. Like communicated expectations. Please, yeah, because you know what, and yo, you know what it sounds. It sounds fucked up in my opinion. My opinion is that they're married. You know what I'm saying, and he's you know what I'm saying, like and whatever the case may be, if he gets caught you know what I'm saying, if he gets caught cheating and he has to go to force court whatever and all that ship she automatically wins.

1:44:45 That's one second. State. By the way, Yeah, there's no states are different, by the way, all states are different. They do. But but like, yo, you know what I mean. Not I told you my dud ran away with the Godmother. I had no recourse and I did not win anything. How would a man take a woman saying he doesn't satisfying. He would the man answer that answer. You exactly? And your issue You first react like. Okay, but that communicating.

1:45:31 Is so I'm just don't don't take that seriously. I'm just goofing. Ship had an edible or something, and. So so the thing is like. So with like with the marriage and things like that. Yeah. See, that's why women are scared to communicate because there you want them to be honest, but then when you're honest with them, they can't handle the truth. I'm just playing though that, but it's the truth. Cornel, Like, that's exactly it. Guy. Guys say they want a woman who is loyal, a woman who is honest, a woman that don't cheat. You give them all of those things, and it's still not enough, and you still cheat, and you still do all these bad things. And you get exactly what you ask for and you still don't want it. You still don't appreciate it.

1:46:27 You know, if I got exactly what I asked for, I'd be great. I'd be extremely grateful. You know what it because I'm calling bullshit on that. You crazy, No, I'm calling bullshit on that. If I got exactly what it was I was looking for, I'd be fucking extremely grateful. All right, Okay, now I got quite old. So somebody nobody want to say, sh leave me fucking hanging out there? What? Sorry, everybody? When I say everybody's quiet, like, all right, let's see what I'm Let's put the fucking spotlight on his ass now anyway.

1:47:14 Yes, oh wow, look at the time. Friend. Yeah, well, oh my goodness, my god. Hey, as you know, today is side chick Day and side Nigga Day. I hope you guys out there, you know, having your fun, you know. Please don't bring no over very diseases back home to your thank you. Tomorrow's Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and. No tomorrow it is side Peace day. Wait wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on Thursday. Right, No, it'sday boy, all right, Tomorrow tomorrow's side.

1:47:57 I'm sorry, you know what tomorrow? Yeah, tomorrow side dude, side check they you know, you know, have fun, you know, like going down to the loop. You know what I'm saying, treat your side, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Just wrap it up. Please don't bring home no gift that keeps on givings. You know what I'm saying. They called her piece for a reason. It came from her from him, It came from him with him peace, remember that him peace. Just wrap it up. Oh my gosh. Yeah, anyway, chocolate on Saturday because it'll be half off.

1:48:44 Yes, yes, shout out on my left with some tolerant people that's gonna be in the trunk with Friday and blowing their guts out on Saturday. Shout out with with that. With that being said, thank you for everybody who tuned, who joined in and chimed in the chat room. Yeah, thank you, thanks. Yeah, today was I mean this, this is this is definitely going up all over the place. I gotta cut it up. And what the fuck my cameras acted up. My cameras like shut the funk up with. Yo. So anyway, that being said, man, thanks everybody in the chat room. Man, love you guys. Lady G T G love AK. Signed Phoenix, I'm big hold of young and always remember that at some point. This night, good night, everybody, Sweet dreams, very happy tomorrow to you. Good good night everybody.

1:49:54 Good night pe